by SJ McCoy
She stood in the kitchen, leaning back against the counter, smiling her sexy smile. “So, Captain Hamilton, you've got me here, and we've already established that we don't want to talk, so what do you suggest we do?”
Jesus, he was going to need some will power if he was going to be able to see this through. He stepped towards her, caging her there with his arms, just like he had that first night. He felt her body respond, going soft, yielding to him as he leaned his weight against her. He brushed his lips over hers and then stood back.
“I thought perhaps a glass of wine on the deck?”
She narrowed her eyes at him. “If that's what you want.”
This would be fun—if he could keep it up. He brought the bottle and a small box outside, then poured just one glass. It was much chillier now; the seasons were changing. “I'll go get us a blanket.”
When he returned she was sitting huddled on the sofa hugging herself against the cold. “Come here, that's my job.” He sat down next to her and wrapped the blanket around them. “Better?”
She snuggled against him and nodded. “A little. I think shared body heat is supposed to help, isn't it?”
He laughed and hugged her to him, rubbing her arms briskly. “How's that.”
She looked up into his eyes and pouted. “It's not quite what I was hoping for.”
So she admitted she was hoping? This was going well. Her tongue came out to moisten her lips. He watched, mesmerized. He didn't miss the little smile before she bit her bottom lip—she knew full well the effect that had on him. He shook his head at her with a rueful smile. He wasn't going to fall for that so easily. He dragged his eyes away from her face before he changed his mind.
“Do you like chocolates?”
She frowned, disappointed that he'd been able to resist. “Of course I do. Who doesn't love chocolate?”
“Try this then.” He reached an arm out of the blanket and opened the little box. He brought a chocolate toward her mouth, holding her gaze as he did. “Open up for me, Laura,” he said, his words another echo of their first night together.
Her eyes narrowed again. “I would love to.”
He laughed and teased her, pulling the chocolate away just as she opened her mouth. “You'd love to, but what?”
“But you're not going to give it to me, are you?” she laughed.
“I might, or you might have to take it.” He brought the chocolate up to his own mouth and held it between his lips. Lowering his mouth to her, he raised his eyebrows, inviting her to take it.
She put her hands on his shoulders and brought her mouth up to his, her eyes sparkling with a mixture of lust and mischief. She closed her lips over the chocolate and pushed it into his mouth with her tongue, tangling with his in a deep, chocolatey kiss. He crushed her to his chest, holding her against him, letting her feel how much he needed her now.
She broke away. “If you don't want to give it to me, I don't think I should take it, Captain Hamilton.”
He laughed. So competitive. She wasn't going to give in or admit defeat easily. “Fair enough.” he reached for the glass of wine and brought it to his lips.
She pouted. “You didn't pour me one?”
He smiled at her over the rim. “I thought we could share.”
He handed it to her and caught her free hand, bringing it down to cover the bulge in his pants. Her eyes closed as her fingers kneaded at him. “This is how badly I want you, Laura.”
“I want you, Smoke,” she breathed.
It took him everything he had, but he removed her hand, and took the glass from her. “But I can't have you thinking that's all I want.”
She stared at him wide eyed. “But Smoke....”
“But, what lady?”
“I don't want to play this game anymore.”
She looked and sounded as petulant as a toddler. He laughed, which probably wasn't the wisest move he'd ever made.
She looked hurt. “Is this just another small victory to you?”
“No!” Damn! He didn't want her to think that! “Yes, it's a game, but I'm only playing it to make a very important point—to you, and to myself. You already know how badly I want to lay you down right here, right now. I need to feel you naked under me. I need to be inside you so badly. But you need to know that this....” He tapped his forefinger on her chest, then tapped his own. “Us. That we're about more than that. It's killing me not to pin you down and make you scream my name as you come. So, yes, I'm making it a game. Because that's the only way I can survive this. If I give in, take you now, you'll still be wondering, won't you?”
She shook her head rapidly. “I already know, Smoke. I had a moment of doubt, but you've reassured me in every way possible that this is about so much more than sex. You told me with your text. You made the point crystal clear when you kissed me at the airport. And you've shown me all evening long, by the way you took me out with everyone, made it perfectly clear to them, and to me, that we were together. Smoke, I need you to know that deep down I already knew it. You keep breaking your rules for me. I keep breaking my rules for you. Neither of us would do that just for sex. It's just that this is scary, for both of us, and I don't think either of us knows what to do with it.”
She reached up and closed her hands around the back of his head, drawing him down into a kiss. A kiss that tasted of wine and chocolate and the sweetness that was just Laura. It wasn't any kind of game anymore. That kiss was raw and honest, it reached deep inside him and touched that part of him that he'd thought was untouchable. It did touch his heart.
When he finally lifted his head, he took her hand. He knew what he needed to do. What they both needed to do. He stood up and pulled her to her feet. Her eyes were full of questions, but he shook his head and led her inside, into his bedroom. He brought her to face him and took hold of both of her hands. “I don't want to have sex with you, Laura.” Looking into her eyes he raised his eyebrows slightly in question. She searched his face, then gave the tiniest nod.
***
Laura could feel her heartbeat in her chest. She knew exactly what he meant. And she'd said yes. She felt so safe here in his arms. She should feel scared, they were about to do something they'd never done before. She didn't think she ever had. He was kissing her now, holding her close. Their mouths communicated so much better without words, their tongues seeking and giving reassurance, making promises, in a way their words hadn't been able to express.
There was nothing rushed about this. His hands moved over her slowly, tracing lines, leaving burning trails on her skin in their wake. Her top was gone, her bra soon followed. This time he let her unbutton him. She ran her hands over his smooth chest, up to his shoulders so she could push his shirt off. His hands were on her zipper. She mirrored his movements, pushing his pants down as he pushed hers. Once they stood naked, he put his hands around her waist. He looked down and shook his head. Her waist was small, she knew that, but his hands were so big they weren't so far from being able to close around her. It brought back his words. I'm bigger than you. I'm stronger than you. And I will never, ever push you around. She knew how true it was. She brought her hands up to cup the back of his neck as she looked into his eyes. He looked pained.
“What is it, Smoke?”
He shook his head.
“Please tell me?”
Keeping his hands around her waist he pulled her closer. He leaned his head back into her hands as he looked down at her. “This is the one rule I swore I would never break. You already know I'm no saint. You already know I've screwed a lot of women. But this? I swore I would never let a woman do this to me. I told you, you were trouble.”
“Smoke, we don't have to.”
“Yes we do. It's what we both want...what we need. We have to do this just like the sun has to rise tomorrow.”
His erection was pressing into her belly, his fingertips stroking her back as he held on to her waist. “But I need you to know something, Laura.”
She nodded, she felt completely overwh
elmed by the way he was surrounding her—and more so by the honesty in his eyes. “What, Smoke?”
He took a deep breath then let it out slowly. “That's not my name. That's what I need you to know. My name is Cole Alexander Hamilton.”
“Cole?” She tried out the sound of it. It sounded good. It felt good on her lips.
From the look on his face, he liked it too.
She smiled up at him. She understood that telling her his real name was something very important to him, but she didn't understand why. Hopefully he would explain to her—afterwards. For right now...she planted a kiss on his lips. “So, Mr. Cole Alexander Hamilton, are you going to make love to me?”
His eyes were so gentle as he backed her up to the bed. “I am. And you, Miss Laura Benson are going to make love to me.”
And they did.
Their bodies already knew each other so well. They fit together like they were made to. This time when he thrust his hips and filled her, she was really letting him in. He gazed into her eyes as they moved together, telling her so much with that look. They rolled over and she took the top, but this was about sharing, not winning. His hands circled her waist, moving her in his time and she gave herself to him, letting him direct her as she sat up to take him deeper. Every inch of her came alive as she moved above him, eyes locked with his in an exchange as intense as the one between their bodies. She was close, so close, he was too, but she didn't want this to end. She lay forward against his chest. “I want to be underneath you...Cole.”
He closed his eyes and bit the inside of his lip, deep furrows creasing his brow. Oh, how she hoped she hadn't done wrong. He was still rocking his hips underneath her, slowly now, his eyes still closed. When he opened them he flipped her onto her back and was back inside her in one smooth move. “Now you really are mine, Laura. And you're where you belong.”
She clung to him, giving herself up to him as she moved with him. He took a handful of her hair and drew her head back, holding her gaze as the heat built and built. She felt herself tense in the moment he threw his back and gasped, “Mine, Laura.”
His climax ignited hers, sweeping through her, taking her soaring away with him. “C-o-l-e!” She screamed his name, finally understanding the difference as they flew together. She wasn't having sex with the guy she knew—she was making love to the man she wanted to know.
Chapter Fifteen
Smoke came around to open the door of the pickup. She sat there smiling at him, looking abso-fucking-lutely gorgeous, that was the only word to describe her. He reached in and wrapped his hands around her waist, lifting her out and holding her up. She laughed as she looked down at him.
“You like throwing me around don't you...Cole?”
The sun was shining behind her, turning her into a beautiful silhouette. He loosened his grip and let her slide down his front—that was a big part of why he liked picking her up, feeling her slender body moving against his, until her feet hit the floor.
“I do. Apparently I'm just a big Neanderthal, or at least that's what someone told me.”
She laughed. “I think that someone was, right.” She reached up and planted a kiss on the tip of his nose. “But I like it.”
“It's a good thing you do, cos I'm not going to stop doing it any time soon.” He took her hand and led her around the back of the house. “But for now, let's go see inside again.”
He'd brought her back up to the house. He'd talked to the realtor and was getting ready to put in an offer, but he'd wanted to bring her back her before he did. Especially after last night. He was trying not to think about last night. He needed to, but thinking about it would mean taking a long hike, by himself, to work it through. For now, he was happy to just ride with it. More than happy. It felt good. It was crazy, dangerous, but it felt good.
As he unlocked the door she tugged at his hand, since he hadn't yet let go of her. For some reason he always needed to be touching her—lifting her up, holding her hand, just resting a hand on her shoulder, or raking his fingers through her hair.
“What?” He turned to her as she tugged again, laughing now.
“Can we go see the workroom first?”
He laughed. “I told you, it's not a workroom!”
“It would be if I bought the place!”
“But you're not buying it, lady. I am.”
She pretended to pout at him. “That's just plain mean! I want it!”
“Well you can't have it! It's mine!” He laughed. “Tell you what though....” He was leading her past the orchard now. “If you did move up here you could use it as your workroom, I wouldn't even charge you rent on it.”
She stopped and looked at him. “Are you serious?”
He nodded. Apparently he was, even though he hadn't considered the idea until it came out of his mouth. “Sure, why not? I'm not going to use it for anything.” He pulled her to him. “It could work, don't you think?” He was talking about so much more than the little outbuilding. Her face told him she understood that.
“It could. It might work out well, but there are a lot of steps between here and there, aren't there?”
She was right, of course. A hell of a lot of steps between here and the place they weren't talking about. He shrugged. “There are. Hell, I haven’t even put in an offer yet.” He opened the door and let her enter ahead of him.
She looked around then came back to where he stood in the doorway. She put a hand on his shoulder and planted a kiss on his lips. “A lot of steps, but I hope it works out.”
So did Smoke.
“This view is amazing!” They were sitting out on the porch swing.
Smoke nodded. “It is. And you know when I stand in the living room and look out those windows it's almost like being in the cockpit, coming in to land here. This place is on the approach to the airport.”
She laughed. “Well, that seals it then. I wouldn't want to buy the place out from under you if it reminds you of being in your plane.” She looked at him now. “Which reminds me, Cole. Man of mystery that you are turning out to be. What's the deal with your plane?”
Smoke took a deep breath. He'd known this conversation would have to happen. He even wanted to have parts of it now. He still wasn't ready to go near other parts, but he didn't know how to untangle his story, to tell only as much as he was comfortable with. He looked at her, wondering where he could start.
“Sorry, we don't need to go there. I didn't mean to get heavy on you.” She smiled, willing as always to let him off the hook.
He took hold of her hand—there he went again! Why did he keep doing that? “The thing is, Laura, we are starting to get heavy, aren't we? And I'm up for that. It's just, like I told you, I don't know how to you let you in. There's so much I need to tell you, and so much I'm not ready to tell you.”
She nodded. “I know. But we don't need to rush. It'll all come out over time, won't it?”
“It might, but then I've never been the kind of open I'd need to be for that to happen. I'm going to have to make a conscious effort. If we just wait for it to happen naturally—it won't. Cos it doesn't come naturally to me to let anyone in. And some of it I need to tell you sooner rather than later, cos it'll only sound wrong if you hear it somewhere else first.”
She wrapped her arms around his neck. “So how about we tell each other one or two things and then leave it. Do another one tomorrow?”
He pecked her lips as he hugged her to him. “You are something else, lady.”
She snuggled in his arms. “Why thank you...I think!”
“It was a compliment. So, do you want me to go first? What do you want to know?”
She looked at him for a long moment. “I want to know everything there is to know about you. So maybe you should decide what you want to tell me first?”
He nodded, grateful that she understood. “Okay, the plane. I own two of them. Papa Charlie and another one just like it that's leased to company in New York.” He paused. He'd told her the facts, but knew he should still giv
e her an explanation. “I come from money. I....” How could he say it without getting into his whole life story? “I was supposed to go into the family business. There was a falling out. I sold my a part of my interest and moved on to doing what I love.” That was the bare bones at least. He stared out into the distance, bracing himself for the barrage of questions.
“Wow!”
He waited. No questions came. He turned to look at her. She was smiling. She touched his cheek. “Thanks, Smoke. Want to hear one of mine?”
He stared at her. She really wasn't going to interrogate him?
“Sorry, you go on, if you want to. I thought you were done.”
He framed her face in his hands and pecked her lips. “I am. For now. Thank you.” He wrapped an arm around her and held her hand, needing her to feel how grateful he was, since he didn't know how to say it.
Her smile told him she understood. “So what do you want to ask me?”
“Why you don't wear an engagement ring anymore?” Pete had told him some of her story, and he felt bad about that. He'd feel better if she told him herself, and he hoped she'd tell him more than he already knew.
She leaned her head against his shoulder. “I don't think I can be as concise as you were, but I'll try.” She stared out at the lake. “Dale was...is, a nice guy. He just wanted more from me than I could give him.”
Smoke nodded. He understood how that went.
“He's in politics. His family is quite influential. He—and they—wanted me to be the supportive wife. You know how some women make a career out of supporting their husband's career? That was what he wanted, what he needs. And Smoke....” She turned to look up him, her eyes begging him to understand. “That is so not me! I felt bad, I thought maybe I just didn't love him enough and it would be alright if I could figure out how to love him more. But I couldn't. I'm not even sure I loved him at all. He's just a good guy. He was kind to me. When we met, I...was in a bad place. He helped me when I needed it. I wanted to help him, but I couldn't. Even if I had loved him, or loved him enough. I'm not the kind of woman who can give up on everything she wants, everything she is, to give someone else what they need. That's what I meant when we talked about it. I don't know that I can give you what you want or be what you need.”