I wince. “What kind of animals?”
“The feral kind. Foxes, rabbits. Cats.”
Oh, this English cow is definitely the villain. I want nothing more than to rip her apart, but I can’t. It would mark the end of my freedom.
“You like to kill innocent animals for fun?” I say through gritted teeth, struggling to keep my tone light.
“They’re not innocent,” she says firmly. “They’re pests. Hazardous. They kill other animals. You see where I’m going with this? How is it fair to let something live when it causes so much death? And the way it molts! Vile. Positively vile.”
I feel like she’s talking directly to me. Yeah, I do kill a lot of humans for a living… but how can you change natural instinct?
“Hmm,” she drawls after an awkward pause. “Your silence is interesting. Colt, was it? I suppose I’ll be seeing you around. Saffy, tomorrow, brunch?”
“Yes.” Saffy darts her eyes from Brynn to me, nervous as a cat in a roomful of recliners. And nearly as cute. “I’ll walk you out.”
Saffy glances over her shoulder, her expression confusing. Possibly, probably, she’s annoyed with me or something.
It’s not like I care. Bracing myself for the hideous image I’ll no doubt be greeted with, I weave through the hallways, and back to my dingy prison.
Jax and Lexi were already asleep by the time I got back and flopped down on the covers, too tired to even knead into the mattress—for all, it’s the only real way to get comfortable.
I don’t know how long I slept for before my phone vibrated in my pocket. I dreamt I was being electrocuted.
“Hello?” I breathe. No response. “Hello?”
I’m such an idiot when I’m groggy. The stupid phone is upside down. I rectify it and speak louder, purely out of frustration. “Hello?”
Jax opens one eye, closing it when he realizes I’m having a one-sided conversation.
“Anyone there?” I ask. Annoyed, I go to hang up when a crackly voice breaks through.
“Colt.”
“Hello? Who is this?”
“Sean.”
“Sean who?”
It feels like the beginning of a bad knock-knock joke. I never understood the simplicity of “jokes.” They’re frivolous and not funny.
“You’ve forgotten your form’s name?”
I freeze. Okay then, this is mildly horrific.
“Sean?” I repeat. “How… the?”
“I want to talk again, Colt.” The signal drops out for a second, the voice getting harder and harder to discern. “This is a warning.”
He hangs up and I stare at the phone trembling in my hands. In a moment of hysteria, I do the only sane thing a vampire cat can do.
I jump up and scramble underneath the bed for safety.
“Even Shakespeare had Insta-Love. Stop dying for love and get on Tinder instead.”
– Colt Harper: Esteemed Vampire Cat.
o how would you feel about having romance in the play?”
We’re sat on the stage with pen and paper, “brainstorming.” Ha, brainstorming. Like any of these idiots have brains.
I haven’t eaten. The milk was off and why would I want to have anything else? Besides, my stomach is too churned after that stupid phone call. What am I supposed to do? It’s not like I can get an AVO on myself. Well, I probably could… But that would make me a nutter.
Don’t think about it, Colt. You’re possessing Sean, and things have been great for two years. He’s not taking over, and you have nothing to worry about!
“Colt?”
“Huh? I thought the draft stopper was a snake!” I widen my eyes when Saffy, Lexi, and Jax arch their eyebrows. “Weren’t… weren’t you wondering why I kicked the draft stopper? It… it truly looked like a snake. I hate snakes.”
I flash back to this morning, that stupid draft stopper sitting by the toilet door. I gaped at it for the better part of an hour, working up the courage to kick it. When it shifted—all of half a millimeter—I leapt, gloriously, and hit my head on the ceiling. I’m still not sure if anyone saw, but I’ve learned that if you’ve embarrassed yourself, you’ll probably find it on YouTube a day later. I’ve itched to avenge soooo many cats who have been mocked on the internet.
“We were wondering if you’d be okay with a kissing scene.” Saffy’s glistening eyes are the color of a forest after it rains. They’re so repulsively beautiful, I feel like choking someone to remind myself what it’s like to be bad.
“Sure. I don’t mind people kissing.”
“No, let me reiterate.” Saffy’s cheeks flush. “How would you feel about kissing someone?”
Not the dog! Or the Tickle Monster. Saffy though? Yeah, they’re the kind of lips anybody could kiss.
“Who would I be kissing?”
“Me,” Saffy says. “If you’re uncomfortable with it, we don’t have to write it in. Romance usually goes over well with the aud—”
“I’ll do it!” I shift in my seat and clasp my hands together. Suddenly, I’m overly conscious of how I sit. It’s embarrassing how a lousy human can make my form nervous.
I don’t often take note of how humans dress, but her faded overalls and side ponytail are particularly fetching this morning.
Ugh. What’s wrong with me?
“Great! Well, let’s write that in. Lexi, you got that?”
“Hmm?” Lexi’s head shoots up. She’s doodling a picture of her tickling an elf from Lord of the Rings, drool dangling by her caricature’s lips. It’d be funny if she wasn’t so addicted. “Oh. Right, I’m the scribe. Yep, yep, got it, Miss Saffy!” She pulls out a tissue wedged in her bra and dabs at her forehead. “Phew, it’s, ah, sure hot in here, isn’t it?”
“We can put the air conditioner on.” Saffy pulls herself up. “Give me a sec.” She jumps offstage and out to the hall.
“You okay?” Jax asks once Saffy is out of earshot. His eye twitches. “Someone called you last night.”
“All good, buddy. Just a wrong number.”
“It was a man called Sean. I heard. He sounded a lot like you. I didn’t sleep. I just look asleep. It’s a pointless superpower.”
“You’re the master of subtlety, aren’t you?” I snap, my claws throbbing with the desire to scratch his face. “Give a vampire cat some privacy, all right?”
“Was it your form, Colt?” Jax’s big puppy-dog eyes are full of sorrow. “He’s taking over, isn’t he?”
“No, he’s not!” I enunciate. “Sheesh, get off my back! How can my form call me, huh? It was a prank.
“It means you’re getting weak, Colt. The fact that he’s started reaching out like that means something is depleting your powers, like… like pheromones or something! Forms can tap into electricity to mess with you. Granted, it uses up a lot of their energy… and a lot of yours. He might not have the strength to try that again, but he’ll come through in other ways.” Jax shakes his head. “Haven’t you been around way longer than me? How is that you don’t know that?”
“I had larger fish to fry, all right? I never thought this would ever relate to me! Why learn something if it doesn’t affect you?”
Saffy strides back in the nick of time. Talk about saved by the bell. I refuse to have an intervention with an addict and an anxiety-riddled dog, or admit that it may have been nice to have had a few other vampire cats around to trade wisdoms.
“Shouldn’t take long to cool down.” Saffy picks up a pen. “Right, so we’ve got the first scene hashed out. Maybe we should try acting and see if it works?”
“I’m up for that.” Lexi groans like a rusted crane, shuffling to center stage. “Bring on the stardom!”
I reluctantly follow, struggling to make out my chicken-scratch handwriting. I think my form needs glasses. Or a mallet to bang his head in.
“Saffy, dear!” The theater doors clang open as Brynn steps in, still in the same clothes as yesterday, but this time her hair is in a bun and she’s wearing sunglasses with silver sparkles on th
e lenses. Kinda seems counter-productive, if you ask me. “Hope I’m not too late. Did you want me to test the lights today?”
“Brynn! You’re actually just in time. We’re going to trial our scripts.”
“Wonderful!”
Argh, her English accent grates as I imagine her speaking about the murdered cats. I can picture her now; a navy coat, cream corduroys, and nose way up in the air as she strokes her rifle. “Jeffery! Splendid, old chap. Yes, quite. Quite. Why don’t you take the pesky feline and hang it in the town square to inform the people that we have ended the war on cats, eh?”
Vicious concubine.
“Colt? You coming?” Saffy asks.
I didn’t realize I was frontstage, glaring at Brynn from afar. Even in the shadows, I can make out her smug smile. It’s one of the traits I’ve struggled to get rid of. Staring at people is kinda my thing.
“Yeah, I’m coming.” I step sideways onto my mark. “From the top?”
“Yes, you have the first line.”
“Awesome,” I grumble and clear my throat. “Cynthia, whe—”
The lights dim and we’re in darkness.
“Sorry, dears!” Brynn yells, as the blue LEDs light up. “Just testing the system. Good to go now. Just ignore any changes.”
Saffy shoots Brynn a thumbs-up. “You rock, Brynny! Sorry, Colt. Go on!”
I clear my throat again; not because I have to, but because it’s a surefire way to garner attention. “Cynthia, whe—”
I’m certain I’ve been shot when a deafening explosion crackles through the amplifiers, crashing through the auditorium.
“Ah, God!” Lexi cries, dropping to her knees. “Yep, yep, I think that’s a heart attack!”
“Sorry, dears! Testing sound!”
The tips of my talons pierce through my fingers. Jax notices straight away, his pupils dilating, his lips pursing so tightly, they practically disappear. Shaking his head like a wigged-out bobblehead doll, he alarms me enough to retract them.
Valley of eternal running, valley of eternal running, valley of eternal running…
“Brynn? Is that the last of the interruptions?” I ask.
“I think so, Colt, yes! Do continue.”
“I’m okay!” Lexi stands, fanning her face. “I’m okay!”
“Cynthia, when we first me—”
There’s a flash of red, followed by darkness and Lexi’s hysterical scream. It takes a while to work out what happened, as I stumble out of the deceptively heavy lights that lie shattered on the ground.
I instinctively reach for my head, reality taking a while to reinstate.
“Colt!” Saffy rushes over, checking my eyes and head. “What day is it?”
“I dunno…”
“He’s concussed! Call the hospital!”
“No, I just don’t know what day it is,” I assure. “I don’t exactly track calendar days. What happened?”
Lexi bounces over, chewing her nails. “Brynn touched something and the lights fell on you!”
Great. So she’s trying to kill me. I don’t even have insurance.
“Sorry dear! Walk it off!” Brynn calls from the back, changing the lights from blue to red, probably to match the blood she wishes spurted from my flattened head.
Saffy leads me to the edge of the stage, her arm wrapped around my shoulder. “Are you in pain?”
“Only mentally,” I say, shocked my form is still around. “It must’ve looked pretty comedic; me getting hit by falling lights. That’s slapstick 101 right there.”
Creases form beneath Saffy’s eyes when she smiles. “Let me take you to dinner tonight. My treat. And I’m taking you to the doctors. The bill is on me. Well, it’s on worker’s comp, but you know what I mean.”
“I’m not going to the doctors!” Trips to the doctors always result in an unpleasant probing. And don’t even get me started on spaying and neutering. Not that my form is exactly in danger of that, but… The pain is real, is all I’m saying. I shudder. “But I will go to dinner. Anything to get out of this dump… I mean… this… there’s no saving that, is there?”
“I’ll blame it on concussion,” Saffy says, somehow unfazed. “Hey, Brynn? We’ll reschedule bowling, okay? I’m taking Colt to dinner.”
In the darkness, Brynn’s lips part and her eyes dart. “Sorry, I don’t think I heard you properly. You’re taking who to what?”
“Colt to dinner. You nearly killed him,” Saffy says firmly. “I think a nice dinner is justified.”
Brynn takes a while to respond. She switches the red LEDs back to blue and mumbles something inaudible. Then, “Strange turn of events. But whatever, Saffron! I haven’t got all day, let’s get this rehearsal underway. And yes, that rhyme was intentional, because I’m a genius, see? So… there.”
“Brynn, don’t be like that.” Saffy pats me on the shoulder and jumps off the stage, disappearing into the darkness. “I’ll be right back, guys, take five. Brynn?”
“Can we come to dinner?” Lexi whispers, landing heavily next to me and resting her head on my shoulder.
“No,” I say. “God no. You’ll want to tickle everything.”
“It’s been two whole days. I’m going insane!”
“You went insane a long time ago. Get off me.” I shrug Lexi off, but she doesn’t seem to notice. She just stares into the empty auditorium, probably visualizing an audience to tickle to death. My pack of chewing gum didn’t last the day, so I’ll have to pick up a truckload tonight.
“But what will you wear?” Lexi grimaces at my attire. “You do realize this is a date, right?”
“Ha! You’re delusional!” Wow. I sound nonchalant, but butterflies tickle my insides. Good grief, I’m going soft. I need to kill something soon.
“It’s not a bad thing, you know. Who says monsters can’t live side by side with humans?”
“Ah, nature and evolution, that’s who. Lexi, we kill humans. Then we get in trouble for it. It could never work. Have you ever heard of a human breeding with a monster? The whole concept is disgusting and unbelievable.”
“We all gotta come from somewhere, don’t we?” Lexi cracks her knuckles. “I’m basically human. Look at me; I can’t change my look or possess humans. My only vice is tickling them to death. And storing stuff in my stomach. Otherwise, ah, yeah, I’m mostly human. Maybe that’s why you don’t like me.”
I jolt. “Why do you think I don’t like you?”
“You’re a vampire cat. Your kind doesn’t like anyone. Not unless they’re doing something for you. You’re users. It’s okay, I’ve accepted our relationship, but for the record, I really like you, Colt. Sometimes it’s nice to reciprocate feelings without expecting anything in return. My point? Don’t be ashamed to like Saffy.”
I roll my eyes, too humiliated to respond. Liking humans shows weakness, and as far as I’m concerned, I’m the strongest mother-trucker I know. Mentally, anyway. Lifting heavy stuff isn’t really my forte.
“Okay guys, you ready to continue?” Saffy marches down the aisle. She seems tense, walking like she has chafing. Yet somehow, she’s still the most stunning creature I’ve ever seen. Disgusting!
“The trouble with the law these days is that criminals know more about their rights than their wrongs.”
– Anonymous. Although I will happily take credit for this quote.
hat repulsive Leshi got me all worked up for my “date” tonight. It’s not even a date, but here I am, in the theater bathroom, using the hand dryer to air out the sweat marks on my shirt.
I don’t think I’ll end up wearing this shirt. It’s too blue. Saffy never wears blue, so maybe she hates the color. The whole theater is decorated in that hideous, snot-nose green, so maybe I should wear a shirt that matches.
Jax seems like the kind of guy who would stock a shirt like that.
“Jax, buddy?” I find him spread out on the bunkbed like a starfish. “You got a shirt I could borrow? Preferably one that looks like someone just sneezed on it?”
> He shoots up, his ears wriggling in time to an imaginary metronome. “If you borrow it,” he says slowly. “I can never wear it again.”
“I’ll clean it. And put candles in my pockets.”
“Those candles only mask the scent, like spray in a toilet. The foul odor is still present; just mixed in with artificial chemicals.”
“Oh yeah, that often smells worse than the initial stench, eh?” I reach into my pockets and pull out the candles. “What’s better? In or out?”
Jax sniffs, his nostrils flaring as he shivers. “Keep them in, please. Good grief, keep them in!”
“Okey dokey.” I pause. “So, that shirt? I’ll sleep in the theater if you lend it to me. Not a bad deal, eh?”
Jax fidgets, then scratches his arms which seem a whole lot hairier today. How is that even possible? “Fine, fair deal. There’s a green shirt in my bag.”
“Will you get it for me?”
He shakes his head viciously, scratching harder at his arms. “Colt, I can’t move right now.”
“Did you wet your pants, bud?”
“No. I, ah… had a bad dream that I was… tearing into people. Sometimes when I dream about being a wolf, I turn prematurely. I’m using everything in my power to keep from transitioning.”
“A dream? When?”
“I don’t know, I just… fell asleep while you were changing. I wasn’t even tired.”
I stretch my arms above my head. “This smells like the Bakhtak’s handiwork. Must be the beginning of his revenge.”
Jax uneasily scans the room. “What?! Where is he?”
“Somewhere, that’s for sure. Remember he said he’d get you back for your comment? That little scamp sure does love to make trouble. Can you hold out or do you need me to lock you up for the night?”
“I think I can hold out.” He breathes in, but doesn’t breathe out. “It’s… it’s hard, Colt. I don’t want to be a monster.”
I’m hit by a twinge of sympathy, but shrug it off, blaming it on temporary insanity. That’s better than actually feeling remorse, right?
“Too bad, buddy. We are what we are, and boy, what I would give to chug down smooth, warm blood.” I lick my lips. “Can’t tell you how thirsty I am.”
Colt Harper: Esteemed Vampire Cat Page 5