by Navi' Robins
As her gaze moved closer to mine, my heart began to race as my palms started sweating and my temperature rose to almost feverish levels. Everything around me began to move in slow motion and sounds became muffled like everyone was talking underwater in a fish bowl. Tony was saying something behind me but I couldn’t make out what he was saying. Is this what my mom meant when she said love at first sight? Was this the feeling of instant attraction? As her gaze got closer the blissful feelings started to subside and my emotions began to transform to anger and disgust as a repulsive feeling engulfed my entire body. I felt like my skin was crawling with every disgusting critter imaginable.
Was I going to hurl? What’s happening to me? And then like a chameleon walking across a rainbow, my emotions changed again and a fire began to burn deep inside of me causing me to clench my fists so tightly I could feel my fingernails digging inside the flesh of my palms.
What the hell is wrong with me? Am I getting sick?
The fire began to burn into a fiery rage and I noticed that I’ve never been this angry. I felt like I wanted to destroy everything, even kill. Once her eyes met mine I was shaking and sweating like crazy as the room morphed into a dark abyss that seemed to be void of all sound. I started to frantically look around for Tony or anyone. But no one was there. Everything and everyone was gone besides the darkness and her. I could see her clearly in the sickening darkness, standing there beautiful and perfect while my body shook violently from the skin crawling fear that had taken over me. As frightening as the darkness was, nothing was more terrifying than her and my body reacted to her like she was a predator and I the prey.
But I felt she wasn’t just a threat to me but an evil at the top of the food chain that threatened everything and everyone. The darkness itself seemed to harbor its own vengeful malice and she was its master; controlling it to torment me. I was afraid to move one inch or be consumed by the evil that dwelled in the darkness leaving behind nothing but bones. Time seemed to stand still and I found myself trapped in an eternity of terror in this alternate dark reality. She appeared to notice my fear and smirked while looking into my eyes mockingly. I then discovered she knew what was happening to me and that she was the cause of my reaction.
Suddenly she broke her gaze and immediately the room came back into focus and all the sound rushed inside my ears creating chaos and pain inside my head. When my eyes were able to focus I noticed that she was walking towards the other side of the lunchroom as if nothing happened.
“Aiden! Man, where did you go just now? I know she’s beautiful but you completely lost it man!” Tony yelled in my ear. I pulled away from his loud mouth trying to avoid my now overly sensitive ear drums from bursting inside my head.
“I don’t know what just happened to me.”
I kept my head down, afraid to look up and catch another glimpse of Jasmine. There was something not right inside of me, something was definitely off. The rage I felt was something new for me; even during martial arts tournament I never felt that angry and aggressive. And I’ve definitely haven’t been teleported into a dark abyss with a beautiful girl before.
“I need to sit down.” I said.
“Okay, you need my help?” offered Tony.
“No, I can manage.”
“Cool, I’ll get you something to drink and eat what you want?”
“Just get me an apple.”
“Just an apple? But, Aiden, you kinda like this pizza…”
“Tony!” I interrupted.
“Yeah, okay, I’ll get the apple.”
“Thanks!” I had a seriously bad attitude at the moment and Tony’s constant questioning was annoying me to madness.
Sitting there at the table I couldn’t help wondering what would have happened if she hadn’t broken her gaze. Where would that have led to? No one else in the lunchroom appeared to be going through what I just experienced. I looked around to see if she was anywhere near me, but from what I could see she wasn’t even in the lunchroom anymore. Why did she trigger that reaction from me? I was expecting some kind of reaction but nothing like this. I looked up and saw Tony walking towards me with his lunch tray. As he sat down across from me I noticed he didn’t have my apple.
“Dude?”
“What?”
“My apple?”
“Oh damn, my bad. I’ll go…”
“No, I’ll get it.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah Tony, I think I can get an apple ten feet away without incident.” I got up and started moving towards the fruit display.
I felt completely normal again. No uneasy feelings or nightmarish visions. The apples looked really ugly and some of them had some brown spots and blemishes on them. Then from the corner of my eye I saw the perfect apple. Dark red, big, and it looked firm and delicious. My mouth started watering at the prospect of taking a huge bite out of that apple and feeling the sweet and refreshing juices explode inside my mouth. I had to have that apple no matter what. Somehow biting into that apple meant making sense of what just happened to me.
As I reached for the apple I started feeling the heat and rage build up inside of me again. I felt someone behind me—it was her! And we were both reaching for the same apple. Being this close to her started an uncontrollable frenzy inside of me. The rage was engulfing me, drowning me in wave after wave of violent thoughts. I was sinking fast and beginning to lose myself and then I felt a surge of power run through my veins giving me a godlike feeling.
I was ready for war and one of us was going to get this apple and the other one was going to get a handful of air. From the corner of my eye I could tell that my hand was much closer to the apple than hers. Clearly indicating I would be the winner of this “Apple-Gladiatorial Contest”. Then she did something I wasn’t expecting…she gently brushed her arm and hip against me in the most seductive way.
(sigh)
Girls are so evil…
Her touch sent sexual urges and desires through my entire body. The contrast of the feelings of violence and sexual yearning caused an emotional chain reaction that I couldn’t control and before I could move away it happened…
“Don’t fucking touch me!”
The words exploded from my mouth like a nuclear blast. My voice was loud, rumbling across the entire lunchroom. It traveled above all the chatter, noise, and laughter. It drowned out everything and everyone. The room fell silent and everyone’s attention was now on me and Jasmine. Watching me snatch away from this beautiful girl, coiling away in disgust. I could feel a snarl forming on my face as my posture became aggressive. I slightly turned my head away from her, refusing to look her in her eyes. From the corner of my eye I could see that same smirk she gave me in the darkness. I hated she had this much control over me but my reaction wasn’t planned; it just came out of me naturally. I was losing control of myself and I felt she was my enemy and I knew at that moment she and I would have a problem with each other for a very long time. But we were strangers and there wasn’t a rational reason why I felt so hateful and violent towards her.
In an attempt to avoid our exchange from escalating Tony ran over to me and began leading me out of the lunchroom. Halfway out, I turned to see Sarah looking on with shock and awe in her eyes. I turned my head towards the fruit display and caught a glimpse of the girl smiling back at me and taking a big bite out of the apple I wanted and needed so badly. She had a look of triumph on her face, provoking me and I suddenly wanted to run back in the lunchroom and pound that smile off her face. Pound her till she stopped moving. What was coming over me? I’ve never felt any violent intentions towards a girl before, well, besides Sarah, but she was my little sister. We were supposed to fight. But I’ve never hit a girl. Nor had I ever dreamed of it until that day. I needed my head examined immediately…..
After the scene in the lunchroom between myself and Jasmine, I began getting strange looks from everyone, even Tony. Once school was finally out I waited outside for Sarah and Tony. I really didn’t want to look at another per
son’s judging eyes looking me over like I was a basket case. There wasn’t any after school activities either; tryouts started next week. Tony walked out first and then Sarah followed, both of them slowly walking towards me as if expecting me to pounce on them like a hungry lion.
“Oh no, I am not going anywhere with psycho boy over there!” Sarah protested.
“Sarah stop it,” warned Tony. “Let’s go!”
As Tony walked towards the bus stop, I could hear girls calling out for him.
“See you tomorrow ladies,” Tony responded and kept walking, clearly for their own safety. Sarah was with us and if they got too close she would not be polite. But most teenagers can’t take a hint and one such cute and flirtatious teenager suddenly ran up to Tony for a goodbye hug and Sarah immediately jumped between them.
“Uh, excuse me?” the girl complained.
“Yes! You are excused and you can turn all that sexual energy down and carry it that way!” demanded Sarah, pointing towards the opposite direction.
“I’m not even talking to you. Who are you anyway?” the girl responded.
Sarah hated being challenged in front of Tony. Sarah took a step towards little miss “sexshine” and said, “You really want to know who I am?”
The girl now curious as to who Sarah was looked her over quickly. Soon the flirtatious smile disappeared from her face and I could tell she was calculating her odds of being able to physically contend with my sister. Sarah was both physically attractive and intimidating. She worked out just as much as I did and her well defined arms and legs revealed to many including this teenager vying for Tony’s attention that she wasn’t to be taken lightly. After deciding against testing Sarah’s patience the girl took a few steps back and began rolling her eyes and neck.
“Whatever! Later for you?” the girl responded, flicking her hand in Sarah’s face. “You and your brother are a bunch of weirdoes anyway. Call me later Tony and make sure your guard dog is muzzled and chained before you do.”
“What you say?” Sarah jumped towards her but Tony grabbed her before she could do the girl bodily harm.
“Sarah, chill!”
Then he yelled after the sophomore as she walked away switching extra hard so Tony could notice her backside: “Hey girl trust me, I just saved your life! Don’t provoke this one!”
“Tony, you better check your tramps before I have to clean house!” Sarah demanded.
“Hey Sarah, you need to calm that down! I don’t know how many times I have to tell you I’m not your man!”
Then Tony turned to me, “Dude, what was that earlier? I mean, at first you black out, then you burst out and snatch away from clearly the finest girl on planet earth. What was that about?”
“He’s been in that potato head training camp too long,” blurted Sarah.
“Dude, I don’t know what came over me,” I responded.
“People are gossiping bro’; they’re saying you’re a racist!”
“Huh?” I said.
And then Sarah, while pointing at the both of us broke out in a frenzied laugh, stumbling forward, trying to regain her balance.
“Aiden is a racist with a best friend who’s black? Where do people get this crap,” she yelled out still laughing.
“Well, they are saying because Iraqis killed your dad and she’s Iraqi you hate her.”
“Dude, that’s ridiculous!”
“I know it is, and then they’re saying you are gay.”
“Gay?” Sarah was laughing so hard now I thought she would collapse on the sidewalk and laugh till she fainted.
“A gay racist!? Oh my Lord! If those are the things those brilliant minds at Deerfield High can come up with then I was wrong. That school wasn’t designed for idiots, it was designed for vegetables. I changed my mind I wanna go to Lake Forest! I feel the dumbness infecting me every second I remain on campus! Ya’ll too much! And they have the nerve to pass out A’s up here? I wonder how dumb one would have to be to get an F?”
Sarah couldn’t stop laughing and we all started laughing as well. Again, though I hated to admit it, she had a point.
“Dumb enough to get kicked out of hell, I guess,” Tony added. We started laughing harder.
On the bus ride home Sarah kept looking at students from Deerfield High and giggling. I knew she was giving them all grades of her own. He’s definitely an F right there. Then giggle. She was so mean. She would occasionally say out loud “F+” and the three of us would start laughing again.
Back at our house, Tony began to drill me in my room about the events from earlier that day. I explained everything to him including my violent intentions towards Jasmine. After I was done Tony just sat on the edge of my bed looking at me like I was Hannibal Lecter.
“Aiden, you got issues!”
“So you don’t believe me?”
“Yes, I do believe you. You’ve never had a problem before, no mental breakdowns, nothing. So I believe you. But me believing you isn’t the solution. The solution is to stay the hell away from that girl. And if what you are saying is accurate about her taunting you, she is not going to make it easy for you. But what I’m tripping on is that waking nightmare you just talked about. That doesn’t sound normal on any plain of existence. Do you think she knows the effect she has on you?”
“Yes, definitely!”
“Okay, now you know how crazy this sounds, right?”
“Yes, I do. Being around her makes me want to end her.”
“Wow dude, anyone else sitting where I’m sitting right now would be turning you in. Real talk! A girl that fine? Man Aiden, you sure know how to stay focused huh?”
“Hey man, that’s not fair.”
“Give me a little credit, Aiden. I am protecting my friend who may be the next Chris Brown or worse. So I need to add a little humor right now to make me feel a little better about this.”
“Oh, so that’s what that was?”
Tony got up and walked over to the window looking out across our backyard. I could tell he was very uncomfortable with my behavior concerning Jasmine. After staring out my window in silence for about a minute I could tell by his uncomfortable stance he was ready to go home and think about everything I’d just shared with him.
“Anyway bro, I gotta roll. I’ll see you tomorrow morning and we are going to figure this thing out together, okay?” He was shaking my hand while reassuring me that he had my back and from his firm grip I knew he meant every word.
“Thanks, man.”
“No problem. Now let’s pray she’s not a Girl Scout and shows up at your doorstep selling devil’s food cake cookies.”
“Get out!” I laughed. As he walked out the door I threw a shoe at his head. He ducked right before my shoe connected with the back of his head and then gave me the finger while doing a silly karate pose.
“Out,” I yelled laughing at his silly ass.
The next four days Tony and I tried to devise a system for me to avoid Jasmine as much as possible. It was easy at times and other times it seemed she’d just popped out of nowhere behind me or next to me. I got the feeling of rage, but once I was able to move away her effect on me diminished. Sometimes her presence felt threatening and other times it felt sensual and inviting. The conflicting feelings of violent intentions and sexual desires were more than I could control and my body would convulse and shake violently. Every time it happened Tony would wait until I’d stop shaking and then ask,
“Need a cigarette and towel?”
Don’t you dare laugh…it isn’t funny…
I started searching online after school, trying to find out as much as I could about my condition and Jasmine. Nothing! Not a damn thing. It was very strange. You could find Bigfoot photos, porn, Elvis sightings, more porn and 2Pac theories. Oh and did I mention porn? But nothing about what I was experiencing. I began to second-guess myself; thinking maybe I always had these physiological imperfections that lay dormant for so long. Maybe that’s why a teenaged boy considered by many to be extremely at
tractive was a die-hard introvert. When I really think hard about it I discovered that I purposely cultivated my brooding behavior and did things to keep people at bay.
Maybe it was a subconscious protection mechanism to prevent me from harming anyone. But if that’s true, then why her? Why now? And what about that dark vision? I just couldn’t understand how something in my mind could manifest something so real and terrifying. And what about the power surge running through my body? I felt like I had about two million watts of power flowing through my veins that I could use at my disposal. I didn’t even feel like myself when that happened. I felt lighter than air and I could do anything, be anything. The feeling was euphoric, like a drug. But not being in control of myself was terrifying and frustrating to say the least. So after trying so many different things and searching for hours online; by the end of the school week we still had no idea what was going on between me and the new girl.
CHAPTER FIVE
Friday afternoon, the temperature rose considerably, so we decided to walk home instead of riding the bus to enjoy the beautiful weather. It was a pretty lengthy walk but it was the end of the week and we were in no rush to get home. Walking home with the sun beaming down on me felt great. I felt re-energized, relaxed, and in control of myself. I was calm and loving it. The walk home was fun and uneventful without any of Tony’s fans, nightmares, or Jasmine. It was a much-needed break from the chaos that had become my life since she arrived at Deerfield High. Back at home things were a little more hectic. My mom was scurrying around the house trying to cook and get ready to go bowling. She would go bowling twice a month, or that’s where she told us she was going. My sister and I knew she’d met someone and her bowling nights were really date nights with her new boyfriend.
The first time she told us she would be taking up bowling about six months ago I knew she was hiding something, Sarah did too. There could only be a few things that could make my Mom hide something. So it wasn’t hard to figure out she was dating someone. Dad had been gone a long time and we both understood that Mom needed a social life too. We didn’t want her to feel ashamed or guilty about it. She was very careful not to expose us to her adult life and we appreciated that. We knew, but we didn’t want it paraded in front of us either. So for our appreciation for her motherly discretion we went along with it. Sometimes, Sarah being Sarah would make a sarcastic remark about Mom trying out for the Olympic bowling team because of the time she puts into bowling. Her remarks would cause my mom to freeze, looking at Sarah for anything that showed the cat was out the bag. But then Sarah would smile and say something to change the subject, leaving my mom wondering if Sarah knew anything.