I repeated myself.
“We just can’t.”
I didn’t want to say that I couldn’t afford him. I didn’t want to say that I never thought I would go this far with a prostitute. I didn’t want to say anything. And I didn’t have to. He seemed to read my mind, his eyes seeing my thoughts. Grant leaned in, kissing me on the mouth anyway, not caring about what that I thought.
And I stopped thinking when he did that. I didn’t feel anything but the rush of blood that his mouth was giving me. I felt light. His lips were caressing mine sweetly. I had resisted enough tonight, I decided to indulge myself. I kissed him back, hard. Our lips parted and we kept kissing and kissing, long and soft, then quickly and hard. Our tongues would dance with each other, licking the inside of our mouths. He put his hand on my cheek. It was like a pillow and released a world of butterflies into my stomach. I reached back, my hand on his head too, all the while pressing my lips onto his.
I couldn’t think anymore. I could only feel. My primitive being was taking over, and I felt hot. I wanted him. I combed my fingers through his hair. It was still a little wet, but soft and silky in the dry parts. It felt like a feather dancing across my fingers. I wanted to giggle. I resisted that urge, keeping my mouth occupied with his.
We kissed for a long time. We kissed hard. I was justifying this to myself in my head, trying to silence my dizzying thoughts. He never said a kiss would cost me anything. And he started it. This was all his doing. It could be off the books if it was out of his own control, right?
He moved his hand down, slowly, passing over my neck and then shoulder, to where it was under the covers on my arm. It was beneath the sheet that separated us. He rested it on my waist, putting the other hand back up behind my neck again. I wondered if he could feel my pulse, beating against his hand.
I started to move my hand too, mimicking him. It went down to his neck, to his shoulders, and it stopped as I placed it over his peck. It was firm and soft. His skin was gentle but firm underneath. His muscles rippled. I moved it down, stopping on his side.
My head tore back. I looked in his eyes. I had gone this far without asking. I wanted to ask. I wanted to say “what are we doing?” but I couldn’t, because I knew very well. His eyes were so dreamy. He didn’t think anything of my pulling back. He just leaned forward again, waiting for me to kiss him back. And I did. And with that his hand moved up my shirt.
I wanted to suck in my stomach, but now it was too late to do that. He rested his palm on the curve of my waist, petting me back and forth. Everything in me felt alive. His fingers were rubbing my back sweetly, reassuring me that this was fine. It was fine. I felt fine. I felt great. I felt wonderful, like this mattress was a cloud and we were floating high above that dumb party and dumb rent and other fees. We were carelessly sailing the sky, just kissing.
It felt right here with him. I felt cared for. I felt the outline of his penis on the sheet between us. I tossed it up. Every part of me fell into a million pieces as he touched me, trailing his hand up to my bra. I pulled him in tighter, kissing his neck slowly. He smelled like a candle I had had months ago. He smelled like summer. My lips moved back to his mouth as he reached behind and unhooked my bra. I was surprised by how quickly he unfastened it. He liked surprising me. He liked surprises.
I took this opportunity to shock him back. I put my leg on him, flipping into a straddling position. His hands rested on my waist. I could feel him hard beneath me. I noticed my breathing was uneven. I kissed him on the mouth again slowly. His hands pushed up on my shirt until it was off. I pulled back a little. It had been so long that all these sensations felt so new to me. His lips met mine again, slowing even more. I leaned down on him, my hands behind his head, twisting in his hair.
His palms curled up my waist back up to the bra. He took it off slowly, kissing my arms as he pulled it down them. I gasped. He loved it, kissing hard, trailing back up to my shoulder, my neck, my mouth.
His hands curled around my thighs, then trailed up my back just as slowly as the kisses had trailed to my mouth. I could feel goose bumps raise up on my arms. A chill was sent through my back. He smiled under my kiss and traced his fingers to my breasts, gently grabbing them.
Everything felt so sensitive. My heart was beating out of my chest. I wondered if he could feel it beneath his hand, tapping out a message in Morse code. It was screaming for him to take me. It was screaming his name. It was screaming, and all I could do was let muffled gasps escape under our kisses. He was still smiling. His fingers squeezed gently, making me make more noise.
He bit my lip gently. His tongue dipped into my mouth then out, licked my lips. He kissed my cheek, and I could feel it was hot from my blushing that he loved so much. He kissed my neck. Did I smell like summer too? He kissed my shoulder. Then moved his mouth down, making a trail of kissing to my chest, sending a jolt to my head each kiss he gave.
My hips twisted. He let out a small breath. He was hot too. I pulled back, kissing him on the mouth. My hands released his hair and grabbed at his boxer seams. I couldn’t resist him anymore.
I realized what I was doing and stopped myself. He had to make the advances. I wanted him to do it. And as if he could read my mind, he did, shoving an index finger down in between my pants and my panties. He grabbed at the seam of my pants with both hands, now. Tugging them down little by little.
I tore down on his boxers. I felt his penis beneath me. He drew back, opening his eyes up at me. “Your turn.”
He didn’t have to say it twice. I rolled onto my back, where he worked quickly, pulling down my pant and then my panties. I kicked them off. His hands came back, one resting on my boob, and the other on my hips, thumb petting back and forth on my pelvis. He pulled his head back and smiled at me.
“You’re beautiful.”
I couldn’t respond. I had too much adrenaline rushing through my body. I didn’t know how to respond. He didn’t wait for me to say anything. He kissed me again, this time trailing from my mouth down to my neck, down my cleavage, down to my stomach, and then he worked his way to my hips, kissing the side before he started licking me. I sighed. His hands pushed my legs, bending the knees up and apart, far enough to keep his body in as he started to suck on my clit.
His hands pet my thighs as he did this. I sighed. I kept sighing, gasping, and letting out little moans. He pushed into me, taking me by surprise. I put my hands on his head and he pulled it up. He had a boyish grin on his face. He kissed my body back up, slowly, until he stopped at my neck.
“Kiss me.” I sighed. I didn’t care where his mouth had been. I didn’t care about anything but him and I. He did as I said, kissing me gently. He drew back and stopped. I almost asked what was wrong, but then I saw him slide the condom on.
Okay. So this was all real. And it was all happening. Okay. Good. Great. I felt a bit embarrassed as I lay there, naked. No one had seen me naked at this size. Had I known that I would have gone this far, I would have done more maintenance and probably ran a few miles today. It was too late to care about that now. His smile was reassuring though, as he scooted back up and slid inside me.
His body beat against mine, very slowly and gently. I kissed his mouth, again and again. My legs curled around and I rested my hands on his back. He kissed me back, then moved to my neck, kissing and breathing heavily. He was sweet and gentle. Too gentle. I kissed him, turning my body so we were side by side and then I was on top.
I brought my head back. I saw he was blushing now too. I bounced on him, feeling powerful. I could see him, waiting for me to kiss him. I did, but it wasn’t on the mouth. I kissed his neck. I humped faster and harder than he had been. I felt electricity building up in my body. I heard my self sighing and I could hear him breathing just as heavily as me, if not harder.
I climaxed, blood rushing through my body. He was still going, so I kept going. I felt all my stress run out of my body, I was relaxed. He grabbed me and flipped me back so that I was on bottom, and he was on top.
This time he didn’t kiss me either. He leaned over me, looking me in the eyes. They were so gentle. He pounded and pounded until he winced and shook. He pulled out and rolled over, panting like a dog.
“Wow.” He gasped, checking the clock. It was late. Very late. I got up to go to the bathroom, still a little wobbly and weak in the knees. I was stone cold sober now. I felt alive. I splashed some water on my face and went through my routine, brushing my hair and teeth.
If I was going to pay for that, it was worth the money. I would have to see if he took layaway. I cleaned my face and threw a baggy shirt on. He was laying on the bed, body turned towards me. He was sweaty and above the covers, his boxers were back on.
“Do you have any water?” He asked me. I reached into the mini fridge and gave him one. He drank it quickly, emptying almost half of it. I laid down next to him and asked if he wanted to watch a show.
“Sure. I might fall asleep, though. That took a lot out of me.”
“Yeah, me too.” I lied. I had never been more awake in my life. I flipped the TV on and he turned the lights out. I pondered moving to the couch, but I figured there was no point in that anymore. The deed was done. He was asleep in a matter of minutes and I was awake, staring past the infomercials before me, mind swimming with thoughts. It took a few hours before I fell asleep.
16
Grant
When I woke up I noticed drool on my pillow. I hadn’t drooled since I was a kid. April wasn’t next to me anymore. I flipped the pillow over and rested my head back, thinking about the night before. She was just as hot as I imagined, and even hotter underneath all those clothes with her hair all messed up. Thinking about her made me want her to be in bed next to me, ready for a second round.
Of course, she wasn’t there, though. I decided to take a cold shower. I had sweat enough that I was starting to get a bit stinky, so I popped in the shower. I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Her lips were like a little bow, perched on her face. Even the shower didn’t help take my mind off of it. Switching to cold water, I rinsed out my hair and tried to plan for the day.
If we had time, we would have to go enjoy the water. The shower was hardly enough to satisfy my thirst, my craving. I needed the ocean like the fish did. When I got back in the room I could hear the waves lapping onto the beach. April was out there, two coffees on the table.
Sneaking over, I kissed her on the top of the head and took one of the coffees.
“Thanks. After this and last night, I can’t see how you’re still single.”
She ignored my flirtation. “I didn’t know how you took it, so I brought up some cream and sugar packets too.”
“I take it black. Or with a little bit of ice cream.” I smiled at her again. She didn’t smile back. I saw her coffee looked like a mug of milk with a hint of coffee in it. “How are you feeling today?”
“A little hung over, but okay.”
We both sat there for a while, taking in the view. “Do you think there will be time to swim? We should go when we get a chance.”
“I don’t know if we will, between the party and every other thing that has to happen in between.” I was disappointed, but I understood.
“I figured. I’ll just come back out here sometime and surf. I used to be really big into surfing. I still am, actually, but college gave me a lot more free time. Especially since I was directly on a beach. Sometimes my escorts will let me surf, a few even go with me, but most of the time they want to go to paradise without actually getting a feel for it.” I felt so natural around her that I forgot not to talk about previous jobs. I just wanted to talk about everything with her. Talking about my work was starting off on the wrong foot. I looked at her eyes. She didn’t seem bothered. She was blushing, again, however. She reached into her bag, and pulled out an envelope and handed it to me.
My stomach turned. “What’s this?” I could guess what it was. I was worried that she would have felt like this. What happened last night had nothing to do with her needing me here, what had happened was between us. I thought we had a connection. I opened the envelope. There were four crisp one hundred dollars bills that I know she had to go to the bank for. I looked back at her. She smiled, and I wanted to forgive her. I couldn’t. Now I knew what she had thought of me that whole time.
“Is this a joke?” I was stunned. Normally that was her job. The look on her face was confusion. I threw the envelope back on the table and picked up my coffee, scolding hot. I drank it anyway. She still wasn’t talking. I don’t think she knew what to say. “Wham-Bam-Thank-You-Sir” wasn’t a great rhyme, so I am sure she was speechless on how to treat a prostitute like me.
“Are you mad?”
“Hell yes I’m mad. I’m livid.”
“Why? If someone handed me that I would be thrilled.” She brushed her hair out of her face and looked out to the ocean. I could tell she was trying to stay calm. She had had a glow around her until I started yelling. Now she looked frustrated, but she stayed calm still, keeping her eyes on the water.
“Money has nothing to do with what happened between us.” I said each word like they ended with a period. “You don’t need to think much of me, I don’t work for Google or anything, but you can at least treat me like a human being, and not some commodity to buy.”
I realized the irony in my statement as I said it. I was exactly that. I sold myself to women for money. The whole reason I took this job wasn’t even for the money. It was for the thrill of making someone else pleased. It was so different from home. My parents were both always measuring me up to other people and kids. Being an escort was one of the few escapes I had where someone could be thrilled by the sight of me and want me to visit again and again.
“Woah, I don’t care if you work for Google, I don’t care if you’re an escort or not. I just - ”
“Isn’t that what this whole thing is? You want to get hot, which you already are. That piece of shit just didn’t know what he had and so he didn’t treat you like a person. You want to find a great date, say he is perfect for you and make me do this dance and song for your parents and friends and they are super impressed. They all see how happy you are doing, but not really and for what? So you can show up at your perfect ex-fiancee’s wedding, with someone strapped to you just to prove to everyone that you could turn out fine?”
I felt like an ass as I said it. Words were just pouring out of my mouth. I saw the hurt look in her eyes. I wanted to help, but she hurt me first.
“Besides, if you really wanted to buy me, you couldn’t afford me. I charge ten times that, sometimes more. Keep your money. You need it more than I do.”
That pushed it over. I didn’t care how much I hated myself at that point because some small part of me knew that it needed to be said. The other old ladies and billion-millionaires knew that I was their toy. They took me places, and I did the same song and dance for them. But with them it was all a charade. With her it was real. It felt real. If it weren’t, I would have pulled out more tricks last night, believe me. I don’t need to keep it simple, I just chose to. I didn’t want our first time to be a mockery of sex. I wanted her to feel like she was wanted back. Apparently I did a shitty job at it.
I finished my coffee and slammed down the mug. I wanted to leave. I wished I had never met her. Not like this. This was not how it was suppose to go. We were supposed to be laughing and naked, still on the bed. We should have had morning sex, the only thing better than the first time. It’s so playful and fun. Instead we were doing business over coffee. I wanted April to be the exception. I didn’t know how to feel. I didn’t know how to react. All that came out was my anger and disappointment.
I had never acted like this before. Normally when I am bothered by something I can take it in calm strides. I don’t know what was different this time. I felt like a child throwing a fit. My mind was going in circles. I was upset with her but I also wanted to help her at the same time. I didn’t want to be mad. I didn’t want to stay mad. I didn’t want to feel lik
e an object to her, though. I thought that it was clear that what we were doing was off the books. Apparently not. I should start saying “Off the record” to her. That would be annoying. That would be dumb.
I noticed I was pacing in the room. I went back and forth between the bed and the porch. I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to turn back time to before the fight. I wanted to turn back time to before we started flirting back and forth. I hoped she wasn’t just acting back. I certainly wasn’t acting around her.
I left her like that, silent and confused. I went into the room and got dressed. I only had nice clothes, but I didn’t feel like wearing them now. I felt like going down to the lobby in pajamas and just kicking back. I felt like doing a couple laps from here to Asia to blow off steam.
This was the first time I felt like this. I hadn’t felt used before. Not that she had used me. I don’t really know what was making me so mad, but I was hoping this wedding could get over quickly. The faster I was out of here, the faster I could regain my sensibility. I wanted to swim. I wanted to run. I wanted to do something to blow off this steam. I didn’t have the right clothes or time for any of these apparently, so I decided maybe drinking was my best option. Lucky for me, I get all the drinks I need on the house. Apparently I’m worth that much here.
“I’m going down to the lobby.” I shouted at her.
She didn’t know what to say or how to respond. I could tell I shocked her, but not in the way I wanted to. It was all unpleasant. I just grabbed the clothes that were on top of the rest and threw them on. I left the room, shoes in hand. I put them on in the elevator.
17
Acquired: A Billionaire Auction Romance Page 47