“No. I mean, I’m leaving Cloverleaf.”
Jeremy froze solid for several seconds before looking straight in my eyes. “What?”
“I’m moving. I can’t stay here anymore.”
I could practically see his sense of calm snap as anger overtook him.
“So…what? Things get a little difficult, and you’re just gonna bail out? That’s bullshit, Savannah!”
“It’s not bullshit!” I screamed. I squeezed my eyes closed and clenched my hands into tight fists, trying to will myself to calm down. “All my life, I’ve made every one of my decisions based on what’s best for other people. That’s obviously done nothing but cause problems for everyone around me. I have to do this for me. For the first time in as long as I can remember, I’m making a decision based on what’s in my best interest. I hate how my life has been going and who I’ve become. This is the only thing I can think to do to get back to being that person I actually respect. Because I have to tell you, looking in the mirror has been pretty damn hard lately.”
Jeremy moved to sit on the edge, grabbing my hands in his. I could feel his hands shaking just slightly as he squeezed like his life depended on it.
“Savvy, you don’t have to do this. You don’t have to leave Cloverleaf.”
I pulled my hands out of his and folded them loosely in my lap. “It’s already done. Ben got in touch with a few of his friends from Austin. I already got a job up there.” I tried to smile to let him know that it would all be okay, but I knew it didn’t meet my eyes. “My house is already on the market. I’m leaving Sunday.”
He stood from the bed and staggered back. Complete shock covered all of his features. “Sunday?”
I couldn’t talk, so I just nodded.
“I…you can’t…please, Savvy.” His eyes grew red as tears welled up. “Please,” he whispered.
That one word broke me as he spoke it.
“This is for the best, Jeremy, for both of us. I promise, it might not seem like it right now, but you’ll see that this is what we both need. I can’t make you happy, not the way you deserve to be. And with me gone, you’ll be able to find someone who deserves you.” I let out a shuddering breath before I finished. “I never deserved you.”
He shook his head and turned to the door. Just as he pulled it open, he looked at me over his shoulder. “You’re wrong, sugar. You always deserved me.”
I spent the entire night trying to come up with ways to convince Savannah that staying was the right choice. But sometime around two in the morning, I finally realized that she was right. She’d spent years trying to please everyone around her. Trying to convince her to stay would be selfish. If leaving is what she needed so that she could feel like herself again, then I needed to learn to be okay with that, no matter how hard it was going to be to lose her.
I woke up and went about my morning in a complete daze. I never stopped to think that there would be a day when I didn’t see her even if it was just at a distance. I always assumed that she’d be in Cloverleaf if I ever needed to see her. Knowing she wouldn’t be here left a hole in my chest that I was afraid I’d never be able to fill.
My depressing cloud had only gotten darker by the time I made it to the garage that morning. Things were slow, and my guys had everything under control, so I decided to work on the GTO while I had the time.
As I worked on the engine, flashes of my relationship with Savannah played on a constant loop in my head until it finally became too much. Sorrow and anger completely engulfed me. I needed an outlet. Picking up a wrench, I let the weight of the cold metal settle in my hand before I pulled my arm back and let it fly right through the driver side window of the GTO.
It was almost ironic really. My relationship with the only woman I’d ever loved had been destroyed, and now I was destroying my dream car. I grabbed a tire iron off of the tool bench and began to beat the ever-living hell out of the car I’d been working years to restore.
There was no telling how long I had been at it by the time I exhausted myself. Sweat had broken out on my forehead, and I was out of breath from the exertion. Every window and light had been smashed. The driver side door was covered in dents. I dropped the tire iron on the ground with a loud clang and turned to find Luke standing there with his arms crossed over his chest.
“You feel any better?” he asked.
I walked to the mini fridge to get a bottle of water. I downed half of it in just a few gulps. “Maybe a little,” I conceded once I’d caught my breath.
“Well, I hope so. You just bashed the hell out of a fine-ass car. Shit like that should just be illegal.”
I grabbed a towel and wiped at the sweat on my brow. “You here to give me a hard time? Or do you actually have a reason for interrupting me at work?”
Luke quirked a brow and looked back at the GTO. “This is working? Remind me never to bring my truck in for an oil change.”
I started for the office. “Feel free to show yourself out.”
I should have known better than to think he’d actually leave. Luke followed me into my office and took a seat, assuming his typical position with his hands crossed behind his head and his feet kicked up on my desk.
“I thought I should stop by this morning and check on you, see how things went between you and Savannah last night.”
“Nothing really to tell,” I said, falling back in my chair. “I showed up, tried to get her to take me back, and then I left after she informed me that she’s moving to Austin.”
Luke dropped his feet off the desk and sat up straight. “Uh…what?”
“You heard me.”
I yanked open my bottom desk drawer and pulled out the bottle of bourbon I kept in there. I held it up to see if Luke wanted any. He nodded his head, so I grabbed two shot glasses and proceeded to pour. We downed the shots and I refilled both without even asking.
After we each finished our second shot, Luke asked, “You’re serious? She’s really leaving?”
“Yeah. She’s moving Sunday.” I said Sunday like it was the most disgusting word I’d ever heard.
“Holy shit. No wonder you beat the hell out of the GTO.”
“Yep.”
He uncomfortably ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know what to say, Jeremy. I’m really sorry.”
I was too.
“I’m still mad at you,” a teary-eyed Stacia informed me.
We watched as Luke, Gavin, Brett, and Trevor loaded the last of my boxes into the U-Haul truck I was going to drive to Austin in a matter of minutes.
I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her tightly, feeling a little teary eyed myself. “I told you that nothing’s going to change. I’ll be back for your wedding in just a few short months. I’m only going to be a couple hours away. We’ll still see each other, I promise.”
She let out a small sniffle and pulled back slightly. “Yeah, but it won’t be the same. You won’t be here whenever I need a break from Gavin because he’s driving me to contemplate manslaughter.”
“Love you too, babe!” Gavin hollered from over by the moving truck.
I ran a hand over her hair and gave her a smile. “You still have Emmy’s, Lizzy’s, and Mickey’s places to escape to whenever you need it. And, anytime you want, you’re always welcome to come visit me in Austin for a weekend.”
I looked between Stacia, Mickey, and Lizzy, and I felt myself getting choked up. Emmy had apparently shown up at the hospital after I was released, but I still hadn’t heard anything from her.
“I’m going to miss you guys so much.” I turned and looked at my house—or what was soon to be my old house. “I’m going to miss this place too.”
The four of us hugged and sniveled like teenagers as the guys packed the last box away. The latch closed on the trailer with a resounding click before the guys made their way over to us.
Brett wrapped an arm around my shoulder and pulled me in for a side hug. “It’s not like you won’t be back in a few days for your car. You aren’t movi
ng across the country, babe.”
I laughed and gave him a playful shove. Then, I turned just in time to see Lizzy completely lose it.
“It’s not going to be the same without you,” she cried.
Trevor walked up to her and wrapped her in his arms. “It’s okay, cher. You’ve still got me.”
She looked up at him with narrowed eyes. “That doesn’t help at all,” she insisted, earning a laugh from all of us.
I still had my fingers crossed for those two.
Just as I was preparing myself to walk away from everything and everyone I loved, a car came screeching down the street and into my driveway. Seconds later, Emmy jumped from her little Civic and ran at me full speed, barreling into me and wrapping me in a bone-crushing hug. We stood that way for several seconds with her face buried in my neck, tears drenching my white cable knit sweater.
“I’m going to miss you so damn much,” she whispered into my hair before finally pulling away and wiping her tears. “But I’m behind you a hundred percent if this is what you need.”
I smiled and looked at my oldest friend through blurry eyes. “I’m going to miss you too, Em, more than you’ll ever know.”
She graced me with a sincere smile, a smile I’d missed so much over the past several weeks. “Are you sure this is what you need?” she asked.
I shrugged my shoulders and answered honestly, “There’s only one way to find out.”
Luke walked up to us and pulled Emmy against his side. “You know, I really should ticket you for driving like that, baby girl.”
“Ticket me, and you’re sleeping on the couch for the rest of your life.”
We all hugged and cried a little more until it was finally time for me to go. I walked as slowly as possible, keeping an eye on the road the whole time. I couldn’t deny that there was a huge part of me that hoped Jeremy would show up to say good-bye. But he never did, and I’d dragged my good-byes out long enough.
With a heavy heart, I climbed into the truck and started the journey to my new life. All I could do was pray that I’d made the right decision this time.
I stepped out of the deli and onto the sidewalk, and the first thing I noticed was Ben walking in my direction. His head was down as he typed away on his phone, so he hadn’t noticed me yet. Rage boiled through my bloodstream at the sight of him. That was the man who had helped Savannah leave Cloverleaf, who had helped her leave me. I wanted to rip his pretty boy throat out.
I stood in silence until he was just a few feet away from me. “Hey, asshole.”
His head shot up, and his eyes narrowed when they met mine. “I’m sorry, I know you can’t be talking to me,” he replied sarcastically.
“You sure about that?”
He slid his thumb across the screen of his phone and slid it into the back pocket of his sure-to-be designer jeans. “I hope you’d be smarter than to call other people assholes. Kind of hypocritical, don’t you think?”
I took a step closer to him. “How the fuck could you help her leave?” I asked, grinding my teeth so hard they hurt. “You were supposed to be her friend!”
He gave me a shove before burrowing his finger in my chest. “I am her friend, you son of a bitch!”
“Then, why did you convince her to leave?” I all but yelled.
His eyes widened in shock. “Is that what you think I did?” A sarcastic laugh bubbled up from his throat. “Man, you really are a deluded fuck, aren’t you? I didn’t convince her to do anything. You should know her better than that.”
I couldn’t deny his point on that one.
“As a matter of fact, I tried to talk her out of it, but she was adamant that this is what she wanted, so I helped her. Because I’m. Her. Friend.”
I’d officially run out of steam on my anger.
“And you might want to check who you call an asshole. You’re the one standing here while your girl’s packing up her whole life to move to a different city at any minute.” He turned and began to walk away but not before delivering one last parting shot. “Looks like you’re the one who’s the asshole, if you ask me.” Then he was gone.
He was right, and that just pissed me off all the more. But this time, that anger was directed to a completely different target. It was directed at me.
Three Months Later
Life wasn’t exactly as I’d expected it to be. I’d hoped that I would find a way to be happy again and move past the horrible decisions I’d made, and to some extent, I had. I was able to look at myself in the mirror without feeling enormous resentment toward the person looking back at me, but there was still one problem, and it was a huge one. I was terribly lonely. I missed my family.
Work was going well, and I’d managed to make a few friends during my time there, but it wasn’t the same. A few men had shown interest, but I had no desire whatsoever to date anyone. I wasn’t sure how long it would take me to get over Jeremy—or if I was even capable of doing that. One thing was for sure though—three months was not enough time.
I had to admit that I was excited to be going home for Stacia and Gavin’s wedding. I missed everyone tremendously. Between wedding plans, work, and life in general, none of us had really had the chance to make a trip to visit. There were phone calls and Skype, but it wasn’t the same. I’d even spoken to Emmy quite a few times. Things were still a little strained, but we were getting there, and I was thankful for that. Other than a few inane text messages and emails, I hadn’t really talked to Jeremy. We would discuss things like how our days had gone or what the weather was like, but that was about it. Every interaction left me craving something more substantial, but I had no clue how to get us there. I missed him like I was missing a part of myself.
That night was the rehearsal dinner for Gavin and Stacia, and I had just finished packing when my cell phone rang.
“Hello, Lizzy…for the third time today,” I answered.
“Are you on the road yet?”
I laughed at her asking the same question she’d asked each time she called. “I would be if you’d stop calling and let me finish packing already.”
“God, you’re slow,” she grumbled pathetically. “Will you please get a move on? Trevor is driving me insane. The guy has stopped by my damn house every single day since you left to, as he puts it, check up on me, which in Trevor-speak just means trying to cop a feel and see if he can get lucky.”
I let out a laugh as I grabbed my rolling suitcase and the garment bag containing my bridesmaid dress. “Well, has he?”
“Has he what?” she asked.
“Has he gotten lucky?” I could almost picture her eyes rolling from over the phone.
“Pfft, he wishes. The man’s slept with every vagina that has crossed his path. I wouldn’t touch that with a ten foot pole.”
I was willing to put money on her changing her tune eventually, but I kept that to myself.
She changed the direction of our conversation and asked again, “So when are you leaving?”
It was my turn to roll my eyes. “I’m walking out the door now. You sure it’s cool if I stay with you?”
“Of course. If you even think about getting a hotel room while you’re here, I’ll track you down and beat you bloody.”
“All right, all right. I’m on my way. I’m excited to finally see everybody.”
Lizzy let out a small giggle. “By everybody, you mean Jeremy, right?”
“I mean everybody,” I replied.
She got quiet for a few seconds. “You know you don’t have to put on a brave face around me, right? You can be honest.”
I paused at the front door and rested my head against it. “I know I can, Liz. It’s just hard. I miss him so much every damn day. You’d think it would eventually get easier.”
“I don’t know what to tell you, babe. Maybe things will be a little clearer after this weekend.”
God, I really hope so.
I pulled up to Lizzy’s house and barely had the chance to get out of my car before Emmy, Mickey, Sta
cia, and Lizzy came running from the house and up to my car. They were all jerking me into hugs and talking a mile a minute so that I wasn’t able to make out anything anyone was saying.
I stepped out of the fray and held my hands up to stop them. “Just slow down. I can’t hear what any of you are saying.”
None of them missed a beat as they yelled out choruses of, “We missed you,” and, “I’m so glad you’re home.”
I felt the love I hadn’t felt since the moment I drove away from Cloverleaf. It felt amazing to be back.
Lizzy and Mickey grabbed my bags to take them inside with Stacia following closely behind them.
Emmy held me back, asking if she could have a minute to talk. As soon as we were alone, she wrapped me in another hug. “God, Savvy, I’ve missed you so much.”
“I’ve missed you too,” I replied, giving her back a pat before pulling away.
“No, I mean, I’ve missed you. I’ve missed my best friend. I know things haven’t been the same between us, but I just needed you to know that. I’ve missed you like crazy, and I’d give anything for things to go back to the way they used to be. I need my best friend back. Just tell me what I need to do to make things right again.”
I gave her a watery smile. “You just did it. I’ve missed my best friend too.”
“Oh, thank God,” she said with a sigh of relief. “Because I need a maid of honor.”
My jaw dropped to the ground. Then, my eyes shot down to the beautiful round-cut solitaire adorning her left ring finger. “Oh my God!” I exclaimed, grabbing her hand to examine it closely. “Are you kidding me? Why is this the first I’m hearing of a proposal?”
She was smiling so brightly that my heart couldn’t have been filled with any more happiness for her.
“I wanted to tell you in person. Well, I actually wanted to ask you to be my maid of honor in person. I hated the idea of asking you over the phone.”
I shook my head, trying to dispel some of my shock. “Yes! Of course I’ll be your maid of honor!”
Rising from the Ashes Page 19