Dread crept up Cole's spine. What is it? Is something wrong? Is the prison not holding?
It's not that. It's holding just as expected. But in order to complete our objective, I need to join them. This is goodbye.
Wait? What do you mean? That was never part of the plan. You don't have to join them. You aren't a threat.
I don't belong in this state of indefinite limbo, floating around talking to you, Meredith thought-said. It's not natural. It's safest if we make a clean cut and end this entire voices business right now.
Cole's face dropped into his hands. No, you can't leave me! I already lost you once and I got you back. I can't lose you again. I can't handle that.
Yes you can. You've grown. You're stronger now.
This doesn't make sense. There's gotta be more to it.
You're right, there is. The truth is, I need to go so that you don't hold on to your false mother. You know you never really got her back. I am not your mother. You said so yourself. You lost her and there is no getting her back. You need to be free and move on with your life. It isn't healthy for you to have me in the back of your mind all the time. You must learn to be independent. You are finally able to do whatever you want without worry of the voices ruining it.
I know you're not my mother but I'm going to miss you. I liked having you around.
And I enjoyed being around, Meredith thought-said. One last thing before I go. It pains me to say this but you must never have children. Remember this. I have no idea what will happen if you have a child, if this prison will hold them or if they will infect the child. It will be best to play it safe.
I promise. I could never want to bring a child into my crazy life anyway.
That's all I wanted to say. Tell Beth I love her, and she's doing a great job raising you. Now, forget all about me but always remember your mother. Goodbye.
“Goodbye,” Cole said aloud, and covered his face as he stifled his sobs. He sat there for a minute, listening to the silence, already missing his “mother's” voice in his head. It was so quiet in there now.
Cole took a deep breath and stood. Losing his mother a second time was agony, but a part of him always knew he would not and should not hold onto this false mother forever. She was right. This was for the best. It was time to start his normal life. Putting one heavy foot in front of the other, he ascended the stairs, and by the time he reached the landing, the weights on his body had begun to lift.
Beth was waiting for him on the couch. “Fun day, huh?” she said with a mixture of exhaustion and levity.
“It's only starting to seem real. I feel like I'm in a dream world.”
“I'll bet. I began to doubt if we were ever getting out of that basement. That was enough excitement to last me a lifetime.”
“Agreed. You were right about being wary of Asher. I just so badly wanted someone who knew what it was like to have these voices and to share my burden that I refused to ask any questions.”
“Don't beat yourself up over it. He was a good liar. I started trusting him myself.”
A brief silence followed. “There's something else,” Cole said, rushing through the words to get them out. “Mom's gone, too. She left with the other voices. She said she loves you and you're raising me well.”
Beth's eyes glistened with moisture. “I thought that might happen. Goodbye, Mere. Again.”
They lapsed into silence. A short while later, the phone rang. Cole had not moved from his spot on the couch as he mulled over everything that had happened that day, and he almost didn't notice the ringing. When it registered in his brain, he considered letting it go to the answering machine, but Beth got up and answered. She returned holding the phone. “Michelle again.”
Anxious, Cole took the receiver. “Hello?”
“Oh, Cole, I'm glad you're still home.”
“Hey, Michelle. What's going on?”
“Not much. Just here waiting at the hospital with nothing to do. Are you busy?”
Cole chuckled to himself, already feeling the haze clearing. “No, I'm not busy.”
“I'm glad to hear that. I'm kinda freaking out a little bit and I wanted someone to talk to.”
Cole leaned back on the couch, a smile edging across his face.
24
That evening, he decided it was time to do what he had been putting off for a long time. The events of the day had finally given him a good enough excuse to put it to rest. He asked Beth to make an appointment at the prison, and the following day the two of them traveled there to meet Travis' mother where she had been since accidentally killing her son. When he had died, Travis had entered Cole's mind as one of the voices, until he had been destroyed for helping Cole by betraying the other voices. Cole had told Travis' mother that her son was inside his head, but he had not had the heart to tell her he was gone again. With the voices incapacitated, though, he had a way to let her down more easily.
Travis' mother was waiting for them, an excited smile on her face. “I'm so happy to see you,” she said. “It had been so long I was starting to get worried. How has my Travis been?” At the expression on Cole's face, her smile disappeared. “Something is wrong, isn't it?”
“I've been putting off telling you this,” Cole said, “but Travis had to leave. The voices are gone forever. They can no longer hurt anyone else. He helped me do it. He's a hero.”
Travis' mom pressed her lips together. “Part of me knew you would say that, that it couldn't last. I appreciate you telling me. At least he got to live a little longer and helped you destroy those bastard voices.” She sighed and got to her feet. “This will be goodbye. Congratulations on defeating them.” She strode away to the guard and left without looking back.
On the drive back from the prison, while Cole was staring out the window, Beth interrupted his musings. “I'm not too proud to admit I was wrong,” she said.
“Huh?” Cole blinked, turning away from the window toward her.
“It was stupid and childish of me to be jealous of the voices. They are nothing but hell on earth and I should have been thankful not to have to suffer from them. I mean, they murdered my sister for God's sake. It's shameful to remember what I had thought.”
“It's all right, Aunt Beth. The telepathy part was pretty cool and all, but no, it was not worth it. It's so freeing to be done with them.”
“I can't even imagine. This planet got a little brighter when they were locked up.”
“Truest statement I ever heard,” Cole said, exhaling a deep breath.
“I'm done with the whole supernatural thing altogether. I'm going to find a new hobby, something like knitting. The worst that can come out of that is a pricked finger.”
“Good thinking.” Cole smiled, enjoying the silence that came from within.
Cole was unsurprised to find Amy missing from school the following day. He hoped she was doing all right and he resolved to check on her later. Michelle, meanwhile, was aching to talk more, and Cole was happy to oblige. She remained his one last solace in the aftermath of the recent disaster, and every time they talked, his head cleared and he felt more like himself.
On the phone the previous night, unwilling to explain the awful history of the voices, he had told her that Asher had been the one controlling Amy. It had been simpler and cleaner that way. He went on to explain how Asher had been arrested, and if he ever got out of jail, Cole had scared him from ever setting foot in their town again. She was still shaken up, but Cole's words calmed her, which was all the more reason she enjoyed talking with him.
After school, Beth drove Cole to Amy's house. Cole took a deep breath before ringing the bell, repeating to himself the speech he had prepared for Amy. There was a long delay before Mr. Williams answered the door.
“Hi, Mr. Williams,” Cole said uncertainly, wondering what Amy had told them. “You probably have a lot of questions and I would be more than willing to answer them.”
“No, that's okay,” Mr. Williams said softly. “I still don't understand how ha
lf of it is possible, but Amy already answered our questions. She only had one herself that I would also like to know. How do we know that these... 'voices' or whatever they are won't attack us again? She said you've been unable to control them your entire life. What's different now?”
“My mom.” Cole closed his eyes as a pang ran through his body. In layman's terms, he explained the plan she had concocted with the other voices to trap the malevolent ones.
“I hope you're right.”
“It's safe, I promise. And if you ever want to ask me anything else, just let me know. Is Amy here? I really want to speak to her.”
Mr. Williams pressed his lips together. “I'm really sorry, but she doesn't want to see you or anyone else. She... she requested that we transfer her to other foster parents in another city.”
“What?” Cole felt like he had been punched in the gut. “Transferred? But that's – that can't be. Just let me speak to her for a minute.”
Mr. Williams shook his head. “I don't think you should come around here anymore. You've caused enough problems.” He shut the door.
Cole was left standing on the porch, alone, unable to get his bearings. Was he never going to see Amy again? The thought was impossible. He stumbled back to the car, and was incapable of answering Beth's questions for hours.
He stayed up all night, locked inside the dark library, replaying in his mind all of his memories with Amy. Like it was yesterday, he remembered the first time she had spoken to him, the time she had come to him, tears in her eyes, for help and support with her abusive parents, their first kiss. He missed her terribly and the possibility of never seeing her again was staggering. She had to come around. She would forgive him and they would be friends again. He hoped that was not wishful thinking.
As the night waned, his thoughts began to reverse. He had caused so much misery in Amy's life, perhaps it was best for her to move on, to forget all about him. He would just remind her of all that pain every time she saw him. The logical side of his brain decided that for her own good he had to let her go, but the rest of him was having difficulty accepting it.
As dawn approached, Cole drifted off for a few fitful hours of sleep and was awakened by Beth knocking on the door. “You overslept,” she said. “You think you can go to school today?”
Cole rubbed his eyes and yawned. “Yeah, I'll go,” he mumbled.
He threw on some clothes, and as he was leaving the library, there came a knock at the door. Confused, he stumbled to answer it and was shocked to find Mr. Williams standing there.
“Good morning, Cole,” he said. “I'm sorry if I sounded harsh last night. I know you're a good kid and you didn't mean to hurt anyone. Here, Amy wanted me to give you this in person. She was up all night writing it.” He handed Cole a sealed envelope. “Take care of yourself.” He gave a half-smile, turned and left.
Heart pounding, Cole ran into the library and, without sitting down, tore open the envelope. Inside was a handwritten letter, two pages long. It read:
This is the most difficult thing I have ever written. I wish I could say this to you in person, but I can’t handle that. It seems it’s my turn to see a psychologist, though I have my doubts if there’s anything they can do for me.
I don't want you worrying about me, though. I'll get through. There's some things I need to tell you. While those voices were in my head, I learned a lot about them that you'll want to know so you can put it all to rest.
I know what motivated them. They are your ancestors dating back thousands of years, and the oldest ones have been in there a long time, living on through the generations of your family. They used to try to help people until two things happened around the same time: their future became uncertain and they found a way out.
The first was caused by the bloodline thinning to just your mother and your Aunt Beth. Your aunt stopped listening to them at a young age so they began to focus on your mother. When they eventually tried to return to your aunt, they found they could not reestablish the connection. So the bloodline was down to just your mother.
They had been 'alive' for so long that with each passing generation they grew more and more terrified of death, which made them increasingly paranoid and prone to drastic measures. Then your grandmother accidentally triggered a terrible discovery that gave them a way out. She pushed them to murder for the first time. They killed someone with that same mental attack, and by doing so found out that they could absorb that person's life energy, the same way that you absorbed Travis when he died. It made them stronger, and able to travel more freely to other people's minds.
From that point on, they stopped caring about helping people and instead turned to murder, desperate to find a way out before the bloodline ended. They didn't even care if you were caught and went to jail, because that wouldn't stop them. They could spread back into the outside world from within a jail cell.
With the voices' ability to perceive what was happening beyond what you could see, they tricked you into believing that they could predict the future and that your actions could prevent things from happening. With that belief, they had control over you and could make you do whatever they wanted. Travis was never your opponent or counter or anything like that. I think he just said that to convince you that he was good, that you could trust him.
You basically know the rest. The voices had a stronger attachment to those with a close emotional connection. When they entered me that first time, it was just to prevent you from running away, but it made them realize that they could connect to me permanently and use me as a home base to continue to spread. So they let you leave and used the opportunity to return to me. They were no longer tied to you or the bloodline. They had nearly reached a level of terrifying invincibility. If they had latched onto others permanently before they were removed from me, they would have been essentially unstoppable.
I do want to say thank you for stopping them. I know you only ever tried to help and I know none of this was technically your fault, but – I don't know. You're just a constant reminder of those things and I can't help some small part of me hating you for it. I'm sorry, but I can't deny it. I think it's best you know the truth. While they were in my mind, they were mostly controlling my decision-making, and yet... they weren't completely in control. I hate that this is true, but some part of me meant those terrible things I said.
Don't be too hard on yourself. You're a good person and I want you to be happy. But you don't need me to be happy. We're both better off leaving this in the past.
A part of me will always love you. I’ll always look back on our early friendship with a sad smile. We had some good times. I hope you remember only those.
I don’t want you to hold on to false hope, but maybe someday I will be able to handle seeing you again. I hope I can. Until then.
Goodbye, Amy
Cole read through the letter three times, treasuring every word. When he had finished, it left him hollow. He dropped into a chair, his mind struggling to wrap around all she had said. He wanted to write a reply, to tell her that everything would be okay, that he would always be there for her, but he restrained himself. She wanted a clean break and he would respect her wishes.
Beth entered, her hair damp. “Did I hear the door?”
Cole looked up with unfocused eyes. “Yeah, it was Mr. Williams. He had a letter from Amy.”
“Oh.” Beth shifted her weight. “Do you wanna talk about it?”
“Not really. I'm going to be late for school.”
Over the course of the next week, life began to drift into a state of routine. At first, it was odd and depressing to have the empty seat next to him, but after a while he got used to even that. Some days he wished he had never met Amy, that he had never brought the insanity of the voices into her life. Other days he wished she could wipe him from her memory and start her life anew. He never stopped missing her, but every day it got a little easier. Whenever she entered his thoughts, he would remind himself that it was for the best for them to be apart,
and he hoped that she was doing better. Michelle was also always there to talk, which got him through the toughest times.
He began to hang out with Michelle often, and whenever he was around her he knew that eventually he would be all right. The fact that she had a boyfriend didn't bother him. He never really thought about it. He was just glad to be near her, to see her warm and glowing smile and hear her infectious laugh. Once they were comfortable around each other, he found that they could talk for hours and never run out of things to say.
One day, when he was meeting Michelle after school, she greeted him with an unusual expression on her face. Rather than a smile, she looked lost.
“Is something the matter?” Cole said, concerned.
“I can't believe I actually did it,” she said. “I broke up with Arthur. I mean it was a long time coming, but still, I really did it.”
Something in Cole changed at those words. He saw Michelle in a way he never had before. All of a sudden, it became clear to him why her aura had always been the strongest. “I'm so sorry.” He embraced her in a comforting hug.
* * *
Four Years Later
“Class dismissed.”
Breathing a sigh of relief, Cole gathered his books under his arm and hurried out the door into the brilliant sunshine of late afternoon. Lesson learned, he thought. Do not schedule, not only a long, but a late, class on Fridays. I'll remember that next semester.
He blinked in the sudden brightness, and made his way along the sidewalk through the straggles of other students unlucky enough to have a late Friday class. Being the end of his first week of class, he did not yet have a full grasp on the layout of campus, and it was a challenge to find his way back to his dorm.
Remembering the final stretch, he sped up, anxious to get started on the weekend. All day his excitement and apprehension had been building. He had never been to a college party before and he was not quite sure what to expect.
His dorm room was empty, his roommate most likely out to an early dinner. He dropped his books on his bed, and picked out a fresh outfit for that evening. After he had showered and changed, there was a knock on his door, right on cue.
Voices in the Night (The Dark Mind Trilogy Book 3) Page 23