“For a week of sex,” I cut in.
“No. I was gonna take you away so I could do this,” he mumbles, shocking me silly when he drops to his knees and holds out a small black box.
I can’t respond, not even breathe, when he opens it and I see a ring nestled in the velvet cushion.
“Mika, I love you. I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would fall in love or that all those nights I spent at your bedside eight years ago was the beginning of a love that I want with all my heart. But it was. Willing you to live was not a conscious way of me setting myself up for the fall, but I think part of me knew that you were supposed to be mine. So…if you can forgive me for being an asshole and an insensitive jerk, I’m asking, begging you to take pity on me and make an honest man of me.”
I’m stunned and silent as I look at him, the ring and the vulnerability he’s showing me, the gruff, grunting Hawk gone as he prostrates himself in front of me in front of all his friends and family.
My throat feels a hundred times too big to breathe. This is the very last thing I was expecting to happen today. Heck, I thought I’d verbally and visually flay him all day and go home to stew on the couch.
“Meeks?” he mutters when all I can do is stare, his mouth firming when he swallows and keeps looking up at me hopefully.
“You love me?”
“From the start,” he says gruffly, the hoarse rasp making me sob a laugh and reach down to stroke his face.
“You okay with…”
He nods, telling me silently that whatever happens, happens, and that he’ll be there with me through it all.
“Just you and me. And…hopefully.”
“Yes.”
I breathe through the lump in my throat and kiss him back when he grins and vaults to his feet, shoving the ring on so fast I hear people chuckle as he kisses me and hugs me tight.
“I love you.”
“I love you too,” I whisper, praying for both our sakes that he’s truly okay with whatever the outcome is because the honest truth is that I don’t know if I will be. But I have to because I promised him he’d be enough.
“You sat with me?”
That part was the hardest to hear, but it’s fitting in its own way. I was at death’s door years ago and only pulled through because of the people around me. Knowing that he was there, one of those I was fighting for, makes it feel as if we’ve traveled all the way around and back to where we started.
“Every night for the month you slept. I couldn’t leave you alone at night. I was terrified you’d wait until you were alone to let go.”
Yeah, I get that, so I guess in a way he saved me. For himself.
“I’m really happy right now.”
“Stay that way,” he growls, making me giggle and smile when everyone finally braves his wrath to come over and congratulate us.
Hawk
My ass is sweating like it’s an egg on the pavement on Labor Day. Hell, I don’t know what I just said, but give me a break. I’m sitting outside the freaking doctors’ rooms waiting for Mika to go pee in the cup, and I don’t know if I should storm in there to hold her hand while she does it or sit here and pretend that I’m not having a heart attack.
I proposed to her two days ago, and it’s taken me this long to convince the damn stubborn female to come in for the tests. I finally got a promise out of her after honoring my vow and tying her to the bed to torture her with my mouth, not letting her come until she swore on her precious job that she’d do it.
By that point, I was pulling my hair out and desperate, so Wolf finally grabbed me and asked me what the hell was going on. I didn’t tell him everything, just that Mika thinks she’s pregnant and that she won’t confirm it.
He’s the one who told me how to get her compliance, and I still shudder at the memory of the graphic detail that ass used to try and ‘school me.’
But here we are, and I’m afraid. Not that I’ll show it, but deep down inside, I am afraid. You think I just ran away for weeks and bailed on Mika, and maybe that’s a little true. I needed to clear my head and wrap my mind around the curve ball she threw me.
Because I’ve done the research waaaay before I got home the last time and decided to stop jerking myself around and admit what I feel. I bought the ring the same day and set things in motion to give her the romance she’d need for an occasion such as an engagement.
Even then, I already knew that her getting pregnant, if at all possible, wasn’t a good idea, so maybe now you can understand why I lost it. She could miscarry. Develop a whole bunch of complications and then get through it all only to give birth to a stillborn baby.
I know it all sounds like worst-case scenarios, but I like to know the worst and best of a situation, and once I knew, there was no way I would ever take that risk.
What you don’t get is that…I know all of it. With Brass’s help, I hacked her records that Dr. Forbes transferred from her previous doctor, and to say that she went through a lot is an understatement.
The damage that was done to my girl is extensive, and knowing that, and reading the cold hard facts of her condition, made me so thankful to have her I wanted nothing more than to prove it. With a ring.
And then she dropped the bomb, and all I could think was she could be sick. She could be pregnant, and she could lose it all in a blink. I can’t handle the thought of Mika being happy only to have it all grabbed out from under her.
And I can’t fix any of it, not if she’s sick and not if she’s pregnant. So, here I sit, terrified and not knowing what to hope for here because both options could be catastrophic.
I haven’t said anything about how I feel though. I can’t. I won’t ruin her hopes, and if it’s true, her happiness and I have to find a way to be happy if she does turn up pregnant.
She comes back a few minutes later and grimaces when I pull her down beside me, wanting to hold her tight because I need it and she looks so scared it makes me feel helpless.
“That was disgusting. I peed on my hand,” she jokes, the attempt at humor falling flat when Dr. Forbes calls us in and takes a seat behind his desk.
His face is dour, and I feel Mika tense and grab my hand in a death grip.
“You, my dear, are a miracle,” he says softly, his mouth twitching into a smile. “Congratulations.”
Everything I feel, I can’t even process it, but I have Mika all over me, crying and laughing, and despite the fear, I feel happy when she giggles and sobs against my neck.
“This should not be possible, and I will go on the record and say I have some concerns, but as long as you promise to let myself and a team monitor your pregnancy, I feel…happy for you, Mika.”
“Oh my God! Oh God, I didn’t think, and then I started worrying that it was just…and it isn’t,” she cries, kissing my face in a series of kisses that have me chuckling and closing my eyes.
I am happy. For her. Terrified. For us both. And as I hold her and stroke her back, I meet the doctor’s eyes and plead with him. Please. Whatever happens, she comes first.
He nods once in understanding, and I take her home amid excited railings about furniture and vitamins and a whole host of things I can only grunt at. She doesn’t notice my lack of enthusiasm, and for that, I thank God, because I’m not like Mika.
I don’t pretend. I suck at putting on a happy face, and the truth is that as proud as I want to feel, I feel angry too. At myself for not being safer with her and a little at her too because I know her. She’s invested all the way, and things could go so wrong.
“Please tell me you’re happy.”
We’re just pulling into the driveway when she says those words softly, almost pleading with me to say the right thing. I close my eyes and sigh, letting myself examine what I feel and actually pushing away everything else.
“I am,” I answer, feeling a weight lift when I realize that it’s true.
I may not have wanted kids, and the truth is that if this hadn’t happened, I’d be more than okay without,
but it is happening, and you know, I can’t think of anything I’d want more than to be the guy to give this to my girl.
She wants a baby. Somehow, someway, I did that for her, and yeah, I feel a little taller knowing that she’s now irrevocably mine in every way. The child in her womb solidifying the bond and pledges that we’ve made.
“I…that makes me so happy. I want us to be happy. And I want you to want the same things I do, not because you want me to be happy but because it’s us, living in the moment,” she whispers, smiling hesitantly.
“I want what you want, babe. That’s it. You’re happy and okay with what you’re gonna face, then I’m with you. Just promise me, you gotta swear that you won’t hide things. If you feel sick, I have to know. Pain? You don’t stop to think for a second. You tell me.”
“Yes sir.”
“Good girl. Now, you wanna sit on this for a bit or have the crazies all over us?”
“Sit on it. Just…until…”
I kiss her hand and nod, pulling her out of the truck behind me.
“Just until.”
Please, Jesus, let that until include a healthy kid and a smiling woman.
Chapter Fifteen
Mika
I’m not working, not moving, not doing a damn thing to risk this pregnancy, and it’s driving me crazy. It’s now officially the third month, and I’m optimistic that it’s going to pan out for me.
I moved in with Hawk as soon as he asked me to marry him, because the man was either going to stop working and move in with me or I could be here with Teeny just next door and Lynx to keep an eye on me when he goes off to work.
“Oh my God, I love that kid, but I look forward to nap time,” Teeny huffs, coming out onto the porch and flopping down.
I laugh because I love Tammy too but she’s a spitfire with the energy of three kids. Three very naughty kids, I think, leaning back to enjoy the silence now that she’s crashed.
“You okay? You surprised us all when Hawk convinced you to stop working, and I know Lynx is losing his mind with that new woman he hired. She actually showed up late yesterday and tried to fudge her times.”
I laugh because after the system I set up to manage it all, there is no way in hell that’s possible.
“I’m good. Hawk’s schedule is so weird, and he leaves and comes back at such strange times that I get why he wants me here. If I’m working, I won’t hardly see him.”
Which is true and not a complete lie. He didn’t want me working, it’s true, but mostly the decision was mine. I want this to work, one hundred percent, and to do that, I have to commit myself to sacrificing now, when it counts.
Anyway, it’s not like I’d continue if…when the baby comes, so I’m sorta preparing for it in advance, I tell myself, giving Teeny a smile.
“Look, I’m going to shoot straight with you here because I love you and you’re like one of my best friends. I know you’re pregnant, and I wanted to say that I know it’s a scary thing for you right now. No, wait, just hear me out. I won’t tell a soul, not even Lynx, because I get that this is a miracle and you’re in a dangerous, scary place now. I want you to know that I’m here. If you need me, if you just want to talk and tell me stuff you can’t tell your overprotective man, I’ll listen and it stays with me,” she says.
My eyes get wet, and I bite my lips through a smile, gratitude making it hard to speak.
“Thanks, Teeny, and…it’s not that I don’t want to tell. I do. I just don’t want everyone to get all excited and then…ya know.”
I may not want to think about it, but I’m keeping it real, and real is possibilities. Good and bad. For now, I’m feeling good but…
“I get it. Trust me. Lynx and I are still using the pill because Tam is just such a handful, and I thought Rain was gonna shit a brick. He told her to mind her own business and leave me alone so I have breathing room, but you…she’ll invade,” Teeny says in a scary voice, chuckling when I snort.
“Tell me about it. She’s already planning the wedding, and we’re not even close to getting there yet. I want to just run down to the courthouse, and Hawk could care less as long as his ring stays on this finger.”
My phone rings just as she’s laughing about how I’d be killed at my own wedding, and I feel my heart beat hard when the silence comes, the heavy breathing the only sound I hear.
I haven’t had a call like this in weeks, and I’d put it out of my mind until now because Hawk would lose his mind, but honestly, this is just getting creepy now.
“Hello? Listen, man, this is weird, and I don’t like it, so you stop calling me and freaking me out or I’ll tell my guy and his brothers!” I yell, disconnecting with a curse.
“Mika?”
“Dammit! This fucking guy,” I growl, explaining when she gives me a look.
“Shit, Mika, this isn’t good. Come on! Get your ass inside,” she says, jumping up to tug me into the house and slam the door to lock it.
“Teeny—”
“I’m calling Lynx. Honest to God, how could you not tell anyone about this?” she yells, making me blink and take a step back to escape her anger.
“It’s just some idiot trying to freak me out. Prank calls. I don’t even pay it any mind, if you want the truth,” I say, trying to calm her when she starts pacing and grabs her phone, clutching it to her chest.
“Mika, prank calls are not weeks’ worth of this weird stuff. This is a bonafide stalker type thing, and it’s dangerous. We’re alone here, you, me, and Tam, when Hawk leaves and Lynx goes to work. Whoever this is could get to us without a problem since that wall isn’t up yet. Come on, Mika. You know these things. The guys talk about safety all the time.”
“I didn’t want to scare Hawk. He’s already so nervous about leaving as it is.”
Teeny throws me a scowl and doesn’t budge when I beg her not to call her husband. She tells him everything, and I hear cursing and some slamming before she ends the call and stands against the counter, sighing tiredly.
“It’s not just you now, Mika. It’s me, Tammy, and that little baby inside you.”
I feel awful, and I nod, closing my eyes as her words sink in.
“I know and I’m sorry.”
Teeny just huffs and rechecks the doors, her face set in stone, which I get because if anyone should know what happens when a psycho is watching, it’s her.
She almost died and Tammy could have been seriously hurt when she tried to run with Tammy and her sister and some asshole named Xavier cornered her out in the woods. If Hawk hadn’t seen her from his kitchen window, Tammy would be gone and Teeny would be dead right now.
So, yeah, she gets it because they watched her for weeks before they came at her and it was brutal. She only survived it because the Wylders are paranoid, observant, and obsessive about the safety of their women.
Hawk was not supposed to even be home that day, but Lynx wasn’t happy leaving Teeny and Tammy at home alone with her acting so weird, and now I get it.
I’m about to apologize again when the sound of breaking glass from somewhere upstairs has us both glancing up and looking at each other fearfully.
“Tammy.”
I don’t wait for Teeny, just take off running for the stairs and the child when we hear more breaking and then silence.
Oh Jesus. I get to Tammy’s room, winded, having barely touched the stairs I just flew up, and snatch her to me, running back out just as Teeny reaches the door.
“Basement,” I hiss, following her down and back to the kitchen where she pulls the pantry door open and shoves us in.
There’s no key, but I feel a little better when she pulls open a panel in the pantry to reveal a tiny room.
“The basement is open and leads to the game room Lynx was working on.”
There isn’t enough space for us all, and Tammy’s waking from being jostled.
“Get in. Take Tammy and don’t come out,” I whisper.
“Mika, no.”
“Do it, Teeny! This is my fau
lt, and I’m not telling Lynx you and his kid got hurt because of my stupidity. Get in. I’ve taken self-defense classes, and Hawk lectures me all the time. I’ll be okay until Lynx gets here,” I whisper. “Promise.”
She obeys because I shove her in before she can argue and gently ease the panel closed, blocking the soft sniffles of Tammy’s possible screams. I’m all alone now, and man, I am terrified as I creep toward the door and lean down to look through the keyhole.
I almost fall and scream my head off when I see an eye peering back at me right before the door is ripped open.
“Harlan?”
He doesn’t say a word, just leans down and grabs my hair, pulling so hard I bounce before scrambling to my knees to stop from getting dragged across the floor.
Oh God, I think when he throws me into the living room where I hit and bounce straight off the couch. The baby.
It’s all I get to before he’s on me, tearing at my blouse, his hands harsh and brutal while I try and fail to buck him off.
“You’re getting married? To him!” he yells, tearing my shirt apart with a yank while I slap at his hands and scoot down to get his weight off my belly. “I was patient, and I waited, and you’re marrying him?”
Honestly, I’m too panicked to make sense of anything he’s saying, but I do get that the man is loco when he starts pawing at my bra and mutters, “I’ll make you want me, and then I won’t have to wait.”
Make?
I do scream when he gets my bra off and whimper when he slaps me, my head ringing as it bounces against the cushions.
He’s going to rape me, I think, my body going weak at the thought of being brutalized. Not for me but for the baby who I need to protect. My breasts are bare now, and he’s going for my pants when Hawk’s voice yells at me in my head.
Balls.
I stop going for his hands and trying to overpower him, my mind focused on one thing only as I curl my hand around my other fist and bring it down.
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