by Tara Brown
“I wish I could hate you properly. I have this hole in my heart and nothing but you is gonna fill it.” He takes a step forward, but I put a hand up. “I would rather be broken than let you fill it.”
His face grows stoic like he's a statue but his words melt my heart, “I can't live without you. I followed you for forty-eight years, Lorelei. I'll follow you for another fifty, a hundred and fifty. I can't live without you. I want you but I need you more. You're the broken one, but I'm the one who needs you to save me, make me feel again.”
A sound fills the air around us, a thump. To the right, a huge raindrop lands next to me and splashes onto a broad leaf. The next one splashes onto his shoulder. Suddenly, a downpour hits.
His dark hair is plastered to his face but he doesn’t stop talking, “In the beginning, we met and immediately I liked you. I lied to myself and said I was watching over you, keeping you safe for the harvest. But then, I realized I was watching you all the time. I was addicted. I was in the shadows, watching your mother break you down every day, just a little bit more. Just when I thought you were about to break, you would rise up a little bit. Somehow you persevered, you survived and grew stronger. With no parents there for you. No love. You were like a flower growing somehow in the shadows, letting even the tiniest bit of light and love make you flourish.”
My mouth dries out, regardless of the rain pelting me fiercely. “Ramón?”
“Your mother asked me to kill him; he was like a side reward. I didn’t know he was your friend. I watched you at night, Ramón wasn't there then. I thought he was just your driver. I wouldn’t have killed him if I'd known he was your friend. I didn’t know you were unaware you were a witch, or that he was one too.” He steps forward, looking down on me. The water droplets from his hair add to the rain hitting me. “I would do anything to save you.”
“But you didn’t save me. You saved the shell of the person I used to be. You saved this body, but that flower in the shadows that you loved, she's dead. You took away all the light. Those tiny bits of light I was getting, they came from Em and Ramón and Angie. You stamped out all the light.” I step back from him.
He wipes his face. “I don’t believe it's dead. I think you are in there, you just need some light.” He steps to me and takes my hands in his. “Let me be the light.”
Black tears fill my eyes and mix with the rain beating down on us. They're almost the same temperature as the rain. I want so badly to let him be the light. I want so badly for him to be the person who saves me, but I can't cave. I need to be strong. I need to save everyone else. “I can't. I need to be their light and fix their lives. I'm what broke them all in the first place.”
He grips my hand. “I'm not giving up.” He turns and drags me to the end of the driveway, to where my truck is parked.
I'm relieved. I don’t want him to give up. It's sick and I judge myself, a lot.
We're killers.
We’re so awful we don’t even deserve each other.
Chapter 16
Whit drives us to a mansion. The house is huge—H.U.G.E.
It's ostentatious to the extreme. It's three stories above the ground and makes the governor's mansion look piddly. It's made to look like it was built when my house was, but it's new. We creep along and the silence between us is thicker than it ever has been. His declaration hasn’t made things easier like I think he wished it had.
I can't let him in yet, he is all-consuming. If I let him in now, I won't ever finish the things I'm determined to fix. He will take over every spare emotion I have. If I let him in, it'll spread like a forest fire and there won't be nothing left for anyone else.
Whatever it is about him, I can't fight it, I like him. “So what was it like when you were a little boy? What was your life like?” I whisper.
He frowns. “What?” I smile at his accent. He's always Scottish now, no more pretend. ‘Course the Scottish thing could be lies too; he hasn't exactly been forthcoming with the truth. Ever.
The lights inside the house make it seem warm and inviting. If she lives here, I know better.
I shrug. “I have been swept up in your creature-of-the-night juju since we met. You haven’t ever just been a guy I got to know and love. Give me a chance to know you. Maybe I won't even like you if I see you with all the lights on.”
“We can have this conversation later.” He grins. “I swear, only the truth from now on.”
“Oh, okay. You have any snake oil for sale to go with that deal?”
He laughs and points to the swimming pool at the back of the house as we round the corner. The rain has almost ended. It's a drizzle now. We stay in the shadows, moving in the darkness only. She can see us if she looks, but the man next to her won't be able to.
Her blonde head coming out of the water makes me gag slightly. My stomach clenches. I'm trembling. “I can't do this. I can't see her.”
He spins and grabs my hands. He pulls me in and kisses me hard. The smell of him and the softness of his lips caressing mine is intense. He pulls back, I get a waft of lilacs and him. I lick my lips nervously. He gives me a firm look. “I am your light. She can't touch you, my love.”
“Okay.”
We walk in the shadow, closer to the pool and the display. My nose wrinkles, seeing her. The man is laughing, holding a drink, and standing on the side of the pool. She comes out of the water, graceful as ever. She smiles and tosses her long golden hair back and forth. She squeals with delight and laughter. I don’t recognize any of those sounds.
I step on a branch and her head spins straightaway. Her eyes meet mine with intensity and disbelief.
She swallows and speaks to the young man, “Sugar, you go on and get me a drink. I'll be right in.”
“Alright, Elise.”
She smiles. “Don’t shower, I want to take one too.”
He grins. I gag.
Her head spins back to me. “Do my eyes deceive me?”
My stomach drops and aches. She climbs out of the pool, her figure lithe and thin as always. She looks the same, Ramón might have been right. She might actually look a bit younger. My hands shake until I feel Whit step closer. Momma's eyes flash at him but she doesn’t reveal a thing. I get the distinct impression she fears him. It makes me smug somewhere deep inside.
She grabs a towel and saunters over to us, all charm and hardly any accent, “Why, Lorelei, I never imagined you would ever come back home.” The sweetness in her voice makes me sick.
I grin and stand a little closer to Whit. “Well shucks, guess I've been fixin’ to get me some family lovin’. You gonna gimme some sugar, Momma?” I lay it on extra thick just to remind her of where she came from.
Her blue eyes narrow. “I suppose that’s you at the old house who's fixing it up?”
I cross my arms, but I'm ready for whatever she is about to do. I'm either gonna scratch her eyes out or run for my life. “You should be ashamed of yourself, letting it get all nasty like that. Since you left Em there and all.”
Her lips fight a grin. “Oh, I wasn’t the one who left her there. That was you.”
I feel the sneer attempting its way across my face. “No, Momma. That was you and your evil swamp magic. Well, guess what? I'm fixing it up and I'm not going anywhere. Em and me and Tessa, we're gonna live there like a real family.”
“I still own that house, Lorelei.” She eyes me haughtily but licks her lips. I'm getting to her.
Whit speaks for the first time, “Actually, you'll find that the deed to the house is indeed in young Miss Lorelei Huntington's name.”
My face and hers look the same I'm sure. “What?” we both say.
He chuckles, nodding. “Yes. I had a lawyer and realtor do a fake purchase. I mean, it's legit.” He gives my momma his saucy shameless grin. “Don't worry though . . . what is your name now, Elise? You got a whole five dollars for the house. Check’s in the mail.”
I laugh. “That’s a fair bargain, considering the state of the property.”
My
momma snaps her fingers, making sparks. I snap my fingers at her and make my own. Her eyes light up.
I point. “Don’t mess with me, Momma. I can promise you, I will kill you for what you done to all of us if you so much as breathe near that house or Em, me, or Tessa.” I'm ranting like a nut.
She grins at my fingers. “You have my magic?” Her voice lifts in hope.
I scowl at her. “It was nice seeing you, Momma. Guess I won't stay to meet my new daddy. You can tell him I said howdy.” I grab Whit's arm and pull him back to the shadows.
She laughs and calls out, “I knew it. I knew you weren’t just a fat little bitch, Lorelei. I knew you weren’t completely useless.” Her laugh is a cackle and my dead heart still breaks a little when she calls me fat. Whit leaves my side but I keep walking.
I pace to the truck and take gulps of air. I hear her squeal. I turn back. He has her by her ear. She's zapping his arms brutally but he's not stopping.
“Say it,” he growls, bending her arm up her back and holding his thumb in her jugular.
She squeals again and cries out, “I'm sorry!” she shrieks.
He lets go and she shoots him in the back with something. He stops walking and turns to face her. Her smug grin drops and she runs back around the house.
His shirt’s smoking. “You're on fire.”
He pulls the shirt off and walks to the truck bare chested. His back is singed brutally.
I climb in the truck and view the huge house.
“She's remarried and living the life? Hardly seems fair,” I whisper as he climbs in.
He leans over and kisses my cheek as he starts the truck and roars out of the driveway. He stops just down the road and turns the truck off. “It's not. But you walked out of Momma Holt's house before she could tell you how to get your revenge.” He leans forward. “Want to heal that for me?”
I look at the blackened skin. “What can I do?”
“Let me drink your blood or put a spell on my back to take the pain and destruction.” He talks through the pain.
I hold my wrist out.
He gives me a side-glance. “You can try the spell. Magic is all intent.”
“I'm scared to mess with that. Can my blood help you?”
“Yup.” He grabs my wrist and bites down.
“Oh my.” I feel that.
“All better.” He smiles and wipes my black blood from his thick lips.
“Yes, sir.” I blush and look back at the road.
Chapter 17
He's wrapped around me completely. We've slept through the sunshine. The glow of the sunset bears the tiny crack of light between the wall and the thick curtains.
I tiptoe to the ensuite and close the door. My reflection greets me. My auburn hair is everywhere and my gray-blue eyes sparkle in a way they have never before. I lean in closer as a face appears in the mirror. I jump back when I see Maria.
She puts a finger to her lips and whispers, “You in danger.”
“How? I'm already dead.”
She peers around the bathroom. “She knows you got magic now. She gonna try to take it. You gotta go see Momma Holt.”
I nod and shudder. She’s creepy in the mirror like that. My reflection and hers blend. It's remarkable how much we actually look alike, except the hair. My hair is auburn and hers is light, like my momma's.
I never realized I looked like my momma before. It makes me sad and breaks my heart a little.
“Maria, was she mean to you?” I ask, facing my reflection. Even dead, I still see the places she convinced me weren’t perfect. Too wide hips, too thick thighs, too large breasts.
Maria shakes her ghostly head. “No. She weren’t mean to me. She made me stay inside. She never let me be around them other swamp folk, and she always took the beating from Daddy. She weren’t mean until the day I woke up and I was in her tired body. It felt different, dirty. Daddy comes in the house and starts smacking me around, thinking I was her. I didn’t know what was what. She came to me after and told me she was gonna free me. She was gonna save me. I let her do it. I let her cut my wrists and drain the blood out. I just wanted to be free of it.”
I feel sick, but I can't risk her getting emotional here. She'll poltergeist and destroy this house.
“I gots real tired and I fell asleep. When I woke I was in Blackwater and that mean old man, he was there. He tried to swing at me but I vanished. I stayed a ghost till he done died. I go back now—I stay with Momma Holt sometimes. I can be real there. Only in the bayou though. Everywhere else I look like this.”
“I'm going to get her. I'm going to kill her.”
Her eyes flare with sparks of something. “You need Momma Holt to help you. But you need to hurry. I been watching her. She up to something.”
“Okay. Thanks, Auntie.”
She smiles. “You my kin. You shoulda been my babies. She never deserved y'all.”
The cold air leaves and I think she's gone. I trace my finger down the frosty mirror.
In the frost, I see my reflection. I am alone in the mirror.
I turn on the lights and the shower. When it's hot, I climb in and lean against the wall. I don’t know what to do about anything. I lather my body with the soap and wash my hair. He doesn’t have conditioner. I grimace. “Yikes.” That’s gonna be interesting later.
After I finish showering, I climb out and towel off and then go to the room to steal some of his clothes.
“Good evening.” He grins from the bed.
I look back at him and smile. It's weak. He looks troubled when he sees it.
“What happened?” he asks suspiciously.
“I need to go see Grandmamma. She has shit she needs to tell me about. Ways to stop my momma.”
He looks confused. “She can live her life and you live yours. When Luke finishes the repairs to the house and you have the Emily problem sorted out, I want to go home. I want you to come with me.”
My face tenses. “No. Maria thinks she's plotting something. Besides, I left once. I can't leave again.”
“We can't decide this today anyway.”
My walls come up. “We aren’t a ‘we.’ I told you, when Em's happy. We shouldn’t have done this.”
He climbs off the bed, wrapped in the sheets, and towers over me. “We are a we.” His eyes are fierce. “You are mine.”
“Not yet.”
He leans in and kisses my cheek.
I need to be away from him. He's clouding my brain and taking up all the energy and emotions, just like I knew he would. I knew he would become everything.
I push away from him and abandon the underwear and destroyed bra and slip on my own dirty pants and shirt.
“You're leaving?” He sounds upset. “Why?”
“You're taking it all up like before. I made everything about you and missed out on the fact my friend was dead, my other friend was hurt, and my sister was being poisoned with magic. I let you become everything, Whit. Everyone I loved lost everything.”
“You love me. Why shouldn’t we be important to each other?”
I cover my eyes with my hands. “Baby, you're not a normal man. This isn’t a normal love. It's all-consuming. I don’t even know if I love you or I’m sucked into your juju.” I sigh and look at him. “I need to help my family, stop my momma, and fix the shit I ruined.” I walk for the door, but he takes a huge step and stops me from leaving.
He looks down on me with his dark brooding eyes. “Let me come with you.”
I swallow and try not to look at him. “No.”
His eyes pull me in. “Let me come with you.”
“Okay.” I'm fighting him but it's not working. He's winning. I force my brain to snap out of it. “No. No.” I shove him back and open the door. “Don't do that to me. You can't force me into things. That’s wrong.”
I stalk down the hallway and down the stairs. I leave the house and break into a run. I don’t even know where I am. I run until I'm sure I'm rid of him. I get to a truck parked in a driveway and
open the door. I pull down the visor and catch the keys. I smile and start the truck. I put it in reverse and drive fast for the bayou.
Grandmamma is standing with the door open when I arrive. She glances at me once before turning and walking back inside, leaving the door open.
I hop out and run for the door.
Ramón is there, standing at the table. I smile when I see him but he doesn’t smile back.
“What's wrong?” I ask, closing the door and sitting on the tiny chair in the corner.
Grandmamma shakes her head. “She gonna try to take you magic.”
I frown. “What?”
Ramón's eyes are filled with emotions. “We never got to explain everything last time. Yo momma, she gonna try to take your magic. If she murders you, she gets the magic. Witches can steal the power from other witches.”
The uneasiness in my stomach is making me sick. “So she took Maria's?”
They shake their heads, looking exactly the same doing it. Grandmamma lights a sage stick and begins burning it. “No, cherie. You can't no take power from a witch dat you steal da body from. She no gets power from Emily or Maria. She can't no take power dat ain't been claimed either.”
“I never claimed my powers, I don’t think I did.” I sense the bad news still hovers in the air around us.
Ramón shakes his head. “You didn’t. But that means if you don’t, you can't help Emily or Maria none. She knows that. She gonna do things to make you claim the power and then she gonna take it.”
I lick my lips. “If I claim the powers then I can save them, but she might also be able to steal them from me? If I don’t, Emily and Maria are stuck, trapped in the mansion and the bayou forever as ghosts. And I won't be able to help Angie?”
Ramón gives his grandmamma a sideways look. She shakes her head. He argues with his eyes and I feel left out.
“What?”
He seems defiant as he speaks without looking my way, “We know someone who can help. Grandmamma is friends with a woman who can help us.”
“Who?”