by Elbel, Joy
Not seeing what I hoped to see in that cup really stung—no pun intended this time. With all of the new leads I had, this couldn’t possibly be the right time for me to be still. I listened half-heartedly while she explained the meaning to me.
“Bees are the sign of hard work that pays off in happiness. It’s a good sign, Ruby. Why do you look so sad?”
“It wasn’t what I wanted to see. I’m ready to take off on another adventure—not sit here waiting to see what’s going to happen next.”
“It will happen when it’s supposed to happen. But in the meantime, think about the parallels. Bees work hard but for a sweet reward. Zach’s your honey—you’re going to get him back in the end. Go with the flow—don’t fight it. Have a little patience.”
“The only time I’m patient is when I’m asleep—so that’s what I intend to do ASAP.”
“Yes, you’re going to need all of the energy you can get tomorrow. It’s Halloween weekend—Poe’s Corner is going to be crawling with zombies!”
Ugh. I’d forgotten all about that. Halloween used to be my favorite holiday yet this year it almost passed me by without notice. I guess when your entire year was chock full of ghosts and everything else that goes bump in the night; there was no need to celebrate it anymore.
I drove home feeling slightly depressed but clinging to one last hope for the day—my phone call to Detective Bailey. He would have much better luck finding Josette than Roxanne or I ever would. He would have access to police data bases all over the country. The tea leaves were wrong this time. I would have Josette’s information in a matter of a few hours. This definitely wasn’t time for me to be still.
Detective Bailey answered my call on the first ring. He was clearly not a fiddler. He was a touch on the sarcastic side yet laughed after almost every sentence. I got the impression that he was the kind of cop who got things done—even if those things weren’t always legal. And for Zach’s sake, I was okay with that. When I asked him how long he thought it would take to find Josette, he gave me the answer I didn’t want to hear.
“A few days maybe. Unless this woman really wants to stay hidden. In that case, it could be a few months—or, hell, maybe even a few years assuming I find her at all. I’ll give you a call on Monday. I should know more by then.”
Months? Years? He had to be kidding me! I was going to have a hard enough time just staying sane until Monday! I remained patient throughout the rest of our conversation but screamed into a pillow as soon as it was over. Frustration, forced patience, and being still were going to be the death of me. Mentally, I was barely staying afloat.
Tired yet overwhelmingly restless, I paced the length of the apartment multiple times to ease the nervous energy building up inside of me. Once I felt a bit calmer, I called Shelly to let her know that I now had a private investigator of sorts to help me out. Then, I sat down at my desk to write.
While my body was ready to crash for days on end, my mind was aflutter with thoughts of nothing but Zach. I hated the fact that he ended up in the psych ward, but at least I knew he was safe in there. As long as he stayed locked up, I had one less worry on my mind.
Around eight ‘o clock, I took a melatonin tablet to help ease my brain into dreamland. But after the dream I had that night, I wished I hadn’t. Dreams—one more thing to add to the list of things that were going to be the death of me.
16. Slow Burn
“You were quite adamant when you got here that you wanted no visitors. What made you change your mind?”
Dr. Landon asked that question casually yet I knew he was going to analyze my response thoroughly. He was going to pick it apart piece by piece the same way she was deconstructing my brain. Slowly and with intent. I had to weigh my words—my tone of voice even—very carefully. My plan to escape depended on it.
“I feel stronger now. I’m ready to see my family again.”
“You used the word ‘family’, yet your sister is the only one you’ve asked us to contact. Why is that?”
See. That’s exactly what I was talking about. He was poking around in my mind with a pointy object—singling out anything that appeared suspect. But I was too smart to fall into his trap.
“Rachel is my twin sister. She understands me in ways that no one else can. I want to start transitioning myself back into the real world and she’s the best place for me to start,” I said with unwavering confidence—ignoring the fact that she was standing behind me breathing hotly down my neck.
“I see. I will take your request into consideration but frankly, I’m afraid that the ‘real’ world, as you put it, may not be in your best interests at the moment. I’ll let you know my final decision in a few days.”
Again, this wasn’t my first rodeo. I knew what he meant by that. He meant that he was going to watch me like a hawk for the time being. I couldn’t slip up in even the slightest of ways. I had to act normal no matter what she tried to do to me. It was a damn good thing that she couldn’t read my mind.
So after our session was over, I returned to my room with a pleasant smile on my face. All the while, she followed me—her scent enough to drive any man wild with desire. But not me. Not now. This wasn’t the right time and certainly not the right place. I had to block her out—for now.
With each passing day, I made small steps of progress toward my ultimate goal. I felt dead inside yet I managed to smile when it was appropriate, laugh when it was necessary. Her mental torture eased over time but never quite dissipated. Once I was out of here, though, things were going to change. I was going to take control of this relationship. She was either going to be mine forever or it was going to be over—over in the sense that I would no longer live feeling like I was only half alive.
I was either going to have all of her love or I was going to die—either option seemed equally sweet. It took me forever to convince Dr. Landon to grant my request to see Rachel. But I already knew that would happen from the start. What I didn’t expect was for Rachel to drag her feet on helping me. I was acting perfectly sane and normal—what was her problem?
Her visits were sporadic and far between. And she never smiled once the entire time she was there. She nagged at me worse than even Mom would have. She begged me to stay right where I was until I felt “better”. That’s when I told her the lie that made her change her mind and I finally earned my ticket to freedom.
17. Rain Must Fall
While most of my dreams were prophetic in nature, not all of them were and I was now able to tell them apart. But even knowing that it was unimportant, dreaming of Zach as a zombie was still incredibly disturbing. I didn’t want to think about him shuffling around in search of brains for sustenance. So of course, it was the only thing on my mind all day.
It was just my luck to have a dream like that on the day of the Zombie Walk. Any other day of the year, I could have safely maneuvered through my day without contacting a single member of the walking dead. But not today. Poe’s Corner was packed to capacity with a legion of the undead. Everywhere I looked, I was reminded of that unsettling dream I had.
By the end of my shift, I was totally brain dead. And possibly hallucinating. I walked out back to throw the garbage away when I saw something weird. Not just weird—weirdly weird. Weirder than usual which was an accomplishment in every sense of the word with all things considered.
In the glow of the streetlight, I spotted what I thought was one of the people from the zombie walk rooting through the dumpster. A sudden forceful sneeze on my end caught his attention and he looked up at me. And I nearly peed myself.
I would have sworn on my life that the zombie standing in front of me was real. He looked exactly like Kody Kirk who had been dead since graduation night. Rumors flew all over town this summer because someone claimed to have seen him going through the garbage at the Chicken Shack. First time travel—now zombies? No, I wanted no part of this. I dropped the bag of trash right where I stood and walked briskly back inside and locked the door behind me. With my “no unnec
essary weirdness” policy in danger of being seriously violated, I repeated my new mantra in my head.
“Not my circus, not my dead monkeys.” Then I ventured home and collapsed into bed.
I worked the rest of the weekend and it was probably a good thing. Staying busy was the only way for me to not sit and obsess about what I could or should be doing to help Zach. I’d already called and texted everyone who I thought might be able to assist me. The only thing left for me to do was wait. And I hated waiting as much as I hated suspense, because in all reality, they were kind of the same thing.
But first thing Monday morning, I sat anxiously waiting for a call, text, or email from anyone and everyone. When I hadn’t heard anything by mid-morning, I called Shelly in a slight panic.
“You have to be patient, Ruby. It’s only been a few days—you need to give people sufficient time to respond. You need to learn how to be still for a little while. I’m starting to think you wouldn’t know how to live without constant drama in your life.”
I took offense to that comment but held my tongue. I wasn’t a drama queen. Drama always had a way of finding me-not the other way around. She had no idea how badly I wanted to have a normal life. Yet the hand I’d been dealt exhibited the polar opposite. But I was trying—I was trying to avoid unnecessary weirdness. I was trying to find the closest thing to normal that I could find.
In order to do that, I needed to keep moving forward. Why would Mom send me all of those leads only to keep me in a state of suspense for days on end? I gave up trying to explain myself to Shelly and went for a long walk instead. My walk led me to a part of town that I hadn’t explored yet. And straight to Fourth Street.
Why hadn’t I thought of this before? Maybe the answers were right here in Liberty after all. I walked the length of it until I found what I assumed I was looking for. The Mao Lai Palace. It didn’t resemble a palace at all—it was a dingy little hole in the wall lodged between an accountant’s office and a dry cleaner. But there was no mistaking it for what it was—a Chinese restaurant. I wasn’t all that hungry for the main meal. I was there mainly for the dessert—a fortune cookie. It would tell me what I needed to do next.
The atmosphere inside the Mao Lai was dark and dreary yet typical for the size and type of restaurant that it was. It was still quite early for lunch so I was understandably the only one there. I stared wistfully into the fish tank alongside my table while waiting for my pepper chicken to arrive. Inside that tank, was a paradox.
On one hand, those fish seemed to have it all. No problems, no worries. They just spent their days swimming around and enjoying life. But on the flipside, they were stuck inside a cage and unable to roam free the way nature intended. There were no predators but there were also no freedoms. I was just like those fish in so many ways. I was stuck in a rut where no new problems were arising but I wasn’t finding any solutions to the ones I already had.
I barely glanced at my plate while I ate—those fish had me enthralled. Even after my food was gone, I sat dreamily watching them until my bill arrived. While the total was correct, there was one thing missing—my fortune cookie. Not usually one to speak up in situations like that, I immediately called the waitress back to my table so that I could voice my complaint.
“Sorry,” she replied in a thick Mandarin accent, “All out.”
All out? That made zero sense. It was like going to get my hair cut and being told they were fresh out of scissors. Ugh. Or was this another attempt at teaching me that I needed to be still and wait for the next sign? Reluctantly, I paid my bill then stuffed the receipt angrily into the bottom of my bag. That’s when I heard the familiar rustle of plastic and realized I was still going to get my fortune after all.
I reached in and pulled out the fortune cookie that Zach refused to open the night we went to the Liberty Buffet months ago. I’d told myself at the time that I would open it when the time was right—when I needed a bit of random guidance from the universe. That moment was obviously now.
Carefully, I split it open until the paper inside was visible. I pulled the pieces apart slowly, curious yet afraid of what I might find inside. I felt so pathetic for allowing a stupid cookie to cause me such great anxiety. But I couldn’t help it—signs were coming at me from so many different angles that I had to take what I found inside it seriously.
“Only move forward after you have taken time to face your greatest fear.”
So my trepidation in reading that fortune was not unwarranted after all. The way I interpreted it was that I could not go forth until I had conquered being still. But the part about facing my greatest fear was frightening in and of itself. I wasn’t in the mood to think about it so I slipped it into my wallet and walked back home. Then, I set myself up in front of my computer for what turned out to be a marathon writing session.
When my eyes began to tire, I looked at the clock thinking it was probably no later than three o’clock and that I should be hearing back soon from Detective Bailey at least. I was surprised to see that it was past eight instead. Nothing. I’d heard nothing from anyone at all today. I became so depressed that my heart physically ached.
And that was basically my routine for the next few weeks—work, writing, feeling sad and helpless. Nothing was going the way I planned for it to. My entire week was terrible but on Friday, my situation seemed even more hopeless. That was the day I secretly dubbed “Bad Friday”.
It all started out with an email from Roxanne. My hints for her to make an immediate trip to see Salma went right over her head. She was going to Sedona, all right, but not any time soon. Studio Tutu’s annual Christmas recital and an unexpected invite to a national dance competition grinded her free time down to practically nothing. And the bad news continued to pour in throughout the day.
Next up, was a call from Dad asking me to please come home for the weekend. I knew instantly that something was terribly wrong. Under normal circumstances, he just would have had Shelly text me to see when I was coming home again. No, he didn’t just want me home because he missed me. He wanted me home because there was something he didn’t want to tell me over the phone. Still reeling from the disappointing email from Roxanne, I mumbled something about being late for work and that I would call him back later.
As if I hadn’t already taken enough of an emotional beating so far today, I got the call I’d been looking forward to the most. When I heard my phone ring and saw that the call was from Detective Bailey, my heart skipped a few beats. A week’s time had passed since my last conversation with him. Seven days was more than enough time for him to have successfully tracked down Josette. I thought things were starting to look up. I was wrong.
“I went through all of the normal channels to find her,” he said apologetically, “but there’s no trace of her. It’s like she got sucked into the Bermuda Triangle in the late ‘90’s or something. I’ll still keep looking into it but I wanted to let you know that finding her is unlikely. Sorry kiddo.”
I was already running five minutes behind when I got the call but I had to sit down for a few minutes to process what he’d said to me. Josette held the key—if I didn’t find her, I would be stuck in this limbo indefinitely. Why would Mom have given me a clue that led nowhere? This day couldn’t get any worse.
Oh yes, but it could. Addie and Derek had a huge fight at home so neither one of them was in a good mood. I had never worked with both of them at the same time and never wanted to again. Even after Addie left, Derek remained quiet until the end of his shift.
When I got home, I texted Rachel who had also been uncharacteristically quiet lately. She had asked to never be left out of my loop of weirdness, yet recently seemed to have her own exclusive loop that I wasn’t a part of. I asked her how Zach was doing and received a cryptic reply.
“I can’t really tell you right now—but I will when the time is right.”
When the time is right? What in the world was that supposed to mean? What was going on with Zach that she felt the need to keep it
a secret from me? Ugh. I tried several times to crack that nut but she refused to budge so I called home instead.
Shelly was hesitant to answer my questions as well—she kept asking me to come home for the weekend instead. But I knew that I could out-stubborn her so I kept prodding until I finally had to issue an ultimatum.
“Look, I’m not coming home until you tell me exactly what I’m coming home to. Tell me now.”
“Fine. Zach’s in a wheelchair now. He can barely move and rarely speaks a word. They’re doing everything they can but he isn’t responding to any of his treatments.”
Overwhelmed, I ended the call without a word then ignored Shelly’s every attempt to reach me. I sunk down onto the bed in a daze. I no longer felt like I was losing him—he was already lost. And all of the feathers in the world weren’t going to bring him back. Or were they?
With so many calls and messages today, my phone gave the warning signal that the battery was about to die. I was busy erasing all of the missed call alerts from Shelly when I found that I’d received a text from Rita somewhere in the middle of all of them. Bracing myself for more bad news, I took a deep breath before reading her message.
“Doppelgangers only haunt the people they resemble—not others. Their goal is to destroy souls by using their greatest fears against them. Sorry if this isn’t the answer you were looking for.”
Greatest fears. That was the second time today that that particular phrase had popped up. I was far beyond chalking anything up to coincidence anymore. But what greatest fear was I supposed to face? I was already facing the fear of losing Zach, what else was left for me to deal with?
I reached into my wallet and pulled out the fortune from earlier. I read that phrase multiple times trying to see if there was something important that I was missing. Then, on a whim, I turned it over to the flip side. And my day became infinitely more confusing.