by Tara Brown
It’s the way she’s smiling at him.
He and Hanna have long fought the good fight of attraction toward one another and my instincts whisper that they have abandoned the efforts.
When his head turns, he doesn't even stop smiling. He’s happy to see me, but the smile on his face isn’t the same one he gave Hanna. “Aimes! What’s going on?” His voice is cheerful and sweet.
There is not a single look of guilt in him, not one. Even though Sam and Hanna are everything to each other and Aleks knows it. It makes me wonder if I am imagining the whole thing or making it more than it is.
“We just baked a pumpkin loaf. There’s still some downstairs.” Hanna offers me the sweetest of smiles. “I can grab you some.”
“Please.” I want her to leave the room. She hops up, running across the floor with her long ruddy legs, winking as she hits the door, like she forgot she could do it at all. She has nothing but his sweater on.
He’s in a tee shirt and jeans.
“What’s going on here?”
“Not much. How’s it going with you?”
“Why is she half naked?”
“She has a sweater on.” He says it like I am an idiot.
I drop into the chair next to me, devastated for Sam. “Where’s Sam? Does he know?”
“Yeah, he was here earlier. He, Giselle, and Ari were headed to some hot springs.” He looks lost for a second. “I don't remember how long ago, maybe yesterday.”
I want to cover my eyes and scream. Blake’s right, we have become reckless angels. We have become exactly what we were put here to stop.
“You okay?”
“No.” I look out the window, fighting the desire to scream at him. “We are a mess.”
“Me and you?”
“And Hanna and Sam. And Lucas and Ari. And Blake and Alise. We are all a hot mess. What happened to the love Sam and Hanna used to share?”
His eyes darken, the way they always do when his mood shifts. “I thought when we became angels we all sort gave up what we were. I thought the whole point to being an angel was to avoid the human rules and traps. Live and love freely. We had this conversation, remember?”
“Who said that? Who agreed we should act like a bunch of frat brothers?”
“What?”
I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Who said we should forget why we are fighting?”
He pauses, suddenly smiling. “Why are we fighting?” He winks at me smoothly and it’s sort of creepy since it’s Aleks. He’s a giant Viking. He doesn't wink and schmooze. “I think we should just have fun, Aimee. Have fun and enjoy this. We’ll know when it’s time to fight Lillith. Why waste our energy until then? The world isn’t going anywhere. Relax and have some fun. Trust me, I’ve been alive hundreds of years. Very little has changed as far as people go.”
I want to smack him, hard, but what he says makes sense.
This is her plan. She wants us to buy into the hippie mentality we all suddenly have. She’s cursed us or the Earth, or all angels.
Shit!
Is that even possible?
I need Lorelei. She’ll be able to tell. She might be the only one able to tell.
Aleks is still talking but I haven’t been listening. He’s staring out the window and smiling as he speaks of free love. I’m sure drugs are next on the list.
I almost contemplate taking a bit of video. When the curse is off us, he’ll want to see this liberal version of himself.
He’s going to die of embarrassment.
He actually needs a pipe, a beard, and a cardigan to really make it work. He turns back toward me and grins. There, in the light of day, I see it. I don't love him. I don't think I ever have. Not the right way.
His curse and his immortality persuaded me. I offer a slight wave. “Tell Hanna I said bye.” I wink to Shane’s. He’s at the table, reading a book.
Where are Blake and Giselle?
How long was I gone?
Where is my head?
Wait—Shane is reading?
The whole angel thing has us all acting crazy. He lifts his head and grins. My schoolgirl crush on him never seems to fade away. I still adore his tanned skin and dark-blue eyes. I love his amazing smile and sweetness.
Vampire Shane was an asshole, but angel Shane is exactly like high-school Shane.
“Hey, you! I haven’t seen you in ages.”
I don't know if his statement is true or not. My ages are becoming actual ages and my moments are fleeting like a dream. “How’s it going?”
He shrugs. “Reading some book called The Catcher in the Rye. Blake said it was epic. This kid just seems lost like any other teenager. He’s irresponsible.” He lays it down and snorts. “Not my kind of read at all.”
“Shane, do you remember when you liked me in school?”
He blushes a little. “Yeah.”
“Why did you like me?”
He wrinkles his lips before wiggling them and processing. “Gosh, that feels like a million years ago. I guess I liked how simple things were with you. You never expected anything or acted like a psycho. You were old, inside.”
“If I asked you out now, what would you say?”
He winces.
It makes me laugh. “I’m not going to ask you out. I’m just curious.”
“I guess I’d say no. I think of you like a sister. It feels like we’ve known each other for a hundred years.”
With all the messing around Ari did, it is like a hundred years. I get his point though. We have been together, in so many different ways that it feels like that life together has been lived. It has played out its part in our hearts.
That's how it is with Aleks too. The love was never true love. It was never soul-mate love. Or whatever other cheesy words there are for that kind of love that time stops for. “Aleks and Hanna are sleeping together.” I blurt it out.
He bites his lip. “I know. Sam was telling me that she and Alex were living some weird farm-life dream. She’s been cooking and hanging out, being the little wife. It’s weird. I didn't even know Hanna could cook.”
“Aleks was a caveman before—she probably can’t cook. He wouldn't know either way.”
Shane’s eyebrows lift. “Sounds petty, Aimes. Doesn't look good on you.”
“I know. I just don't know what to think about the giant mess we’ve become.”
“Wanna talk about it?”
“Yeah, but I won’t bug you with it.” I nod and wink. I can’t help but stare at the ornate door. It always makes me feel weird. I don't even knock before Roland answers it. “Ms. James, how are you?”
“Crappy.”
He offers me a smug smile. I don't know how to read it. It’s almost like he’s excited I said that. “I didn't know your kind could do crappy. You are all so happy and jovial, even when mass murdering. Your ability to be conflicted about anything seems a bit stunted as of late.”
“That's why I’m here.”
“You wish to see the doctor? He isn’t in.”
I shake my head. “I came to see you.”
His eyes widen but he opens the door wider so I can walk past him. When I get into the sitting room my throat tightens. It makes me think of Lydia. In fact, Roland makes me think of her and Annabelle every time I see him.
He leaves, but I know he’s getting tea ready. I don't even feel like having a cup, but he can’t sit and talk without it. The English are so strange. He comes back moments later and sits. “Whatever can I do for you?”
“I want to know how possible it is that Lillith has cursed us.”
“Cursed you?” His hairy eyebrows lift. I nod. He pauses, contemplating before agreeing. His eyes narrow and I see him start to piece things together in his head. “Well now, I suppose it is quite possible. In fact, now that I add it to all the oddities I have seen, it’s rather likely. The doctor and I noticed a difference in Hanna when you lot became winged avengers. It would explain why angels cannot be on this Earth without becoming the very thing they are meant
to stop. It would also make sense as to why Sam has been sleeping here for weeks, desperately uncertain of why he’s so upset. I’ve tried to explain to him it’s Hanna but he disagrees, saying he’s over her. Then he cries and later brings a different girl around for the night. He doesn't recall yesterday and he continually repeats himself.”
“I didn't even know Sam was here.”
He explains, “Oh yes, for some time now. Hanna has moved on.”
“Great.”
“Are you and Sam together then, a partner swap of sorts?”
“Uh no.” I wrinkle my nose.
His eyes dart to my pocket. “No, I suppose not. There is another person residing in your heart, if I am not mistaken.”
My cheeks flush as I lower my gaze.
“I won’t tell anyone if that's your concern. I recognize his scent on you. I assume it is the feather in your pocket?”
I nod, almost wishing I hadn’t come.
He gets up, pointing. “I have just the thing for you.” He leaves and comes back, holding a tray with our tea and a silver locket. It’s larger than the one my mom always wore. He places the tray down and holds up the locket, opening it and revealing a large space. “Place the feather in here.”
“It won’t fit.”
He smiles with the gleam he always gets when he is right. “It will, trust me.”
I pull the feather from my pocket and place it on the locket. It closes on its own, taking my feather with it. My heart leaps, but when he places the locket in my hands I sense the feather is still there. He hands me a tea and sits down with a cup for himself. “It’s magical. It has an enchantment on it. I believe it was once used to smuggle a sword into a cell.”
It makes me smile. He’s so old and wise. I sip the tea, inhaling the strange and relaxing smell coming off it. I immediately feel better.
“Do you still love him, regardless of his moving on to the next life?”
“I can’t help but love him. He’s the wrong choice. He’s dead for starters. He’s snide and shitty to everyone, including me. He’s so bitter and spicy, and yet I can’t get him out of my head.”
“Or your heart.”
“Or my heart. I love him in a way that weighs on me, like it’s drowning me. I don't even know how to be without him and I have never had him. He’s never been mine. He’s always belonged to himself and Lorri.”
“And you were with Aleks in the other lives.”
“And now the love I feel for him, regardless of his being dead, is so big it has cast a shadow over anything I have ever felt for another person. He has made me see that I never knew love at all. I knew bewitchment. It was what I felt for Aleks. I hate that I’ve made my feelings for him trivial, but I can’t help it. I simply don't feel that way now that we are on equal playing fields.” I sip the tea, clutching the locket. “And Shane, he’s like the brother I never had. My crush on him was shallow like the feelings I had then. Dorian is everything and nothing, and I can’t escape my pain.”
He nods. “Well, we have determined you can have magic placed upon you.”
I scowl.
“The tea. I put a little something in there to test it out. You spilling your feelings like that is a result.”
I scowl but his jovial laugh makes me smile. “You rotten old man!”
He shrugs. “Beyond dealing with the mopey angel upstairs, I don't have much else to do in a day.”
Placing the teacup down on the coffee table, I frown. “So we can be affected by magic. What does that mean? How does that solve my problem?”
“You can find the person doing it and stop them.”
That makes me sigh. I don't feel like I am closer to any answer.
“The real question though is how did it not work on you completely? If you see the spell, it didn't work fully.”
His question makes me think. “I don't know. Blake is fine too. He’s pretty normal. So is Shane.” I scowl and chuckle at the same time, conflicted over the changes in him. “Well, sort of normal. Shane’s been reflecting and reading and thinking far more than he used to. But he’s not out causing a ruckus.”
“Are you three the only Port Mackenzie kids?”
I shake my head but then stop. “On second thought, she’s the same too. Giselle, she’s always been kind of vacuous. This isn’t new for her. She’s a ‘live for the moment’ kind of girl, not in a bad way though.”
“The humans who were made supernatural are acting the same as before and the immortals and those born different are acting like the fallen?”
I nod.
“Then whatever the magic is, it only focuses on your angelic side. You kids stand a better chance of fighting it than the rest. You are born human and your human side has not died off.” He speaks like Obi-Wan Kenobi, contemplative and calm. It’s almost creepy.
“Well, what can I do? How can I stop them all from doing things they will regret and hate themselves for?” I have my own regrets sitting heavily on my chest. I can’t imagine what they have done.
“We will get Marcus and Lorelei to help us trap them somewhere that they cannot harm anyone, including themselves, until this is over.”
I wince. “They might like being all stuck together in a room, Roland.”
“I know. We won’t put them together. We will trap them and leave them there until we find some kind of solution.”
It makes me uncomfortable but he’s right. Lillith is working magic on the angels. She always has. Lorri just missed it because she was never impacted by it—I don't know how. I suppose because her resolve was so strong. I glance at the ceiling. “I’m going to go up and see him, if it’s all the same to you.”
“Please do. I fear he is not affected the same way the others are. He is melancholy and off, but he doesn't know why. I wonder if his being angel already, if that has created issues for him. He and Ari.”
“She’s full of issues, trust me. I hardly recognize her.” I slip the necklace with the locket over my head and nestle it into my shirt. Straightaway I feel more of everything, like I used to.
“How ever did you manage to win the heart of a man such as Dorian? I did not believe him capable of love.”
Crossing the room, I ponder it before I turn back with a faint smile. “I think it was fate. Before he showed me his heart, there was always something there between us. It was dark and frightening but if I look back on it honestly, it was the intensity of it all that I feared.” My smile grows into something honest and relaxed, a grin I have not worn in a while. “He watched me before I ever met him. A long time before Aleks and I crossed paths or Shane professed his crush on me, Dorian watched me. When I was sick once I caught a glimpse of him. I thought I had imagined it, but I saw him in the shadows. When I watched the memory in his mind, I was stunned to feel the emotions he felt, seeing me so sick and weak.” My eyes dart to the teacup when I realize I’m babbling. “I didn't win his heart, he gave it freely. He just never told me he had done it.”
Roland smiles. “I do love a good cup of tea, stop by again.”
I cock an eyebrow and wave, winking to the second floor. I knock at the door to the room I imagine he is in. Sam opens it, grinning wildly at me. “Aimes! I am so excited to see you. I was thinking that maybe we could all go somewhere, the whole group of us. Like a trip somewhere.” He’s erratic. Now that I have the locket on, touching me constantly, I see through the fog.
I push my way into the room, sighing and wrapping my arms around him. He responds with a hug, equally relaxing and resembling melting into a person.
It takes several seconds for me to realize he’s shaking. At first I assume it’s laughter, until he drops to his knees and wraps his arms around my waist.
Sam is one of my favorite people in the world. I hate that he’s devastated. I run my hands through his thick dark hair. I assume the bedhead look he’s sporting is actually from sleeping too much. He stops crying as if the sprinklers have abruptly shut off and sits back on his knees. “They’re having an affair.
”
“I know.”
“It’s not even an affair. She just doesn't love me anymore.” He wipes his face and sighs. “I wish I could make this go away.” He pushes on the spot where his heart is. “It burns and aches and weighs a ton.” He lifts his shirt, revealing old blood stains on perfect skin. “I tried cutting it out but I can’t. I healed so fast, the knife got stuck in there until my skin pushed the blade out.”
I almost gag. He’s lost his friggin’ mind.
His dark eyes look crazy. His angelic face breaks my heart. I drop to my knees too, lifting my fingers to his cheeks. He leans in, pressing his mouth to mine. The kiss is soft and slow, but when his chest presses against mine, the locket burns. I shove him back. “I have to go. I just wanted to see if you’re okay.”
He grabs me, pulling me into him, nestling his face into the crook of my neck. “Don't leave me here. The walls play pictures of us, me and her. They show me how it used to be. But I can’t get that back, and I don't know if I want it back. I just want the ache to go away.”
“Sam, you have to try to remember who you were before Lorri changed you.”
He shakes his head. “I don't want to. I think Hanna ruled me then. I’m over her now. I’m free of the love.” He’s lying to himself or delusional. The blood on his chest tells me delusional. “I never want to feel the pressure of all that again.”
I don't understand what he’s talking about. “Come to Shane’s with me. The kids will make you feel better.” I send a text to Marcus and Lorelei to meet me at Shane’s house.
He nods against me as I wink.
Chapter 3
Generation dipshit
Instantly, we are in the living room at Shane’s with the kids. Sam smiles and pushes away from me when he sees them. They come running, hugging, and shoving. He will always be one of them, the lost children.
My eyes catch dark hair in the corner. Marcus is standing with his arms folded. Lorelei fixed whatever was broken in him. Whatever it was that made him crave Hanna. I am pretty pleased that part of our shared hell is over.
“To what do I owe the great pleasure of this invitation, Aimee James?”