“No, you can shut it.”
I close it, shutting out the light, and blindly make my way to the bed. I pause for a moment, wondering if I should get under or over the quilt, but then I tell myself I’m not twelve years old and worried I’ll wake up with a stiffy in the morning. I’m a grown-ass man, and I can sleep with a friend in the same bed without it meaning anything other than the fact that we’re both tired as fuck. I lift the sheets and climb inside. I lie on my back, and I can’t help the chuckle that escapes my lips at the feel of the firm mattress beneath my ass.
“Jesus, this bed is awful. How the hell did you sleep on this when you were younger?”
I feel her shift closer until I sense her eyes searing into my side. I look over to her and see her silhouette through the shadows.
She laughs lightly. “I’m not sure. I might have been drunk a lot in my junior and senior year.”
I laugh again. “How does that not surprise me?”
“What can I say? I’m a lush.”
We’re silent for a while after that, and when I think she’s nodded off to sleep, I hear a sniffle.
I turn to my side. “Are you crying?” I whisper through the darkness.
She replies with a hiccup-filled sob, “No.”
“Shh, come here,” I tell her, opening my arms.
She doesn’t waste a single second before she’s effortlessly sliding between them, burying her head against my chest, her arms coming to rest around my waist. The warmth of her body against mine sends flames of fire soaring through my veins, and I’ve never felt anything this right in forever. It’s like she is the perfect puzzle piece and slots against me as if she was meant for me.
I press my lips to the top of her head and simply hold her as the stress and shock from this evening wreck through her in sobs, her tears staining my sweatshirt. While one hand holds her tight to my chest, the other brushes through the thick tendrils of her silky hair that’s still a little damp from her bath earlier. I’m not sure how long we lie here, our arms and legs entwined with one another’s, but eventually, Kaelyn’s cries stop, and her breathing evens out, letting me know she’s fallen asleep. The sweet sound of her inhales and exhales relaxes me enough that my eyes begin to droop closed of their own accord, and with her in my arms, the heat radiating from her skin deep into mine, scorching me in the best way possible, I fall into a restful sleep.
You’ve Never Been Married
Kaelyn
The next morning, I’m in the passenger seat in Chase’s car as we head to my temporary home. I haven’t really said much since I woke up, yesterday still laying heavy on my chest, but waking up with Chase’s body wrapped around mine made me forget about the fire—well, for a few seconds anyway. Then, for a few more seconds, when my hands began roaming his solid chest, allowing my fingers to caress along the sharp ridges of his abdomen, I actually forgot that he wasn’t mine to touch. During that moment, I thought I’d finally won the guy of my dreams, but as my brain began to wake up, I started to piece everything together from the day before, and when the realization sank in, it was like a bucket of cold water being doused over me. Of course, that was the moment he chose to wake up, and the way I pulled away from him was as if he’d physically scalded me. Then, before he even let out a husky hello, I shifted from his arms and feigned that I needed to pee really badly before rushing to the bathroom.
Since then, I’ve been debating if staying with Chase is a good idea, especially with how quickly my feelings are growing for him. It’s when I’m close to his vicinity that I lose my focus around him, and I know being in his home isn’t going to be much different.
“You doing okay over there?” Chase’s question speaks through my inner thoughts.
I turn to him with a tight smile as he drives his Ferrari with expert precision. “I’m doing all right…” I let out a little cough before asking, “Are you sure it’s okay if I stay with you? Just, if it’s weird, tell me, and you can take me back to my parents’.”
He briefly looks my way before focusing on the road ahead. “I wouldn’t have invited you if I didn’t want you to stay.” I go to speak, and he quickly whips to face me. “And, if you ask if it’s okay one more time, I won’t hesitate to put you over my knee.”
My brow rises with surprise, and then I start laughing. “Put me over your knee? Wow, I didn’t know you were so kinky.”
He flashes me a grin. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me.”
His lightheartedness eases the tension building in my muscles since I found out about the fire yesterday. “Actually, before you threatened me with bodily harm,” I tease, and he just rolls his eyes, “I was just going to say thank you. If I was still at my parents’, my mom would have already been smothering me, so you’re the reason I don’t have to suffocate her in her sleep with a pillow.”
“That’s what friends are for. To either be an accomplice in a murder or to stop you from doing something stupid.”
I snort while he chuckles under his breath.
“You know,” I say after a few seconds of silence, “I could have followed you here in my car.”
“What, and miss this chance to have a ride in the Ferrari?” he says with a quirky smile. “Look, I can take you back for your car later. My place can be a little tricky to find.”
“I have GPS in my car. How tricky can it be?”
“With your track record, could be extremely tricky.”
I gape at him and cross my arms over my chest. “I don’t get lost that often,” I argue.
“Well, that wasn’t what your best friend told me last New Year’s Eve.”
I roll my eyes. “Oh my God, I missed my turn once in Austin when she first moved there, and now, she won’t drop it. I’m gonna strangle her when I see her.”
“Isn’t she pregnant?” he points out.
“Yep,” I bite out. “I’ll wait until she delivers my goddaughter, and then I’ll strangle her.”
“She’s having a girl?”
“I don’t know, but I’m hoping for a girl, so I can buy her pink everything.”
“That poor child,” he mocks, a smirk on his face.
I point to the road. “Eyes on the road, asshole.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
A short while later, we take a left turn down an almost hidden road. We drive for another eight hundred yards on uneven gravel until we approach an electric gate. Chase stops at an intercom and enters a pin before the gates open, and we drive inside.
My mouth falls open as my eyes set sight on a contemporary house that has to be the most beautiful home I’ve ever seen. It reminds me of a traditional suburban home with more of a modern twist. I look around to see if there are any nearby houses, but it seems quite secluded with only greenery surrounding the property for what seems like miles.
He parks in front of the garage, and we both get out of the car. Chase opens the trunk and takes my suitcase out. I go to take it, but he’s too quick, and he grabs the handle and carries it to the front door.
Using his key, he lets himself in. Stepping into the small foyer, he disarms the security alarm, and I follow him inside. The foyer opens up, and we step into the open-plan living area and kitchen.
“Wow,” I say as I take in his home.
It’s even prettier than the outside. The living room area has a tall ceiling with spotlights, whereas the kitchen has a lower ceiling with lights hanging above the breakfast bar. Bi-fold doors in the living room look out into the backyard. There are patio doors in the kitchen and high windows that span the walls, letting in a perfect amount of natural light. The sparkling hardwood floor spans the entire ground space. The interior walls are a pure cream color with a brick-finish fireplace with an electric fire and a flat screen above. The state-of-the-art kitchen looks as if it belongs on the front cover of House Beautiful magazine. In fact, the entire house doesn’t look as if it’s been lived in.
“And you said the only flashy thing you owned was your car. You’re such a l
iar,” I tell him with a huge smile on my face.
He shrugs his shoulder. “It’s nice, but I wouldn’t call it flashy. Just a means to an end.”
“No,” I say with a disagreeing tone. “My house is…well, was nice.” I let out a disgruntled groan before continuing, “This is beautiful.”
My eyes fall on the living room, and the vision of Olivia OD’d there causes a cold chill to run down my spine.
He must see where my thoughts have gone because he says, “This isn’t the house Olivia and I shared. I signed the lease to this place a few months before I filed for the divorce. I’d been slowly moving my stuff here, but I wasn’t going to move in until I told Olivia I wanted a divorce. That day obviously didn’t come, but this place is mine. Well, as of a month ago, it became mine when I purchased it outright.”
“What was your home with Olivia like?” I ask with curiosity.
He frowns, and a dim shadow seems to darken his features. “That was flashy and over the top. She wanted to live in a mansion, so I bought her a mansion, but I hated it. It was too big and cold, especially on the nights she didn’t come home.”
My heart tears into two at the sound of his dejected tone, but before I can question it, his face smooths out.
“I prefer this place. It’s smaller and easier to maintain. Also, it’s quiet…though, sometimes, that’s the reason I don’t come home much,” he tells me honestly.
I go to touch his arm, but he sidesteps out of my reach, picking my suitcase back up.
“Come on, let me show you the guest room, and then I’ll give you the tour.” He smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.
I frown, fury burning in my chest at the pain I see in the depths of his beautiful eyes. I don’t like to speak ill of the dying, but I hate Olivia for what she’s put Chase through and continues to put him through. He wanted out of the relationship, but instead, she got there first, leaving him to deal with the aftermath. I wish she were lucid and healthy because I’d kick her ass. I’m left to pick up the pieces of a man she hurt time and time again.
Pushing my feelings to the side, I follow him through the kitchen to a set of stairs and head to the second floor. I expected a hallway, but I blink with surprise when I find another living area with plush cream carpet, a corner sofa, and a huge TV on the wall as well as a desk with a state-of-the-art Apple computer. I love the living room area downstairs, but this has more of a homey feel about it that I prefer. Cozy. I can just imagine lounging in this room after a long day of classes and letting the stress melt away. My previous doubts of staying with Chase disappear with every single second I spend in this house.
He leads me down a small hallway before entering the first door on the left. He sets my case down on the bed, while my eyes take in my surroundings. The guest room is huge, and although it’s just as lovely as the rest of the house, it’s very basic with only a dresser, bed, and side tables. I suppose a room that isn’t being used doesn’t need much in terms of furniture and decorative items. The bed though, it looks like it’s made of clouds.
“I have two other guest rooms, and even though they are bigger, this has its own en suite bathroom,” he tells me as I walk over to the bed to see if it is as comfortable as it looks.
I sink into it as soon as my ass hits the bed, and I fall back with an exaggerated sigh. Yep, it’s like lying on top of a cloud. “Oh my God, is this made of a hundred percent cloud?”
Chase chuckles. “It’s a hundred percent memory foam, so essentially, yes.”
I reluctantly stand again as Chase heads to what I assume is the door to the en suite, but instead, it reveals a walk-in closet.
I let out a low whistle as I step inside. I catch sight of my reflection in the full-length mirror before taking in empty clothing lines on either side of me. One side is filled with a shoe rack, and the other side has a mixture of drawers and shelves.
“I thought walk-in closets were a myth, but now, I know they really exist. I’ve always wanted my own walk-in closet,” I tell Chase, my smile beaming.
“That’s not the best thing about this room. Check out the bathroom. I know you have a thing for bathtubs.”
I just about freak the fuck out when I step foot into the bathroom and spot the huge bathtub in front of the window that overlooks the forest. “No fucking way.”
I’m not shitting you here; you could fit about twenty people in this thing. I rush over to it and don’t hesitate to climb in it, boots still on my feet. I sit Indian-style in the center. I reach my arms out, and I let out cackle.
“I can’t even reach the sides; this thing is so big. I feel like I’ve died and gone to heaven.”
With his arms crossed over his chest, he watches me with amusement, his shoulders shaking with laughter.
“How is this not your bedroom?” I ask.
“I’m in the master bedroom downstairs.”
“Wait, this isn’t the master bedroom?”
Chase shakes his head. “Nope.”
I’m up on my feet again and out of the tub. I grab his hand and begin to drag him out. “C’mon, I need to see this master bedroom.”
Once he’s finished giving me the guided tour of his entire house, finishing with his bedroom, I walk into the kitchen in a daze. His bedroom is not only bigger than the guest room upstairs, but it’s also bigger than my entire house. His bathroom, though just as impressive as the one in the guest room, only has a walk-in shower, but that itself is the same size as my bedroom.
“You thirsty?” Chase asks.
I nod as I take a seat on a stool around the breakfast island.
“Water okay?” he says as he walks over to the refrigerator.
“Yes. I need to detox after all that tequila and beer I drank yesterday.”
He grins. “Yep. We drank a lot last night.”
He returns from the fridge and hands me the bottled water. I unscrew the top and take a few long chugs. He closely watches me for a moment, and every inch of skin heats at the intensity of his stare.
“You seem a little better than yesterday.”
I blink at the sound of his voice, realizing for a moment that I lost myself in his gaze.
“That’s because I don’t want to go back home. I want to live here forever. This is really a beautiful home.”
He shrugs his shoulders, a tiny smile pulling at the corner of his mouth.
I take another sip of water before speaking again, “You’re allowed to be proud of the things you own, you know. You’re allowed to be proud of your career, the money in the bank, the clothes on your back. I get the sense that you believe you don’t deserve a house like this. That you don’t deserve your wealth.”
He looks contemplative for a moment. “Honestly? It’s because I don’t deserve it.”
“Why?”
“Why what?” he asks, bemused at my one-worded question.
“Tell me why you think you don’t deserve your life, why you don’t think you deserve this,” I say, waving my hand in the general vicinity of his house.
“You already know why.”
“Olivia?” I ask even though I know the answer.
He just nods.
I shake my head with sadness. “I can’t tell you what to believe or how you should feel, but you shouldn’t blame yourself and your success for Olivia’s drug problem because it isn’t your fault. Like I’ve said before, she’d have taken drugs regardless of your fame. She is the reason that she OD’d and essentially wrote her own death sentence. She’s the reason she won’t get to see her daughter grow up, the reason you have to say good-bye to her.”
He winces, and my stomach dips with regret when I realize just how harsh that must have sounded, but growing up with four brothers, I know, right now, he needs some tough love.
“On some level, I know that, but everything I look at, everything that my wealth has afforded me to buy, just feels like a bitter pill. Like it was all at her expense.”
“I get that. I do. I just hate that you’re
not proud of your life. I hate that she’s taken that away from you,” I tell him honestly, emotion in every crevice of my voice.
Smoothing his hand over the scruff on his face, he flashes me an irritated glare.
“It’s hard to be proud of a life when your best friend and wife loved partying more than you, loved heroin more than you. I should have been able to protect her, but I couldn’t because I wasn’t good enough for her. I wasn’t enough for her.”
It wouldn’t be like that with me. There’s nothing I wouldn’t give up for you. I would love all of you. You’d be enough for me. You are enough for me. I don’t say this, but it’s on the tip of my tongue.
“I was supposed to protect her. I was supposed to be strong enough to save her. You’ve never been married, so there’s no way you’d understand what it’s like to see the person you thought you’d spend the rest of your life with slowly kill themselves. You have no idea what I’ve had to deal with. You don’t have a fucking clue.”
A lump forms at the back of my throat, and his words cut like a knife—a machete, to be precise. Even though my insides are bleeding out from his words, I calmly set my water on the counter and stand.
“No. You’re right. I’ve never been married, so I couldn’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through. I do however have a fucking clue because I see how much pain you’re in. I see it in your soul, in your eyes, in the way you hugged me yesterday. Hell, I can feel it radiating from you, feel it like it’s my own. She didn’t deserve you. She doesn’t deserve you, and because of her, you don’t even know your own worth, and that’s a fucking tragedy if you ask me.”
His eyes hold the pain I’ve just mentioned, and I have to look away from him when it feels like I can’t breathe from the intensity of his hurt.
I clear my throat. “I think I’m going to unpack my stuff and get settled in.” I make a few steps forward when his voice stops me.
“Kaelyn…” That single word is laced with regret and distress that it bears down on my chest like a boulder.
My Forever (Our Forever Book 3) Page 23