by Tara Brown
Thinking fast, my eyes scanned for a fire escape, and I darted down the flights of stairs.
I was no longer a distance runner in this body or this frame of mind. I was a sprinter—escape was my strength.
Behind me, I could hear them calling my name, but I was out the front door, racing down the road and behind a business long before they even got out of the building.
I ran hard until my lungs wanted to explode and then I ducked between two dumpsters and waited. I barely noticed the stench of the dirty dumpsters. I hardly noticed the mold and rot around me. I didn’t even pay an ounce of attention to the other people in the alley.
Somewhere in this body that I didn’t know, alleys were my jam. This new version of me was used to the turning of tricks, the wads of cash, the snorting of drugs, and the beating of hookers and junkies. Nothing fazed this me anymore, except Lucas. He seemed to bother me in ways I couldn’t explain.
I waited ten minutes to ensure the coast was clear and then got up, strolling with my head down.
This wasn’t my fault.
I didn’t hurt that man.
He did it to himself.
Him and that fancy rich-bitch Elsie. That was a bad idea from the start. I should’ve gone to the orphans, helped them. I shouldn’t be helping some dude who got HIV from a chick in a bar. He was an adult. He made his bed. I cringed, thinking about that woman’s head hitting the desk and the blood splatter. That was nasty.
“What we got here?”
I lifted my head to find a scummy-looking man with a cheesy mustache and greasy black hair. He smelled like the dumpsters I just left.
“You got anything?” He reached down and pulled up my sleeves, looking for marks. “Holy hell! You a virgin?”
“Piss off!” I spat at him, smiling.
“You wanna talk dirty to me?” He shoved me back. “You might not have drugs, but you got something I want.” He shoved me into the concrete building next to us.
I let him grope me, like I always did. I let him kiss my neck, the way I did when attacked, because I knew to wait. I knew to let him do enough to get him to a place where he wasn’t paying attention. Then I would strike.
But then I recalled my new superpowers.
I reached out and grabbed both sides of his face. “You’re going to regret this.”
The air froze. The sounds of the alley were lost in the small moments playing out in the air in front of me.
He was a kid. He got beat a lot by his old man. That’s what he called him, “old man.” One day his old man was beating his mom and he stepped in. He stabbed his own father. His mother cried. She called her son names and dialed 911. She tried to save her husband, all the while shouting at her son to leave her house and never come back. Then he was on the streets, doing drugs, turning tricks, and muling for a big dealer downtown.
Then the air cleared and I pushed again and he was back in the house. He heard his dad beating his mom, and instead of going into the kitchen, he left. He ran away. He moved to another city where it was sunny. He got a job as a garbage man and married a lady with red hair and a chubby face. They kissed a lot. When the picture faded he was lying on a couch holding his son, reading him a story.
He was better, his life was better.
The fates were a funny thing.
Panting, I stood up, noticing an ache in my back. I brushed the dirt off myself. I gazed around the alley, nervous for the first time ever. I slipped along the nearest building, hurrying to the street.
I hated my new life.
I hated the new me, that weak bitch from the desert.
I used to be strong and cut off.
I made it back to my old neighborhood within an hour, exhausted and feeling lost. I’d grown soft, living with Lydia with Annabelle, doing everything for them. My heart hurt when I thought about the house and everyone in it, but I knew it was for the best. If I got my life back and saved the kids I’d left behind, I would feel like I’d redeemed myself for leaving them.
“Ari! Dude, where have you been? Why do you have hair? You can’t even see the tat on the back of your head anymore.”
Turning toward the familiar voice, I grinned. “Hey, Mila. I’ve been busy growing it out.” She was a sight for sore eyes. My best friend on the streets.
“Where you been?” She acted pissed, glaring at me with those intense blue eyes.
“Jail.”
Mila grimaced. “Oh crap—you’re eighteen now.”
“Yup.” My birthday had passed in the time I was gone. I hadn’t even remembered it.
“Wow, lame. Anyway, I’m here to meet up with some peeps at Wind. Want to come?”
“Sure.” I shrugged. I didn’t have anywhere else to go.
“Guess you got no money, huh?”
“Hells no, dude, I’m lucky I still have clothes on.”
“Ooouu, how was the lesbian time?” Mila was crass.
“No.” I shook my head. “Just a mix-up with clothes. These aren’t mine, obviously, but whatevs. I took them anyway.”
Mila laughed as she fixed her tight blonde ponytail. Her hands twitched when she moved her fingers. “OMG, I was going to say something—those are scary normal. Too low key, especially for Wind. Oh well, I got some in my bag. We’ll have you fixed up in no time.”
I wanted to smile but I was sad. I didn’t want to go clubbing. I wanted to go home—I had a home and it was awesome being there. But like always I’d ruined it. There was no going back. The streets would be safer than Lydia’s. I didn’t know if Lydia would beat me for making an innocent man go to jail.
“So me and Selena started muling for Maurice. You can get in on it, if you want.” Mila nudged me as we strolled.
“Yeah.” I wanted to say no, but the survivor in me had to stay in control. She knew what to do.
When we got to the club called Wind, it was packed, but I followed Mila to the bathroom to change.
I tugged at my black tank top, realizing how much I’d filled out living at Lydia’s.
“Ari, girl. How you been?” Mila’s friend Selena slid in next to me in the crowded bathroom mirror. She poked me in the chest, catching me off guard. “Damn, you got boobs? Did you pay for those?”
“No!” I glared at her. “With what money? I was in prison and the food was better than what we usually eat. I’ve gained weight.”
“Okay.” Selena held my hands up, raising my eyebrows. “Whatevs. Someone got touchy and boobies while she was away. You got a girlfriend in the pen you’re missing?” She gave me a half-cocked grin,
I smiled bitterly and finished applying makeup to my eyes. “Yeah, your mom.”
“Oh snap, Selena! She got you there.” Mila bumped my fist.
“Yeah, well, she must have forgot—I got no mom.”
Mila winked, laughing as I snapped, “Yeah, well none of us got moms, Selena, so play the orphan card somewhere else!”
“You’re a bitch, Ari.” Selena gave me a nasty face and stormed from the bathroom.
“That was mean. Even for you.”
“Whatever.” I felt bad but I didn’t want to seem weak. I turned back to my reflection and groaned, “God, this hair is making me look all girlie.”
“Yeah, it’s sexy, girl. You need to do it up nice and start charging double.”
“I guess.” I examined myself, really seeing the difference. My healthy dark hair was shiny and lustrous. My dark eyes were sexy with the sleek hair and black eye makeup. My lips were plump and soft.
“You look really pretty. I might try to get into prison just to get looking so healthy. What did you do anyway?”
“Nothing much. Just a B and E.” I turned and smiled at my friend. “Don’t try to get into jail, Mila. Try to go straight. I am from now on. It was scary in there.”
Mila raised an eyebrow. “Straight—how the hell will we eat going straight?”
“We could get jobs.”
“With what address?”
“Shelter or just make one up.”
“We tried this before, remember? You need a bank account, and for a bank account you need an address. People don’t pay in cash.”
“God, being homeless was easier in the nineties. Someone told me they used to just hang around and people brought them crap. Everyone was so scared of AIDS that they didn’t want them in shelters, so they helped them on the streets.”
“Well, it ain’t the nineties anymore, Toto. And we got mouths to feed.” She slung an arm around my shoulders and led me to the door.
We walked out of the bathroom and into the nightclub. The DJ was a favorite who’d done the underground raves when we were too young to sneak into clubs. His mixes were incredibly smooth, making every song’s ending seamless. No one in the crowd ever left the dancefloor.
We started dancing and I tried to shake off feeling self-conscious, like everyone could see the fraud I was. I hadn’t gone to jail. I’d been in a sweet old lady’s house eating pumpkin muffins, letting Aimee braid my hair and help me finish high school. I missed them all, but I couldn’t go back. Not after making that man go to jail for a crime he didn’t commit.
Ron would return and lock me up—or worse—put me to sleep like a violent dog.
I pushed it to the back of my mind and kept dancing with my friends—my real friends. The ones who I ran with, hid with, cried with, and even some I had nearly died with.
“Here!”
I peered over at the tab Selena held out to me. My eyebrows rose as I looked at Mila who stuck her tongue out, revealing the small white tab. I took it. “Thanks.”
Selena shrugged. “It’s okay.”
“I’m sorry I played the mom card. I know it’s off limits. That wasn’t cool.”
Selena gave a half smile. “One day, we’ll have a real life, and we’ll have houses, and we’ll have husbands, and none of the crap that’s happened out here will matter anymore.”
She hugged me, something we never did. But we also didn’t go half a year without seeing each other. They might not show it, but they were worried I was dead.
“Look, girl, no offense but I’m here to find me a dude and this is cockblocking my fun.” Selena shoved me off like it was me hugging her.
“You’re nasty.” I let go of Selena and let the music take me. I let it all go. The past and the future didn’t matter as the Molly hit me.
The music got inside me and my hips started to move to the beat. Halfway through the mix, someone started grinding up behind me. I wanted to turn and get mad but the Ecstasy had taken away my inhibitions.
So when I checked behind me and found a cute guy who looked about twenty-five, I smiled until his hands freely roamed my stomach.
“No.” I pulled away, shaking my head.
“Come on, just one dance.”
“Fine.” I stepped back. “One dance, no groping.”
“Deal.” He started dancing again. Eventually, his hands were on me once more. I tried to push him off, but he was everywhere all of a sudden. His grip was stronger than mine.
The room wasn’t spinning yet but I was high. If I ran and he followed me, I wouldn’t stand a chance at getting away. My stomach tightened as I shoved his chest. “Please don’t.”
“My name’s Lee.”
“I don’t care.” As my fear increased my hands heated up. I tried to control it so I didn’t push him. I didn’t want everyone to see the window of pictures and him vanishing. “Let me go.”
“Come on, my dance isn’t over yet. Wait for the drugs to hit.” He pulled me tighter to him.
“Let her go,” a guy growled behind us. I looked up to see Lucas. He snarled menacingly at the man, “Now.”
“Screw off, buddy. She’s mine for the night, dude. Find your own slut.”
Lucas shook like he was holding his temper at bay. “Ari is MINE.” He snatched the guy’s hand off my waist and twisted it up his back. Once free I ran behind Lucas to find Ben. “Hey.”
“Hey.” I blinked and tried to be cool even though I was stoned.
Ben’s eyes darted to the man who’d been holding me. His smile was replaced with the same crazed expression his brother had. He stepped forward to ensure Lucas had everything under control. “You okay?”
“Yeah. This bag of dicks is hitting the road,” Lucas said to Ben and then leaned in, whispering something to the guy. He was clearly frightened and pivoted, leaving the dance floor.
Lucas turned back to me, but his face hadn’t softened. “What the hell are you doing?”
“Nothing.” My lip trembled slightly. “Nothing.” Tears crept up my esophagus, making a lump in my throat. I turned to walk away but he grabbed my arm.
“You’re coming home.” His grip told me he wasn’t messing around and he would kill everyone in the bar before he let me go. His expression conveyed more danger than anything I’d seen before.
Ben put a hand on Lucas’ arm. “Calm down, Bro.” His eyes flashed at Ben.
Lucas dragged his hand down the length of my arm and took my entire hand in his. He pulled me off the dance floor, not dragging as much as guiding. I turned back toward my friends as they watched me go. They were scared for me but they wouldn’t try to help me. It was every man and woman for themselves on the streets. And while it looked like I owed a pimp money and was likely about to die, none of them would help me.
“That’s quite the outfit.” Ben laughed, trying to break the ice.
“It’s my friend’s,” I muttered, still letting Lucas lead me outside.
My heart skipped when I saw Lydia sitting in the car at the curb. She leapt out the door, running to me with her arms out.
I flinched away from what I expected which wasn’t the hug I received. The old woman’s embrace filled me. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t foresee what would happen if someone’s life got worse—how you would respond. I’m so sorry.”
I couldn’t fight my tears. I couldn’t fake my brave face because Lydia saw through it all. She hugged me, smothering me.
Lucas stayed right behind me, his telltale warmth covering my naked back with his body.
Ben spoke softly from behind us all, “Let’s get you home. Annabelle’s been unbearable since you left.”
I snorted, laughing through the tears. I imagined Annabelle in a state of concern would be intolerable.
Lydia kissed me gently on the forehead and stepped around to the driver’s side. Lucas climbed in the back, pulling me in.
Ben stayed outside my door until I was in and safe. He closed it, giving me a soft smile. He rode in the front seat with Lydia, but spent the entire drive smiling and telling jokes. I was grateful for his efforts at keeping the conversation light.
His brother was the opposite.
Lucas sat on the far side of the car, distancing himself from me, watching out the window continuously. It felt like miles separated us.
He was hurt but the drugs in my system prevented me from being able to hold a thought longer than a second.
“Lydia, I did it in the alley again, right away after the man in the apartment. It was only minutes in between.” The words seemed hollow, but I was trying to be myself again, not the little street skank.
“Right away? You don’t need to recharge?”
“No.” I shook my head, meeting her gaze in the rearview mirror.
“That’s interesting.”
“Are you high, Ari?” Lucas’ harsh gaze met mine for the briefest of seconds, before I looked away. “What would possess you to put yourself in such danger?”
“I’m fine.” I didn’t mention the way the street rat took over and did things with our body that I didn’t really want to. I’d been part of the decisions made, but it was more like I observed her doing them.
“Sweetie, we need to find a way to get rid of that side of you. The other Ari is terribly damaged.”
I agreed with her, silently. I wanted the diner, my uncle, Cookie, and high school completed and over with. I hated being a street rat. I hated being used. Mostly, I hated the memories tha
t came with every scar, visible or not.
As Lydia parked the car, Annabelle appeared on the front porch. She waved when I climbed out of the car. I was exhausted in ways I hadn’t experienced in a long time.
My legs buckled as I walked to the house but Lucas was there and caught me.
“Don’t scare me like that ever again,” he whispered so quietly I nearly missed the words against my ears. He placed me on the ground and left me in the capable hands of the ghostly maid. “Goodnight.”
“Ya looks a mess. Now just let Annabelle cleans ya off. You been gone one day and ya looks like the urchin ya was when ya came.” Annabelle escorted me inside as I watched Lucas stalk off.
Chapter 13
Want to pet my wolf?
Ari
I woke to Annabelle sitting in the chair in the corner, watching me sleep as she hummed.
“Creepy, Annabelle. Ghosts aren’t allowed to sing in the corner while people sleep.”
“Well, good morning to you too. Or rather, good afternoon.”
“How long have I slept?”
“Nearly eighteen hours. You was a wreck when ya got here though, so that might be why. You need to stop hanging with that Molly. She’s no good.”
“Agreed.” I squinted against the silhouette of light coming from the edges of the curtains.
I climbed out of bed, stretching and testing my body for pain. Everything felt fine. I had no aching muscles or aftereffects from all the running, jumping, and escaping I had put my body through.
The run had been stupid, running away had been even more stupid, clubbing was downright insane, and the drugs were the absolute pinnacle of disaster and poor choices.
“Ari?”
I glanced up to find Andy at my door. “Hey, Andy.”
“I just wanted to check and make sure you were okay.” Her vampiric pale skin and dark hair set off her bright-blue eyes.
“Yeah.” I smiled. “I think so. I was a hot mess last night.”
Andy laughed. I couldn’t recall her laughing before. It was a magical sound.
“Yes, well, if it makes you feel better, when I was new at this I ate a village. Women, children, everyone. It was like a horror movie. I ate everyone and everything that moved. I’m still haunted by the images.”