Is that even possible?
I tried to apologize to Evan and he called me a bitch.
What!?
Accidentally.
Not possible.
That he called me a bitch or that it was accidental?
Both, I guess. The three dots bounce as she writes but when the message finally comes through it’s only six words. Do you wanna talk about it?
I shrug at my empty room. I’m not sure what’s going on. He’s all I’ve wanted for so long but lately I feel like he’s just one more person telling me what to do.
I hope you don’t think I do that.
No…
That’s not convincing.
I just wish I had your confidence.
You DO have confidence! You just forget sometimes.
I smile. Cally brought out a side of me I thought was long gone. Maybe I just need to remind myself of how far I’ve come. Ditching the Bunnies took more guts than I thought I had, and now I’m hurtling through trees on a bike. Maybe you’re right.
That’s my girl! So when are we riding again?
You read my mind. Alex said to get a group this weekend. For a second I’m irritated that once again someone else told me to do something and I’m following along, then I smack myself in the forehead. I asked her to ride, not the other way around. This is my idea!
Will that include Evan?
Part of me wants to say no, but that’s not fair to him. Maybe if he sees how I am with Alex and her friends—confident, daring, and while not exactly fearless, less afraid than when it’s just the two of us—he’ll see that I’m not the same old Mike. I’m even better.
Yes.
A car door slams and moments later voices fill the foyer at the bottom of the stairs.
“Mike! Time for dinner,” Mom calls.
I sigh. Gotta go. Family time. Wish me luck.
Luck!
I toss my phone on the bed and am in the hallway before I remember that Evan’s message is still marked unread.
Madison is leaning against the kitchen island, a glass of white wine in her hand and a beaming smile plastered to her face. We have the same sandy blond hair but hers is curled in loose waves so it cascades down her back instead of hanging limp like mine does. Maybe I should ask her how she does that. Mom and Dad flank her and the three of them glance at each other when they see me.
I take a step back. “What?”
Mom turns to the stove to stir a pot. “Madison was just telling us that she’s been promoted.”
“Maddy, that’s great!” I squeeze past Dad to give her a hug.
Her curls tickle my arm as she sets her glass on the counter. “Thanks, Mikey.” She’s the only one still allowed to call me that. “It’s not partner, but it’s a step closer.”
I pull back. “You’ve only been there a year, right?”
She nods and Dad pats her shoulder. “Just shows what hard work will get you.” He turns to me. “You could learn a thing or two from your sister.”
And here we go.
I put some distance between us, moving to the other side of the island. “What’s for dinner?”
Dad sips his drink—an amber-colored alcohol over ice—and stares at me over the edge of the glass. “Shrimp and pasta.” His look tells me my deflection won’t last.
“So Maddy, what else is new? Married yet?” I feel like a bitch as soon as the words leave my mouth. Family pressure to excel at everything drives me crazy and here I am doing the same thing to her.
“Actually…” she pauses and glances at her left hand which has been tucked in her pocket.
“What?!” Mom’s screech echoes off the walls.
My heart lurches. Of course she’s already engaged. But… she doesn’t have a boyfriend, at least not the last time I checked. Who—
She whips her hand out and displays her bare fingers. “Oh my god, you guys. I’m twenty-three. Who gets married that young anymore?”
I burst out laughing as Mom’s shoulders sink. Apparently she doesn’t think that’s too young.
“I promise you’ll be the first to know if I get engaged. But that will require me to have a boyfriend first.” She smiles at me. “Mike might beat me there at this rate.”
Praise like that normally makes me glow, but Evan’s unread text taunts me from upstairs. Maybe not much longer.
“Everyone to the table,” Mom says. “Dinner’s ready.”
I’ll give them credit: they wait until I’m dragging my last piece of shrimp through the garlic sauce before attacking.
“Mike,” Dad begins, and I look up from my plate. “Have you thought any more about our talk the other day?”
I drop my fork. “You mean when you said that the things that matter to me don’t matter to you? Yes.”
Mom sighs. “You know that’s not what we meant.”
“You said everything I love comes after school.”
“During the week,” Dad corrects. “We said nothing about stopping the things you enjoy.”
“Just when you do them,” Mom says.
It’s like they rehearsed this.
I glance at Madison, but she’s suddenly very interested in the single piece of pasta she’s pushing around with her fork.
“Madison getting promoted just reinforces how important it is that you get into a good college,” Dad says.
Madison holds up her hand. “Hey, don’t drag me into this.” She finally meets my eyes and mouths sorry. “Mike and I are two different people and what works for me doesn’t necessarily work for her.”
I mouth back thanks, but Dad’s not having it.
“How can she know if she doesn’t apply herself?”
“Hey,” I wave my hand. “Sitting right here.”
Dad scowls at me, then quickly relaxes his face. “Mike, we hate to see you wasting your time on things that won’t help your future. You seem to bounce from one interest to another depending on who you’re friends with, and none of it will help you in the long run.”
I grip the edge of the table to anchor myself. “That’s not fair.” Hearing him say the things I’ve been thinking but have been too afraid to say out loud fills me with anger. Anger at him and Mom. Anger at everyone who keeps telling me what to do. And anger at myself.
“First it was Brianna and that other girl, now it’s Cally and Evan.” He holds up a hand to stop me from interrupting. “Don’t get me wrong, we like both of them—”
“Especially more than Brianna,” Maddy murmurs under her breath.
“—but it’s time to decide what YOU want to do. Not what everyone else decides for you.”
“Isn’t that what you’re doing right now?” I ask. “You’re telling me I shouldn’t like the people or things that I like. So tell me, Dad,” I press my folded hands under my chin and bat my eyes, but my face is anything but angelic. “What SHOULD I be doing? And who SHOULD I be friends with?”
“Mike, that’s enough.” Mom’s voice is sharp.
“Your studies have to be number one,” Dad says.
“Have I failed a test? Not done my homework? Skipped class?” Okay, so I used to skip with Brianna, but I haven’t since last year. Yet another reason Cally and Evan are good for me. “I don’t understand why you’re coming down on me now.”
“We told you,” Mom says, her voice softening. “SATs are coming up, and then you’ll be applying for college. If you don’t buckle down now you won’t get into a good school.”
“What difference does it make if I don’t even know what I want to do?”
That was the wrong thing to say. Their eyes widen, then narrow, like they’re hooked into the same circuit. Mom breaks first. “That’s precisely the problem. You’re spending all your energy on boys—” she holds up her hand. “I’m sorry, Evan—and with your friends. You’re not giving yourself a chance to figure out what interests you.”
Madison clears her throat. “Not everyone declares a major when they start college. Half my friends didn’t know what they wanted
to do until junior year.” She laughs. “Some didn’t even after they graduated.”
Relief floods through me and I let out a breath.
“Not helping,” Dad says.
“Lighten up, Dad. I didn’t come here to get Mike in trouble.”
“She’s not in trouble,” Mom says. “We’re just worried about her.”
“She’ll be fine. Right, Mike?” Madison smiles at me and I flash back to when she still lived here and would let me tag along with her and her friends. She’d take me for ice cream or hiking in the mountains and never seemed to care that I was half her age and more interested in playing make believe than clothes or makeup or boys.
I nod, hoping she can see how much I miss her. “Can I be excused?”
Mom nods and I carry my plate to the sink before they change their minds.
Once in my room, I try to get back to my homework but it feels pointless. I hate that they seem to know me better than myself, and that they see me as a follower who can’t make her own decisions. Even if it’s true. And I know I should be grateful my parents care so much, but right now it feels like they have this image in their mind of what the perfect daughter should look like—hello, Madison—and are trying to force me into that mold, even though I clearly don’t fit.
There’s a knock on my door and I quickly tuck a notebook into my lap. “Come in.”
Madison opens the door. “Can I come in?”
I shove my books aside and she snuggles next to me. “Don’t worry about Mom and Dad. They pulled the same crap with me.”
“But you already knew what you wanted to do. Me? I have no idea. I suck at math, I can speak English but I’m not interested in a career with words, and I’m not smart enough to be a lawyer or doctor.”
She pinches my side and I jump.
“Hey!”
“Hey, yourself.” She grabs my chin so I’m looking at her. “First off, stop saying you’re not smart. Second, do you seriously think I wanted to be a financial analyst when I was sixteen?”
That does seem like a stretch. “When you put it that way.”
“Yeah. I’ve always been good at math, but I didn’t know what that meant for a career. Doesn’t Monarch have a counselor who helps with career planning?”
“Probably.”
“Talk to them. You’re great with people and have bigger balls than most girls I know.
“Ew.”
“It’s a compliment.”
“Thanks, but you’re wrong. I’m the biggest pushover known to man.”
“Getting away from those bitches took guts. Not everyone would cut themselves off from their friends like you did.” While Mom doesn’t know the details of the Brianna break-up, Madison got the whole story. “I’m just saying, there’s a whole world out there and it needs people like you. You just need to find the right thing.”
“Can you tell that to Mom and Dad?”
“I already did.”
I laugh. “How’d that go?”
“Not well when I was in high school, and not well five minutes ago, but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong.” She shifts so her head is resting on my shoulder. “How’s everything else?”
Where do I begin? “Okay. Homecoming nominations were announced and that’s turned into a bunch of drama.”
She sits upright. “Were you nominated?” Madison was Homecoming Queen junior year, but lost senior year to a girl who went on to be a local realtor whose face is now plastered on billboards all around town.
I shake my head, and try not to let her frown make me feel worse. “But Cally was, and so was Brianna.”
“Yikes.”
“And now Brianna is being nice to me again. I’m assuming she just wants my help getting votes, but part of me feels like something’s going on with her.”
Madison bites her lip. “Are you talking to her again?”
“Sort of. I went to her house today.”
“Mike!”
I try to wave away her concern. “I saw her crying and she wanted to explain. Then when I was at her house, things didn’t seem right. Like they stopped caring about appearances.”
“Mike, have you forgotten how miserable you were when she dictated your life? She’s not your problem.”
I’ve been telling myself that same thing all afternoon, but I keep running into the same question. I look Madison in the eye. “Then whose problem is she?”
“Just be careful, okay? I don’t trust that girl.”
“You and me both.”
“Have you told Evan?”
My gaze flits to my phone, where his message sits unread. “Not yet.”
“If it’s no big deal, you shouldn’t be afraid to tell him.”
I grab a pillow and hit her in the head. “Quit being so smart. Now tell me all about your fabulous life in the city.”
We chit-chat for another half hour and when she leaves, she promises to help me figure out what to do with my life. Alone again, there’s only one thing left to do.
I grab my phone and open my texts, expecting the worst. But Evan’s text makes me feel like an even bigger bitch.
I’m so sorry. I’m stressed. Parents are riding me about college. I’m freaked about the team. You’re the opposite of a bitch. You make me happy.
Instead of texting, I call. When he answers, I blurt out everything. “I’m sorry. My parents are being crazy about college and my future, and now Homecoming has me stressed and Brianna is being weird and I just wish I could hit pause and—”
“Brianna?”
I scrunch my eyes. That wasn’t supposed to come out.
“Mike, what’s going on?”
Might as well get this over with. “I may have gone to her house today.”
I brace myself for a tirade on how horrible she is and how stupid it was for me to go there—even though Evan would never call me stupid—but he’s silent. Like I can’t even hear him breathe silent.
“Evan?”
“I can’t do this again.”
“This? Or us?” Tears spring to my eyes. I force a deep breath to fight the tightness that grips my chest.
“Mike, you know how important you are to me, but I can’t stand by and watch you get caught back up in her world.”
“I’m not.” My voice sounds small, like I’m standing across the room, watching as I screw up my life yet again.
“But you went to her house.”
I promised Brianna I wouldn’t tell anyone I saw her crying, but even that wouldn’t convince him that going there was a good idea. “I’m not going to make excuses. I went over there and we talked a little, but I still think she’s a bitch and have no intention of being her friend again.” Not that I need your permission, I silently add.
Madison’s wrong. I have no balls. I can’t even defend myself to my boyfriend.
“Please don’t think I’m telling you what to do, because I’m not. You just seem so much happier now and I’d hate for that to change.”
“Me too,” I whisper.
But I feel like it already has.
“Can we hang out this weekend?” he asks.
“Would a group ride be okay?” I tell him about Alex and as soon as I start talking about riding the weight hanging over me lifts. We make plans for Saturday and I hang up feeling more relaxed than I have been all day.
But when I go to change for bed, my hand betrays me by reaching underneath my regular pajamas for my old Bunny pants shoved at the back of the drawer.
Chapter 13
On my way, Evan texts.
I run my hands over my new mountain biking shorts. My bike kit’s already tucked into the little pocket on the back of my jersey, along with a tube of body glide the sales guy swore I needed. I throw my backpack over my shoulder and grab my bike from the garage so I’m ready to go as soon as Evan arrives. Storm clouds darken the sky but no one’s texted about canceling, so I guess we’re riding, rain or shine.
Evan’s SUV pulls in a few minutes later and Cally jumps out of the backs
eat the second he stops. “I’m so ready for this!” She jumps in circles around me, her new shorts identical to mine except for the color.
I bump her hip with mine. “I told you I’d get you into coordinated outfits.”
She stops in her tracks. “Omigod.”
“Looking good, ladies.” Evan comes around from the driver’s side and scoops my bike out from beneath my fingers. He brushes a kiss across my cheek and I turn to kiss him back but he’s already securing my bike to the rack attached to the tailgate. Just once I’d like to do it myself.
Cally grabs my arm. “Blake came too!”
“How much caffeine have you had?”
“Just two coffees. But they were bigguns.” She laughs, and we pile into the SUV.
I twist in my seat to see Blake. “I didn’t know you ride.”
He pushes his hair out of his eyes and grabs Cally’s hand. “She hasn’t stopped talking about it since you brought her out so—”
“So you didn’t have a choice?” Evan teases.
“Nah, it seems fun. And since practice starts next week, this might be my only chance to try.”
My excitement fades a little. I’m losing half my friends to the ski team and now that Evan made it, I’ll really be left alone. I guess Mom and Dad will get their wish after all.
Evan laces his fingers through mine. “What’s wrong?”
I shake my head. I’m not letting my parents ruin a perfectly good Saturday. “Nothing. I’m good.”
Blake leans forward. “So who are we meeting up with? Cally told me about Alex—so are these college kids?”
“I’m not sure,” I say. “They’re older than us, but not by much.”
“You don’t know?” Blake asks.
“It didn’t come up,” I say. Maybe it’s weird that we haven’t talked about where we go to school, but out on the trails it doesn’t seem to matter.
“Don’t worry, they’ll go easy on you,” Cally says.
“Me?!” He presses his hand to his chest.
She rolls her eyes. “Well, you are the newbie.” She leans closer to whisper in his ear and I turn around and face forward. When they first started dating, I was jealous of their connection, and when Evan and I got back together I thought I finally had what they do. Now it feels like I’m just going through the motions.
The Trail Rules Page 9