by Tara Brown
Don never spoke because he had his earbuds in so I made him a coffee and poured a vial in his as well. I put a bit of sugar in it and some cream. I carried the coffees in for them.
Ben moved the pillow beside him. “Come sit by me.”
“I will. Let me just get my coffee.” I passed Don the other cup.
He gazed up and smiled. “Thanks, babe.”
“Of course.” I was little psycho Suzy Homemaker.
Ben growled.
“Drink your coffee. I’ll be right back.”
He took a sip, obeying me.
I poured a third mug and dumped a vial in. I stirred in a bit of cream, exactly the way Sam liked it.
“Hey, thanks!” He walked into the kitchen as if on cue. He smiled at me as he took it and drank. “Exactly the way I like it.”
“Yeah, friends know that kind of stuff about each other,” I joked and watched his lips as he sipped and licked them.
“Thanks, friend.”
“No prob.” I drank my coffee, watching all the guys take in the potion.
Ben never asked me to come and sit by him again. In fact, he forgot I was in the room. I could see the vacant stare in his eyes, like he didn't even know why he was there. Don didn’t smile or even nod at me.
Sam drank his, distracted by something on his iPhone. My eyes never left his face.
He turned my way with a blank stare. “Did you say something?”
“No.” I was certain it had hit them all. “Ben, you want another?”
He glanced up, emotionless. “No thanks, Hanna. Hey, Sam, you got that movie downloaded yet?”
“Oh yeah, I do. Want to watch it now?” Sam offered.
“Yeah.” Ben kicked Don. “Want to watch that movie we were talking about?”
Don looked back at Sam, completely ignoring me. “You got it ready now?”
“I do.”
Ben waved at Anne who pulled her earbuds out. “Want to watch a movie?”
“Sure.” She shrugged. “Whatevs.”
“It’s in my room. I’ll just get it.” He walked away, not looking at me. They never even asked me to watch the movie.
With mixed emotions, I walked behind him but turned before he did, to go to my own room.
My breathing had grown difficult with the lump building in my throat. I didn’t want them to constantly hit on me, but I also didn't want to be invisible.
I slumped onto my bed in relief and injury. I wondered about my mother and how hard it had been for her. Had she been alone, desperate for people to love her, only to end up hating and hiding from the adoration, like I was?
My cell phone blinked, telling me I had a message. I scrolled over the texts. It was from Marcus.
It was one word: Tonight?
I couldn’t. Seeing him would be a mistake. My emotions had been under control, as under control as they got. I was nearly back to my old self.
I texted back: No, I can’t.
Why??
Super busy. Learning new things.
I need you.
No.
I hoped his fear of pissing off Lorri was enough to keep him from actually searching me out. It was unlikely he knew where I was. I didn’t even know. We hadn’t been allowed out of the apartment since arriving a week ago, and the only person who ever came and went was the maid—well, and Aimee. The maid never spoke to any of us, no matter what we asked or offered her.
When I find you, I will take you back.
His words weren’t a threat.
They were a fact.
I turned the phone off and lay back on my bed.
At least the list of men trying to woo me was diminishing rapidly.
Sam, a coffee and an empty heart.
Ben, a coffee and an empty stare.
Don, a coffee and an empty head.
Andy, the elixir and Marcus’ mind juju. He would never recall me the way it had happened, just the memory Marcus had given him. Andy was a cop doing his job for a nice young girl, that’s all he would ever remember.
And then there was Aleks, the only one who’d been excited to take the stupid tincture, the only one who understood.
In my moment of self-pity, I remembered the smallest details about my life before: the mall, seeing a cute boy like Andy and giggling with my friends. I missed my friends. We weren’t boy crazy, we were life crazy. We wanted to have fun and be young and do everything.
Suddenly, I understood my father and his journals. Andy was his Mary. A normal human who could be injured in it all. The thing he gave up.
Not that it mattered anymore. I was now fully submerged in the Roses Academy world. My biggest problem had gone from Andy liking me and Marcus abducting me to Sam being indifferent to me. I liked Sam. I didn't want indifferent. I didn't want siren love, but I wanted a boy liking a girl and asking her out. I wanted normal. Pretend normal.
I pushed the thoughts of Sam away. I was finally free of them all and began to see the suggestion Aleks and Roland had made was the smartest. I needed to find me and then love. One day.
It had taken weeks of blocking everything, but I could see the difference between emotions and hormones, and the difference between siren and Hanna.
“Hanna?” A knock at my door interrupted my pity party.
“Yeah.” I frowned. It had sounded like Lorri.
Sure enough, Lorri walked into my room, looking sympathetic. “How you doing?”
“Okay. Are you pissed at me for the other day?”
Lorri sat on the chair opposite me. “No, kid. If I could force a bunch a guys to do my bidding, I would do it in a heartbeat, maybe faster.”
“You can command all of us.”
“Yeah,” Lorri agreed. “I guess. Not really the same thing though. You don’t adore me in the same way.”
“Touché.”
She leaned forward. “You know why I’m here?”
I thought for a moment. “Here on Earth or my bedroom?”
She laughed. It was a bitter and twisted sound I didn't hear often. “Your bedroom. Come on, like I really want to get into the whole life-purpose nonsense.”
“My mojo obviously didn’t call you here, unless you’re on their team, which I suspect you’re not because you’ve never been creepy to me like they have. I’m going to say you have a bad feeling about Marcus.”
“Bingo. You have the same bad feeling?”
“Yup. He sent a text an hour ago, asking about seeing me tonight. I told him no.”
Lorri eyed me cautiously. “It’s been a long time, and he’s most likely going through withdrawals. I actually expected him sooner. You tell him where you were?”
“How could I? I have no idea where I am. Lorri, we held the maid upside down to check her pockets and nothing. She won’t tell us a thing.”
“Good. If he comes to your window like a night creeper, you can’t let him in here. Keep the window closed at all times.”
“Okay.”
Lorri smirked. “I get it. A siren’s got to get laid just like any other girl, but just not him, not in here. There are other reasons, okay? You may think you trust him—I know I don’t.”
“Oh my God, dude, what? Gross, so not having this conversation. Yes. I will ensure the window stays closed. Jeeze.”
She stood up. “All right, then we shouldn’t have a problem.”
“I have never had sex with Marcus. He’s tried, but no.” I scowled, hating that I had to actually say that aloud.
“I’m glad. He’s a rotten son of a bitch.”
“Are Ari and Lucas okay? I know I’ve sort of been hiding out in here. I didn’t want them to think I didn’t care. I do but—”
“No one can ever be sorrier than Ari for the things she’s done. They’re fine. Ari healed in an hour and Lucas in three. No one blames you. That’s what training is for.” She walked out of my room, leaving me alone again.
Seconds later I heard another voice.
“Hanna?” Giselle came in. “Hey, have you seen Aimee a
nywhere?”
“I got her to go to Marcus’ place to get something for me and she brought it back. I haven’t seen her since then.”
“Oh okay. Thanks. She probably went to, like, Shane’s or her dad’s maybe.”
“Giselle, you okay?”
She didn’t appear okay. Her eyes were puffy and her cheeks tear-stained. “Yeah, no, I’m good.”
I got up off my bed and pulled Giselle into my arms. “What’s wrong?”
“My—” Giselle hugged me back, trembling. “My dad died.”
“Oh my God, I’m so sorry.” I bit my lip. I knew that pain. Giselle had told me she and her father weren’t close, but no matter the depth of a relationship, loss hurt the same. “I’m so sorry, Giselle.”
“It’s fine.” She sobbed into my shoulder and hair. “I hated him, kind of. He was a terrible dad. He was weird and he was mean to my mom. But he was my dad and I should’ve loved him more.”
“He knew you loved him. Trust me, he knew.”
“I haven’t called him in six months. Maybe longer.” She cried into the mass of thick strawberry-blonde hair. I helped her down to my bed and cradled her.
I tried not to think about my own father or remember his last words to me, or my own to him. Tears fell as I thought of the millions of things I’d wished for in the months since my father’s death. Things I’d never let see the light of day.
Giselle wept until she fell asleep. I never left her side. I remained, stroking her hair and humming one of the odd songs Annabelle would hum.
“Hey, you in here?” Sam’s face popped in my doorway.
I didn’t glance up to see him. His flat tone said it all.
“Shhhhhhh.” I put my fingers to my lips.
He rushed into the room. “Are you all right?”
“I’m fine,” I whispered. “Giselle’s father has passed away. She got a text message from her mom.”
He dropped to his knees. “Oh wow, that’s awful. Is she asleep? Do you want me to carry Giselle to her room?”
“No, she shouldn’t be alone.”
“Oh okay. Well, do you need anything?”
“No.” I kept my eyes on his huge hands.
“Okay.” He stood up. “If you do, just text me. I’ll have my phone beside me.”
“Kay.”
He walked to the doorway. “Hanna.”
My eyes met his for the first time.
“You’re a really good friend.” He smiled softly and then stepped out of the room.
As he closed the door, tears filled my eyes again.
When Giselle was completely asleep and I slipped my leg out from under her and crept to Aleks’ room. I knocked lightly. “Aleks?” I turned the knob and poked my head inside. “Aleks, you here?”
He wasn’t there. I closed the door and crept to his bathroom. I knocked and opened the door. “Aleks?”
I sighed and walked back to the door.
“Tsk, tsk, tsk!”
I froze, facing the door, and reached for the knob. The voice was unmistakable.
“My love, did you really think I wouldn’t find you? I will say, I’m disappointed to find you creeping around, calling for that wanker.”
I turned. “Marcus, you scared me. Seriously, you have to leave.”
He sat smugly outside the window.
“You’re going to get me into trouble.” I walked closer, contemplating pushing him out the window.
He leaned in, grabbing my arm and dragging me to the windowsill. “Hanna, no one can tell me I can’t see you. These Roses are brainwashing you.”
“Marcus, no!” I tried to pull back, but he hauled me through the window. I screamed as he jumped to the next building with me over his shoulder, facing the dark ground below. He grabbed on like Spider-Man and climbed down the drainpipes and bricks. “HELP!” I clutched his chest, screaming.
“Hanna, for the love of God and all things holy, stop the screaming. I have remarkably good hearing—it’s annoying.” He made a few strategic jumps and landed safely on the ground. When my feet touched down I collapsed.
I touched the cold wet cement with my fingers. “Oh, thank God.”
“Hmph. I saved you, not him.” He grasped my arm.
I tried to pull back but he dragged me to a black car with the bowler hat in the front seat. Marcus threw me inside and climbed in.
The smell of him was there instantly. My instincts kicked in as I savored Marcus’ scent filling the car.
He grabbed my face roughly. “You will not cry one more day for that wanker Aleksander. If I see even a glimpse of sadness, I will burn the entire building down. With hellfire. Even Lorri won’t live.” His tone frightened me, but the dead look in his eyes scared me even more.
He looked terrible.
Henry drove like a madman through the dark streets.
“Marcus, I wasn’t crying for Aleks.”
He grabbed my face again, closing my mouth. “Oh please, I can see the tears. I saw you creeping in his room. You were upset. I’ve smelled him on you. He’s told me all about you and him.”
“You’re hurting me.”
He seethed, “I haven’t even begun, Hanna.”
I tried to pull back, but his mouth was on mine. His teeth raked my lips with a savage kiss.
I hit him, sensing my strength filling me. He bounced back against the car door, grinning. “I like it when you fight, Hanna. If I recall, you liked it too.”
“You’re disgusting.” Tears filled my eyes. “I don’t love Aleks—well, no more than any woman. Every woman feels that way about him.”
“I don’t want to hear your excuses. No more lies.”
“You idiot, Lorri is going to come for me.”
He laughed. “Lorri will think you betrayed her. Like you did me.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “Betrayed you?”
“With Aleksander.”
“Oh my God,” I groaned. “Marcus, he took the elixir. I’m like a sister to him. Believe me. He likes that girl, Giselle. Her father died today. I was looking for Aleks to tell him to go to my room to comfort Giselle. She fell asleep there, crying.”
He flexed his jaw, staring ahead as if unmoved by my words.
“Marcus, you have to believe me. Nothing has happened. I like my training, I like being a Rose. I’m done in a couple of months. I get to come home soon. Please take me back before they suspect something.”
He sat stoic. I hated him.
“You stubborn ass.”
“Hanna, I have a special place for you. We will live there together.” His eyes focused on my bracelet. “Minus that thing.”
Enough was enough. He needed to know the truth of the matter.
“Fine, you want the truth, here it is: Marcus, the distance has been good for me. I see now there is a difference between love and lust.” I tried to tread carefully. “If I loved you, my siren side would be faded. It’s stronger than ever. The space has been good. I don't love you and I won’t ever.”
I didn’t see his hand move, but I suffered the impact as my head was knocked into the window. I saw stars as I was pulled into him. His anger seethed through his fangs. “You love me, Hanna. You’re confused.”
He pushed me back into my seat. I stared at him one last time before I flipped up the lock on the car door and opened it simultaneously. I rolled from the vehicle, bumping along the cement and crying out. Hurt but determined, I got up straightaway and ran. I ran as hard and fast as my legs would allow.
My inner rage was enough to get me to safety. The beast’s senses filled me. I leapt hard and fast to the building next to me and scaled it using my hands and feet, like a monkey. I bounded onto the roof and sprinted across, jumping to the next building. He was stronger, faster, and more determined than I was. It was futile to try to outrun him so I grabbed my cell phone from my bra and speed dialed the first number in my call list.
“Yeah?”
“SAM, I’M OUTSIDE, RUNNING ON THE ROOFTOPS! MARCUS IS CHASI
NG ME! HELP ME! TELL LORRI!”
“Hanna?”
“SAM, HELP ME! HE ALMOST HAS ME! MARCUS KIDNAPPED ME!”
I shared my location with him and prayed he would care enough to help me. My legs pumped as I zigzagged across the city, leaping from building to building. The beast was desperate to come out. My body and mind were strong enough that the beast was nothing compared to me. Instead, I forced its strength to work for me, driving me on and ignoring the pain.
My sock feet burned. I realized they were bleeding and leaving a trail of Marcus’ favorite snack to follow.
I facepalmed myself. It was like Hansel and Gretel, but leaving dog treats for a hound to find.
My phone rang. The cold wind rushed past me as I answered, “Hello.”
“What do you see?” It was Lorri. Pissed couldn’t describe her tone.
“I don’t know. I can’t stop running. I’m in bare feet and they’re bleeding everywhere. I’m running across rooftops. He’s chasing me and he has Henry.”
“Son of a bitch. Try to notice something, Hanna.”
I saw golden arches. “Straight ahead on my left there’s a McDonald’s and a subway station beside it.”
“Got you. Be there in three. Run straight for the next two blocks. Try to get to ground level.”
I hung up the phone and looked down. The huge buildings were ending. I jumped down onto a small church. I heard the snap in my foot and winced. I slid off the roof.
“HANNA!”
I turned my head to see Marcus chasing me. His face had changed to the angry monster I’d only seen once before.
“No!” I gasped and jumped from the roof of the church. The broken bone in my foot made me scream as it crunched more. I ran, hobbling.
He would have me any minute.
My foot was almost dragging along the pavement. Sobs filled my throat as I kept my eyes on the street ahead.
Marcus stood two storefronts away. Somehow he had gotten ahead of me. He wore a sickening grin. “My love, why are you running from me? I’m here to help you.”
“No.” I sobbed harder. “You want me to be yours, like a possession, not a person. I will never be yours. I never was, Marcus. It’s not love.”
I reached down, gripping the bracelet. I noticed the many people on the busy city street ignoring me. I pulled the bracelet off, letting it fall to the ground. The shells smashed everywhere.