The Roses Academy- the Entire Collection

by Tara Brown

  “Someone had to do it. I’m glad it was me.”

  “God only gives us what we can handle, so he must have some serious faith in you.” My dad smiles and hugs me once more.

  “I wish he had a little less.” I laugh it off but there is truth in that. I don’t know if I will ever be the same again.

  We stay together as a group for a while before everyone splinters off, going to their respective havens.

  Lorri shows me how to make a haven of my own.

  I use my mind and create the bedroom from the Tower of London. It has a view of the lake where we bathed and a garden like the one at Marcus’.

  There’s wine racks filled with wine I will never drink and cigars I will never smoke. His clothes are hung, and I can almost reproduce the smell of him in his side of the closet.

  The house is a cottage and the world feels small. Sometimes too small.

  There is no loneliness here. I think of someone and they appear. I don’t know if it’s real, but when I think of Dorian he doesn’t come. He never comes.

  I have a painting of him over my fireplace, but that’s as close as I get to having him.

  I sleep at night, when I think it’s night, and I dream of him. My heart aches when I wake, certain I won’t ever get over it. Sometimes I wake crying. But I do get over it. I think of someone and they come or I go to them. I distract myself.

  It’s easier here than it was on Earth.

  But the hole in my heart is always there, lurking around a corner, waiting to attack.

  Chapter 18

  Time, that tricky mistress

  “Time is fluid. Life is unending, always moving and taking on new shapes. I never imagined we would die and just end.” My father gives me a little smile. “But I didn't think this was how it would end. All the while not ending at all.” He chuckles at the irony.

  “No.” I sigh. “Me either. It never ends. We change, but we continue to exist.”

  “What was the Earth like in the end?” Dad’s eyes are filled with curiosity. They sparkle like they used to before . . . just before.

  “Cold.” I reach for the memories but they’re not clear. Time has taken them from me, altered them slightly. “There was snow and people had moved south of the equator. It snowed a lot in the north.” A memory flits back in. “I was in Central Park, alone. Just me and the ravens. I think they were waiting for me to die so they could eat me.” Or waiting for me to kill someone, but I don't say that aloud to my dad. “It was snowing, and I don't think I've ever felt so alone.”

  His sparkle fades and his eyes lose their curiosity. “How long were you there?”

  “I don't know. I didn't see other people very often. There was no measurement of time.” I smile again. “Not that the measurements are real anyway. Time can’t be controlled. She’s an illusion we clung to as people.”

  “I still do,” he agrees.

  “I think I lost the time, the control, the organization that people strive to achieve. I sat unmoving for a long time and watched everything fade away. It changed.”

  “Was the world ending?”

  “No.” I am certain of this answer, more so than any of the others, even my memories. “It wasn't. It was just shifting into something different. Bringing about a new era. The people were adapting, I think.”

  “It’s what we do best. Always have.”

  “Still a Darwinian?” I laugh at him and myself.

  “Always will be.” He lifts his teacup and drinks. I can’t help but wonder how much of this is fake, how much of it is going on in my mind.

  We chat and laugh as if nothing has changed and this is a normal visit between a father and daughter.

  “Do you still have your wings?” he asks as he grabs his coat to leave because it was something he always did. He always put on a coat. Typical West Coaster.

  “I don't know.” I smile. “I haven’t tried to use them.”

  “I liked your wings. They suited you.” He smiles and hugs me before leaving. He fades as he walks through my garden, vanishing.

  I step out into the garden, enjoying its warmth. I concentrate on the emotions I haven’t used in a long time, trying to burst the wings out. Nothing happens.

  Glancing up at the sky, I change it to night so I might see him. I climb into the hammock I have off to the side of the cottage to focus on the star I decided long ago was Dorian. “Hey.” I smile and the star twinkles. Here, the star twinkles every time I speak. I tell myself it isn’t me doing it. It’s him. He’s real and I can see him. “I find if I don't outright think of things I struggle to find them. But I say your name so much, my memories of you are always there. I was thinking, the other day, about how we met. How you scared me so badly. How it felt the first time we kissed. I hated you.” I laugh, sensing heat on my cheeks and my heart quickening.

  The star twinkles a few times as if he’s laughing with me. But he wouldn't. Dorian wouldn't laugh at that. He would offer some shitty remark, making fun of the awful kiss and me.

  “Then I was thinking about how Lorelei said you watched me. You knew me way before I ever knew you. It must have been so hard to see Aleks come to life again around me, knowing you liked me too, but if you ended up with me, he would wither again. That was a noble thing you did, letting him be happy instead of you.” I wrinkle my nose a bit. “And then I was thinking, how all this is your fault. If you’d just come and met me and been a nice guy and acted like a normal human being, we would have dated. I never would have dated Shane or Aleks, and I wouldn't have wasted years struggling to be with someone I was never going to fully love.” The last part comes out harsher than I intend it to.

  The star stays bright, not twinkling or fading even.

  “And I know none of it was Aleks’ fault. My mom being a little witchy made me like you guys with the whole irresistible thing. But it’s still annoying that I have years of relationships that never fit right because you decided to be self-sacrificing that one time.” My chest tightens. “And now all I have are the little memories, the few moments, and an eternity to dwell.” I blink and realize tears are leaving my eyes, making the star seem brighter than it is. “And sometimes I think this is actually hell and all the bad things I’ve done have earned me this fate.”

  “Then we’re in hell together, love,” the star answers back. It’s him and not some eerie Heaven whisper—a full, loud-sounding Dorian voice.

  “You can answer back?” I sit up, swaying the hammock. “All this time you could answer back and you didn't?” I start to cry harder. “You let me think you couldn't see me or I was alone or I had made your star up?”

  “I couldn't see you. But I can now.” His voice cracks and I realize it’s not coming from the sky. I turn, falling off the hammock and landing on my butt when I see the dark figure. His eyes glisten in the moonlight as he takes a step toward me.

  “Are you real?” I don't move, in case this is something I’ve made up.

  “I bloody well better be.” He takes another step.

  I jump up, holding my breath and waiting for him to fade. But he doesn't. He walks closer, filling the air around me with that scent, the incense and sin he always smells like.

  “Aimee.” He says my name so softly it has to ride the breeze I made up to get to me.

  “Dorian?” I ask, so scared of what this might possibly be.

  “It’s me, love.” He rushes me, scooping me into his arms. I let my fingers dig in too hard, grip too much. I squeeze until it hurts everywhere.

  I can’t let go because if I do he’ll be gone and I’ll die all over again. This time from a broken heart.

  “Aimee,” he whispers into my hair, kissing my neck.

  I pull back, confused and expecting him to turn into someone else. “How?”

  “I’d like to think it was my winning personality that eventually won him over.” He chuckles dryly.

  “Are you here now, for good?”

  “I’m here right now so let’s not waste it.” He places me on
the ground again, brushing my hair from my face. I push my cheek into his warm hand and let him cradle me. “I missed you.” He cups my other cheek and lifts my face.

  I close my eyes, scared to see someone else kissing me. Scared he might not be the one here or this is my imagination. But I don't care. I need this kiss.

  My lips tingle with the warmth of him as he draws nearer, lowering to me and brushing a desperately delicate caress on my mouth. I savor the smallness of the great moment, fingers urgently gripping and bodies pressed against each other violently, but maintaining the delicacy of the kiss.

  After a moment, maybe spent with both of us checking the validity of the other person, our kiss speeds up. I still don't open my eyes. I see with my mouth that will never forget the touch of his. I taste with my tongue sliding against his, remembering the way it has always been. I inhale, almost feeding off the scent of him. The one that has always gotten me drunk with anticipation and stimulation. Hands tear at clothes as we stagger blindly into the cottage, him sweeping me across the room to the bed, the one identical to the bed in the Tower of London, feel and all.

  “Bloody hell, Aimes. What is this shit?” he asks as he lays me back. “You honestly couldn't create a better bed than this?” He snaps his fingers and it becomes a massive king-sized bed with candles all around it.

  I can’t help but laugh. Maybe he doesn't remember the bed the way I do. The way I always will. He didn't have to go back to it and try to relive every caress and moment the way I did. The way I still do. Time can’t take my memories of him away. She can’t have these ones. They belong to my soul.

  Chapter 19

  Rebirth

  Lying in his arms, relaxing for the first time in what seems like years but is likely millenniums, I glance up.

  “Go to sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up, I promise. I can’t do the whole you watching me sleep thing with your loud mind wandering off on a tangent.” He kisses my forehead and holds me tighter. He might sound cocky and shitty, but I know he’s as excited as I am. His words never match his actions.

  “I love you,” I whisper and kiss his chest.

  “I know.” He kisses again, staying and inhaling me.

  “Ari loves you too. She asked me to tell you that.” I miss her. I wish she and Luke and Ben could have come to Heaven, but I know the garden is even better. It’s real.

  “Thank you.”

  We sleep, I don't know how I do because I’m terrified that when I wake he’ll be gone.

  But he isn’t.

  I wake up and he’s there, still holding me. Only he’s watching me. His eyes are obsidian pools filled with bad things. Not the usual bad things, where we end up doing the things he’s thinking about. This is something else. It’s dread.

  “What?” I scowl, scared of where this will go.

  “I came to see you because I have a deal for you.”

  “A deal?”

  “It was the only way.” He swallows a lump in his throat and I get nervous. “I made a deal to go back. I can choose my time.”

  “Back where?” I’m lost.

  “To Earth. Back into the dimension we once lived.”

  “Back?” I sit up as a cold shiver comes over me. “You want to go back?” I’m horrified. The idea of being back on Earth makes me shake with nerves and probably some kind of trauma.

  “Not want, Aimee.” His eyes narrow and he gets that shitty look on his face, the one where I know we’re going to have an argument.

  “You’re being forced back? By who?”

  “I made a deal.” His eyes widen. “And I was hoping it might be something you’d be interested in.”

  “A deal?” My whole body is pins and needles.

  “Do you remember when you asked me about after?” He sits up, staring into my gaze so deeply I get lost in his. His dark eyes become a movie as I relive the moment, seeing it played out by us.

  “Yeah.”

  “I said a small house and us alone and a few other things that aren’t important. But the one thing I really wanted was a second chance. A do over.”

  “I remember.” The words “do over” burn inside me. It was the thing I wished for more than anything in the world. I was alone, half crazed, and wishing for second chances with first love.

  “I think we can have that.” His voice becomes a whisper, like this is a secret. “You and me, a do over.”

  “You and me?” I speak like I’m under his spell, I am. I always was.

  “There’s a catch.”

  “There always is.” My brow furrows and my throat goes dry.

  “We won’t be with each other. It’s a new start, but we could be anywhere. We could be anyone. We won’t be as we are now. I might be the girl and you the guy. Or a gay couple.” He chuckles but it’s not light like he’s playing it up to be.

  “What if we don't find each other?”

  “I will always find you. Always.” He tries to do the snake charmer thing on me.

  “But what if we don't? Is that a gamble?”

  He loses all the confidence he had a second before. “Of course. There’s always a risk. Freewill and all.”

  “Why can’t we stay here?” I cling to him, suddenly desperate again.

  “Because that's not an option for me. I have to go and live a life, shed my immortality and be reborn as a human. It's the only way back up here. I made a deal. I traded my angelic status to be a star again. I traded it so you would have all the help you needed.”

  “But a human life is nothing. It’s a blink of the eye and then you’re back here. You could go and come back and to me days would have passed.” I don't want to go. I don't want to say that to him, but it’s true. I’m scared of being stuck there again.

  “I understand.” He forces a smile across his lips, but he doesn't say everything. He leaves something out. My fear of going back lasts a second, the entire second his gaze tells me a story. Then I’m confused.

  “Are you sacrificing yourself for me?” I stare into his eyes, searching for the truth.

  “No.” He lies so well I almost miss it.

  “What aren’t you telling me?”

  “Nothing.” He breaks my stare but I see it.

  “Tell me!” I snap.

  “We might lose the connection. The reason we all have each other up here is the connection. The six degrees of separation on Earth is more like two up here. Your group of people, your friends and family and enemies, are who are connected to you. Heaven is infinite, layered over many dimensions. We’re together because we connected our souls, on Earth. And now it is that way here, in Heaven.”

  “I would lose my family and friends if I go with you?” But I would lose him if he went without me.

  “You might. You will be born again, a human. A fresh start.”

  “But what if we go there together, and I lose my friends and family here, and you and I never find each other down there? We’ll both be lost.” This brings back all the fears I had when I was alone on Earth.

  “I will find you.” He grips the side of my face and speaks to my soul with his, our eyes opening the windows to them and meeting in the stare. I believe him. “It’s our do over. We’ve earned it. Trust me. I will find you.”

  “I know we’ve earned it. I just don't want to forget loving you.”

  “Aimee, I never would have agreed to this if I thought it wouldn't work. I would have stayed a star, watching you lie on Aleks’ grave and yammer on about whatever the hell you did in a day. Like I didn't see you doing it. Do you have any idea how annoying it is watching someone learn to sew and then have them tell you all about it?” He laughs at me, almost never with me.

  “You did see me!” I wrap my arms around him again, hanging on for dear life. I can’t let go. I can’t lose him again. “I knew you were watching,” I whisper into his hair.

  “Always. I will always find a way to be with you. Trust in me.” He kisses the side of my head and pulls me back. “Come with me and do this and believe tha
t we are more than soul mates. We are meant to be together for all eternity, and neither time, the stars, nor dimensions can separate us.”

  “Okay.” I can’t believe the words leaving my lips, but he’s convincing. And deep down, under the trauma from it all, I am brave. “What do we do?”

  “Hang on.” He kisses me once more, pressing into me like he’s trying to bring me with him when he fades.

  But he doesn't.

  Chapter 20

  Immortal beloved

  I wait, confused and stricken, but I don't fade.

  He’s gone for what feels like an eternity, even if I know it’s not. His scent lingers in the air. “Dorian?” I ask, glancing around my cottage. It’s still filled with the bed that didn't fit when he added it. “Dorian?”

  “Aimee?”

  I spin to find Lorri at the door. “Where is he?”

  “Who?”

  “Dorian!” I rush past her, shoving her out of the way and checking the garden.

  “He’s been reborn. I came to tell you.” She has a confused expression. “Did he come to say goodbye?” she asks like she might laugh.

  “He came and asked me to come with him.” My heart is beating so hard I barely get my breath.

  “Cheeky bastard. Of course, he found a way around the rules. Always does, doesn't he?” She smirks, like we should be laughing and joking, but I’m panicking.

  “How do I find him?”

  “Go to the pillars, the place where you entered Heaven. The gates, so to speak. Ask to be reborn.” She says it like I should know this. “You should know, there’s no guarantee—”

  “I know.” I meet her gaze. “But I believe in him.”

  “You should.” She grins. “I have never met anyone like him. If anyone can be born again and get exactly what they want out of life with no memory of what that is, it’s Dorian.”

  “I have to go.” I think we both hear the desperation in my tone.

  “I know you do. I’ll tell everyone you’re well. And we’ll see if we see you again.” She’s softer for a moment, a whole one. She takes me into her arms, hugging me tightly. “I always knew it would be you. You would save me.” She feels like a mother, holding me and kissing the side of my face. I close my eyes, shivering from the warmth of her and then it’s gone.