by Tara Brown
I met his worried face. “The magical guardian angel and I are done.”
His eyes flashed with recognition as he recalled that part of the story. “But the demon with molasses blood did say you were a danger to other people?”
“He did.”
He grimaced again. “Why did Shane leave? Is he hurt?”
“No.” I threw the couch cushion at him. “He was weirded out by what happened in your guest room, hamtard.”
Blake acted disgusted with me. “I can’t say I blame him—really could have happened at his house, dude.”
“I know,” I groaned. “I’m so sorry.”
“Hope you don’t mind that I told him what you told me, or that you were here.”
“I don't,” I conceded.
“See the reason I did is, uh, well we think you need medical help. I’m kinda sickened Shane had sex with you. He agrees with me that you need psychiatric help.”
My stare shot up at him. “What?” That had come up out of nowhere.
“We just think there is something seriously wrong with you, medically, and this brain tumor, or whatever it is, needs to be checked out. You’re delusional. One minute you’re into some guardian angel no one else really sees, and then the next, it’s Shane. Then some demon makes you drink his black blood and you’re all better. Come on, Aimee. Listen to yourself for one minute. You’re sick.”
I lost everything in a matter of seconds. He was my best friend in the entire world and he wanted to lock me up.
Shane agreed with him.
I was alone.
Blake’s face hardened. I had never seen it grow so cold. “You have to go with me. I promise I won’t let them hurt you. Psychiatry has come a long way. This is for the best.”
“No.” I looked down. “I’m not coming with you. I’m not going to an institute.”
He rubbed his hands over his face. “Aimee, come on. Be reasonable.”
“No.”
“Then I think you need to leave. I’m sorry, but I can’t help you anymore. I’ll keep your secret but that’s it. If you’re sick and won’t let me help you, then I can’t have you here hiding out. I can’t keep this from your dad and Alise anymore. I’m part of the family now.”
“Fine.” I pressed my lips together and stood up from his couch. I picked my fleece off the back of the computer chair and walked up the stairs to sneak out of his house the way I had come in. I was disappointed in everyone I knew.
“Aimee, I’ll take you back to the hospital. If you’ll come, I’m sure they’ll find what’s wrong,” he called after me, but I ignored him.
I had been abandoned.
How could Shane agree with him?
How could Shane think I needed to be committed and still have sex with me?
When I got out through the garage door, I ran. I ran as fast as I could until I reached the old highway where our secret beach was. I ran down the old road to the trail. When I crossed the road into the thick forest, I savored the cool air. I wasn’t afraid of the forest, and I wished it was from feeling invincible, but unfortunately, it was from a lack of care. If I died, I wouldn’t care. And no one else would either. Except my dad.
I ran along the trail, barely seeing the greenery and trees as I made my way to the ocean. I could smell the salt and seaweed when I approached where the forest cleared and the trail ended. I ran down to the beach, still angry.
I walked along the small sandy area of the beach, enjoying the sensation of the sand under my sneakers. Slowly it turned to rocks, the usual West Coast beach. The rocks got bigger and it became more difficult to walk.
Eyeing a huge rock, I smiled and remembered my sister helping me lift the rocks that were much too large for one small child. We gently poked at the crabs with sticks until they clamped a pincher on a stick. Then we would run around with the stick and the crab. I couldn’t help but shake my head, remembering the terrified crabs as we each ran up and down the beach. No amount of running would make them let go. They hung on until their little crab feet touched ground again.
I wished I had that ability to hang on to something with all the force and strength I had. I wished I were able to stay on my stick, no matter the amount of turmoil I was put through. Instead, I sat on some driftwood far down the beach and gazed out at the gray, choppy waters. I had nowhere else to go. I wasn’t completely cold, but I wasn’t comfortable. I hated Blake. I contemplated if the shoe were on the other foot, if I would have tolerated this sort of madness from him. I knew the answer. He had made the right choice. I thought about Shane and imagined him walking up the beach with open arms, ready to believe my crazy story, knowing we loved each other.
Chapter 26
Cabin fever without a cabin is called insanity
I didn’t sleep, and out of boredom I made a small campfire on the beach the old-fashioned way, rubbing dry sticks together did produce a fire. It was lucky my muscles never cramped because it took me forever to get a spark with the damp wood.
I didn’t know what to expect with the changes, but I definitely expected more than the odd stomachache or random sweat. I started to wonder if I would ever change or if that was it. I was stronger, faster, required very little to survive, and didn’t need a lot of sleep. I was like a super being but without anything cool.
My college years would be very cost effective at this rate. One meal a week and with no sleep required, my grades would never take that initial dip everyone experienced.
I decided that if after three days nothing was different, I would go home. I would tell my dad I was cured and finish my school year on time.
No one could prove anything else. The only people who knew the story were dead to me anyway.
Counting down three days was a tough way to think about life. I had nothing to do in my spare time but think. I walked the beach in both directions. I found neat tidal pools that contained all sorts of sea life. I swam in the ocean, made fires, and even built a small lean-to. That had taken most of the first day, but I wasn’t a patient person anymore—I was restless.
I thought about Shane. I thought about him nonstop. My heart deceived my mind and ignored the fact he had betrayed me.
I thought about him constantly, regardless.
A couple with a small child, most likely from Port Handley as I didn’t recognize them, walked the beach the morning of day two. They greeted me cautiously. I noticed I could smell them way before I could actually see their faces. Something made me want to touch them. I cautiously stayed on my side of the beach. I wasn’t sure of anything about myself, and I didn’t want to hurt anyone. And I sure as hell didn’t want to touch kids.
They walked away from me while I fought fantasies of touching their arms and holding them close to me. I frightened myself with my quirky thoughts. I contemplated Aleks and the conversation we needed to have about my mother. I tried to distract myself. It might have worked if every thought hadn’t turned to Shane, which in turn twisted into a memory about having S.E.X. with Shane.
I really wanted to try to have more of the S.E.X.
I also needed to stop spelling it in my head.
I was going stir crazy, thinking about him touching me.
I wanted him.
I wanted to touch him.
I wanted to do it all again.
At first I assumed they were ordinary sex thoughts that a person would have after doing it for the first time. Then I realized I was obsessing. I was more like a teenage boy than a prudish girl.
The warm wind from the fire tricked me into believing Aleks was back.
I had driven myself nutty long enough and decided to bail on my plan of three days. I started to extinguish the fire by spreading out the logs and breaking apart the remnants with my shoe. I used a large seashell I had found and grabbed water from one of the tidal pools. I began to pour it on the fire when I detected movement behind me.
I turned to see Shane sitting on the log where I had been. I wanted to run to him, but I stayed very still. I put th
e seashell down and waited for him to talk.
He didn’t speak.
He just sat, staring at the fire struggling to remain lit, as if not realizing I was there.
He seemed devastated.
I walked toward him, lost in the fear that I had imagined him. “Shane, are you really there?” I was terrified he was dead like Jaime had been.
“Yeah, Aimee, I am. I waited for you, but you never came. Again, you left me. I was pissed and I went to Blake’s. He told me everything he said to you.”
Anger brewed inside me. I wanted to kill Blake.
“I’m so sorry.” He lifted his face to meet mine. “I drove everywhere searching for you. I just wanted to tell you the truth about what I think and whatever. I hunted everywhere for you, but I couldn’t find you until I stopped to get gas. The old guy who sells his worms as bait was there telling Mike, the guy who owns the bakery, how he could swear he saw the crazy James girl running on the highway by the trail here.”
“The crazy James girl?” I was beginning to hate this town.
“Yeah.” He laughed and dragged a hand through his messy hair that I loved. “The funny thing about knowing someone for seventeen years, Aimes, is that you get to know certain things about them. I knew you would come to this beach.”
He was angry with me for a reason I couldn’t place. I wondered what else Blake had told him, since I had pretty much divulged everything. My stomach hurt thinking about the ways I had betrayed him and vice versa.
I trembled, stopping dead in my tracks and waiting for him to finish before I lashed out.
“I don’t know what to say.” He seemed so defeated it made me sick.
“What!” A trigger snapped in my brain. “You don’t know what to say? You came all this way to tell me that? After you agreed to commit me and had sex with me all in the same day—all you have to say is you don’t know what to say? What the hell?”
“I know!” He jumped at my shouting. “Aimes, please! The story is just so crazy and you believe it.”
“Get away from me.” The words hurt. They cut into my soul.
“Maybe there is something, like a tumor. Aimes, you’re living at the beach alone.” He was pleading.
“I know that, Shane. I know I’m alone. None of the assholes in my life believe me.” I looked up at him. “Well, except the angels and demons. I’m sure they’ll be here any minute. At least they haven’t abandoned me.” It was a low blow, I knew that. I also knew they weren’t coming, and I was truly alone.
He flinched and flashed his eyes. “What do you want me to do? Aimee, what do you want? I will do anything!”
“Nothing!” I challenged him. “Just believe me!”
“I can’t.” He slumped. “Aimee, there isn’t anything wrong with you that I can see. You seem fine to me except for the story—come home with me. I wish you had just come to me in the beginning of all this. I wish you’d trusted me. I hate the fact we’ve had all these secrets.” He stepped forward and put his hands over mine.
I hadn’t noticed the taste of him that lingered in the air until he neared me and touched my skin. Then I became electric. I sensed every move he made in the air around me. It scared me.
He snatched his hands back. “Oww, Jesus! You shocked me.”
My eyes fluttered from the ecstasy of touching him. “Go, Shane.” I breathed heavily, using all the restraint I had to stop myself from lashing out at him. I wanted to go home, I wanted a shower, I wanted to trust him, but I couldn’t trust myself, not yet.
“Blake told me you’ve been seeing that Aleks guy behind my back the entire time we’ve been seeing each other. Is that why you want me to leave?”
The words hung in the air. They were a black hole, taking everything good with them. I doubly hated Blake. I hated him even more for hurting Shane.
I didn’t fight with Shane because if I stopped fighting with myself I would lose control. I would hurt him. My hands wanted to hold him and it was for a bad reason. They burned with the need. My stomach ached and twisted in pain and hunger but not a natural kind.
“Were you?” He was hurt. “Really? Nothing to say? When I found out you were here, I came to give you this.” He pulled a piece of paper from his pocket. His arm shook with rage as he held it out in the air for me. “Take the damned letter you wrote me, Aimee. I don’t want those feelings or memories because I know now you’re just like your sister. You’re just like her.” He walked toward me as if he would hurt me.
He stood over me, looming menacingly.
I could taste his breath on the breeze.
He put the letter into my hands roughly. “Take the stupid thing, Aimee. Just take it back. Take it all back—I want to be free of you.”
“Please.” I flinched away from him, scared of what he would do next. Tears poured down my face, but I maintained the grip I had on myself.
“Leave me alone.” He peered at me as if I was nothing more than a nuisance.
I let him back away before I whispered, “I love you.”
He turned to walk down the beach. I wanted to stay frozen in my tracks, but foolishly I ran to him as fast as I could. “Shane, wait, please.” I grabbed his arm, pulling him back to me.
The minute his skin came in contact with mine, I felt it—pull from him. He stood motionless as I filled up. The feeling was more joy than I had ever experienced. I inhaled him through my hands somehow. I let go, hurting myself as if cutting off a vein feeding me. He shivered and swayed like he had drunk too much or stood up too quickly. Afraid of touching him, I backed away as he got his bearings.
He acted confused but turned away again, leaving me standing on the beach alone.
I hated Blake. I wanted to blame him for it all. It was fleeting and immature, but I couldn’t help myself. I didn’t move as I watched Shane get smaller and smaller. I was cold and alone, even though the sun shone on me.
I blinked, realizing he was gone and probably had been for some time. I stood there for a very long time and watched the place he had entered the forest, leaving me forever. I had made the wrong choice when I met Aleks. I hadn’t realized that losing Shane meant losing the person I wanted to be and the life I wanted to have.
Defeated, I turned and walked back to my campfire to stoke it for the night. The night was a cold one. Even I shivered with the breeze coming off the water.
When I heard rustling in the woods I hoped it was a wolf or bear coming to attack and leave me to die.
I almost laughed when I realized I would never die.
Foolishly, I’d drunk from a demon.
In my despair, I fell asleep in between the logs and rocks.
I woke up refreshed again. I didn’t know how long I’d slept, but the summer fog had come in thick.
On the North Coast the best way to tell when summer had hit was the fog. It rolled in every night at six and rolled out at eleven the next day. I was unable to see beyond a few feet in front of me. The fire had long gone out and was cold. I assumed I must have had one of those huge sleeps again. My hair was soaked from the mist and my fleece hung drenched from my shoulders. I curled my legs in close and waited for some kind of death to come and claim me.
After a long time alone and cold, I decided I was finished with the transition phase of my life. I needed to either be an undead or to die, or to just be what I was at that moment.
I stood, stretching my legs and arms and started the long trek back to the trail.
It had been more than three days, no doubt. I was ready to start my life over again. I clearly wasn’t a threat to my family as long as I didn’t touch any of them. We had gone years without touching, and it wasn’t like I would have a boyfriend or any friends when I got there. I reached the sandy beach but stopped walking.
A gray figure sat on the sand, staring downward. I could tell immediately it was Aleks. He looked bad—weak and exhausted which was impossible.
I walked toward him, but he didn’t lift his face.
“I forgive you for leav
ing me with Dorian,” I spoke quietly, defeated and tired of being alone.
He gazed up. “Don’t forgive me. Never forget what I have taken from you.” His voice scratched with despair. I didn’t recognize it at all.
I walked to him, getting lost in his beauty. I stood between his legs and fought the urge to hug him and cuddle into him, just as I always did when I saw him. The memory of the look on Shane’s face stopped me.
He raised his face and met my gaze. “I love you so much, Aimee. It hurts dreadfully to be away from you. I should leave you, but I can’t bring myself to do it.”
“Stay with me through this, Aleks. I need you as much as you need me. You love me, and I don’t want to be alone. But first I need answers.”
He reached forward, hugging me and burrowing his face into my neck. He smelled me, ignoring my statement. “I feel so much better when you’re with me.”
I couldn’t help but agree, but I worried about touching his skin after what had happened with Shane.
“Dorian told me something about your dad. He said he had something to do with my mom’s death.”
His voice was hollow. “He did?”
“Yeah, I know you’re sad right now, but I need you to tell me what that means.”
He smiled. “I’m fine, Aimee. I’m not sad.” His voice still sounded funny.
“I want answers. The time where you get to dick me around and not share any secrets with me has passed. I need and deserve the truth at least.”
“I know.” He exhaled harshly. “But I don’t know how to tell you. This is serious. You know how you always say ‘garden-variety this’ and ‘garden-variety that?’ My curse was not one of those garden-variety ones. My dad angered a man whose powers are still unmatched to this day. No matter what I say, please try to remember I love you,” he whispered into my ear.
“Okay.” I waited for some serious answers to be laid out on the table.
He appeared to be trying to gather strength before speaking. I didn’t know what to say. I sat in silence, waiting.