by Navi' Robins
It is a devastating experience to watch the life leave someone’s eyes, and knowing you were the cause of it makes it worse. Stories of war and conquest always describe vanquishing one’s enemies as a glorious moment meant to be celebrated and honored. These are all lies, the deception perpetuated by evil men to lead us to believe that taking life is okay and a part of the so-called circle of life. Man was not meant to take life, only to care for it and keep it safe. But we have become experts of deception and destruction and the first time you take anyone’s life it changes you forever. Taking Jason’s life made me cold, taking the Shadows’ lives here in my grandparents’ house made me hateful. But taking Jason’s son’s life made me ashamed. I felt like whatever supreme consciousness that ruled this universe watching this scene unfold had decided to turn its gaze and grace from me. I felt dark and naked in this world; a young man without protection or favor. A killer of children. I felt that there would be nothing good that would come from this moment of victory. I had seriously considered joining the order of the Baraqu and the resistance but after this battle I knew I didn’t have the stomach for it. To some it may seem like a casualty of war but there is nothing casual about a dead child driven to violence and hatred by the actions of someone else.
I cursed Jason and the Shadows for creating an environment that would drive such a young boy to the arms of death and inside I cursed myself for not having the power to change the outcome for this lost child. We possessed all this power but what was it good for if we couldn’t prevent children from finding themselves in adult situations? What was the point of it all? At that time I was also a child, much older than this boy but still very much a child and I was thrust into combat, trained to be a most efficient and terrible killer. I was a walking, breathing weapon of mass destruction with no real purpose and no solid road map for what I was to do and be with all this power.
I began to truly understand how the Shadows could have found themselves lost and slaves to their own addiction to pain and suffering. The thrill of causing mayhem on this planet for the surge of negative energy that made them feel powerful and godlike. I also felt a similar surge of energy every time I used my powers and that night I was in a zone. Never thinking twice about my actions and how I dispatched each Shadow viciously and without remorse. I was acting on pure emotion and my conscious wasn’t acting as an inhibitor. And because of that I was kneeling next to a dying young boy. His loss drove his only son to attempt murder resulting in his own demise. Jaffrey told me that it had been centuries since the Shadows had come up against a worthy adversary that could dispatch multiple Shadows within minutes. Tonight they met their match and instead of a victory lap I was kneeling there weeping for my enemy.
There was no way I could see myself carrying out these kinds of attacks on a regular basis and maintain what sanity I had left. As I kneeled there I vowed that the way of the Baraqu would never be my way and I would find a better way to use my gift to help others. Killing wasn’t for me, but somehow I knew that because of what I was I would be forced to make this kind of decision again to protect those I loved. It was a hard reality for a seventeen-year-old to accept. My presence was known and somehow I felt Jaffrey’s hesitation to let me leave was to protect me from the reality I currently faced. He knew I didn’t have the stomach for this yet. He knew that on this night I would face a greater enemy than any I would ever face from the Shadows. Regret….
After several weeks, we were all preparing to return to Deerfield. Our home had been completely repaired and whatever security my brother was providing for us was in place and this time he promised that they were competent.
The jury is still out on that.
We were assured that we would never know they were there but someone would always be watching over us. As promised, I returned to Jaffrey’s place to continue my training.
I still wasn’t comfortable letting him know about my little traveling secret. He never talked about that ability in my training, which led me to believe it wasn’t something that Baraqu normally did. I also kept to myself the fact that the warlock was unable to bind me that night at my grandparents’ house. I knew that Jaffrey was the best source for explaining these powers but I still found it hard to trust him completely so I remained silent on those details. Again I needed to be blindfolded and even though I knew exactly where his place was, I played along. This time I was aware and awake for the blindfolding and I didn’t put up a fight; well, besides sucker- punching Manny in the jaw and knocking him clean across the room. I must admit it felt good being back in Jaffrey’s company and we concentrated on training and not once did he try to bring up that night at my grandparents’ house. I knew he knew everything that transpired, including Jason’s son but he knew that bringing it up would hinder him from training me effectively.
I had one week left and instead of using it to train I decided to use that final week to spend time with my family. This ordeal had brought all of us closer, but none as close as the connection between Sarah and me. Gone were the days of bickering and arguing over stupid things. She depended on me and I was protective of her. She looked up to me and confided in me her abilities that she inherited the night after fighting with Jasmine. She made me promise not to tell anyone, not even Jaffrey and I kept that promise. I tried my best to explain to her what she was seeing from what I’d learned from Jaffrey. Jaffrey explained that those that carried the blood of the Baraqu but not the power to control time and space would sometimes possess special abilities. Most of them were physical abilities, like extra ordinary strength, agility, intelligence, and heightened senses.
Then there were some that possessed abilities that were beyond the physical. Mind reading, telekinesis, and the ability to see into other realms were some of the abilities they would possess. Some would be extreme, like my sister’s for example. She possessed the ability to see people’s true self or what we normally call a soul. Depending on the person’s actions and personality, their soul or soul signature would appear to be a beautiful and docile creature or a hideous deformity. As people continue doing good or evil things, their soul signatures change and mutate, mimicking their day-to-day actions and thoughts. Sarah not only could see them, she could communicate with them and they with her. It was a very powerful ability that could allow her to control people’s actions by controlling how their soul behaves.
It was beyond mind control because eventually that would wear off. If Sarah decided to tell someone’s soul signature to cause the flesh to kill itself, then that person will try and keep trying to kill themselves until they succeed. No matter how many times you try and stop this person they won’t stop until they have done what their souls are commanding them to do. Normally, due to free will, the soul will follow what the person is doing. The soul will make suggestions as to what to do or not, but it will never attempt to stop the person. We referred to it as the little angels or devils on our shoulders or what religious people call their “God mind.” What Sarah’s ability did was remove free will from the equation and allow the soul to take full control and if she gave it commands the soul would command the person to carry out Sarah’s orders. No one, not even a Baraqu, was immune to her powers; if it had a soul, she could control it.
Some of the images she described to me were frightening and I felt sorry that she had to see the things she saw. Sarah no longer looked at people the same because she could see what and who they really were. Her outgoing personality subsided and she became more introverted. She rarely had anything to smile about and she would always look away from people to avoid seeing their little soul creatures for fear of finding out someone she looked up to was a piece of garbage.
I did all I could to make her comfortable with the new Sarah, explaining to her my abilities and even disclosing what happened the night when I rescued them. We both cried about Jason’s son. Jason was a son of a bitch, but his son didn’t deserve to die that way and that young. I knew that no matter what I said, Sarah still felt cheated. Even though I had
special abilities, I was still shielded from seeing the horrors of people’s true character. It was like having the ability to see ghosts. She said sometimes the soul creatures would curse her and threaten her when they discovered she could see them. I told her that she had to come to terms with her ability and also stand up to those soul creatures that communicated aggressively with her. I tried my best to give her strength but I understood that she was just too young at this point to understand what I was saying and how to deal with all of this. She couldn’t even watch television because she could see them on there as well. It really pained me to see my sister go through this and I wished for the old Sarah back. The sarcastic, smart-mouthed, mean, and conceited Sarah. She was much happier then and I wanted her to be happy.
Manny stopped speaking to me for a while after that sucker-punch, but eventually we started to talk a little more. He had a team clean up after the fight at my grandparents’ and during the cleanup made some disturbing discoveries. The FBI agents that came to our home in Deerfield and harassed me at the game weren’t actually FBI agents but Shadows posing as agents. All of them were at my grandparents’ house that night and all of them were now dead. Jason, like Manny, commanded his own team and they were like his understudies. They were some of the most skilled and dangerous Shadow Assassins in their order and when they discovered their commander had been killed they immediately sought revenge for his death. But what wasn’t explained was why we were targeted in the first place. I mean Manny had been in this fight for years according to Jaffrey and not once did they make an attempt on our lives; so what was Manny up to now that caused things to escalate? I confronted Manny about my concerns and he told me that he didn’t know and his team was working on finding that out.
For some reason I didn’t believe him and almost asked Sarah to use her ability to make him tell me the truth, but that would have been crossing the line and I didn’t want to create any more problems for our family. We had enough already. I was still concerned about going back to Deerfield but Manny assured us that we would be safe and he had very capable people looking after us now. My mom was very upset and asked Manny to come home and do the protecting himself. That argument didn’t go so well and by the time the yelling had subsided Manny stormed out and my mother was in tears. Manny was finding it hard to forgive our mother for dating Jason, a Shadow and another man besides our late father. He was upset with all of us for being so infatuated with Jason and never once thinking about our dad. To Manny, Jason’s ability to make you fall in love with him and appeal to your inner soul was no excuse. To Manny, our mother shouldn’t have even talked to him on a romantic level in the first place. He blamed her for everything and he didn’t bite his tongue about it.
Soon the time had come for us to leave. It was hard saying goodbye to Spain, Jaffrey, and my grandparents, but it was time to go home. I had grown fond of Jaffrey and looked forward to more training and lectures from him in the future. As serious as he was he still had a funny demeanor about him that made him pleasant to be around.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Deerfield, Illinois, we were back home and the house was looking better than ever. Everything was repaired and remodeled. The kitchen wasn’t the same anymore; the first floor had been redone with an open area concept that made the house seem much larger. It didn’t seem like the same house and it was a pleasant surprise for all of us. The last time we were here we had experienced a nightmare and I don’t think any of us would have stayed here one night if everything had been put back the way it was before. It was smart on Manny’s part to have the house totally redone with new furnishings, modern finishes, and updated electronics and appliances. My room was amazing, and they managed to save my car from the flames so when I stepped in the garage my baby was sitting there still beautiful and badass. The entire team and cheerleading squad were there waiting for us to return and out front and center was Tony. My best friend and the one who pulled me out of the flames. I may have lost my innocence but I regained my friend again. I wasn’t sure how much he knew but if we were to continue being friends I would have to bring him up to speed…minus Sarah’s abilities. I made a promise and I intended to keep it.
After all the hugging and smiles things settled down and Tony and I went upstairs to my room so I could tell him everything that has happened to me. After I was done we just sat there staring at the floor. Neither of us knew what to say to each other and neither of us wanted to be the first to say something stupid. I decided to go first because it was I who owed the most to the other friend.
“Tony, I want to thank you for saving my life and my family’s lives.”
“You’re welcome, Aiden, I love you guys and I wasn’t going to let anything happen to any of you. You are like family to me.”
“You are family to me,” I responded. “I’m sorry for how I behaved before with you that night in the car. I was afraid and I didn’t know how to deal with everything that was happening.”
“Hey, it’s cool Aiden, I don’t think anyone in your situation would have been able to handle it any better. And after all the new stuff you just told me I think you actually handled it quite well. I mean how are you dealing with all of this?” Tony asked.
“To be honest, I haven’t been able to sleep or relax since that night at my grandparents’ house.”
“I understand completely but again as your best bud I have to remind you that had you not killed those guys they would’ve killed you and everyone you love.”
“I’m aware of that Tony but having a valid reason to kill someone doesn’t make you feel better about it.”
“I guess you have a point there,” agreed Tony. “I can’t even imagine how it feels to actually take someone else’s life. I mean we all talk a lot of shit about killing people and what we would do to someone if they tried to hurt us or our loved ones, but how many of us actually have the balls to do it when we are faced with the reality of it?”
Tony was right; how many people actually have the temperament to take someone else’s life? Most people, regardless of offense, will have serious reservations about it but then there are people like myself that are given the mental fortitude to kill another human being without hesitation. I was trained but it takes what’s inside a person to utilize that training to take life. I felt like even if I had the worst teacher in the world I would still be able to kill someone without hesitation. This idea of me was not something I felt proud about. I was ashamed and terrified of what I was capable of and after tasting a small portion of the horrors of war, I knew that as repulsive as I felt about taking another’s life, I would be able to stomach the act again if necessary. But Being a super-killer wasn’t someone on my kindergarten’s “what I want to be when I grow up” presentation.
“Can I say something stupid, dude?” asked Tony.
“Sure, be my guest,” I said with a chuckle.
“I wish you were just a serial killer now.”
Tony placed his hands on his head and let out a deep and long sigh. Seconds later He laid back on my bed as if the weight of the world was placed firmly on his chest and he needed the support of my bed to help him with the weight. Most would be offended and others would be taken aback by what Tony just said to me but I understood his point of view. A serial killer, as horrible as the subject matter seems is something that can eventually be handled and the serial killer stopped or captured; but me possessing powers that only have been documented in comic books and action movies is something entirely different. I can’t be cured of this; I can’t be given some kind of medicine or treatment that would make this all better. Also, the revelation that I wasn’t the only one out there with similar powers and the world was being controlled by a secret order of evil super villains addicted to the pain and suffering of mankind was another log in the fire. I know some would say I shouldn’t have involved him in this; but because of how close he was to me and my family eventually he would either become involved or become a casualty of ignorance and I couldn’t have that on my
conscience.
While I was away Tony made sure that all my class work was done so that I wouldn’t find myself in summer school this year. We both were juniors and looking forward to graduating at the same time next year. I was grateful for Tony looking out for me that way and even though my life was a tornado of craziness, having Tony back in my life made the craziness less taxing. I knew he would have my back in any situation and I would have his as well. We had the weekend to kind of pull ourselves together and try to bring some normalcy back to our lives. Sarah spent a lot of time in my room talking to me and trying to get as much information about our abilities as possible. I knew she was afraid of being alone and on Sunday night I let her sleep in my room with me while I slept on the floor. If anyone would have described this scene to me three months ago I would have not only laughed in their faces but also given them a backhand smack across their lying lips. But sometimes reality can be stranger than fiction and here I was allowing my little sister to sleep in my bed while I lay on the floor.
The next few days of school were full of “glad you are back” and “we are sorry” from teachers and students alike. It was starting to get on my nerves but I just smiled and said more” thank yous” than I had ever said in my life. Sarah on the other hand was having a lot more to deal with than a bunch of overly concerned students and teachers. Sarah could tell and actually see when someone who said they were sorry or proclaimed they were glad to see her back was not being honest and it not only disturbed her but also pissed her off something terrible. I don’t think Sarah has ever been to the principal’s office in her entire life as much as she was that week. I knew then that Sarah was going to need a lot of help dealing with her abilities and I was afraid I wasn’t going to be enough. She needed someone like her or someone that could relate to her to make her feel comfortable with herself and her abilities. As much as I wanted to be the one to do it, I just didn’t have what it took to get her to where she needed to be. I was saddened and angered by this fact and blamed myself for not being the protector and big brother I wanted to be for her. I needed to do something or Sarah would lose it completely and would cause a lot of trouble for a lot of people but none more than herself.