by Brigid Coady
Was she crying for young Edie and her dad? Or was she crying for all those little Edies and their fathers who she had left littered behind her.
No wonder she was haunted. Her chain probably wrapped itself round London.
"I'm sorry, darling Edie. I'm sorry for everything." her grandmother's hand tightened on hers.
"No, I am too." Edie replied. She took her hand from her locket to wrap it round their joined clasp.
The locket swung free and caught the light.
"Oh my," Mrs Pirrip gasped. "You got it."
Edie gave a watery smile.
"I got it on Monday. Just a bit late. Mum has only admitted she had all the cards and presents then."
"What a…" Mrs Pirrip stopped. "No, she is your mother and I'm sure she thought she was doing the right thing."
She looked like a ruffled sparrow as she said it.
"It is a beautiful locket." Edie said.
"Charlie and I chose it together. Have you opened it yet?"
"I'm waiting until I meet him." Edie felt shy calling him Dad.
"It will be soon. I can promise you that."
"Thank you, Mrs Pirrip." Edie said.
"I think you can call me something else." She smiled. "You used to call me Mimi."
Edie felt suddenly enveloped in love. Her hands held by her Mimi. And she had Jack guarding her back.
Pieces of her life she hadn't known she'd lost were slotting back into place.
She staggered out of the house, after refusing dinner but having had another cup of tea.
That was her grandmother, her Mimi.
Her head was stuffed to overflowing with thoughts and her chest burst with feelings she didn't know what to do with.
Her entire life had been thrown up in the air and when it hit the floor it had completely realigned.
She felt sick. Like vertigo.
No, she wouldn't think of vertigo, she'd be dealing with that tomorrow on the abseil.
Her father had fought for her. He'd fought.
He hadn't left because he wanted to.
The locket was warm against her throat.
What was inside it?
Soon, she thought. Soon she'd see her dad again.
Edie blindly made her way down the path to the gate.
It's not going to be as simple as believing one over the other. There would be shades of grey.
Could she handle the fact there were no absolutes? She worked in right or wrong.
She was going to have to compromise.
She pulled a face, but at least after years of only knowing one side of it she could explore the other side of things.
She had options.
"Can I drive you home?" Jack said.
"What?" She was in such a daze, she hadn't notice him.
How late was it? she thought. It was just getting dark.
It was almost the longest day, she realised.
She was so tired; her bones ached. She felt wrung out, as if she had been through a mangle and every bit of energy had been squeezed out of her.
Cab. It was safer.
She couldn't be in debt to him any more.
The weight of his hand was like a ghost on her back.
But she could still feel the solid comfort of it, grounding her in the moment and relaxing her enough to listen to what she was being told.
It felt like magic.
He had seen behind the curtain and her life.
It scared her.
She had to say no.
She opened her mouth to speak when Jack said,
"Come on, I'm cheaper than a cab."
But he wasn't, he was an expensive mistake that could cost her everything with the way he crept under her barriers and the ease with which he could read her.
But still she found herself in a familiar battered Golf.
How did he do that? She didn't have the energy to fight him. She would start again tomorrow, put the all walls between them back up.
Edie leaned back against the headrest and closed her eyes.
She just needed a moment, just a moment to regain her equilibrium.
"You need to let me know where you live before you fall asleep on me."
His voice was quiet and intimate in the car. It rolled over her and wrapped her in comfort. She muttered her address, and then she heard the beeps as he programmed the sat nav.
Chapter 18
"Wakey wakey."
Naked Edie wasn't sure why naked Jack was telling her to wake up.
They were in the middle of some very interesting experiments about what was possible in an underground carriage.
She brought his head closer and tried to kiss him but he wasn't there any more.
"Edie. Wake up."
He sounded like he was calling to her down a tunnel.
Then naked Edie whisked away and she woke up fully clothed, blinking at the now dark London night.
They were parked outside her flat.
She'd slept. It couldn't have been for more than twenty minutes but it was the best sleep she'd had since the hauntings began. And the best dream.
She squirmed in the seat, her body still hot from the fantasy.
How did he do it? Turn her on but also make her comfortable enough to fall asleep next to him?
Oh God, she hoped she hadn't drooled.
Or moaned his name.
She could feel herself blush.
"Edie," he started to say.
Oh, she wished he were saying it the way he had in her dream.
But this sounded serious. And she went from sleepy to alert.
His voice said he was going to ask more of her than she could give. She didn't know how she knew but she did.
Edie needed to get out of the car, before all the tender parts of her heart started making promises she didn't think she could keep.
"Thanks for the lift," she said and reached for the door handle.
"Edie, I'm not going to tell anyone about this." he said, his hand on her arm to stop her from leaving. It burnt her.
She frowned. That wasn't what she'd been worried about. She trusted him enough to keep her secrets. Which was more than she'd trusted anyone with since Tom.
But had she ever let Tom have that much trust?
No, she had kept everything tied up inside.
She was running away from Jack because she felt like her ice queen persona was melting as fast as an ice sculpture on a hot grill.
"But if you ever need anyone to talk to." He let go of her arm.
She opened the door.
No. She didn't need anyone, least of all him. She was fine. Really fine.
Edie needed to get away and refreeze. Even just for a little while.
"Thanks." She owed him that.
She turned to him and smiled. He looked amazing in the half-light from the street. Maybe she could defrost a little longer, she thought, kiss him just briefly?
She almost reached out a hand to touch his cheek.
But she'd done that before. And he'd rejected her.
She clenched her fist to stop from reaching for him.
No, not now. He'd thought she was a cold bitch. Now he was feeling sorry for her.
She had to save herself, he wasn't going to be able to save her and she couldn't afford to be distracted. She had things to do.
Quickly, she opened the door before she changed her mind and grabbed him.
She ran up the steps to the flat. Glancing at the pane above the door, she shuddered at the memory of Jessica being there.
She took the stairs up to the flat two at a time, finding energy she didn't know she had. She bolted the door but whether that was to keep people out or herself in, she wasn't sure.
Edie wanted to hide. She wished she'd kept herself locked in her flat. And never come out.
What could go wrong? she'd thought, when she'd signed up for this abseil.
Ha! Well now she knew. What kind of fool had she been, thinking you could raise money for charity in a w
eek? Well it was possible, but you needed to do something pretty dramatic.
She’d looked into all of it. Marathons – you had to train for them. A fancy ball took months of organisation. So she had decided on an easy one to set up.
She'd do a sponsored abseil.
The fact that there was one being done from the top of a near tower block that week and happened to be sponsoring a charity for Timmy had been a godsend.
Were the powers that be doing a bit of interfering? She chose to believe not. Not with the serious amount of money she’d had to promise to raise to get a spot this late
The sponsorship page had been great and those emails she'd sent out before the bollocking from HR had the money rolling in. It was amazing what people would give to see her do something so out of her comfort zone and see her make a fool of herself.
But she had forgotten two vital things.
One. Well, she'd had the formal warning from HR abut Rachel. Who still hadn't been in the office, Edie ground her teeth. A verbal warning wasn’t something she particularly wanted on her record but if it was for the good of mankind and saving of her soul, then she would grin and bear it. Rachel would come round when she saw the amount of money Edie would raise. Who wouldn't?
And Edie would apologise and maybe lay off sending complaints to HR for a while, if ever. That would settle that.
But the second vital thing she’d forgotten, was a more pressing matter at this moment.
She was scared of heights. Petrified of them. Known to have had vertigo on a stepladder level of fear.
“Alright, love?” the marshal asked her.
Edie tried to peel her fingers off the handrail. She could do this.
“Fine,” she said, her voice almost failing.
It wasn’t too far down. Honest. And it wasn’t as if anyone she knew was watching, she tried to convince herself. She could get up there, get down, grab the official photo and boom, done. Pop it on the sponsorship page and it was another thing she'd completed off her checklist to stop the haunting.
Easy.
“Hey there! Thought we’d come along and give you some moral support,” said a cheery voice from behind her.
“Yes, we’re Team Dickens,” a voice whispered in her ear with a twist of laughter and seriousness. "We couldn't let you do this alone. Someone had to check you were actually doing it. So when are you going up?”
Edie, currently frozen on the small set of steps in the lobby of the building heading towards the lifts, realised that life had just taken a turn for the worse. Her hands were gripping the handrail and refusing to let go.
She looked up into the face of Jack Twist, her mind screaming with fright but nothing came out. She was locked behind a pale mask. Behind him was a handful of people from the office but no Rachel.
Thank goodness she didn't have to face her yet.
Her eyes flew back to Jack’s. She couldn't let him see her fail, she thought. He's already seen me too vulnerable. How can I do this?
His smile faded and he stroked her hand gently. It reminded her of him rubbing her back last night.
“Edie, are you OK?”
“That’s just what I asked her,” the marshal piped up in his fluorescent orange jacket. “She’s been stuck there for ten minutes. The rate this is going she should be sponsored for how long it takes her to climb a stair."
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Jack asked.
Sure? Of course she wasn’t sure. Somewhere in the cold dread knotted at the pit of her stomach a small flame ignited. She would not be made to look foolish again in front of this man. He would see she wasn’t a frigid ice queen or a foolish girl with a screwed up family life or even a lawyer who couldn't get the idea of mediation. No, he would see her as someone strong, who could do things for others.
“No, no. I can do this,” she whispered.
“Can someone go up with her?” Jack asked the marshal.
“No skin off my nose if you go,” the man said.
Edie’s stiff fingers were warmed in a pair of battered and scarred hands that then lifted them off the rail.
“Come on, I’ve got you.” Jack said.
So much for looking strong and independent. Blindly she allowed him to lead her to the lifts.
Her stomach was a tight hard knot and her knees were liquid.
She could do this.
She stood hand in hand with Jack in front of the bank of lifts in silence. Maybe all the lifts would breakdown? Then she couldn’t get to the roof and this wouldn’t happen.
Bing, a lift arrived.
“Any more for the abseil?” a voice cried out.
“One here!” Jack waved her into the mirrored lift.
OK, maybe they would get stuck in the lift. That would be OK. She'd rather be stuck in the lift with Jack than walk off a building on a piece of string. In fact, that would be fine, she wasn’t claustrophobic. At least she didn't think she was. And Jack well…He was still a safer bet than falling off a building. Just.
She watched the floors tick off on the digital display. One, two, three…
“I wonder why Rachel isn’t here to support you?” Jack said in the silence.
She flinched. At least the whole Rachel complaining to HR about her hadn’t got round the office yet. Mind you, it was only a matter of time. Something like that always found a way out, no matter how 'confidential' the chat had been.
“I think it’s a bit off when it’s her kid you’re doing this for,” Jack continued.
Yeah, the kid that Rachel wanted to keep out of the office gossip, the kid that Edie had unceremoniously outed. That kid.
“Prior engagement,” she said.
Eighteen, nineteen, twenty…
Surely she could get out now?
Bing.
The lift came to a stop on the last floor.
“Now you have to take the stairs on your right to the roof,” the kind lift operator pointed out to them.
Edie found herself propelled out of the lift by a familiar hand that had only been stroking her back in support last night. Then Jack, using that same treacherous hand, pulled her gently towards the stairs leading up to the roof.
What was she doing?
Surely being haunted by a Ghost wasn’t worth all this? She couldn’t do this. She'd write a promise to donate a massive sum every month for the rest of her life if only they'd let her back in the lift.
But there, fluttering from an air vent in the ceiling came a shiny pink piece of glitter. Like a mote of dust it spun around and danced in front of her, reminding her it was this or an eternity alone with the penis deely boppers slotted through the links of a chain hanging from her waist.
“Right,” she said and marched up the stairs. Wind whistled down them, making her fight into the headwind.
“Never let the bastards see you cry.” she whispered into the wind.
At the top, a fire door was propped open and a young woman in yet another high visibility jacket stood with a clipboard.
“Another victim for the jump then?” she said, beaming. “You must be Edie, the last one of the day,” she made a tick against the sheet.
“Of course I’m sure you have read and signed the release forms and insurance doohickey. After all you are a lawyer,” she laughed. “And have you come to make sure she jumps?” the girl said and glanced at Jack.
“Oh. My. God! Jack Twist!” the girl gasped and stared wide eyed past Edie’s shoulder. She was getting used to feeling a spare part when she was with Jack.
“Are you abseiling too?” she said, or rather simpered.
Great waves of nausea crashed on top of Edie’s already knotted stomach. She might just jump to get away from the love fest.
“No. Just here giving support,” he said absently as he hustled Edie through the door.
She was on the roof.
Bloody hell, she was on the roof.
Wind battered her, pulled at her clothes. Surely it was pushing her closer to the edge.
; Her knees gave way.
Jack caught her.
“You really don’t have to do this,” he said as he took her weight.
But she did have to do this. She had to do this more than anything she had done before.
And it wasn’t for the money.
“I can do it,” she said.
At the end of the roof was a group of people wearing harnesses and hard hats. That was where she had to jump.
She moved slowly towards them, her hand gripping Jack’s and hoping he wouldn’t let go. Even though she couldn’t see the ground, she could feel it. It pulled at her, drew her to it. It wanted to embrace her. It wanted her to take the leap. It wanted her to fall.
“Edie! You made it!” a man said bustling up to her, carrying a harness and helmet.
“I’m Gary, the instructor. I’ll be talking you down. And I see you’ve brought some moral support… excellent!”
Then it was all talk of harness and karabiners, rope and angles and notes. Edie’s head buzzed with the information.
“So which one is the brake?” she asked confused.
“It’ll be easier once we’ve got you hooked up,” he said.
He rattled a harness at her.
“Now just step into the two leg bits, here and here.” Edie stepped in gingerly. “And then this bit, here and here for your arms.”
Reluctantly, Edie let go of Jack’s hand and put her arms through the required loops. Her hand groped for Jack’s again and catching it, she clung on.
“And now we do this doohickey up here,” Gary slotted some metal pieces together closing the harness, “and then we tighten it.”
“Arghhh!” Edie cried.
“Sorry, but it has to be snug,” Gary said as he tightened the harness causing Edie’s nether regions to lose circulation.
“OK, and now for the helmet,” Gary plonked it on Edie’s head and tightened the chin strap.
“All right?”
All right? Skin was now trapped in the buckle but the sharp pain focused her mind. She nodded, her eyes smarting as skin pulled out of the buckle.
And then Gary was going through the whole rope thing again.
“So if I do that I slow down?” Edie asked after a while.
She pulled a rope apart and fumbled with the other. She was going to plummet to her death. There was no way she would remember any of this.