by Casey Herzog
“Nobody ever talks about their time in the asylum; it’s almost like we want to forget it even happened. The doctors establish a trust, but they betray it and their oath not to do any harm.”
I had only met one of the doctors in passing, and there was something mechanical about his approach. They never smiled or showed emotion. It was all about the experiment, to see how far they could push someone before they broke. They said they tried not to cross the line, but scientific curiosity sometimes got the best of them.
The victims were forgotten; only their families knew of the pain and suffering they went through on a daily basis. It was their unfortunate position to take care of those unable to do it themselves. Those families looked like they were aging every day with the stress and the burden of caring for someone so dependent on them.
“I would really…love to hear more about this…but do you suppose it could wait until after we finish what we’re doing here.”
I couldn’t imagine having that kind of patience. I know I would’ve been panicking in my mother’s position. I’m sure I would’ve been able to work through any anxiety and fear, with time. I’d been through too much to give anybody the satisfaction of making me feel small ever again.
“I’m not looking for your pity, Madeleine. I just wanted to let you know how being treated like a specimen affected me.”
My father once again choreographed his next move by breathing deeply and giving the animal time to adjust his position. The arrow grazed my mother’s cheek; the appearance of her blood sent this animal into a frenzy of activity.
I heard it growling, but then I realized it wasn’t the only one. It was either waiting for reinforcements or those lurking in the shadows were waiting to see how the leader was going to fare. That all changed with the first sight of blood; more the animals came forward to sniff the air.
They were just as menacing as the first, but then one turned on the other and they were fighting amongst themselves. It didn’t seem logical, but there was no way to know what was going on inside their heads.
The two fighting seemed determined to be the last one standing. It didn’t make any sense to me, but the other two didn’t seem the least bit put off by two of their own tearing at each other’s throats. In fact, it seemed like it was commonplace and nothing to worry about.
“I was afraid this was…going to happen. I was hoping I would be able to get rid of this one before I had to deal with the bystanders. It’s always the damn blood. I don’t know how many times I have run away to fight another day.”
I would say my mother had learned from her mistakes and had improvised other ways to stay one step ahead of these animals. She became the predator, and they became her prey. They might have thought differently, but I was seeing the animal instinct of humanity coming to the forefront.
“I wasn’t sure what to do with this one, and now we have four more to contend with. I don’t know what other tricks you have up your sleeve, Madeline, but this would be the right time to pull out a miracle,” he said, circling in one place while keeping the crossbow outstretched in front of him as his only means of defense.
Chapter Nineteen
I was getting closer and closer to taking matters into my own hands, but to do so would only overwhelm the evil inside. I instinctively knew what I could do to help. I had gotten a taste for killing, and it was always there, trying to draw me back into the darkness. One step in that direction, and there would be no going back.
I thought for sure my father was going to be shaking, but he was remarkably calm, his hands steady on the weapon in his hands. He had several arrows, but he had already used up two and had just fired another two without any success.
“I’m going to have to trust the both of you to keep them away long enough for me to kill this one. It’s taking longer than I thought, but I wasn’t expecting to quarrel with every beast looking for revenge.”
There were several traps that we had circumvented on the way up the mountain. My mother was crafty, and learned to survive at any cost, which was something to be admired and feared.
“Madeleine, you do what you have to do, and we’ll give you the time.”
I wanted to believe it, but how we were going to accomplish it? I could’ve easily destroyed them, ripping their DNA apart and watching as the evil had its way. I didn’t know if the moniker of evil was a strong enough adjective to describe what was bubbling inside of me. I wanted so badly to let it out and to feel truly powerful once again, but I had learned the hard way what the evil would do to me.
“I don’t mean to be this way, but I’m not the same woman you remember, and I don’t think I ever will be again.”
I could tell something was different about her, and then, I realized it was the cold stare of someone unable to feel. Being away from civilization and learning to survive had given her an edge.
“I’m not the same guy you remember either; my time in the asylum hardened me. It wasn’t just that I couldn’t speak her language or even the way she looked so much like you when we first met; it was also the way they had stripped me of my dignity.”
I found myself interested in learning more, but getting more information out of my father was going unleash pent-up emotions. I didn’t know it was a good idea. I had no idea what talking about it would do to him, but I could hope it would lessen the burden and give him some semblance of peace. But timing was everything.
“We can talk about this later.”
I could tell my mother wasn’t trying to put my father off, it was just that her main focus was living long enough to uncover the story behind his expression of failure.
My father moved to an advantageous position, kneeling on the ground at eye level with the beasts. They took a few steps forward, testing the battleground to see what kind of fight was within their enemy. They kept looking at the way my mother was wrestling with their leader, and it gave them more than enough to keep them from mounting any kind of attack. I had a feeling it wouldn’t be long before they would determine we were weak and inferior.
I looked down to see my one hand shaking, and I had to quell the need to let the evil fly free by placing the other hand over the one trembling. If this didn’t end soon, I would have no choice but to show these animals no mercy. I could render their species extinct, leaving no prodigy to step up and start the cycle of revenge all over again.
“I just need…a little more time.”
I could see what my mother was doing. She was fighting, but also making it so the animal was losing steam. She was reaching down deep and allowing the animal to see she was never going to give up. There was no quit in my mother, and I felt a sense of pride for knowing I came from her DNA.
It hurt so badly to stand there doing nothing. There was no way anybody could know what was going on inside of me. I was suffering an intense pain, and the evil was hoping the moment would come when I would have no choice but to unleash unholy hell.
I watched as my father fired one arrow after the other, and each time, these animals used the thickness of their hides with those very dangerous thorns to protect themselves. I heard one whimper, but it was merely a reaction to having an arrow tear a piece of its fur from under its eye. They were not playing around, and whatever they were waiting for had come to its inevitable end.
I saw my father and mother fighting for my protection, which touched my heart. I was wondering how I had gotten so lucky to have them in my life. I was still getting used to the fact my mother was alive. Each time I looked at her, it seemed impossible like she some kind of mirage. My mother killed the one she was fighting with, the blood of the animal staining her hands. She turned to the others and they took a step back with hesitation.
I could feel it creeping up on me, touching me, and enticing me to let it come out for just a little while. If I could trust it, I would have gladly let it take care of this, but I knew giving it any breathing room was going to make me fall victim to it once again. I could see myself letting go. It would’ve be
en all so simple.
“I don’t want you to even think about it, Gillian. This is neither the time nor the place. W,e’re seriously going to have to discuss some ground rules. I know it can be intoxicating and the overwhelming need to strike back is hard to contain.”
I looked at my mother and I could tell she was speaking from experience. Nobody could possibly know what I was going through unless they had gone through it themselves.
“I’m trying, but you have no idea how hard it is. I thought living with it was hard, but fighting for our lives makes it more difficult,” I said realizing I didn’t know the mystery of what had taken me over or where it had originated. It was something old; I could feel its hatred, but for some reason, I was able to control the impulse.
“You have it worse than anybody I’ve ever seen, but you are my daughter and you have the Lockhart family blood running through your veins. Hold onto that, and the rest will sort itself out.”
It was nice to have her around to listen to my problems instead of keeping them in where they would only grow and fester into a boiling cesspool of resentment.
“I never meant to let it in, but somehow I fell from grace and I have never been able to live it down. People in the community are waiting for me to make a mistake. I feel sometimes I should let them see the face of true evil. What I would do this time would make what I did last time pale in comparison,” I said, as I forced it back down and away from those I cared about most in the world.
“I know a way to help you, but it’s not without its risks. We can talk about it after we get out of this. You need to constantly remind yourself how strong you really are. Your father and I know you can handle anything. I only wish that we could have shown you how much we trust you.”
I felt at a loss for words, completely choked up and going into an emotional tailspin.
“You’ve got me curious to know more, and you have given me the courage to stand strong with you and father.”
I could never call them anything other than father and mother; no silly nickname had been able to fit with their personalities.
“I hate to break this up, but these animals are not going to go away without a reason.”
My father found his voice and was using it to get our attention.
The animals had decided to make a stand and circled us from every direction. There was no way we could fight back with only a three-pronged attack. I had potential to become something nobody would understand without the necessity of using violence. I could feel the evil clinging to my soul, blackened by my actions and making it hard for me to look at the community without feeling their judgment.
Words were not the only way to hurt me and their glaring expressions of disapproval had certainly made its mark. My students had given me something to concentrate on other than my own shortcomings, but that would mean nothing if we perished now.
Damien was crying out for assistance, and his plight pushed me into a corner from which I had to come out swinging. It would be just like him to take my hand and place it in the fire to face the burning heat of my sins.
“We will do this as a family. United there is nothing to fear.”
I didn’t know how my father could say that, but it did make me believe this was just a minor hiccup.
The animals were continuously changing places, vying for the leadership role that had been vacated. It was a matter of who was going to make the first move, and I could tell neither myself nor my parents were ready to take an offensive position.
There was something in the wind calling out to me and the evil inside was trying to welcome it in. It could only mean whatever this thing was had the ability to instill fear. It wanted what I had, and I was reluctant to let it go without fighting with all the breath in my body.
The animals decided it was better to end this than to prolong the obvious victory at hand. I could see they were primed for action, their legs pushed back and ready to spring into attack. I wasn’t ready for this, but who could be.
“I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m glad both of you are here. We’ll either win this together or die trying, but I would rather be the ones on the winning side,” My mother said as she produced another knife, now holding two in a warrior stance.
She tossed me another blade, and I was soon holding it and feeling a power coming from the steel itself. It was obviously blessed with magic, but it was possible to be cursed and feel the same sensation running along the cold and empty feeling in my hand.
Chapter Twenty
The animals attacked, one turning into ash and exploding right in front of our eyes. The three others were alarmed and decided to keep their distance until they could learn what this new weapon was. I looked to my mother and my father for answers, and they were doing the same with obvious disapproval in their eyes.
“I didn’t do it.”
I wasn’t sure they believed me, and I had to double check to see if the evil was still there.
“If you didn’t do it, and your mother didn’t do it, and I didn’t do it, then who did?”
I understood what my father was saying, but it made very little sense when I looked around and found nobody in the vicinity.
“This is highly unusual, but I’m not really worried if all of these animals disappear in the same way. This is a new kind of power, something with a taste for death and a cold and calculated approach.”
I wanted to believe my mother was not responsible, but she was the only common denominator in all of this.
“The only thing good about any of this is the odds are finally even. There are three of them and three of us, which at least makes things fair, in my opinion.”
I was never one for hunting, and any defenseless thing could be made an example out of without even getting close.
“Don’t kid yourself, one beast alone overmatches one of us. We’re still in trouble, but at least we have a guardian angel somewhere looking out for us,” she said, still holding those blades tight enough to indent the handles into the palm of her hands.
There was a determination in her eyes, and she never blinked once during the whole ordeal.
There was no way for me to escape what was inside; it seemed to have a pulse of its own. It was living and there was no way for me to get rid of it, so I was going to have to learn to accept it was always going to be there.
One of the animals, feeling brave, leaped at the three of us without consulting his brethren. In midair, it turned into ash and scattered into the wind with bits and pieces falling into our hair. It was an amazing stroke of luck, but there had to be some underlying reason. I had done the same thing to those standing in my way. There was something familiar.
“Something is protecting us, and I’m sure there are strings attached, but right now I’m just glad to have whatever it is on our side.”
I could echo her sentiment, but there were always two sides to every story, and I was slightly terrified to learn of the conditions behind the help we received.
“We’re just going to have to take this as a good omen and deal with the cost later. You’re my daughter and you’re my wife, and that comes before everything else.”
The other two were less inclined to suffer the fate of the other two. Their bloodlust for battle had diminished, turning into indecision, easily seen in their eyes.
“I don’t like this any more than you do, Gillian. This is something I have not come across in my years of being here. I did notice something change a few months ago. In fact, these animals were usually quite docile until that point.”
The only thing to explain this change was my introduction to magic and subsequent corruption into the dark side.
“I’ve faced monsters, and I’ve never looked back. There are moments I want to wake up from this nightmare, but I have learned to accept what has marked me.”
I didn’t know the full story about what happened to Julian. If he wanted to tell me, then he would in time.
One of the animals turned and ran off,
but ] the other was still on the fence whether or not to attack or join the last surviving member of his pack.
It took one step forward, and then pulled back before finally turning and leaving the same way the other one did. Whatever had stepped in on our behalf was only doing it when absolutely necessary. It was quite obvious it could have killed all of them and left nothing to chance. I could feel it, and I wanted to shout out for everybody else to hear.
I learned through my trials there was nothing I couldn’t do, but with my family standing beside me it made me feel like a superhero.
“I don’t know whether or not they will be back, but something has put the fear of god into them,” my mother said, looking innocent.
I still had my doubts as to whether or not she was involved. It had been a long time since we had seen her, and by her own admission, she had changed, but maybe not for the better.
Being close to her should’ve been like coming home, but instead, there was something cold and impersonal about the compassion she was showing me. It was almost like she was forcing herself to be something she wasn’t.
It made me remember a pet I had when I was a child. It had been lost for a week before coming back, looking like it had reverted to its primal origins.
From pets to tigers… I had seen no sign of my animal spirit guide, but I somehow knew it was there. I could sense it was going to act on my behalf, but something had stepped in to prevent it from revealing itself.
This danger was over and I turned and saw my shadow tiger licking its paws and shaking its head in obvious confusion about what had happened. He wasn’t the only one. My entire family was scratching our heads and wondering when this thing was finally going to announce its intentions.
“We should not wait around for them to come back; let’s take this as a sign.”
Fortunately, my father decided to break the silence, which was becoming a little hard to bear.