Letting Misery Go

by Michelle Larks

  The family continued to talk as late afternoon turned into evening. Sarah and Brian allowed the children to express their feelings, get it all out. And when all was said and done, Sarah and Brian admitted to falling short. They reiterated how they didn’t want the sins of the parents to fall on the children. By the time the family went downstairs for dinner, Maggie was talking to Sarah, but not as easily as she had in the past. The young girl looked at her mother many times with an accusing expression on her face. Sarah felt devastated. Her only comfort was that the talk the family shared was a start. The thought of Maggie never forgiving her seared Sarah’s heart. She just couldn’t bear it if she lost both her daughters.

  Chapter Forty

  When Sarah awakened the following morning, she immediately burst into tears. Sleep didn’t come easy to her the previous night. Brian held her in his arms until she finally fell asleep. “Oh, God,” she sobbed inconsolably, “I have messed up my children, all of them.” She felt so distraught that Brian suggested she take the day off from work. Later, Brian brought a reluctant Maggie into the couple’s bedroom before she headed off for school. The young girl refused to meet her mother’s eyes before she told her good-bye.

  After her family departed for school and work, Sarah called Ruth. She was sobbing, nearly hysterically, when she told her mother what had transpired the previous evening.

  Ruth immediately made a beeline for Sarah’s house. It took a while for Ruth to get her daughter to calm down. Later she called Naomi, explained the situation, and suggested Naomi come home as soon as she could. Sarah needed her.

  Early on Saturday morning, Naomi left Edwardsville and drove nearly nonstop to her sister’s house. Once Naomi arrived, Ruth opened the door and enfolded Naomi inside her arms. When Sarah saw Naomi, she began shaking and burst into tears. She moaned continuously about how Maggie hated her.

  Ruth sat on one side of Sarah and Naomi on the other. They did their best to console Sarah. They planned to talk to Maggie when she arrived home from gymnastic practice.

  When Maggie walked into the house, she was surprised to see her grandmother and aunt. There was a big smile on her face. It faded a second later, when she realized the reason for their visit.

  Ruth patted the cushion on the sofa between her and Sarah. “Come here and sit next to Nana,” she bade the girl.

  Maggie dropped her gym bag on the floor and went into the living room. She sat between her mother and grandmother. She looked at Naomi, who was sitting on the chair across from the sofa.

  “Nana, I just don’t understand,” she began saying. She turned to Ruth. “My mommy was fast! Mothers—especially mothers whose mother and grandfather are ministers—should never be fast.” She looked miserable and dropped her face.

  Ruth took Maggie’s shaking hand in her own and clutched it firmly. “Oh, precious, I wish I could take your hurt away. I know this has been hard for you to comprehend, but please don’t blame your mother and father for what happened all those years ago.”

  Maggie turned and looked at Ruth. “Then whose fault is it, Nana? Mommy had a baby that you and Gramps raised. And, no one bothered to tell me and Joshua.” Her lips trembled as tears spilled from her eyes.

  “Trust me,” she told Maggie. “You know I’ve never lied to you. Your parents planned to tell you and Joshua, when you got older, that Naomi is your sister. Your parents were young and misguided. Your grandfather and I were having difficulties, and I wasn’t there for your mother, like I should have been.”

  “So it was your fault?” Maggie asked. She sniffled as she looked from Ruth to Sarah, then at Naomi.

  “In a way, it was.” Ruth nodded. “In fact, blame me. Parents aren’t perfect; we make mistakes too. We thought we were doing what was right at the time, to protect Sarah and Naomi.”

  Maggie looked thoughtful. “I feel disappointed. I thought Mommy and Daddy were perfect. I was always so proud that Josh and I have a mother and father who both live with us.” She waved her hand. “So many of my friends’ parents are divorced. I thought I was better than they are, I guess.”

  “There are only two perfect persons, and that is our Father above and Christ the Lord. Though I’m a minister, and Bishop was too, we still made mistakes. I regret now how we handled your mother’s pregnancy. But I gained a daughter in return, my youngest child, just like you’re Sarah’s baby girl. Always love your mother, your parents, as our Father has loved us. And try to find it in your heart to forgive your parents, as He has forgiven us.”

  “I’ll try, Nana.” Maggie nodded, looking doubtful. “But, I don’t know, it’s still hard. Naomi is my sister, not my aunt. Should I think of her as my aunt or as my sister?” She looked across the room at Naomi.

  Naomi wiped her eyes. She was moved by Maggie’s emotional outburst. She was also in awe of how Ruth was handling the situation. She nodded and cleared her throat. “You can think of me any way you want. We always had a special relationship, and I don’t want anything to come in the way of that. I know how you feel, Maggie. I felt the same way when I learned that Sarah and Brian were my biological parents. Hurt and betrayal had become my best friends. It took me a long time to let go of my feelings and accept my family for who they are. So if you ever need someone to talk to—who can relate to how you’re feeling—I’d be honored if you would talk to me.”

  Naomi stood up and walked to Maggie. The younger girl stood up and hugged Naomi.

  They sat back down.

  “But I can’t tell anyone I have a big sister, can I? I mean, anyone except the family? Isn’t that right?”

  “That’s true, Maggie,” Naomi answered. “Nana raised me and she’ll always be my mother. Nana and Gramps adopted me. So legally I am their child. But when we’re together, just the two of us, or around the family, I can be your big sister.”

  Maggie nodded and turned toward Sarah. “Doesn’t that make you sad, Mommy? That you can never claim your own daughter?”

  Sarah wet her lips; while all waited on her to answer. “Yes, I do feel sad at times. But I feel glad and secure in knowing that my parents raised my child. I was blessed that I was able to grow up in the same house with her, and watch her grow into the beautiful woman that she has become. Being able to be a part of her life helps to ease the hurt. Sometimes we have to make sacrifices in life, and Brian and I were too young to take care of a child. Momma and Daddy would have ended up raising and supporting Naomi, anyway.”

  Maggie chewed her lower lip and looked at each of the women. “Well, if all of you are okay with what happened, then I guess I’ll have to accept it. Knowing that Naomi is really my sister is going to take some getting used to.”

  Maggie turned to look at Sarah. “I’m sorry, Mommy, for the way I’ve been acting. I was just so confused.”

  Sarah pulled her daughter into her arms. “I understand, baby. I really do. Please don’t shut me out. If you have a problem, I want you to come to me so we can discuss it.”

  “I will,” Maggie said in a soft voice.

  “That includes me and Naomi too. We’re all here for you and each other. Because after all, that’s what family is for,” Ruth told Maggie in a gentle tone of voice.

  An invisible pall was lifted from the room. After a while, everything was almost back to normal, at least for the time being. Sarah knew the crisis wasn’t quite over. But with her mother and Naomi’s help, she knew that in time, with help from the Lord, eventually everything would be all right.

  Chapter Forty-one

  Two weeks later, on a Thursday evening, Ruth called an emergency meeting with the finance committee. In the meeting, she explained how new details had come forth that affected the church’s finances.

  Later, after Ruth arrived home, and was relaxing on the sofa in the living room, her telephone rang. “Hi, Daniel. How are you and the boys doing?” Ruth asked after checking caller ID.

  “We’re doing well. Darnell is getting better every day. I’m in the process of packing up the house. I hope to move in a c
ouple of weeks.”

  “Good, I’m glad everything worked out for you. God will bless you for keeping the boys together. So what’s up?”

  “Well, ah, um,” Daniel stammered. He tugged on his shirt collar anxiously.

  “Tell me,” Ruth urged him.

  “Well, um, Sarah was telling me about how you’ve been receiving calls from your church members about you dating Aron. I, uh, kind of had a role in why they’ve been calling.”

  “What do you mean?” Ruth asked, alarmed. She sat upright, clutching the receiver tightly against her ear.

  “Ruthie, I was jealous of you and Aron,” Daniel said humbly. “So I figured when your church got wind of you dating him, they wouldn’t approve. Then you’d drop him, and you’d come back to me.”

  Ruth was momentarily speechless. She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

  “Are you still there?” Daniel asked uneasily. Beads of sweat dotted his forehead.

  Finally Ruth answered, “Yes, I’m still here. Goodness gracious, that was the last thing I expected you to say. I can’t believe you would go that far to try to win me back.”

  “I’ve been a fool about so many things, and you can add that bad decision to the list.” Daniel sighed. “You’ve been so helpful to me, listening and guiding me. Many women in your position would have turned their back on me. My conscience wouldn’t let me go another day without telling you about my part in what happened. I’m sorry, Ruth. Do you think you’ll ever be able to forgive me?”

  “Believe it or not, Daniel, your plan backfired. You did me a huge favor.”

  “What do you mean?” Daniel wasn’t sure if Ruth understood what he had told her.

  “Our Father works in mysterious ways, His wonders to behold. Had you not forced my hand, I may have lost out on Aron. Without your intervention—I won’t call it divine, because your motives were impure—I might not have had the courage to face my congregation this coming Sunday, and set the record straight.”

  “Maybe if you had fought harder for me when it came to Lenora, we wouldn’t be having this conversation, and we would still be together,” Daniel remarked.

  “I don’t think so.” Ruth shook her head. “If it had not been that incident, trust me, it would have been another. Daniel, thank you for calling me. Believe it or not, I appreciate it.”

  “You really have changed, Ruth. I think I like the new Reverend Wilcox,” Daniel said admiringly, though his heart ached for what he had won and lost.

  “Thank you, Daniel. Coming from you, that’s high praise. I have some things to do. You take care of yourself, and I’m sure we’ll see each other at family events.”

  “No, thank you for being so understanding.”

  They ended the call.

  Though Daniel felt relieved that Ruth had let him off so easily, he still felt a keen sense of loss for what could have been.

  Chapter Forty-two

  The following Sunday morning, Ruth stood at the pulpit, preparing to deliver her sermon. She also planned to share the news of a financial windfall the church had received.

  The choir had finished their B selection, “Yield Not to Temptation” and the offering had been collected. Ruth walked to the podium. She adjusted the microphone, and it made a squealing sound. She looked into the sanctuary and smiled.

  “This is the day the Lord made, let us rejoice and be glad. Shall we pray?” She bowed her head and closed her eyes. “Father in heaven, we come to you this morning. Blessed that you have allowed us to see another day. We give all praises to you. Father, I ask that you lay your healing hands upon the sick and shut-in members of the church and all over the world. Someone is sad this morning. Lord, please stop by and strengthen them. Someone is worried about the loss of a job. Lord, let them know that all things are possible because only you will continue to provide for our needs. As we begin the new week, Lord, keep all of us safe from hurt, harm, and danger. These blessings in your Son’s name, I ask. Amen.”

  Ruth then said, “I’d like those of you who have your Bibles with you to open it to the book of Matthew 7:1 through 8, and read along with me.”

  There was a slight rustle as the members found the section, and they read the following scripture:

  Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged; and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in your brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote in thy brother’s eye. Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.

  Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.

  Ruth’s eyes roamed the sanctuary. “I use that particular scripture we just read, along with the Golden Rule, for guidelines on how to treat our fellow man. None of us are perfect, and we have all fallen short from time to time. But if we keep in mind that we should judge people according to how we want to be judged, the world would be a better place.” She looked out into the congregation. “How many of you are perfect out there and have never committed a sin?”

  The church was quiet. Not one hand was raised.

  “As you can see, my hand isn’t raised either,” Ruth joked.

  The congregation responded with appreciative chuckles.

  “The good thing is that God forgives our sins, even when our fellow man is unable to. And, most important, when we can’t forgive ourselves, we carry around baggage sometimes until it consumes our very being. We should take comfort in knowing that Christ died on the cross for our sins, and how we carry ourselves as a child of God speaks volumes about how we appreciate and honor the sacrifice made for us.

  “One of the verses talked about pulling a mote out of our brother’s eye, and being mindful of the beam in our own eye. When we work on our own selves, and get our own spirit right, only then can we see clearly enough to help our fellow man.

  “There is no problem too big for God to help us overcome. He tells us plainly that we only have to ask, and it shall be given.”

  Strident responses of “Amen” resounded in the sanctuary.

  “I don’t mean, ask for a new car, when you know you can’t afford it.” Ruth paused while several members laughed. “What I mean is, ask Him for strength, guidance, and, most of all, patience because God doesn’t work on our timetable. He supplies our needs as He sees fit. He asks that we love our neighbor as ourselves, and how we are charged with doing what we can to help our fellow man.”

  Ruth continued preaching on the agape, loving each other unconditionally as our Father does. She urged the members to love one another, and not to be quick to judge, and to leave retribution to God. When she finished, she returned to her seat. The assistant pastor took her place at the pulpit and opened the doors of the church. A family of four, along with a woman and man, joined The Temple.

  While June led the new members to her office to get their personal information, the choir sang “He’s Sweet, I Know.” When they finished the selection, Ruth returned to the podium.

  “I’d like to address a few issues with you. We know that the grapevine of any enterprise is a powerful force, and the church is no exception. It’s come to my attention that several members of the church are not happy with my dating selection.”

  All eyes were glued on her. Some members turned to the person sitting next to them and began whispering.

  “Let me start by saying,” Ruth said firmly, “that I would never do anything to dishonor God or our church. I have served you faithfully since I was ordained by my father as an associate minister. I ask that you t
rust in me, and respect my judgment. I have learned some life lessons. After all, I’m not exactly what you’d call a ‘spring chicken.’”

  The members laughed aloud, and some of the tension dissolved from the room.

  “I have been seeing a member of the church socially. We’re great friends, and that’s what has made our relationship so unique. We are friends first, friends who share a love of God. Aron Reynolds works with Wade and Marcus, mentoring the young men of the church. We always hear about the more pleasant side of life, but sometimes we need someone who has experienced negative situations to explain to our youth the consequences of disobedience. Be mindful that everything that happens in life happens for a reason, and we have to be obedient of God’s plans for us. We may not understand why sometimes, but we have to be attentive to what He wants for us, and learn from those experiences and witness about them.

  “I have prayed and reflected on my relationship with Mr. Reynolds, and I can honestly say he challenges me sometimes, and I reflect on things differently that I may not have in the past. I have not always divulged my dating partners to you, but in this case, I felt compelled to discuss this matter with you and allay your doubts. I hope if any of you have any issues about my personal life, which I will always share with you if I find it detrimental to the church, will feel free to come to me and talk about it. My door is always open. Let’s keep those scriptures we read together this morning in mind when we feel the need to judge our fellow man harshly,” she said, completing that part of her talk.

  Her throat was suddenly dry, so she picked up a bottle of water. Ruth looked up as she heard a smattering of applause that turned thunderous. A vast majority of the congregation stood on their feet.

  “We love you, Pastor Ruth!” many people shouted, while some looked at her dubiously.

  “Thank you.” Ruth’s eyes filled with tears. “I appreciate your support, and I’ll never let you or my Father down, because He is the head of my life. I also have good news.” She smiled brightly. “I’ve met with the finance committee, and we’ve put in place new controls to monitor our spending. We have combined some auxiliaries, and discontinued a few, but not many. We did this because it made sense from a financial standpoint. We will still be able to continue the works my father and grandfather implemented for the church. We have quite a few entrepreneurs who belong to the church, and they will donate their time and services. We will also work with local merchants to offer discounts at grocery and clothing stores. The committee did a wonderful job of helping us cut expenses, and I think we should give them a hand.”