by Drew Sera
Anthony stood in front of us with his hands on his hips, and he stared down at me. He walked over to the foot trunk that said “rations” on it, picked up some water bottles and brought them back to us. Anthony knew I wouldn’t break the contact with Sydney until I knew that he had hold of her.
I held the water up for Sydney to drink and then I drank the rest. While I drank, Anthony picked her up, sat down next to me, and situated her on his lap. I felt sicker as I watched Sydney mold to his body as he began stroking her neck. When I started to get up, Anthony reached out and grabbed my arm.
“Nope. Don’t, Col.” I met his icy gray eyes and knew he was trying to stop me from making another mistake. “This is where you need to be.”
He was right. Fuck, I nearly screwed up again. I took a deep breath and sat back down. Sydney stretched her legs out across my lap and smiled at me while wrapping her small hand around my arm. Yep, this was where I needed to be.
After Sydney’s chills had subsided, we changed and headed downstairs. We sat quietly at the couch section that had become our “go to” place. While she leaned against me, I tried to think of an excuse for my neglecting to check the scene area before we played. I walked around and looked, but didn’t really look at everything like I usually did. Why? If Anthony hadn’t been there, it could have gone south very quickly. I owed him big.
I glanced over at him and he was looking at me. He knew I felt like shit, but he only shook his head at me. Matt and Gina appeared and came over to sit across from us. Anthony stood while looking at Matt.
“Col and I are going to the bar to get some drinks, can you sit with Sydney? We’ll get you guys whatever you want to drink.” Anthony reached down and stroked Sydney’s cheek with his thumb.
“Absolutely. Just ice waters for us, please.”
Matt took Anthonys seat, and then Gina cuddled up to him as he flung his arm over the back of the couch behind Sydney.
“Sunshine, stay here with Matt and Gina. Do you want a Coke?”
“Yes, Sir. Please.”
“Done.” Anthony looked at me, and I followed him. We leaned against the bar, and Anthony called out his order before turning to look at me. He was going to ream me for being so careless, and I totally deserved what was coming.
“Knock it off, Colin.”
“Anth, that could have gone in a bad direction had you not been there.”
“But it didn’t."
“But it could have,” I said to him and suddenly his glare was on me again.
“Do you really want to get into a game of ‘what ifs’? Between the three of us, there are more than enough events that could have gone the other way, but didn’t. Would you climb all over her for making a mistake?”
“No, not at all. She’s new to this kind of relationship, Anthony.”
“So the fuck are we.” He sipped on the Coke that was put in front of him. “Mistakes are going to happen. We’re human. It’s just like you’ve told her; we learn from our mistakes, don’t dwell on them and move on.” He took another sip, draining the glass. “That’s what we’re going to do right now; learn and move the fuck on.”
I turned to see Sydney and Gina leaning forward, talking to one another across Matt. The sight made me smile and relax some. Anthony clasped me on the back. “She’s fine, Col. She’s stronger than I think you and I realize at times.”
“You’re right. But thank you for catching that tonight.”
“No prob, Col.”
Anthony put both hands on my shoulders, gently shaking me. He playfully slapped the sides of my biceps and picked up Matt and Gina’s waters. I gathered our drinks and followed him back to our spot.
2
Saturday, December 7th
Sydney
I woke up from a bad dream with my heart pounding and sweat on my body. I wish they’d stop. I hate when I wake Colin and Anthony up from them despite them making me feel safe when I do. I wanted them to hold me, even if was just for a few minutes. I started to reach out to grab Anthony tighter but held back. They’re going to get rid of me if I continue to wake them up.
I had been dreaming about being burned and then put in the closet. I hated the closet so much. Sometimes after Howard would burn the back of my neck, he’d bind my wrists to the clothes bar, put the black hood over my head, and leave me there for a while. I wasn’t strong enough to keep my head up the entire time I was in there. My arms were high above my head, and my shoulders and neck would get so tense and tired. I’d give into the exhaustion and let my head hang down between my arms. That position hurt too because it would cause the skin to pull on the back of my neck near the burn.
Without realizing what I was doing, I was rubbing my hand over the back of my neck. Get it together, Sydney! I was trying to be still without disturbing or waking Colin and Anthony. I felt like I couldn’t breathe all of a sudden. I think I’d take a beating from Howard over the burns. The burns hurt so badly. A terrible sounding noise escaped my mouth, and I quickly shut it tight. I held my body very still, hoping they hadn’t heard. I tried concentrating on the calm rise and fall of Anthony’s chest that was under my face.
I didn’t think either were awake but when I glanced up to make sure, I saw that Anthony was awake and was looking down at me. He knew. Just knowing that he knew I had a bad dream made me start to cry. I wanted to beg him to hold me, but I couldn’t get anything to come out.
Anthony quietly sat up and pulled me into his arms. I tried covering my mouth to keep the noise down so I didn’t wake Colin up, but Anthony pulled my hand away from my mouth, and I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck. Everything feels right in Colin and Anthony’s arms. I hated being touched before them, and they make me feel safe and cared for.
Anthony cradled and carried me to one of the two new, fluffy chairs, and then wrapped a blanket around me. I tried so hard to keep it in and not make any noise, but he was holding me. I choked on a sob, covering my mouth again, but he pulled my hand away. We did this a few times until he held my hands in his. His hands were so big but gentle.
“Sunshine, you’ve got to let it out.” I shook my head, trying to be strong. He kept nodding at me and then put his lips against mine. “Let it out, Sydney. Give me that nightmare and your tears.” He kissed me softly and held me against his chest with one arm while his other hand still held both of mine. I was safe. I felt the lump in my throat start to take over. I was losing it. “Sydney, let go. Sunshine, this isn’t healthy.”
He made a gentle open and closing motion on my stomach and then flattened his hand again. I didn’t understand what he was talking about, but it was like he understood that too.
“Holding things in, sweetheart. You’re afraid to make a noise. Howard scared you, and I understand your apprehension. Sydney, listen to me…Colin and I aren’t going to freak out and get angry when you wake up from a nightmare. We’d freak out if we knew you were suffering, and we couldn’t help you. We want to help you and will help you. But you can’t keep the tears inside. Letting them fall is a great way of purging this pent up shit from your system. I’ve got you, sunshine. Put it on me, and just let it go.”
I cried uncontrollably while he held me tightly in the safety of his arms. I let the terror of my dream spill from my lips, though he probably couldn’t even understand me.
“The burns hurt s-so b-bad, S-sir.”
“Anthony, sweetheart. I’m not just Sir.”
Anthony. I tried to take a deep breath but couldn’t. Hearing him remind me to use his name made me remember quickly that he wasn’t just my Dom. He was everything.
“You were dreaming of being burned, sunshine?”
Anthony’s voice was calm and quiet, and his body felt so good wrapped around mine. I frantically nodded my throbbing head, and the tears wouldn’t stop falling. I could see Colin starting to stir and quickly pulled my lip in to stop making noise. Stop crying, Sydney! I screamed at myself. I was shaking uncontrollably and couldn’t stop it. My chest felt tight, and breathing
was difficult again.
“Sydney, calm down. Shhh…come on, sweetie, breathe with me. Plant those pretty blues on my eyes…Good girl.”
Good girl. The phrase made me smile and blanketed my head. I loved hearing that phrase and would do nearly anything to continue to earn that praise. The tightness in my chest wasn’t as bad, and I tried focusing on breathing deeply with his direction. We took a few deep breaths together, and the next time I swallowed I noticed the lump wasn’t in my throat anymore.
“That’s my good girl. Now, slowly tell me about your dream, sunshine.”
“I was in the closet after he burned my neck…I was tired. When I’d get tired, I’d let my head drop and my skin around the burn would pull. It hurt badly, Anthony. I hated being burned on my neck…It’s hard to explain.”
I could feel him take a deep breath and watched his eyes roam my face. He looked over at Colin’s still sleeping form and then back at me. He effortlessly repositioned me on his lap so that I was sitting on his thighs, close to his bent knees, with my legs on either side of his. I kept my eyes on his. He slowly reached up and rubbed his hand on my cheek, and I leaned into it for the warmth and connection.
“Burns are terrible. It’s hard to explain the feeling to someone so they’d understand exactly what it’s like to be burned by a cigarette…The feeling of a fire that just broke out on your skin is hard to describe…or the feeling of being held down by hands of steel while squirming and offering up anything else just so the burning stops…or the smell that assaults your senses…or when you have to walk carefully and hold yourself still, so the fabric from your shirt doesn’t catch the edges of the flaky, healing hole that’s been made on your skin…or the pulling feeling when it sticks to the bandage…or the realization that once the light colored skin is burned from your body that a tender pink layer of skin is exposed. Because no matter how descriptive you are, the other person couldn’t begin to truly understand what it feels like.”
He broke eye contact with me and looked downward. I focused on a spot he was looking at on his stomach. He pulled away some hair near his belly button and tapped on a faint, white, familiar looking spot. I quickly looked up, and his eyes were on mine. He took my hand and put it over his burn. I didn’t know what to say.
“No one will understand the fear in touching those places. Each time you touch them, it’s like you relive the terrible event and why the fuck would someone ever want to do that?” He swallowed and then looked back down at my hand on his belly button. “But you know what, sunshine? It’ll get better and easier. The burns will fade and will stop hurting. The memory of what it feels like to be burned, I’m sorry to say, won’t fade. That memory and feeling will forever be with you.” Anthony reached up and slowly weaved his hand through my hair until his hand curved around the back of my neck right by my burns. “But you’ll learn that even though someone burned you, you’ll trust someone enough to allow him the chance to help you heal. You’ll let him touch you there. Not out of fear, but because he understands, sunshine.”
Anthony understood. I felt terrible for him but some really strange part of me thought that maybe I could open up to him about this because he really understood. I felt like I was too far away from him, and I wanted him to hold me close again.
I started crying again and he pulled me against his body. It felt so good to be in his arms. With my head resting on his shoulder and chest, Anthony pulled my hand away from my mouth again and spread his hand out across my tummy.
He encouraged me to shut my eyes and try to relax. I know that he’d continue to hold me even if I fell asleep.
3
Saturday, December 7th
Anthony
I felt her body jerk and waited to hear pieces of a broken nightmare or worse, her safe word. Neither came though. But she was awake and looking up at me. I knew she was trying to contain something terrible that was running loose in her head. When her tears threatened, I picked her up and took her to our new sitting area close to the fireplace in our new room. She was trying to be quiet because she didn’t want to wake Colin. I tried telling her not to worry about it.
“Try to sleep, sunshine.”
I took a deep breath and gazed down at her hand that was resting on my right pectoral muscle. While it was never my intention to tell her I knew what it felt like to be burned, I thought that maybe it would help her. If she knew that I understood it, maybe she’d feel more comfortable in talking about it. Colin and Matt knew that I had been burned.
Sydney has got to stop being afraid to cry or make noise. It’s horrible to be afraid to make noise. I was terrified of making a peep when I was little. If I cried from a beating, I was beat worse, and they’d put heavy tape over my mouth. If I cried or whined about Bruce and Connor hurting my mom, I was beat. If I was hiding and made a noise, Bruce would know where I was. I had perfected the art of hiding and keeping quiet. I hid a lot. When I see Sydney trying to hold the tears back or keep from making noise, I see myself as a kid trying to keep quiet. I’d hide under a table in our living room a lot. It was against a wall and two sofas were against the table in an “L” shape. I was small enough and hid under the table a lot. I’d hold the legs of the table down, as if it would stop Bruce, and I’d curl up quietly and hold myself as still as possible. My stomach would be in knots as I feared I’d be discovered.
Sydney can’t hold herself in that tight fashion anymore. I need to talk to Colin about it. We have to get her to stop doing it. Fear like that is horrible, and it’ll start eating away at her. And I’ll be damned if she continues to live in fear with Colin and I.
I hugged her body closer to mine and continued to gently rock her in the chair and soon Colin came over and sat in the other chair. He reached over and pulled the blanket up over her shoulder and rubbed on her back.
“I didn’t even hear her wake up,” he said.
“Her body jerked suddenly, which alerted me.”
Colin and I took her back to bed, and we snuggled up to her. I had trouble falling back to sleep. I was very concerned about her trying to keep herself quiet. I finally ended up drifting off to sleep.
The next time I woke up, I heard her warm giggles filling the room. She was facing me, and her hand was running around on my chest. Colin was behind her and was having her ass for breakfast. Instantly, I grew hard and encouraged her to play with me. From the nightstand I grabbed a condom and opened it quietly and offered her the latex ring. She pulled it from the package and rolled it down my length while I set the wrapper on the nightstand.
“Climb on Anthony, baby,” Colin instructed.
I took hold of her hands and was getting ready to help her slide down my cock as Colin continued giving her instructions.
“Sit on him, baby, but face me.”
I sat up and leaned on the headboard while holding her hands as she straddled me. I helped steady her as she slid down my shaft and then put my hands on her hips. I stared down at those cute fucking dimples right above her butt and set my thumbs over them softly.
Colin sat close to us and between my outstretched legs. He took hold of her hands and guided her to lean forward and go down on him. She eagerly took him in her mouth, and he shut his eyes. I reached over to the nightstand and pulled out some lube, lubed up my thumb, and then slowly worked it into her ass.
“That’s it, baby. Suck harder; you won’t hurt me,” Colin said to her. “That’s it, Sydney.” Colin looked dazed and his eyelids were heavy. He’s so in love with her.
My release built up from my balls, and soon I grunted out my orgasm. As I came, I heard Colin’s loud grunts over mine. At the same time I felt Sydney’s ass and pussy grab at me. I gently pulled my thumb out of her tight ass but left my dick in her until I softened and finally slipped out. Colin had fallen backwards on the mattress and was staring up at the ceiling with a hand over his chest and smile on his face.
Eventually we made it to the shower and got cleaned up for our day. Blake was coming over later today alon
g with Matt to go over the Irons party details. But first, we were taking some donation items to a shelter that Sydney recommended.
4
Saturday, December 7th
Colin
We took my Range Rover and headed towards the shelter that Sydney told us about. I had lots of questions about the shelter and how Sydney knew about it. I hoped she didn’t have a connection to it, but I hadn’t asked about the specifics, yet.
I think Anthony worried about her connection, if any, as well. The other day when she mentioned the place, I spent some time looking into it on Friday at work. It looked like it might be a few blocks away from where her apartment had been. It appeared to be more of a place for food and small shelter rather than a regular homeless shelter. Still, I couldn’t help but wonder and worry.
I pulled up to the curb. Sydney insisted on carrying something, so we gave her the smallest box. Anthony and I each carried a box and walked on either side of Sydney. As expected, we were heckled by some of the people waiting in line to get inside. We ignored them and headed through the non-food line entrance.
Sydney headed towards a desk where a man sat on the phone. He recognized Sydney, which is what I didn’t want. I didn’t want someone to recognize her because it would have meant that she had been there before, and that thought upset me.
After the man hung the phone up, he clasped his hands together, smiled, and stood. He came around the desk and greeted Sydney warmly. He started to reach out to put his hands on her upper arms but then stopped suddenly as he continued to appraise her. He was an older man, maybe late sixties.
“Sydney, it’s so good to see you. You look well. Happy and healthy.”