The phone is put on speaker, and I listen to it ring with trepidation and the unholy hope that Uncle Jon doesn’t answer. He does.
“Bright.”
“Uncle Jon.”
My voice sounds harsh and tremulous to my own ears, and I swallow at the dryness in my throat when Wylder throws me a warning look.
“Danny girl? That you? Well, hell, kid, I haven’t heard from you in a while.”
Time to lie.
“Er, well, I tried to call Daddy, but he’s away on some training program.”
Wylder has thought of everything, down to me leaving a message on Daddy’s answering machine, which told me just what I told my uncle. Knowing it’s all a lie and that my father is out in a war zone and could die makes this all the harder.
Uncle Jon clears his throat, and for the first time, I hear a lie when he tells it, unlike all the other times when I just swallowed his shit for truth.
“Yeah, the government has him on the new recruits.”
“Well, I didn’t know, so I was really surprised and kinda bummed that I can’t tell him my news first.”
I’m doing it just as Wylder instructed, starting slow, going steady so as not to arouse my uncle’s suspicions. It’s not easy to sit here with the ass watching my every facial twitch and listening to every word.
Part of me knows he’s just waiting for me to start babbling out the truth, but he needn’t worry. I’d rather be skinned alive without anesthesia than put my family in harm’s way.
“News?”
“Yeah, so, uh, I met someone a while back.”
“That’s great, sweetheart! Sarah is always babbling about setting you up with some guy or another, but I told her you’d get back on the horse once you forgot about that idiot Flynn.”
I cringe when Wylder raises a brow, and ignore the curious glint in his eye.
“Yeah. Anyway, we’re kinda serious now, and uh, so, uh, I got engaged.”
The whoop that assaults my ear is loud and shocking, and I narrow my eyes at Wylder when he tries to hide a smirk that turns into a laugh at Uncle Jon’s next words.
“I told Arlie you weren’t a lesbian! You just won me two hundred big ones, young lady. That jar might get me to Hawaii in another year at this rate.”
Now I’m reconsidering the whole saving them thing if this is what’s going on behind my back. Wylder is so amused at my expense I don’t care that he’s a maybe serial killer and flip him the bird.
“Danny?”
“Yeah! Uh, nooo, not a lesbian.”
“It would be cool if you were though. No judgement,” he rushes to say.
Wylder laughs harder, his shoulders shaking in silent glee, and even I can’t stop a twitch at Uncle Jon’s next words.
“Although I don’t know how you’d go about it with them nails you keep getting done. They’d slice a—”
“Not a lesbian! Er, so, anyway, things are serious with me and Bear, and I kinda got engaged, but Daddy’s not around to tell, and I just…I wanted to tell someone.”
I am so going to hell. The hottest part reserved for the rapists and murderers and like Goebels and Hitler.
“That’s fantastic, Danny. So, who is this asshole? I should run a background check on him.”
“Don’t! Don’t you dare, Jon,” I rush out. “Promise me you won’t do something like that. He’s sitting right here.”
I fake a laugh that I don’t feel, my ulcer burning while Wylder just lounges back as if he isn’t bothered one bit. God, the man probably has his bases covered already. Go figure.
“Hey, son!”
“Hello, Mr. Bright. My name is Bear Wylder, and I am happy to finally meet you, sir. Don’t listen to my Danny girl. A background will be just fine. I get that you and her father are protective, and I’d run a background on any asshole my future daughters bring home too,” he says smoothly, grinning when Uncle Jon laughs and seems impressed.
“Well, that takes the wind right out of my sails, son. If you don’t mind, it sort of makes the point moot.”
Clever asshole.
“I have nothing to hide, sir. Anyway, it was nice talking to you, but I gotta split, and Miss Thang isn’t happy about me hogging telephone time with her favorite uncle.”
“Okay, son, you don’t be a stranger now. Jay will want to grill you, but you just stand strong and remember that all you need to do is love our Danny and you’ll stay alive.”
They chuckle at that, and Wylder takes a few steps to the door and opens it only to close it and walk back to his seat on silent feet.
“He gone?”
“Yeah.”
“Sounds nice, punkin. So, you love this guy?” he asks, and I smile despite the emotion clogging my throat.
“Yeah, I really do,” I choke, making him chuckle.
“Aw, that is great, sweetheart. It’s about time you stopped being alone and jumped into the love thing. I’ve been worried and so was Jay when you kept yourself buried in the books year after year.”
“I’m only twenty-five, Jon! And I’ve been committed to my work.”
“Nonsense. We all know the only reason you’re still in school is because you don’t want to spend your days teaching shitty little brats and pretending to care about parents.”
God, that’s so true. I assisted one summer for an extra class program, and it turns out I don’t have what it takes to spend all day with other people’s kids.
But that’s neither here nor there. Right now, I have a mission to complete and complete it I will. Even if it hurts to do it.
“Listen, Uncle Jon…now that Bear isn’t here…I heard something disturbing the other day, and I know I shouldn’t be telling you this, because it will compromise his case, but…”
Uncle Jon goes dead quiet at those words, and I can almost see him sitting up, his face going serious the way it did the year Aunt Sarah had that cancer scare.
“Case? Danny, what the hell is going on?”
I share a look with Wylder, one that lets him know exactly how much I despise him in this moment, and close my eyes against the guilt eating me alive.
“Danny?”
Just breathe. It’ll all be okay. Just say the words exactly like you practiced with Wylder and you’ll get through this. You can live with their hatred. You can’t live knowing they all died if you could have saved them.
“Bear is an agent, Uncle Jon. He came clean with me when he proposed because he says that as his wife I deserve to know what I’m getting myself into.”
Lies. All lies, and yet I have to do this. But what would it be like to actually have a man love me enough to be that honest and considerate? I’ll probably never know, will be stuck here with a lowlife all my life, if I live. The thought is so sobering I have to blink back tears before he sees them.
Wylder is still watching me, so I stiffen my spine and keep going, hating him a little more with every single breath I take.
“An agent? Danny girl, is that why he’s so easy about the background?”
I force a laugh that I don’t feel just to inject some ease into what I’m about to say and snort like I usually do so he feels on easier footing.
“I know, right? Leave it to me to steer away from military men only to fall for 007. But that’s…listen, he’s only going to be upstairs changing for a little longer and then he’ll be down to say goodbye to me before he leaves, and I wanted…this isn’t easy for me, Uncle Jon, and I feel terrible for this break in trust but…I heard him talking to someone the other night on the phone and…do you know anything about a case called Flamingo?”
Jon is so quiet now I get gooseflesh all over my body and glance at Wylder, who is still eyeballing me. His face is blank, but I feel the cold coming off him as he nods at me.
“Danny, this is not—”
“I heard him telling some guy on his team that some Irish guys were gonna do a DEA agent if he doesn’t accept a bribe, and I got scared because I overheard you and Daddy the last time we were all together.
Is that your case, Jon?” I push.
God, just get with it here already! I can’t keep going much longer.
“I can’t divulge that.”
“I know. I know, it’s just, from what I heard, the CIA is on this thing and Bear is in deep, Jon, really deep. We don’t even go out together on the streets because he doesn’t want me tagged by whoever he’s running with. I shouldn’t have eavesdropped, I know, and I feel terrible, but I heard your name, Jon, and it sounds as if they’re going to approach you and ask you to go along with it. Please just do this. I know Bear, and he’s a good guy. I don’t want either of you hurt doing this shitty job, so…just help him, and he’ll help you.”
Wylder had warned me just hours ago that I shouldn’t make it too much of a stretch or give too much detail in case my uncle got suspicious, so I’m sticking completely to script here, praying that he’ll bite the hook so Wylder can reel him in.
I feel awful, but it’s all I can do at the moment, stuck here as I am.
“He’s involved? And he’s on the shipment?”
Oh, thank you, Lord.
“I don’t know a lot. All I do know is what I heard him saying, and it sounds as if he’s going to come to you about the case. It sounded as if this thing has to play to the end for them to bring down a big fish. If he calls, I know he will call you, work with him. Please. I don’t want to lose you or the man I…love over criminals.”
Even Wylder flinches at my words, and I can barely look at him for the disgust and hatred I feel.
Uncle Jon sighs after a long minute of utter silence and lets off a deep, raspy chuckle.
“Jesus, kid, leave it to you to get with a guy who is probably in deeper than your old man. Okay. Okay, I’ll talk to Jay, and we’ll work with your boy, but listen, maybe you should take things slow with this guy. I don’t want you spending your life shackled to an agent. It isn’t easy, poppet. Just ask Sarah. Your own ma would advise against that life.”
My mom would tell me to run like hell, I think sourly, curling my lip at Wylder.
“I’ll think about it, but the heart…”
“I know, girl. It wants what it wants. Christ. I have never let one go before. This isn’t going to be easy.”
“I love you, Uncle Jon.”
“Love you too, Danny sweets, love you too. I’m never going to let your old man forget I heard the news first,” he teases.
A lone tear tracks down my cheek, and I force a giggle.
“Don’t. He deserves shit for not calling me.”
We don’t shoot the shit much longer, and I hang up and sit in the silent room with Wylder watching me while everything inside me aches and shrinks into a ball of absolute numbness.
“You did the right thing.”
“Shut up! I just lied to a man I love and respect. Don’t you tell me what is right and wrong, Wylder. You wouldn’t know what’s right if it bit a chunk off your ass,” I whisper brokenly, rising on wooden legs.
He just keeps looking at me and then rises with a sigh.
“Whatever you think of me, Danny, I swear to you that I will not let your family get hurt.”
“Oh, so, I’m just supposed to accept the word of a criminal and feel good about what I just did?” I huff.
“No, you’re going to accept the word of a man who wants you to be happy with him. That’s all I want.”
“Happy with you? You think I’m going to be happy with you when you’ve done nothing but fuck me over since you saw me? I never wanted any of this. All I wanted was a life, a quiet life that maybe included a guy who loved me a little and a child or two, that’s it. Maybe I wasn’t ever going to have any of that, Wylder, but you know, it hurts that I definitely won’t have any of that now. So, happy? I don’t think so,” I grate, slamming the door behind me and stomping upstairs.
It’s the first time I’ve been out of the attic room, and I know I should take the opportunity to explore, but right now, I need to be alone, and that entails going back up and stewing in my own juices in my lonely room.
And stew I do. The minute I’m alone and the door is closed, I crumple to the floor and allow the tears freedom from my hold on them. I don’t sob. Honestly, I don’t think I could cry normally after days of silent grief, but they do come, and it feels good.
I cry for my daddy, who will never have me back because Wylder warned me that I would have to disconnect from him or his associates will tag him as an asset.
I cry for Jon, who will hate me when he realizes I screwed him over. I cry for Lori, a woman I miss like hell even after having known her for just hours. I cry for me because, dammit, I have lost everything and it hurts.
Mostly I cry because I wanted to have something with Wylder, just a friendly understanding of some sort to get me through the next little while.
I just cry because everything is so messed up, and short of taking a window dive and hoping I won’t shatter like glass, I am trapped, and it doesn’t feel good.
I feel like I’m floating in a sea of Jell-O and the more I try to swim to the top and take a breath, the more I sink.
When the tears are over and done and I can stand again, I make my way to the bathroom and spend ten minutes or so showering to remove the dirt I feel on my skin, dirt I can’t wash off because it’s not physical.
I dress in a light skirt that floats to my ankles and a soft pink vest that hugs my curves. My hair takes longer because I brush it out slowly and spend a while drying it and using a round brush to give it some body.
I have everything I need here. A closet full of clothes that he personally picked out and had delivered. Cosmetics, products, everything. There is nothing that I could want for, and yet I am numb as I doll myself up.
Noon arrives sooner than expected, and I steel myself against seeing him again. The door opens and I’m ready, my face falling when a young female walks in with a tray and puts it down without a word.
“Er, hi.”
“Mrs. Wylder, ma’am. Mr. Wylder asked me to bring this up for you and to tell you that he’ll meet you in the east gardens when you’re done.”
She leaves before I can say another word, and I’m struck dumb at this change. Okay. I…
I eat faster than I ever have in my life, shoveling the food down because the damn man has an issue with me not eating and will probably force-feed me if he sees a full plate.
I approach the door, not truly believing until I turn the handle and it opens. This time when I descend the stairs, I truly look around, and the place is magnificent. It’s huge. I know this because the entrance hall is easily the size of a small house.
And it’s richly furbished with comfort in mind, just as I suspected from the living room I saw earlier. The place is also a maze, so I’m grateful when it only takes me a few minutes to locate a side door.
The moment I step outside, my lungs expand and I breathe in deep of the rich, thick air and the smell of greenery. The gardens are absolutely spectacular in a wild way that has my lips crooking because it reminds me of Wylder. It’s organized and clean, and yet you can see the wildness trying to creep in and reclaim the manicured perfection around me.
I walk without purpose, not caring about direction or even making his time frame. All I know as I kick off my shoes and feel the thick grass beneath my feet is a peacefulness that is shocking.
“You look beautiful.”
Whipping around, I meet Wylder walking towards me, his usual suits exchanged for a pair of jeans that mold to his thick thighs and a cotton button-up in a snowy white.
He looks really good, and it’s a struggle to remind myself I despise him, especially when he smiles and takes my hand, leading me down a path all the way to a gazebo overlooking a stream.
I sit at his direction, still not talking, and meet his eyes when he slides down beside me and stretches his legs, the fact that he’s wearing tennis shoes without socks catching my attention.
“I’ve been thinking since you stormed out this morning.”
�
�I didn’t storm.”
“Yeah, you did, but it’s cool. I get that what I asked you to do wasn’t easy.”
“You didn’t ask me anything. You basically told me that my entire family would die unless I did what you wanted me to,” I snarl, welcoming the anger that keeps rising.
Wylder sighs and turns his body towards me, his nearness doing things I don’t want to examine at all.
“Danny, I need you to understand that I would never ever do anything to your people. I have my own family. I understand what it’s like to love other people and want to protect them.”
“And yet you took me! What about my dad—”
“I didn’t fucking take you! I would never have gone near you, and you know it. This, all of this, fucked up my plans more than you can imagine! Do you think I want to be between you and a bunch of assholes who won’t hesitate to kill you or an entire family? I don’t. Believe me, all of this would have been so much easier for me if you weren’t involved. But you are, through no fault of my own, and now I have to find a way to not only keep things going but also make sure your family connections stay clean. That’s not exactly a walk in the goddamn park, you know,” he growls, making me freeze.
His words ring so true, and I know he’s said it before, but now, his frustration is so palpable I stop looking at this from my own point of view and instead try to see things from his.
All things aside, there would always be some asshole trying to get to Jon. We’ve talked about it around the table more than once, and I know from previous experience and a car bomb episode that had us all wary that what Wylder is saying is true.
Someone would have gotten to him. The only coincidence here is that I was taken. Although I’m not so sure it was a coincidence at all.
And then I also see that maybe I am not being fair, because it’s one thing for him to be in the background calling the shots. Easy. It’s another for him to have me here, to have to look at me and consider that not doing anything to help my family will hurt me.
That stops me dead, and I look at him in a way I don’t want to, seeing him as a man, not a monster.
“I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel,” I whisper, shaking my head as I look out at the little stream. “It’s all so hard. You’re nice and then you’re frightening, and then…then this happens and I want to hate you. It would be so easy to hate you. I need to hate you and tell myself that you’re just a thug.”
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