by Jodi Lamm
Jas ground his teeth. “You know, Lavoie, now that I’ve gotten to know you better, I don’t think I like you at all.”
“Good.” Marcus smiled his vicious smile. “Because I despise you.”
“Fine. My point: you care about Madeleine; that much is clear. Maybe you even love her, but you don’t understand the situation like I do. You don’t know the consequences of what you’re proposing. You can’t just decide to marry her. You can’t force her to—”
“Force her?” Marcus interrupted. “The only one here who can force her to do anything is you. I’m just teaching her to shoot.” He snatched a bow and a quiver from the wall. “And you’d better stay away, if you don’t want to be hit. I assume she’s a beginner, seeing as someone thought it would be a good idea to wipe her entire history from her head in order to keep you from forcing her to die. Let’s go, Maddy.”
Maddy mounted her mare bareback as she had a hundred times before. She hated what she was doing to Jas, but she wanted to know everything. So far, Marcus had been right. She learned what she was, and it hadn’t killed her.
Like the snake in the garden, she thought, he’ll teach me and I’ll live through it.
She called back to the stag as they rode away. “I’ll be back soon! Don’t worry!” But Jas’ heart would not settle. And the more distant his shape became, the more Maddy felt his agitation.
“Marcus!” Maddy shouted over the wind. “Am I really going to learn to shoot?”
“I hadn’t planned on it!” Marcus shouted back. “It was clever though, don’t you think? I’ve got something much more useful to teach you today!”
When they had gone some distance, Marcus dismounted. Tall grass and trees that looked more like the skeletons of giant hands pushed themselves out of the ground. After the horses were tied, he took Maddy’s hand and continued upriver. “We have to get away from the horses,” he said, “so we don’t spook them. Do you know how to run?”
Maddy looked at him as though he’d just asked her if she knew how to breathe.
“I mean really run,” he clarified. “You can run faster than either of those horses, you know. Run along the river as fast as you can, and…” He blushed, and then looked immediately disgusted with himself. “I’ll need you to carry me.”
“How?”
“However is most comfortable for you.”
Maddy circled Marcus a few times. She tried putting her arms around his waist to lift him, but that felt clumsy, especially after she saw the blood return to his cheeks. “Nothing is comfortable,” she concluded.
“Try carrying me on your back.” Marcus wrapped his arms around her shoulders while she hoisted him up.
“You’re light,” she said.
“You’re stronger than you think, Maddy. Now run. Head for that hill in the distance. We can make it there in less than five minutes.”
Maddy didn’t believe him, but she ran anyway, and the longer she ran, the easier she found it. Her eyes darted over the landscape, looking for obstacles, not one of which proved any trouble for her. She even forgot she was carrying Marcus, and before she knew it, they were at the foot of the hill.
“Excellent,” Marcus said, leaping from her back. “You did better than I thought you would.” He took a moment to grin at her, his cheeks flushed with excitement and the chill in the wind. “You’re amazing,” he said. “Amazing.”
Maddy smiled at his praise, but her smile didn’t last. The grass was scarce where they stood, and as she kicked the dirt off the soles of her boots, she saw why. She stared at the ground in which nothing would grow and tried to remember to breathe. “It’s clay,” she said.
Marcus stood behind her. “Everyone is made of something. What is flesh to you? Do you think of your mother as flesh, or is she Lotte, the sweet and cunning woman who loves you? You see? We are more than what we’re made of.”
I’m not, Maddy thought, but she didn’t voice it. Instead, she rubbed the tears from her eyes before they fell. “Why am I called ‘golem’?”
“It was the word Joseph’s people used for creatures like him. It’s the same word they once used for an unborn child. If you don’t like it, we can call you something else. ‘Golem’ simply means you’re incomplete.”
“Incomplete,” Maddy repeated.
“Don’t worry, Maddy,” Marcus said. “I’m going to make you whole.” Then he knelt before her and began unlacing her boots. “I want you to feel the earth against your skin.” He held a clump of reddish-brown clay in his palm to show her. “Hold it in your hand. You should feel a connection to it.”
Maddy closed her fingers over the clay and tried not to think about how she was no different.
“Your kind is older than the people who made Joseph,” Marcus said. “The Egyptian kings had their shabti to serve them after death. The Greeks had a giant, bronze guardian they named Talos. Artificial humanoid slaves are not always made the same way, or of the same substance. You’re lucky to be made the way you are. If you’re of this earth, you’re of all earth. And because you’re incomplete, you can choose to make any of it part of you. It will become an extension of your body if you sink your will into it. Instead of holding that clay in your hand, try to feel as though it completes your hand. See what happens then.”
Maddy held the clay more gently and squeezed her eyes shut. She thought of Jas and her mother. She thought of Will who would wonder where she was. She thought of three years of solitude, her room, her books, her world, and the power she might have had all along, if only she’d known how to use it. Soon, there was a bird in her hand—a warm bird with a beating heart. It struggled to escape. Maddy gasped and threw it to the ground. As soon as it hit, she saw that it was only clay.
“What happened?” Marcus asked, excited.
“I thought I felt it move.”
“Yes!” He threw up his hands and spun around. “Yes, yes! I knew you could do it! I knew it. Here.” He grabbed her hands by the wrists and pulled her down to bury them in the mud. “Try to feel it again, while it’s still on the ground.” He was giddy.
Maddy closed her eyes again and dug her fingers into the clay. “I don’t know what I’m doing,” she said.
“Don’t worry about knowing. Just feel for it. This is something that should come naturally to you.”
She tried to focus on what she’d felt just before the clay in her hand had come to life. What was it? This clay was part of her. Its heart was beating with hers. She pictured the earth. She claimed it. It pulsed around her hands. She caught her breath as she felt it become an extension of her own arms, the phantom limbs she never knew she had.
Then she sank.
“Maddy!” Marcus cried. “Stop! Enough!” He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her out of the ground with surprising strength.
She stared up at him, still too dazed to react appropriately.
“You did it.” He laughed. “But I think you need to work on your concentration. You might have been swallowed.” Then he cocked his head. “Unless that’s what you wanted. You wouldn’t do something like that, would you, Maddy?”
The clay had formed into perfect casts for her arms, and she could see the place where her face had dipped in as well. She gazed into the short tunnels of earth in awe of her own ability.
“See if you can refill them,” Marcus said. “Only, this time, make the clay an extension of your legs.”
Maddy stood and listened to her own breathing. She imagined her heartbeat traveling through her legs, into the soles of her bare feet, and through the clay. At first, she saw only ripples in the ground. Then they were waves. The waves became little tides of earth, pouring themselves into the caverns she had made. She watched with mounting amazement as the land smoothed itself just as she willed it.
Marcus knelt and touched the earth while she manipulated it. She felt his hand move over the clay as though it were her own skin. “Can you feel it?” he asked, but she could see that he knew the answer. His hands moved closer, smoothi
ng the clay like a sculptor. She shivered, but didn’t dare move until he slid his fingers around her ankles and pressed his cheek to her skirts.
She put a hand on his head to wake him from his daze.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
Maddy saw the struggle in him. “It isn’t you?”
He shook his head.
“What is it like?”
“Pressure,” he muttered. “Need.”
“Can’t you reverse the magic you used? I’m home now. Jas won’t call me away again. Can’t you just undo it?”
Marcus’ expression twisted into anguished shock at that. “Never,” he said. “I won’t. The connection was just… more complete than I expected. I won’t sever it. Forgive me.”
“But—”
“I’ll overcome it,” he said. “I just need more time.” He rose to his feet. “I’m sorry, I’ve not been myself lately.” He took her hand and forced a smile. “Walk back with me. I have more to tell you.”
Still barefoot, her boots draped over her shoulder, Maddy walked back along the river. Marcus stayed behind her, carrying the bow and quiver he’d brought with them. “I think it’s time to warn you,” he said, “now that you’ve seen a fraction of what you can do. You are an immensely powerful weapon.”
“A weapon?”
“Yes.” Marcus pulled an arrow from the quiver as he spoke. “You can create mountains or level whole cities under one command.”
Maddy stopped walking.
“Many people are going to want to use you. Only your master can control you, so they’ll beg or they’ll use trickery. You need to be aware.”
“Like Father Androcles,” Maddy said.
“Who?”
“The duke’s brother. He gave me a bow and some arrows he says won’t miss His Grace’s heart.”
Marcus pushed his fingers through his hair. “I see. As much as I would like to gouge the duke’s eyes out myself, try not to give in. You mustn’t let yourself be manipulated. That’s important. Kill him if you choose, but do it for no one other than yourself.”
“I don’t want to kill anyone.”
“So don’t.” Marcus nocked the arrow and aimed the bow straight ahead. “Now watch me.” He drew and released. “You try.” He handed her the bow and another arrow. “We’ll collect them again as we come to them.”
Maddy imitated his stance as best she could.
“The trick, for you, is going to be learning the right tension. You can easily break that string. So use some restraint.”
She nodded and released the arrow. It fell about six feet from them in a pathetic frown of an arch.
“Maybe a little less restraint.” Marcus laughed. “Don’t worry. Not everything can come naturally.” He collected her arrow and gave it back to her to try a second time.
Maddy frowned. “Why do you think His Grace is here?”
“I can’t be positive, but it’s clear to me he either wants something from you or the Titan. Maybe both.”
She shot her second arrow, which flew a little farther this time, but landed in the river. “Damn!” she kicked up the mud with her toes. “I’ll never get it right.”
“You’re so impatient.” Marcus slid a third arrow from the quiver. “Two shots and you’re already giving up?”
She snatched the arrow from him as though he’d dared her to try again. “Jas wants to trust His Grace,” she said, frowning in concentration as she nocked her third arrow, “but I don’t think Will does.”
Marcus rolled his eyes. “That tailor. Why did you bring him here, anyway?”
“I wanted him with me. Will is a good person, you’ll see.”
“Your Mr. Taylor is entirely loyal to the Titan. I wouldn’t put all my trust in him.”
“So who am I supposed to trust?” she said.
Marcus grinned. “Me, obviously.”
“Why should I trust you?”
“Have I given you reason to doubt me?”
“You’re a confirmed liar.” She shot again.
“Not bad.” Marcus pretended to block the sun with his hand and look off in the distance, while the arrow lay at his feet.
“That’s another lie,” Maddy pointed out.
Marcus laughed and picked up her arrow. “I’m serious, Maddy.”
“Are you? What are you after then? If everyone wants something from me, what do you want? Be honest, for once.”
By the look on his face, Maddy could see it was the last question Marcus expected from her. He bowed his head and smiled to himself. “You won’t like my answer.”
“Tell me, even if I won’t. Prove yourself trustworthy.”
Marcus’ eyes lost their sparkle, and he released a long breath. “I want more than all the rest put together. I want you.”
Maddy stepped away from him. “What do you mean?”
“I…” he shook his head. “I don’t mean anything. I’m sorry. It’s the Titan. I just can’t…”
She imitated his voice. “You can’t explain anything more until you know I can keep secrets from the Titan. I remember.” Maddy walked faster and sent little ripples of earth back to trip him. “But didn’t I prove that this morning?”
Marcus stepped over her clay traps without trouble. “In a way, but he didn’t command you at all. I haven’t seen you defy him outright.”
“It may never happen then. He’s planning to let me go as soon as he settles things with you.”
Now it was Marcus’ turn to stop walking. “He’s what?”
“Releasing me, I suppose. He wants me to stay away from him. He says it’s important.”
Marcus stood with his mouth open. “Why? Tell me everything you know about his intentions.”
“I only know what I overheard. Jas and Father Androcles were arguing. Father Androcles said Jas wasn’t brave enough to do what needed to be done. But Jas said there was a chance: something about Simon somebody. Then Father Androcles told Jas it was only a legend and he was risking too much. And Jas kept saying, ‘I can’t… I can’t…’ like that.”
“He can’t have meant Simon Magus,” Marcus muttered.
“Simon who?”
“A legendary sorcerer. The Queen of Silence had him removed from the history books in order to suppress his religious influence. He claimed to have created a golem from the air.”
Maddy leaned closer to Marcus, intrigued. “A golem? Like me? What happened to it?”
“Well, that’s the point. Nobody knows. Most people think the story was just Simon’s empty boasting. But there are others, enthusiasts you might call them, who say Simon’s creation outlasted the man himself.”
“What do you think?”
Marcus shrugged. “I think anything’s possible. But the priest is right about one thing: as far as anyone knows, that story is only a legend. There’s nothing to prove it ever happened. Your Titan is starving for hope if he’s clinging to Simon Magus.” Marcus smiled. “All the same, it’s good news for us. If the Titan really thinks you have a chance to outlive him, you’ve got more time to find your voice. Once you find your voice… Well, then the real fun begins.”
“My voice.” She took Marcus’ hand and quickened their pace, suddenly anxious to see Jas again. “How do I find my voice?”
“You have to embrace your chaos.”
“But when I dream of it, I feel like I’m drowning. How can I not be afraid of drowning?”
“That’s something you need to figure out on your own.”
A dense fog rolled over the fields as they mounted their horses. Maddy dug her bare heels into her mare’s side, but the poor animal couldn’t go fast enough for her—not after she had outrun it that afternoon. When they came within what should have been a visual distance of their home, Maddy spotted a shadow leaping toward them.
“Jas!” She had to stop herself from jumping off her horse to greet him.
“There you are,” said the stag, when he reached them. “It’s bad weather for an archery lesson. Where did you go? Why a
re you covered in mud? Why are you not wearing shoes?”
“Maddy is not a born archer.” Marcus tugged the reins of his horse as he approached. “I made her retrieve her own arrows to help motivate her, but she still managed to hit the mire every time. Maybe I should have told her to aim for it, instead.”
“And I didn’t want to ruin my boots,” Maddy added, a little too anxious to prove herself.
Jas narrowed his enormous, black eyes. “It looks to me like you saved your boots and ruined the rest of your clothes.”
“I tripped.”
“Listen.” Jas sighed. “If you want to run off with your brother, I’m not going to stop you. Just tell me before you elope, so I can say goodbye.”
Maddy threw her boots at the stag, half angry, half glad he cared enough to come after her. Jas retrieved them in his teeth, and as she took them back from him, he said, “Meet me tonight.”
“Where?”
He shook his head. “You know where.”
The dream.
“Oh.” Maddy glanced at Marcus, who gave her a warning look.
“Please.” Jas nudged her. “I need to see you. You’re still afraid of me. At least talk to me about it.”
“I already tried to, but you decided to keep your secrets, remember? Maybe I’ve decided to keep mine, too.” Maddy felt a flutter in her stomach at that. Jas was afraid. “I’m sorry,” she said, not wanting to agitate him further. “I’ll see you tonight.” She bowed her head and made a solemn promise that she would not let him touch her.
“Maddy,” Marcus said. “Promise me we’ll have another lesson tomorrow.” But Maddy knew what Marcus really meant: be careful, fight his influence, survive. She nodded and he seemed to understand.
“Why do you bother to teach her to shoot, anyway?” Jas started to trot away as he spoke. “Did you even ask whether she wanted to learn?”
Marcus followed and sighed as though he were about to explain something for the twentieth time to someone who would never comprehend it. “She has a bow, doesn’t she? She should learn to use it. When someone has a weapon they don’t know how to use, that’s when people get hurt.”
Jas looked at Marcus with sudden suspicion.