by Casey Herzog
“Michael, I concur, but we still should be wary of anything out of the ordinary. Something tells me we are only scratching the surface.”
We continued, and I casually took a glance back. For a moment, I saw a figure camouflaged in white, standing on the edge of a cliff. I didn’t know if I could contain my excitement. I was about to get my parents’ attention, but it vanished in the swirling snow.
My shadow tiger had been absent, but now it was very much taking an active role in my protection. I’d not seen it in action, but I had a feeling it would be fierce without an ounce of mercy for whatever victim fell by its paws.
“I don’t know about the two of you, but that was a little too close for comfort. It was very difficult to keep myself in check and not do something I most likely would regret. It’s strange to have all this power and not be able to use it. It almost feels like a waste. I really don’t know what I’m going to do if I am faced with something we can’t handle.”
I wanted their advice and some sage words to keep me from hurting myself or others.
“I agree with you in theory, but it wants you to slip, so it can take over. This is the last thing we want. There is a way to handle the power you have been given, but there is a real risk, which I’m not sure you should take. I can help you, but it means trusting me unconditionally. I know how much I am asking of you.”
I wasn’t sure I wanted to take a step into the unknown without more information. I had learned that from my father, and it sometimes left me puzzled and bewildered. There was something to say for having too much information.
“I will give it some thought, but it might be too much for me to consider this proposal.”
She nodded her head, and I think she saw me as a child unable to take my first steps without her being there to guide me.
“I can’t force you to do something you don’t want to; this needs to be your decision. If you decide to ask for my help, then you will have to learn to trust me all over again.”
I wanted her to hold me like she did when I was a child, but maybe what we had all been through made that impossible.
I wanted them to be my defense, but both had let me down, and I wasn’t sure how to rebuild what was broken. The foundational blocks of our relationship were crumbling, and each time I took a step forward, I would always find myself taking two steps back. I never was able to forgive them for how they had treated me like an afterthought. I had tried to pretend for the sake of my family, but it was getting hard not to explode.
Chapter Twenty-One
After everything we had been through, we were standing right in front of the flower. All three of us were looking at it and not quite believing it was possible. I was sure my mother was more inclined to believe since she had been here before several times during her years of exile. My father and I, on the other hand, were quite elated, and found ourselves staring at the beauty and wonder of nature.
“I don’t know anything about your friend, but do you think procrastinating is a good idea? You came here for a specific purpose, and now it’s within your reach. I find myself a little puzzled by your reluctance.”
I didn’t know if my mother was trying to purposely push us into doing something, or if she just felt that we were taking too long to make a decision.
“I can’t speak for Gillian, but I need some time to realize how far we’ve come. This was not easy, and this accomplishment comes with some surprises. Seeing you after all these years rekindles an old flame, but I’m not sure you feel the same way.”
I wasn’t sure this was a good time to profess his feelings, but I could see what kind of courage it took for him to open his mouth.
“I know this is going to hurt, and there is a part of me which will always love you, but my days of pining for you are over. You both have lives back within the community and nobody has been able to say it, but I can’t leave here.”
“I want you to tell me how you truly feel without trying to save my feelings. It doesn’t matter if you love me or not; there’s no way I can leave you here. I know you hated me for a long time, but I’m glad you were able to see it from my perspective.”
I wasn’t sure she did see his perspective. How much animosity and resentment were still left inside her was yet to be determined.
“Michael, I will always love you, but I don’t think I could ever be in love with you again. I’m not saying this to hurt you, but you did want the truth.”
I could literally feel my heart breaking for both of them, and my father’s vulnerability was now closed off like a steel wall had been erected.
“I know I’ll always have a spot in my heart for you. It doesn’t matter what path we take. You have always been the love of my life, the one who made me realize how to love with all of my heart. I only want you to be happy,” my father said, as he turned around to hide his obvious discomfort.
I was about to console him, but my mother decided it was her place. She touched his shoulder, and he put his hand back to feel the warmth of her fingertips.
“I know this is hard to hear, but I will always be in your life. We share a daughter together, and the one thing good coming from our volatile relationship has been her. She is the only reason I have continued to live. Without her love and the bond we share, I’m not sure I would be standing before you.”
I felt the pain of guilt for letting my feeling of abandonment keep me from having a family connection.
“It is hard, but I will live and take this as a painful lesson of what I have to work on. I’ve always been a work in progress, and you have done your damnedest to build me up with the unshaken belief I could be better.”
The flower was temporarily forgotten, but I turned and felt this strange pull to touch it. The fragrance in the air was intoxicating, like I was being drawn by a liquor-induced pheromone in the air. I stepped away from my mother and father and came within a hair’s breath of putting my fingers on the silken petals. It seemed to be changing colors with each step I made until it was translucent blue, so brilliant it felt like I was looking into the heavens.
I didn’t hear the rest of their conversation, and my mind was concentrating on every little detail of the flower. The evil inside of my soul had come back around. I felt empowered by the beauty of the flower and the force of the evil sensation running through my limbs.
Everything was so clear and bright; all of my senses had come alive for the first time in my life. I was set adrift, leaving my parents only within earshot. I could hear the same melody that haunted me from the moment my mother left me in despair. This time, there was something familiar about a love so deeply felt within me that it was hard to ignore.
Every note was music to my ear,s and somehow I was drawn in like a magnet. I felt like I was dancing on the edge, and then Damien’s ramblings came back to me. He’d spoken of touching the flower and not touching it at the same time. I had always wondered what that meant, but now I was becoming aware this flower had a power of its own.
“I should have warned you about the flower and its hold on those who witness its beauty. It took a lot for me to pull back, but there was always this something that made it look ugly in my eyes. You can see it yourself; all you need to do is feel it.”
My mother was behind me with her hands on my shoulders and my father was next to her giving me moral support to do the right thing.
“I don’t think I feel it the same way the two of you do. Maybe it’s because I don’t exactly share anything in common with the both of you. You are empowered females for whom magic has always been your birthright. For anybody to take it away from you was wrong on so many levels, and I feel somewhat responsible for letting it happen.”
My father had never said any of this before, and I felt these weren’t just words, but something he really felt deep down. I was seeing a different side to him that I hadn’t seen before.
“There are times you can surprise me, and this is one of those times. I knew there was a reason why I fell in love with you. Y
ou remind me of what we had, but I need to remember the way your love was suffocating. You always needed to know where I was and who I was with. It was as if you couldn’t trust me, but maybe I gave you a reason to think that.”
They were holding me back and then she knelt and pulled the flower out by its root without touching the petals.
She produced a burlap bag and placed it gingerly inside before passing it over to my father. The strength it had over him was minimal, and nothing compared to the way my mother and I felt.
“I don’t know if this makes any difference to you, mother, but I can get you out of here. I can’t see myself leaving here without you. I would love to have you and father together again, but I know the limits,” I said, as I looked towards the burlap sack and wondered how I was going to keep my hands off of it. It was calling to me in a language I understood, and it was tempting me to break the shackles of my life.
“This is not something for you to solve, Gillian. I know you want to help, but there has to be a better way than to put you through unnecessary harm. I would rather stay here forever than to give you any reason to hate me. If I could, I would make sure you forgot this moment. I think you would be better off for it.”
She touched my heart and made me feel like it was my responsibility to break her free of this prison.
“I won’t let anything hold you here against your will. I don’t care what I have to do. You may think this is wrong, and I know father will agree, but I’m old enough to make my own decisions.”
I was trying to convince myself, but underneath it all, I still wanted to let the evil take me away. I didn’t like the guilt I felt every day, and I was better off with the feeling of true power.
“It doesn’t matter if she loves me or not. I’m not going to let you do anything to hurt your recovery.”
They were banding together, and the magic of their union really did put things into perspective. I was seeing William and me in the way they were looking at each other. She claimed not to love my father, but I wasn’t sure how much I believed her. The bond they shared was too strong to be broken so easily with mere words.
“I can’t in good conscience let my mother stay here for one minute longer. There’s nothing worse than knowing she is here and there’s nothing anybody can do to bring her home. If I know I can, then I should, before I lose my nerve altogether.”
I took a deep breath and I could feel it coming up until something made me come to a screeching halt. The one shroud wasn’t enough to break through, but teaming with the rest gave them the opportunity to speak without being censored.
I wasn’t sure if I believed the voices, but they seemed adamant and quite vocal on the subject. They were telling me my mother was the cause for what had happened to them. She was keeping them prisoner for her own selfish gain.
Chapter Twenty-Two
I was still trying to figure out a way to save my mother, but the voices were not exactly silent. I had to be very careful, and their insistence this was not my mother was something I could not ignore. I could see how happy my father was, and to break his heart would be the worst.
“Mother, I do have a question about those who call this place their home.”
She stopped short. What I had said had affected her deeply.
“I would have been exactly like them, but somehow I survived what they couldn’t. They are trapped and they tend to gravitate to those they consider to be easily manipulated. I know you want to believe they can be trusted, but nothing they say is something you should listen to.”
I think she was surprised when she learned I was the only one to hear them. My father confirmed he was unaware of the voices, but he had noticed the shrouds ready to take what they thought was rightfully theirs.
“I get this feeling you’re not telling us something.”
Again, what I was saying was getting on her last nerve, and I could see how hard it was for her to stay cordial. I wanted to believe it was because I was interrogating her. I wouldn’t have liked it in her shoes and I felt bad for putting her on the spot.
“There’s really nothing to tell. I was sent here without any thought about what it could mean. How they could believe this was some kind of test that anybody could possibly pass is beyond me. I still don’t forgive your father, even though I know how selfish and harsh it sounds. He can tell you himself how sweet I was, but things change when you feel abandoned.”
I felt she was purposely misleading, and I was cautious, waiting for her to do something to mar my opinion of her. I didn’t know why she was being cooperative and it wasn’t like there was a way out for her.
“You found us another way; this path would have been helpful on the ascent.”
“I wasn’t there when you decided to take this half-baked journey to save your friend. I’m surprised your father didn’t put his foot down.”
I felt the red hot hatred coming off of her in waves. It was hard for her to hide. What she said certainly didn’t match up with her actions.
“You know our daughter better than anyone; she would’ve come regardless of my orders to the contrary.”
I needed some time alone away from them to converse in private with the voices. There could have been something they knew to help my mother, but I didn’t think they were inclined to do so.
“If you really wanted to, you could have found a way to prevent her from coming here, and we both know it. Imprisoning her for her own good would have been preferable than coming here to witness her mother’s predicament. I can’t leave, and no amount of wishing is going to change that.”
I didn’t know why she was so cold. There were even times she didn’t even seem like she was my mother.
“I don’t like either one of you talking about me like I’m not even here. It’s disrespectful, and I deserve more. There’s no reason for either one of you to bite your tongue when you’re around me. I know how the both of you are always at odds; you’re only deluding yourself into thinking it could be different.”
I was feeling the fatigue in my legs, and the pain was something I wasn’t going to be able to ignore forever.
“We were just having a spirited discussion; there’s no reason to get upset over nothing. I can only take you so far, and then, regrettably, we will have to say goodbye. I wish it didn’t have to be this way,” she said, looking towards the both of us to see if we had come up with any useful information.
“Your mother has always had an opinion of her own, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. If she didn’t, I would know something was wrong.”
I wasn’t going to lie to them, but I certainly wasn’t going to tell them the truth about what the voices were saying. I was not only keeping what the voices were saying from them, but also, what I perceived as a hallucination of a man in white. He was there for a moment and then he was gone. It was easy to disappear within the swirls of snow courtesy of the unforgiving climate from this altitude.
“I’m as much a prisoner as those voices; I have heard them speak to me on the wind from time to time. They are not very nice, but thankfully, they haven’t been able to hurt me.”
I was walking and listening to her with the nagging voices trying to instill urgency.
“I know you’re a prisoner and I’m doing everything I can to finally set you free.” If she really was something else or had changed into something malevolent, then I had to believe she would want me to use whatever was at my disposal.
“You are my daughter and I love you very much, but you really don’t know much of anything. The voices are trouble and they should be excised from your life. If you’re lucky, you won’t hear them when you finally leave this place,” she said, as I looked at her and tried to gauge whether or not her response could be truthful.
“I don’t see any reason why we can’t just get along. Maybe working together is what is going to find the answer,” my father said, leaning forward to be heard over the wind that was picking up as we made our descent.
“I need a few
moments to rest. I know we don’t have a moment to lose and the shrouds could decide to strike when we slow down long enough for them to touch us with their influence.”
I saw they were hesitant, but they finally gave in when they saw I was out of breath and in desperate need of getting my second wind.
“We can stop for 5 minutes, and not a moment longer. The shrouds are devious and they will use whatever advantage they have to get their claws into you,” my mother said, making me feel like she was on our side. But still, there was something preventing me from believing in a fairy tale ending.
It was a meaningful time in my life, and having both my parents here to give me their support was more than I could ever imagine. I stepped away from them while they were bickering incessantly and not paying attention to what I was doing.
I felt like I had to talk to the voices, even if the one person I had considered to be above reproach warned me against it. Trust was a commodity not paid for, but earned, and this woman had done nothing to answer my questions to my satisfaction.
“I know you have doubts, Gillian, but I have never lied to you and I never will. The others might say and do anything to get out, but I’ve always believed karma has a funny way of balancing the scales.”
The voice was an echo of many speaking at the same time, which was the only way they could get through to me to clearly warn me of the danger of trusting my mother.
“I need something more than your word. There has to be some kind of concrete proof to back up your claim about my mother. How was it even possible for her to be responsible for imprisoning you here? I don’t understand. I need something more than just hearsay,” I said, feeling like I was being pulled in two different directions and having no idea which one to trust.
“Do you really think it’s easy for us to say this with the threat of retaliation lingering in the air? She already knows we are talking to you, and we doubt she is going to be very happy with us. We’ve tried to keep our distance when it’s better not to antagonize her. She treats us like we are here for her amusement.”