“Yes. My mum and I both thought it was better than doing it at college.”
He nods his head in agreement, and despite this guy seeming pleasant enough I can’t help feel guarded after my experience with Liam. This is how it all started. He was suddenly Mum’s friend, suddenly in our house for regular dinners, fixing things, and generally inserting himself into our lives. I never paid much attention to the fact he was secretly plotting to take me. I mean, why in the hell would I? I know it’s irrational to think this guy may be a raving sociopath like Liam. The odds of having two of them in my lifetime are virtually nil. I still can’t help feel it, though.
“I agree,” he says, grabbing my mother’s hand and squeezing it. I look to where their hands are clasped and curiosity gets the better of me. My mum can see it in my eyes. I want to know.
“How long has this been going on?” I point to their hands and both Eric and my mum look at one another, smiling.
When my mum looks back to me, she smiles again, but this time it’s a nervous smile. “We’ve known each other for a few years, but it’s only really in the last six months that we’ve gotten closer,” she admits.
My frown doesn’t go unnoticed. My mum already knows what I’m thinking without saying it out loud. “I know what you’re thinking,” she starts, leaning forward. “I should have told you, and I’m sorry about that. It’s just,” she clutches onto Eric’s hand, and he smiles at her encouragingly, “he was there from the beginning, and he has been there ever since. He followed me here from London and to me that spoke volumes. After Liam,” she exhales a loud sigh, and I can’t help but clamp up at the mention of his name, “it was hard for me to trust anyone.”
I feel my skin heat, and my heart starts an all out war in my chest. My mum has never brought Liam up, so I’m more than a little uncomfortable that she chose to do so now—in front of a man who is a stranger to me.
I feel the weight of Eric’s stare, but it’s only when he speaks that I turn to look at him. “I think maybe I should go.” I feel his discomfort too. It’s when my mum nods her head that I speak up.
“No, it’s okay, Eric. Please stay. I want to ask you both something anyway.” Their expressions eager, I carry on. “So I take it you two are in a relationship?” They both answer yes. I turn directly looking at Eric. “How do you feel about my mum?”
Eric—seeming unfazed—smiles, but my mum stiffens. “I love her. In fact—if I’m honest—I’ve loved her from the first moment I laid eyes on her. I was there when Liam happened, so I kept my distance thinking she wasn’t interested in me. But I was there for her. I will always be there for her.”
Despite my initial wariness, I can tell from his eyes that what he says is true. He seems sincere, and I have no doubt from the way he looks at her that he cares deeply. I can also see from the look in my mother’s eyes that what Eric just said greatly pleases her.
Rising from my chair, I smile. I have what I’m after, but I have no desire to stay any longer than I have to. It’s not my mother’s or Eric’s fault, but having Liam brought up in conversation has somehow killed my mood.
“I got what I’m after.” I extend my hand out to him. “It was nice meeting you, Eric. Please don’t think I’m being rude by suddenly leaving. I’m just tired.”
His hand comes out at the same time that he rises from his seat too. “Not at all, Sasha. I’m glad to have met you. Maybe we can all go out for dinner sometime?”
There’s hope in his eyes, so I don’t want to disappoint. “That would be nice.”
Eric smiles brightly and so does my mum. I know that whatever I think of Eric is important to her. I can also feel that she notices my slight unease, but only Liam is to blame for this. Liam is always to blame for everything.
I say my goodnights to them and venture into my room to stew. From what I can gather, Eric seems genuine and my mum obviously trusts him. I know she’ll think I’ll be mad at her for letting him follow her when we moved, but how can I after what I’m doing behind her back with Easton.
Easton.
I can’t say nothing’s happening between us as that would a lie.
Getting undressed, I slip into my PJ’s and try to get lost in a book. It’s no use, though as the thought of Liam has entered my head and won’t let go.
It’s an hour later that I hear the inevitable knock on my door. I knew my mum would be worried and come looking for me once Eric left.
“Come in,” I shout, lowering my book down onto my lap. The door—which is already ajar—is pushed open and my mum’s head peeps through. “Is Eric gone?”
She nods, walking over to my bed and sitting down at the edge. “Yes. About that—”
“It’s okay,” I smile, reassuringly. “I get it.”
Her eyes widen slightly. “I expected you to be mad at me. You have every right to be. We were supposed to vanish from thin air, move here and start a new life. I should never have told Eric where we were going.”
Leaning forward, I place my hand over hers. “Mum, it’s fine. I trust you and your judgement.”
“What like you trusted me over Liam?” I wince at her mentioning him. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. We both didn’t see him coming. Why would we? But you trust Eric, right? It sounds as though you’re pretty tight. You never mentioned him before.”
She grimaces a little. “I’m sorry about that too.”
“Well, tell me now. I’m all ears.”
She sighs, her eyes glancing around my dimly lit rose coloured bedroom, before landing back to me. “I met Eric before Liam. We worked together in my old firm in Richmond. We were friends, but he kept his distance a little once Liam came into the picture …” She trails off a little like what she’s going to say next will be hard. I swallow myself knowing I probably won’t like it, but I have to know more.
“After what happened, Eric instantly inserted himself into my life. I wasn’t interested in romance. What mother would be after their daughter had been abducted? He was there for me from the very beginning and continued to be there. He actively searched for you just as hard as I did. He never once gave up in those three years and for that I’m forever grateful to him.”
Squeezing her hand, I say, “I hope you’re not in a relationship with him because you feel you owe him something?” I doubt that is the case, but I had to ask.
“Oh no,” she answers, on a smile. “If I’m honest I was always attracted to Eric. I guess it was because Liam popped up first and was more dominant in his approach. Eric has always been shy. I took that shyness to mean that he liked me, but that it would never go beyond the friend mark.”
I had to hand it to Eric. I don’t know the man, but I’m happy my mum had someone there for her. With no other family, I’m the only one she has.
“I’m glad you had someone there for you.”
My mum looked down, a sudden tear slipping down her cheek. “He was. But who was there for you?”
“Hey,” I answer, nudging her hand as she sniffles. “I may not have had anyone in person, but it certainly sounds as though I had you and Eric there in spirit. And that is—above all else—what matters. You had Eric there when you needed someone the most. He was there through all the bad times, and for that reason alone, how can I blame you for not letting him follow you? If you’re happy, then I’m happy. It’s time you let someone in your life. I’m just glad you let your heart open up enough to entertain the idea.”
My mum—not missing a beat—looks at me sceptically. “Is that why you’re hesitant with Easton? Does he scare you?”
More than you’ll ever know. But not for the reasons she’s asking.
“I like Easton. Really like Easton,” I admit. “It’s just things are a tad complicated right now. I’m right into my GCSE’s and I don’t want any distractions.”
Way too late for that.
My mum smiles brightly. “You’re so sensible, do you know that?” We both laugh together and then she says more seriously, “But I get why you are. Th
is is your year. After everything you’ve been through you deserve this year. It still annoys me that you should be going to university by now. Well, that’s if you ever want to.”
She looks across at my desk at the same time I do. I had been dabbling lately in a little project. I was making bracelets and blinging different objects. My next project will be my phone. I don’t think it will get me anywhere, but I enjoy doing it. When I’m creating all I think about is that. It’s a relief from the reality that the world brings at times.
“Those bracelets are beautiful,” my mum says, rising from the bed and picking the one I had recently finished. One that had multicoloured thread and beads that read “Believe.” She then picked up the one beside it that was similar, but read “Aim Big.”
“You can have one if you want.”
My mum snaps her head my way. “Really?”
“Yes. Pick one.”
She looks down at them, but aims the one that reads “Believe” high in the air. “I think this one, because I never stopped believing that I would one day find you.”
For a moment no words are shed. Just unshed tears. I smile encouragingly at my mum as she places it on her wrist and admires it. “It looks good on you.”
She walks back to my bed, but doesn’t sit. “That’s because you made it.” She looks down to my book, then back up to me. “I’ll let you get some sleep. Goodnight, Sasha.”
“Goodnight, Mum.”
She walks to the door and before she leaves, I say, “Oh, Mum.” She turns around, awaiting whatever it is I want to say. “I’m happy for you.” That’s all I say, but I know it’ll mean so much to her.
My mum doesn’t say anything. Just smiles, nods and slightly closes the door behind her. I know once she’s away from that door the tears of relief and of sorrow will come. I know because it does for me too.
I lay in bed that night going over my life before and after Liam, knowing full well that nightmares would come, but happy in the knowledge that they weren’t real.
But no matter how hard I try to convince myself that they aren’t, they still seem so … vivid.
Book
I wake to find Liam hovering over my bed, a big, beaming smile across his face. He’s freshly shaven, his hair tidily gelled back, and he’s wearing a brand new blue polo shirt and jeans. His new aftershave hits my nostrils making them flare for more. He smells nice.
“Happy Birthday!” he sings, pulling a beautifully wrapped red present from behind his back. It’s a small present, long, oblong, and has a pretty gold bow and ribbons on the top.
His happiness is infectious as I pull myself up, stretch, and yawn. “Thank you,” I answer, a smile gracing my lips as I take the present from his grip.
“I hope you like it.” Liam sits next to me on the bed, looking anxious and excitable as I rip the wrapping paper away from the obvious jewellery box. “I knew it was for you the moment I saw it.”
The silence is deafening as I prise open the box to reveal a beautiful silver necklace with a figure eight design. On the top of the eight is my name and at the bottom is Liam’s. My heart races at the thought he’s gotten me something so intimate. So … romantic. Until now, I was certain his feelings for me were platonic. Now, I’m not so sure.
“Liam, it’s—”
“You hate it, don’t you?” he says, slapping his leg in anger. “I’ve taken it too far. I knew I shouldn’t have. I just thought that with you and me … we’re all we have left. It’s a symbol of our everlasting relationship.” He closes his eyes. “I can take it back.”
“No,” I say, quickly. Now that he’s explained it more I understand the logic. It’s not a romantic gesture after all.
I offer it to him. “I love it, Liam. Please put it on for me.”
Finally, he looks at me, his face smiling and his eyes twinkling. “Really? You don’t hate it?”
I shake my head. “No. I love it. Please put it on.”
He eagerly takes the necklace from me and manoeuvres around me so that he can place it around my neck. I feel it drop after he fastens it, my hand gently cupping around the edges of the eight.
I feel the weight lift from my bed as Liam comes into view and inspects the necklace. I see the curve of his lips as his eyes meet mine. “I knew it would look beautiful on you.”
“Thank you,” I say again.
“That’s not all,” he says, practically dancing on the spot. “I have a surprise for you, but you must close your eyes.”
He’s so charged up right now that it’s rousing me up more and more. “Okay,” I say, throwing the covers off me and revealing my pink Garfield onesie. Don’t judge.
Liam helps lift me out of bed before requesting that I close my eyes. I do, and then I feel his hand grasp onto mine as he very carefully leads me away from my bed. I have no idea where we’re going, but when he tells me stairs are coming up and that I must be careful that my heart suddenly leaps into my chest. I’m desperate to open my eyes—to finally see where I’ve been for the last seven months, but I hold them shut for fear that Liam will take me back to my room.
With every step up, my heart beats faster and my grip on Liam’s hand tighter as he eventually leads me to God knows where. It’s only when I feel the breeze for the first time in months that I can’t help but open my eyes. A gasp leaves my lips alerting Liam to the fact that I can see. But it blinds me. Too long I have been kept in a room without seeing sunlight. Now it’s bursting through the patio doors taking away my chance to see freedom. But I don’t care.
Closing my eyes again, I lift my chin to the sun, inhaling its warmth and the fragrance of the summer air. It’s almost autumn, but there aren’t any signs of it today.
Feeling the heat against my cold skin makes me shiver. Liam’s hand is soon there, wrapping an arm around my waist and pulling me to him. “Cold?” he asks. I detect an air of intrigue and maybe fear in his voice.
I open my eyes, trying my hardest to look at Liam, but the lure of the outside is pulling my attention away from him. I squint at first, and then it all starts coming into focus. The patio doors are wide open, and its curtains are swinging in the gentle morning breeze. Outside, the birds sing the most beautiful tunes as the sun rises high in the sky. Through the doors is a patio area with a table and two intimate chairs sitting close to one another. On the table are two plates, a pot of tea, scones, butter, jam, and biscuits. All sorts of delectable food—food which my belly growls for. Beyond the table is an area of freshly cut green grass. So fresh that I can still smell the aroma hitting my nostrils. I breathe in taking all of it. I want more.
So much more.
“Do you like?” Liam asks, breaking me from my trance.
“Like it?” I almost screech, jumping up and down. “I love it!” Throwing my arms around Liam, I take him in for an appreciative hug. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! You don’t know how much this means to me.” I squeeze him to me and feel when he squeezes back, chuckling against my hair.
“You’re so welcome, sweetheart. Your happiness is my happiness.”
I pull away, fresh tears brimming in my eyes and it’s in that moment my euphoria is so intense that I lean forward, kissing Liam fully on the lips. Seven months I have been put away. Seven months of hating Liam, being grateful of Liam, rejecting Liam, loving Liam, all because he’s kept me prisoner—for my own good—inside four walls with nothing but books, music, and Liam for company. Seven months of never seeing the outside world, hearing the birds chirp, feeling the breeze hit my face—nothing.
Now, however—now I’m feeling everything and it’s like a sensory overload. It washes over me, crashing into my chest like a tsunami. My emotions are running high and all running high on one person.
Liam.
Today he’s shown me the freedom I crave for. The freedom I have been dreaming of the whole time I’ve been trapped here. The beholden feeling I have is so intense that my body reacted before my brain kicked into gear.
“Thank you,” I sa
y again, my lips brushing against his. I push my tongue forward, the intense euphoria kicking into something else. Something more primal. My belly clenches and my nipples perk wanting the feel of his hands on them.
“Ray,” Liam warns, trying to pull his head back. At first I don’t hear him, as nothing but adrenaline courses through my veins. I grab his head, pulling him towards my lips again, and pushing my tongue forward.
“Ray, that’s enough,” he says, pulling my arms off of him. He’s breathless and angry, but he also looks … I don’t know how he looks exactly. At the moment, I don’t really care because as the euphoria dies, all that is left in its place is his rejection.
I see the irritation on his face and for a moment, I step back, frightened that he’ll reject me further. Sudden anger enters my belly when I realise how stupid I am.
Liam, looking up spots the hurt on my face and that’s when his own anger softens. “Don’t be upset.” He steps forward, but I step back. “Ray, please. I didn’t mean …” He lets out an exasperated sigh as he runs his hands through his hair. “This morning was supposed to make you happy, and now I’ve ruined it. I didn’t mean to push you away, Ray. It was just … unexpected. Please forgive me. I don’t know what I’d do if you were angry with me.”
I watch as he looks away, cursing under his breath as he does. In that moment, my own anger fades. He’s tried so hard to make this special and now I’ve ruined it. It was not his fault I kissed him.
I step forward, taking his hand. “It should be me that apologises. I shouldn’t have done that and I’m sorry. You’ve gone to a lot of trouble for my birthday and I really appreciate it. I guess I got carried away.”
A small smile curves up on his lips as his head lifts up to meet mine. “You’re not angry?” I shake my head. “I made scones.”
I start laughing. “So I can see. Can I try one? I’m really hungry.”
Liam chuckles as he pulls me towards the table. “Me too. Let’s eat.”
The approach of Halloween is finally here. Today is the last day of school before we break up for half term, and for me it can’t come soon enough. It’s Friday, so again, English is my last lesson for the afternoon. I’m late and rushing, practically jogging towards the classroom. Despite the coldness of the day, I feel a bead of sweat run down my back making me shudder. I shake it off, round the last corner before I get to my class when I go crashing into the chest of none other than Easton.
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