by L. Michael
Josh was quiet for a moment, and then he laughed out loud. “Right, yes. Okay, do I get a hint at where we’re going?”
“No. Now tell me about your week. How was work?” Josh let out a deep sigh, but then he relaxed into the seat and started to tell me about his cases.
Time flew by, and before we knew it, I was parking the car near Coney Island. Josh stayed where he was until I opened the door and helped him out of the car. “Are you ready for your surprise? Do you want to guess before I take the blindfold off?”
He took a deep breath and tilted his head as he listened to the sounds outside the car.
“Are we at the beach? I smell the saltwater. But I smell hotdogs, too.” His stomach rumbled loudly.
“Well, you are correct. We are at the beach, but it is better than that as well.” I whipped off the blindfold, and he blinked a few times to get his eyes to adjust to the bright light. He turned his head, and his mouth fell open.
“Coney Island! You brought me to Coney Island?”
“So, is this a good first date spot?”
“Are you kidding? I love this place.” Instead of pointing out that I had told him so, I closed the door and locked the car. Then I turned around and offered him my hand to take. Josh just stared at it, but then he took it and smiled hesitantly at me.
“Well, let’s go have some fun then.”
The whole night was a blur. We ate too many Nathan’s hotdogs and rode as many rides as we could, then we watched the fireworks shoot off over the water. It was a magical night. Josh was exhausted by the time I got him back to the station. He said he was fine to drive, but I still followed him home to ensure he was safe. But the best part was that he agreed to come over to my place and let me cook for him.
Chapter 4
Darrell
Our first date went great, as far as I was concerned. We had a perfect evening at Coney Island, and in the end, Josh had agreed to meet me again. I think I had him convinced that I was serious and that I was a real Daddy, and Josh seemed to warm up to me. And the thought that I was a Daddy. After two hours of snacks and rides, Josh had shown more and more of his Little Side. Demanding more rides, sweets, and games. All the games where I won stuffies for him. To me, it had been the perfect date.
To make sure that the second one was as perfect as well, I planned dinner and managed to get a playroom set up with some items that I was sure Josh would like. It was filled with toys and things he was drawn to during our date. He loved fish, cars, trains, and XXX and I chuckled. Josh could talk all day about that movie, even though he’d admitted that he liked cartoons as well.
I couldn’t believe that I had to travel across the country to find my perfect Boy. It was mind-blowing, and I spent Sunday walking on clouds. I planned the whole date, starting with dinner. I hoped that Josh would enjoy a fun meal of homemade pizzas. I got all sorts of toppings and had the dough set aside and rising. It should be ready just in time.
By the time I had everything ready, I realized that it was getting late and wandering over to the window front, I looked outside and waited for Josh to arrive. Fifteen minutes after he agreed to be at my house, the doorbell finally rang. I opened the door and found a very disheveled and tired Little Boy standing there.
“Hey, Buddy. You look beat. Are you okay?”
“Hi. I am a bit tired, but it’s ok. I’ll be alright.”
I stepped aside, let him into my apartment, and watched as he looked around. He was dressed casually in jeans and another colorful t-shirt. While he looked around, I admired the view in front of me for a moment, until I remembered my manners.
“You can put your shoes here with mine, and then I`ll get you a drink. What would you like?”
“Can I have a coke?”
“How about some juice. You need to relax, and a Coke will make you bouncy. I have apple juice, orange, and pineapple. What sounds good?”
“A coke sounds good.”
“Baby Boy, I know you’re tired, but you are not getting a coke. Do you want to pick a juice, or do you want me to pick?”
Frowning at me, Josh thought about it. Despite his bratty attitude, I had to admit that I couldn’t wait to have an in-depth discussion about our relationship. Mostly about me being his Daddy because one thing I knew was that this little brat needed a firm hand.
After a moment, Josh stuck his bottom lip out and pouted for a second before he finally responded. “Orange juice.”
“What was that?”
“Can I have some orange juice, please, Darrel?”
“Much better. Come with me, and I’ll get you all set.”
Josh took off his shoes and followed me into the kitchen. After our date, I went shopping and got some special cups for my Boy, and I hoped he liked them. I pulled a bright blue sippy cup out of the cabinet and filled it with orange juice. The cup was cute, with little clownfish dancing all around it. His eyes lit up as I handed it to him, and he slowly reached out and took it.
“This is mine?”
“Yes, Buddy. It’s all yours. Take a drink. I only buy the pulp-free OJ. I think it tastes better. What do you think?”
Tentatively he raised the cup to his lips while he watched me the whole time. Almost as if he was waiting for me to change my mind. Not that I would. It was quite the opposite. I wanted to keep him, not get rid of him. Josh took a drink, and then his eyes widened in surprise. And in delight.
“Wow, this is really good.” Josh smiled, then he turned the cup around in his hands, looking at all the fish. It was the same adoring look he wore whenever he’d spotted a fish at Coney Island.
“I’m glad you like it.” Smiling, I reached over and gently stroked his cheek. “I have a surprise for you. Do you want to see it?”
“Duh, I love surprises.” The little brat rolled his eyes at me.
“Careful, Josh. Don’t be naughty. No duh and no eye-rolling.”
The way he blushed at my words was just adorable. And it spoke volumes. He was embarrassed that I admonished him, yes, but there was also a sparkle in his eyes. My Boy liked the thought of being naughty. My Boy. There was that thought again. But really, who was I kidding. I wanted him to be my Boy, and, in my heart, he already was mine the moment he walked up to me in the hospital.
“Ok, naughty Boy. Come on, and I’ll show you your surprise.”
The apartment I found was a spacious two-bedroom unit with an excellent open floor plan. The living room, dining room, and kitchen were all open, with the bedrooms tucked away behind the living room. I rented this place intending to make the second bedroom into an office, but the moment I’d met Josh, I changed my mind. Now it was a playroom for my Baby Boy. Like on our date, I held out my hand and waited for Josh to take it. He took another drink of his orange juice, but then he stood up and took my hand. I led him to the closed door of the playroom and stopped in front of it.
“Do you want to do the honors?”
“What?”
“Open the door, Baby Boy. Your surprise is inside.”
“Oh. Ok.”
Josh opened the door, and I held my breath, waiting for his reaction. His mouth dropped open, but instead of rushing into the room, as I’d expected, he stood where he was and just looked around. Putting my hand on his lower back, I gently gave him a push. Responsive as he was, he stepped inside and paused again to look around. The room was furnished to make any Little happy. A custom day bed for naps or just cuddling was shaped like a race car, complete with clownfish sheets. In the opposite corner was an oversized rocking chair, perfect for reading time or more cuddles. There was a play-rug with roads on the floor, and I bought tons of cars to go with it. As I finished admiring my work, I looked at Josh and saw tears running down his cheeks.
“Hey, sweetpea, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
“I’m not crying. Only babies cry.” Angrily, he rubbed at his cheeks.
“Is that so? Then is this orange juice running out of your eyes?” Reaching over, I rubbed the tears away and sh
owed him my fingers. Josh blushed and bit his lip, and then he shook his head. “Listen, sweetpea, it’s okay to cry. I just want to know why? Don’t you like the room?”
“N-No. It’s not that. It’s...” Josh stopped and glanced around again. “I love it.”
“Okay. That’s great. But the question still stands. Why are you crying?”
“I...Because you show me this room, and then you’ll find out that I`m just a stupid brat, and you’ll don’t want me anymore.”
Whoa. Okay. I had no idea where that was coming from, but I knew that we needed to talk now. Gently, I ushered Josh over to the bed and made him sit down next to me. “Josh, I wanted to wait until we had eaten and gotten to know each other more, but I think we need to have this conversation now.”
Chapter 5
Josh
I knew it. Darrell was just like everyone else I’ve met before. They claimed to be a Daddy, but they wanted a sweet Little, who wasn’t bratty or burst into tears. They wanted Sweet Boys. And Darrell was the same. Well, at least I knew now instead of getting more attached to this fascinating man. I was already attached too much, and I’d shown him too much of my Little side already. I could not afford to put my heart out and have it trampled. Again. Darrell took my hands in his and looked into my eyes. But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t look him in the eyes and listen to his rejection.
“Josh, I think we need to discuss consent and boundaries.”
My head whipped around so fast; I almost gave myself whiplash.
“What? Why? Aren’t you going get rid of me?”
“Why in the world would I do that?”
“Because...” I stopped and took a deep breath. I could quickly get up and just leave to spear me a heartbreak, but something in Darrells look held me back. “Because I’m bratty and a baby who bursts out in tears, just because I really like this room.”
“Just because you’re a brat doesn’t mean that I’m going to get rid of you, Josh. Honestly, I think it’s adorable. Even though I’m quite sure that it’s going to be annoying as hell sometimes.” Darrell winked at me, and I chuckled. “I’m not a person to give up that easily, especially not with someone I really like. And I do like you. Bratty, or not. And if you cry, I want to be the one you can lean onto, Josh.”
“Yeah, you say that now.”
“And I will say that in ten years, too, if you’ll let me.” Peaking up at Darrell, I tried to figure out if he was serious. And God, I hoped he was because I really liked him and I wanted those ten years with him. “Now, let me ask you a question.”
“Okay?”
“Do you want to be my boyfriend and my Boy?”
“I…I do, but...” I was still scared, and I couldn’t bring myself to say yes.
“How about this. You and I need to find out what we both want and then make choices and decisions about our relationship based on those wants. So, why don’t we talk about this first and then you decide if you want to be my Boy. What do you think?”
“I think I can handle a conversation.” Talking about things was good, wasn’t it?
“Okay, then let’s start with safewords. That will allow you to end this conversation whenever you want or don’t feel comfortable anymore. I know we used the stoplights for the blindfold. But do you have a specific safeword you want to use?”
“Spinach. I hate it.”
We sat there for almost an hour, talking about relationships, consent, and rules until my stomach growled, and my head was all fuzzy. Darrell explained what he expected and wanted, and we talked about my needs and wants. Then we talked about rules and God. Darrell had a lot of rules. Even though I didn’t like most of them, especially the rule about food and bedtime, they also made me feel safe. Darrell chuckled at the sound of my growling stomach.
“It seems like it’s time for dinner. Sorry, Baby Boy, that I made you wait until you’re hungry. Do you want to help me make pizzas for dinner, or do you want to...”
My mouth dropped open. Pizza was my favorite food, and I could eat it all day every day. I didn’t need to hear the alternative, all I could think about was pizza, so I interrupted Darrell. “We make pizza on our own? What kind of toppings do you have? Can I put on mine what I want?”
“I take that as a yes then.” Darrell laughed at my enthusiasm and got hep, holding out his hand for me, like he always did. “Well, come on, let’s go make dinner.”
We made our way out to his kitchen, and I watched when Darrell got a bowl from the top of the fridge. Wondering what was in the bowl, I walked over to him.
“I made dough, and it should be ready to use now.”
“You make your pizza dough?” Wow. I’d never made pizza dough. Pizza, yes, but with premade dough.
“My grandfather was an Italian chef. He would turn over in his grave if I bought any dough from a store. He taught me his secret recipe, and you’ll see. It’s the best self-made pizza you ever had.” My mouth hung open until Darrell came over and pushed it closed with his fingertip. “Come on, sport. Wash your hands and help me.”
I never had so much fun making dinner. Darrell was funny and made sure that I didn’t hurt myself or ended up as a dough monster. He even laughed when I put so many toppings on my pizza that I would never be able to pick up the slices. I couldn’t help it, and there were just so many yummy things.
While we stuffed ourselves with yummy pizza, we talked about our work, personal things, how we grew up. Basically everything. It was excellent, and I enjoyed our time together. But as time went by, I grew more and more tired and had a hard time laughing about the funny stories we shared from work.
“The guy was so out of it he didn’t say anything. Well, occasionally, he would sit and scream ‘Stella’ at the top of his lungs. Either he was a huge old movie fan, or his girlfriend's name was Stella. We never found out.” A jaw cracking yawn took me by surprise, and I hastily clapped my hand over mouth.
“You’re tired.” Darrell said and caught me totally off guard, when he asked, “Do you want to stay in your playroom tonight?”
“No, I have to work in the morning. So, I should go.” Even though I’d love to stay here tonight, it was way too early in our relationship, and I needed time to myself to think about everything that had happened tonight.
“Sweetpea, you are too tired to drive. But if you insist on going home, how about, I take you.”
“I’m just going to call a cab. I live too far away for you to bring me home.”
“Josh. Get your shoes on. I’m taking you home, so I know you made it safely.”
I opened my mouth to argue, but the stern look Darrell gave me had me shut it again. Reluctantly I got my shoes on. If Darrell brought me home, he would know where I lived, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. He was a great Daddy, and our dates were perfect, but letting him know where I lived was a huge step, and I wasn’t sure if I was ready yet.
“Josh, I know this is a big step, and it must be scary, but I am not a stalker. I am a Daddy. I just want to know that you get home safely. It’s either that or you staying here for the night.” Darrell just watched me for a second, then he sighed. “Look, I just want us to give this relationship a chance, but it only works if we’re both in it. So, please. Give us a chance. Better yet. Give me a chance.”
“I’m scared.”
“I know, Josh. Hell, I’m afraid too. I’m afraid that you will give up before we have a chance to find out how great we can be together. I’m scared that you are going to let your past rule your heart forever. I’m afraid you’ll never open and be with me completely. I can feel you holding back and that you don’t want me to see behind your walls, but that makes me feel like you are just waiting for us to fail.”
Swallowing hard, I listened to what he said. He was right. I had so many walls around my heart that I was scared to open up to him. But as he confessed all his fears, the walls cracked, and taking a deep breath, and I told him why I was so closed off.
“I had a boyfriend that I thought was
the one. But I was holding back a part of myself. So, I told him that I wanted a Daddy, and he broke up with me. We were together for a couple of years, but he was so mean. He hurt me and called me some very mean names. I swore I would never be in that position ever again.” Tears spilled down my cheeks as I poured my heart out. “I thought he loved me. He told me he loved me, and then he broke me. He said I was not worth anything. He said I was a pervert and a sicko.”
Darrell wrapped me in his arms and held me as I sobbed. “After a while, I tried to go out again, to find a real Daddy. But I was never enough for them. I was too bratty, and they told me so many times that I was not worth their time.”
“Oh, my poor boy. It’s ok. Let it out. No one is going to hurt you anymore.”
Darrell held me as I let the past wash over me. It broke my heart again. But then something strange happened. As Darrell held me, I felt all those pasts hurt again, but I felt lighter. Like a giant weight was lifted off my chest. I felt...words could not describe how I felt in the moment being held by a real Daddy and telling him about me and what had me building up all those walls around my heart. After a long while, I pulled back, looked up at Darrell, and saw tears in his eyes. Surprised, I reached out and touched his cheek.
“Why are you crying?”
“Oh, Baby Boy. My heart breaks for you. No one should ever have to face that kind of pain. I am so sorry that happened. As a Daddy, it hurts me so much to know you were treated like that.”
I sucked in a breath and realized he was right. He was a real Daddy. Here was the proof I was waiting for. Without thinking about it, I lunged forward and kissed him hard. It took him a second before he responded and took charge of the kiss. He swept his tongue across my lips, and I gladly opened to allow him in. Our teeth clicked together, and our tongues danced around each other. All too soon, it ended, and Darrell pulled back. He rested his forehead against mine as we stood there panting.
“Do you still want to go home, or would you like to stay here?”