‘Well, as of tomorrow, Cate, it will be up to you to ensure it doesn’t happen.’
‘That what doesn’t happen, Lillian? That we don’t ask Harry to come in when we’re without a consultant or concerned about a patient? Is that what you want?’ Cate looked her boss in the eye. ‘I happen to be very grateful that the nursing staff have a consultant who, despite personal problems, is prepared to come in at short notice when he’s not even rostered on. I’m very grateful to have a consultant who will accept a worried phone call from a member of the nursing staff and get in his car and come straight in.’
‘It can’t continue.’
‘I’m sure Harry is more than aware that the situation is far from ideal.’
Juan lay there and listened as the director of nursing pointed out some health and safety issues. He listened as the nurse who had admitted she liked working in Emergency because of the back-up she received from her colleagues backed up a member of her own team one hundred per cent.
‘What if one of the nurses can’t get a babysitter?’ Lillian challenged. ‘We can’t run a crèche in the staffroom!’
‘I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.’
‘Not good enough, Cate.’
‘No, it’s not,’ Cate responded. ‘And it’s a poor comparison. If a nurse can’t come in I can ring the hospital bank to have them cover a shift or I can ask for a nurse to be sent from the wards. We have ten nurses on duty at any one time, but there aren’t very many emergency consultants to call on at short notice.’
He heard the director of nursing walk off and he heard a few choice words being muttered under Cate’s breath and he couldn’t help but smile, but it faded as Cate took a phone call and then came over.
‘Are you awake?’
Juan turned over and looked at her. ‘I am now.’
‘How are you feeling?’
He gave a wry laugh.
‘I just took a phone call from a Ken Davidson,’ Cate told him. ‘Apparently he helped you today. He said he waited until your bike was picked up.’
‘Did you get his number?’ Juan asked, relieved that the call hadn’t been from Martina. ‘I need to thank him.’
‘I did,’ Cate said. ‘He’s also got your wallet.’
‘Thanks.’ Juan said. ‘And I’m sorry for what I said before about you getting back to your stock. You do a great job—I guess I was just spreading the misery.’
Cate gave a small nod of acceptance. ‘Harry’s happy for you to go when you’re ready or you can stay the night.’
‘I’ll go home, thanks.’
‘Do you want a lift when I finish?’
‘Do you always offer patients a lift home?’ Juan asked.
‘I would offer any colleague a lift home in the circumstances.’
‘Then that’d be great.’
It was either that or ask to borrow fifty dollars for a taxi.
For Juan, it was Indignity City today.
* * *
Juan borrowed a pair of scrubs and she watched him try not to wince as he bent down to pull on his boots. He carried a bag containing his clothes and crash helmet and they walked, pretty much in silence, to her car.
It wasn’t how it was supposed to have been, Juan thought. He loathed all his secrets being out, but now they were and, as he had expected, she was acting differently with him.
‘Watch the speed bumps,’ Juan said as she drove him home slowly. ‘I might jolt my neck and suddenly have no feeling from the chest down.’
‘You don’t need to be sarcastic.’
‘You’re driving as if you have a Ming vase rolling around on the back seat,’ he pointed out.
‘I’m a careful driver,’ Cate said, about to add, unlike some of us, but Juan turned and saw Cate press her lips firmly closed.
‘I should have just run it over,’ Juan said. ‘I should have killed the baby koala bear.’
‘It wasn’t a koala,’ Cate said, and she almost smiled. Almost. But Juan knew she thought he shouldn’t have been out motorcycling in the first place.
‘So, I am supposed to walk slowly, not run, not climb, not surf or ski...’ He looked over at her. ‘Athletes go back and compete after the injury I sustained. I am not doing anything my doctor does not know about. I walk everywhere, I run most days. I take my health seriously.’
‘I get it.’ Cate gripped the wheel.
‘I don’t think you do.’
‘I get it, okay?’ There were tears in her eyes as she realised he was right, and yet her fear had been real. ‘I just got a fright when I heard how seriously injured you had been.’
He looked at her tense profile.
‘Fair enough,’ Juan conceded. ‘Do you know how my accident happened?’ Cate said nothing. ‘I was going to get a haircut...’ He gave a wry laugh as Cate drove on. ‘It was embarrassing really on the spinal unit. There were guys who had been diving, playing sport, car accidents—I had been walking to get a haircut. A car driven by an elderly woman mounted the kerb and really only clipped me, but the way I fell...’ He let out a long, exasperated sigh. ‘It was bad luck, chance, whatever you want to call it.’
‘So now you take risks?’
‘Yes, because I never did before and look where it got me, lying on my back paralysed from the neck down. Now I live, now I do as I please...’
‘It’s all just a game to you, isn’t it?’
‘It’s no game,’ Juan said. ‘I have ridden a bike for years, it is how I get around back home. I’m not on some daredevil mission. I’m living my life, that’s all.’
‘Well, your fiancée is beside herself.’
‘Ex.’
‘Because you’re too bloody proud and have too much to prove.’
‘You don’t know me.’ His grey eyes flashed back; it was the closest Juan had come to a row in a very long time. It was the closest he had come to anyone in a long time and that was what he had been trying to avoid, Juan reminded himself as they pulled up at his apartment and he climbed out.
‘I know that today would have been your first wedding anniversary,’ Cate called to his departing back, and watched as he turned slowly.
‘It would have been, except Martina decided she didn’t want to marry a man in a wheelchair.’
Cate sat there, her knuckles white as she clutched the wheel. Of all the things he might have told her, that was the last she had been expecting.
‘Juan!’
She went to step out of the car.
‘Please, don’t.’ Juan put his hand up. ‘Thank you for the lift.’
‘Juan,’ Cate said. ‘I didn’t know.’
‘Because I didn’t want you to know.’
‘I don’t want to just leave you—’
‘Why?’ His eyes flashed. ‘I want to be on my own. I don’t want a heart to heart, I don’t want to sit and talk, I don’t want company.’
Cate bit her lip as he threw out his final line.
‘I never wanted you to know. I never wanted any more than what we had.’
She watched his departing back and, yes, she should leave it there, except she couldn’t. If Juan didn’t want kid gloves because of his injury, or because of the phantom anniversary, then he wouldn’t get them from her, she decided as she opened the car window.
‘Why didn’t you just leave it at sex, then?’ She watched his back stiffen but he didn’t turn round. ‘It was supposed to be sex and dinner, Juan, but, oh, no, you had to delve deeper. You had to take it that step further and ask about me and my past and future. So much for living in the now!’
She didn’t wait for his response. She knew she wasn’t going to get one; instead, she drove off as Juan let himself into his home.
His temporary home.
What had they had?
Cate asked herself.
A whirlwind romance?
Holiday fling?
A rebound after Paul?
Not one of them fitted.
They didn’t fit for Juan either. He turned on his phone and saw the many missed calls. He looked around the empty apartment and told himself it was time to move on. The day he had dreaded was almost over, yet, instead of dwelling on the woman he should have married a year ago today, it was Cate who consumed his thoughts.
She was right—it had been more.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
CATE HAD MORE than enough to keep her occupied.
Or she should have had.
Yet, despite working as Acting Nurse Unit Manager, despite telling herself over and over that Juan was not her concern, she could not stop thinking about him.
Through the week she attended meeting upon meeting, caught up with the backlog Christine had left and sorted out her new office. She was determined to make a stand and, even though there were so many other things that she should be doing, she put in mandatory appearances on the floor, though sometimes she wished that she hadn’t. It felt different without Juan—even the knowledge that he might possibly be called into work, that she might see him again, had meant more than Cate had, until now, understood.
That was why she didn’t do one-night stands, Cate told herself as she walked back from yet another meeting.
Then she felt her heart squeeze when she glimpsed him entering the department.
He had to save the best until last.
He was wearing black jeans and his boots but the silver buckle on his belt was larger than usual and the white, low-necked T-shirt he was wearing was too tight and showed his magnificent physique along with a generous flash of chest hair as well as his nipples. He hadn’t shaved since she’d last seen him. He looked like a bandit, or an outlawed cowboy, Cate thought, waiting until he went into the department and then walking along behind him, almost willing him not to turn round.
‘Juan!’ Of course he was pounced on and Cate walked on quickly, rather hoping he had not seen her—his final words to her were still ringing in her ears and she wasn’t quite sure she could pull off a farewell without tears invading.
Cate headed to her office and as she closed the door she let out a sigh. She’d left it neat but already her inbox was full again and there was a list of messages to attend to. Gritting her teeth, she went to take off her jacket but was interrupted by a knock on the door—she knew it was him.
‘Nice jacket,’ Juan said.
Cate loathed it.
She was to wear it to meetings, she’d been told, and it was an authoritative touch, apparently, if she was called on to attend to upset patients or relatives.
‘How’s it going?’
‘I’ll tell you when I find out.’ Cate gave a terse smile. ‘So far all I seem to do is sit in meetings.’
‘Is that where you’ve just been?’
Cate nodded. ‘I’ve just been to the nurse unit managers’ meeting and after lunch it’s the acute nurse unit managers’ meeting!’ She rolled her eyes. ‘I didn’t know that you were working.’
‘I’m not,’ Juan said. ‘I had to come in and sort out the health insurance forms from my accident. It was easier to do it in person.’
There was a knock at the door, which was already half-open, and Harry popped his head in. ‘Cate, I was just wondering if you could...’ Harry’s voice trailed off. ‘Juan, I didn’t know that you were on.’
‘I’m not,’ Juan said. ‘I wanted to come in and say goodbye and I also wanted to apologise if I was a bit difficult on Sunday. I do appreciate all the care that was taken.’
‘We do tend to panic a little bit when it comes to spinal injuries.’
‘With reason,’ Juan said. ‘I was very lucky to recover so well—I know that is often not the case. I was also hoping to have a word with you before I go.’
‘Of course,’ Harry said. ‘But you’ll have to make it quick, I’ve got an interview in fifteen minutes.’ He looked at Cate. ‘I’m interviewing right through till six. If I run over, is there any chance that you could pick up the twins and watch them for five minutes?’
‘I finish at five, Harry,’ Cate said, and Juan watched her cheeks glow red as she attempted to say no to Harry and then gave in. ‘Though I doubt I’ll get away on time...’ Cate gave a small flustered nod. ‘Sure, don’t worry about it. I’ll collect the twins if you’re running behind.’
Harry gave a grateful smile and, as he left, Juan told him that he would be there in a moment.
‘So, this is the new assertive Cate?’ Juan smiled.
‘I can be assertive when it’s required.’
‘I know that,’ Juan said, recalling how Cate had stood up to the director of nursing on Harry’s behalf.
‘I could make a stand today and tell him that I won’t pick up the twins,’ Cate said, ‘but the fact is this place needs new consultants more than it needs me to get away on time, and if watching Harry’s children for fifteen minutes facilitates that...’
‘I lied,’ Juan interrupted Cate, to tell her the real reason that he was there. ‘It would have been just as easy to deal with the health insurance forms online.’ He looked into her serious eyes and loathed having hurt her. ‘I hated how we ended things the other day,’ Juan admitted. ‘It was supposed to be fun, it was supposed to be...’ He didn’t know how best to explain it. ‘It wasn’t supposed to end like that.’
She gave a watery smile. ‘I know Sunday was a difficult day for you.’
‘That was the reason I chose to take myself far away,’ Juan explained. ‘The last place I thought I’d be was in Emergency, being looked after by you. I overreacted.’
‘I can understand why.’ Cate gave a smile. ‘How’s the house-sharing?’
Juan rolled his eyes. ‘Awful,’ he admitted. ‘I think I am maybe too old to share, they are getting on my nerves.’ He didn’t tell her Nurse Purple Face was sulking from his lack of advances, or how he had stayed in for two nights in a row for the first time since his arrival in Australia. Neither did he tell her just how much he wanted to see her again, so they could end things better.
‘Are you going to watch the skydive on Sunday?’ Juan asked.
Cate shook her head and then shrugged. ‘I don’t know,’ she admitted. ‘Kelly wanted me to go along for moral support but...’ She was blinking back threatening tears, could not stand the thought of saying goodbye to him in a crowd, on another wild night out. It was perhaps better here, in her office, alone with him.
‘Do you want to keep in touch?’ Juan offered. ‘I tried to look you up on the internet...’
‘I changed my privacy settings,’ Cate admitted. She could not stand the thought of keeping in touch with him, of watching his life from a distance. She could not imagine keeping up the pretence of being mere friends who’d had a thing going once, however briefly. ‘I think we should just leave it as it is. It was fun.’
There was nothing fun about how she was feeling but she tried to keep things light.
‘I brought you a present,’ Juan said.
‘Bought.’ Cate smiled.
‘No, brought,’ Juan said, and went into his bag. It was perhaps the strangest present she had ever received and one only he could give. ‘I made it for you before I left the apartment. I was cleaning out the fridge...’ It was a huge jar of chimichurri and Cate had this vision of her dividing it up into freezer bags, sustaining the memory of Juan with one tiny taste each Sunday.
‘Thank you.’
‘I have to go. I need to speak to Harry. I never did get around to it.’
‘You’re not going to discuss the children?’
‘Of course I am,’ Juan said. ‘I told you that I would.’
‘But you can’t...’
‘I have dealt with colleagues,’ he said. ‘In another life, I was quite a demanding boss.’
‘I can’t imagine it.’
‘I know,’ Juan said. ‘So...’ He gave her a smile and pulled her into his arms, a sort of big-brother hug that lasted about a third of a second because she just melted against him. His touch was so fierce that she was at risk of breaking down and breaking the rules and admitting the heartbreak he was going to cause her.
‘Please, don’t say, “This could be it,”’ Cate said.
‘I won’t,’ Juan said, ‘because it is.’
‘You could come for dinner...’ She could not stand to say goodbye like this, didn’t want it to be a quick hi and bye in her office. They may not have counted for much but surely they counted for more than that. ‘No big deal...’ She pulled back, forced a smile. ‘My neighbours will probably be there, it would just be nice to say goodbye properly.’
‘It would,’ Juan said, and his smile was slightly wicked. ‘You know, though, that it will end in bed?’
‘I would hope so if I have to cook.’
A two-night stand was surely better than one?
She gave him her address, signed over her heart to the certainty of more misery for the sake of tonight, but it would be worth it one day, Cate hoped. And, despite saying it was no big deal now, Cate, who never planned her meals, had to suddenly plan dinner!
‘Bridgette?’ Cate winced a bit as she called in a favour from her neighbour and friend, because it involved shopping and lighting a barbeque and putting dinner on. Oh, and could she also get wine and beer...?
‘Anything else?’ She could tell Bridgette was smiling.
‘I can’t ask.’
‘You want me to make your bed, don’t you?’
‘And maybe a little tidy?’ Cate cringed.
‘So long as I get to meet the man I’m cooking and cleaning for!’
Cate hung up the phone, smiling. It was nice to have friends you could lean on, nice to have people who you had enough history with that you could call on at times like this—she wondered how Juan managed without them. She wondered how he functioned in a world without that team, people who stepped in for the big and the little without question. She headed out of her office and passed Harry’s office, where a couple of people sat waiting outside to be interviewed. As she did so, she silently thanked Juan for the forced introspection.
Tempted by Dr. Morales Page 12