by Alexis Anne
“This doesn’t change things,” I said quietly. At least it didn’t have to.
“How can this not change things, Greg? I think we were both pretty clear. You don’t do relationships and I…well, I don’t either. I wanted a quick, easy, anonymous fun weekend.”
“And what about what I want. Does that matter?” I got what Marie was saying, but I didn’t like the way she dismissed me and cut me out of the equation. Sure I admitted to having casual encounters, but that didn’t give her the right to decide it was who I was now. Or that I’d want something else.
She stared at me. “Of course it matters. What do you want?”
“This isn’t a business meeting, you know. You can’t simplify everything.”
“I’m not simplifying. I’m just,” she took a deep breath and let it out slowly. I watched the rise and fall of her chest. “I need you to tell me what you think.”
What did I think? “I’m not going to bite, for one. Just because you know me in real life doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world.”
She didn’t reply right away, but she did blink a lot. “I’m sorry if I insulted you. I just really didn’t think I’d ever see you again.”
“Yeah, I got that.” There was something in the way she said that. She was breathless. She was turned on. “Marie?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you want to see me again?”
She swallowed and I noticed the way the vein in her neck pulsed like her heart was beating really fast. My heart was beating hard. That was when it hit me. I wanted to see her again. I genuinely wanted to see her. Not just my dick and not just because I wanted a repeat of what happened this weekend.
I missed her.
Suddenly I was the one pacing back and forth. I couldn’t fucking breathe. When had the room gotten so damn hot and stuffy?
I wanted to see Marie again.
I hated it when she left, and Sunday had been complete shit. Nothing made me happy and I was more restless than ever. I thought I could get her out of my system and move on, but now that she was standing in front of me and I knew who she was, I wasn’t ever going to be able to forget about her. It was like dangling bait in front a fish. I could see the hook, I knew the damn thing was there to catch me, but I was sure as hell gonna take a chance anyway.
“Greg?”
I stopped near the far wall and turned to face her. “Yeah?”
“Do you want to see me again?”
“Maybe.” It was the truth. I couldn’t say no, but I sure as hell wasn’t ready to say yes.
I think the color drained out of her face because she suddenly looked really white. I never thought that was actually a thing, but now that I was seeing it happen right in front of me, I realized it wasn’t just an expression.
Shit, was she gonna faint? I moved quickly, grabbing her elbow just as her knees gave out, and pulled her into my arms. That was probably the wrong move because now I couldn’t ignore how I was responding to her. Just being close to her was making me feel different. Like alcohol, but deeper.
“Marie, are you okay?”
She shook her head. “Do I look okay?”
“No. What do you need? Water? Air? For me to leave?” Please don’t say the last one.
“I need to sit.”
I pulled out a chair and helped her down. After a minute and a couple of breaths she looked up. A little bit of her color was back, but not a lot. What the hell was going through that gorgeous, brilliant mind of hers?
“I can’t see you again.”
That hurt. That really fucking hurt. So much more than I ever thought it could. Especially from a woman I barely knew. “Why is that?”
“Natalie is the most important thing in the world. She comes first. And that means my job, my schedule, and my reputation, are all incredibly important. They are what make it possible for me to send her to the best schools, give her everything she needs, and make sure she has the best childhood I can possibly give her.” She took a deep breath. “It’s complicated, but the bottom line, Greg? There are no ‘maybe’s’ in my world. I can’t afford them. This weekend was fun, but it needs to end there.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” I put up my hands. Why did it sound an awful lot like I was being dumped? “Why can’t we just see where this goes?” It sounded like a mighty fine idea to me. I could wine and dine her. I’d never really done it to a woman before…usually it was just clients or people I needed to screw over…but I had the skills. We could date and fuck and have fun until we figured things out.
But Marie shook her head and stood up. There was fear in her eyes. Regret, guilt, and fear. I didn’t like that look at all, but I didn’t know why it was there or what to do about it.
“I can’t.” She walked to the door. I was frozen. I think I was in shock. What the fuck was happening? “I won’t change anything. You and Natalie can still talk about books, but please stay away from me.”
She didn’t wait for me to reply, which was good because I didn’t have one. I was too stunned. I had no idea what had just happened, but I was pretty sure I was going to regret letting Marie walk out that door.
*****
My office door flew open and Jake grabbed the tennis ball I was throwing just before it hit the wall. Then he glared at me as he held up the neon green ball. “This shit has got to stop.”
“I throw the ball all the time.”
“For five minutes. It’s annoying, but whatever. This has been going on for an hour.” Then he threw the ball back at me and sat down on my black leather couch. Jake was my business partner, best friend, and the very reason I had moved to this godforsaken town. He was far too tall for the little office couch and his knees were actually higher than his hips as he slouched against the back and let his head rest against the wall. “What’s going on?”
I shrugged and started tossing the ball back and forth between my hands. It wasn’t nearly as satisfying as throwing it at the wall. “Nothing. I’m just bored.”
“Bull. Shit. Is it work?”
“No.”
Jake’s eyes narrowed on me and I knew I was screwed. “Is it the sheet chick?”
Why did I call Eve? Of course Jake knew all about the woman that made me buy new sheets. “I ran into her again yesterday.”
“Again? How many times have you run into her?”
“That would make four.”
Jake grinned like The Joker. It looked stupid on him. “It’s about damn time you met a woman that made you destroy perfectly good sheets and throw a ball at the wall.”
“Doesn’t matter. We’re done.”
Jake cocked an eyebrow. “You sure as shit don’t look done.”
I shrugged. “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.”
“Never compare women to animals,” Jake admonished. “Give me the basics. What happened and why do you think she doesn’t want to fuck you anymore?”
I gave him the quick and dirty on how we kept running into each other, that she was brilliant and drank whiskey, and how great the sex was.
“Does she have a name?”
“Marie Bancroft—at least I think it’s Bancroft—I know it’s Marie.” Jake gave me a funny look, but didn’t explain. It didn’t matter. None of it mattered. “She asked me to stay away. She was pretty damn clear about it.”
“So you finally met a woman…never thought I’d see the day.”
I didn’t answer. It was hard to explain how that statement made me feel. There was a reason there were never women in my life—I didn’t want anyone. I’d already fallen in love once.
There were no other women.
“I take it this Marie is more than just good in bed. You talk?”
I nodded. “I think she’s actually too smart for me. She talked me under the table.” Definitely too smart for me.
“And drank you under the table,” he pointed out. “I know how you feel about your whiskey.”
Yeah, I liked drinking with Marie. She was feisty. She kept
up. She was mysterious. I liked all of those things very much. “I have definitely never met anyone quite like her. Or her daughter.”
“Her daughter?” Jake sat up straight.
I wasn’t surprised. I mean, really? Me and anyone was a stretch, but me and someone who had a kid?
“Yeah, that’s the kicker. I ran into her because I’ve been picking up coffee everyday on the way home. Turns out the kid that’s always there is Marie’s daughter. Cute kid, very smart.”
Jake did that thing where he was quiet while a thousand thoughts flew through his brilliant head. It was a great trait to have in a lead engineer, not so great in a buddy. The last thing I needed was for Jake to think about my personal life. I wasn’t ready for that.
I needed a helluva lot more time to prepare for that.
He suddenly stood up. “Dinner at our house this weekend. Eve will know how to cheer your sad ass up.”
That was unexpected. “Okay. Saturday?”
Jake shrugged. “I’ll have Eve call you. But probably.”
I swear he was hiding something from me. I’d known him for a lot of years, seen him go through a lot and if there was one thing I knew, it was when Jake was lying—but I had no fucking clue what the hell he could possibly be lying about so I chalked it up to an overactive imagination brought on by being dumped for the first time.
“Okay. Sounds like a plan.” I shoved my tennis ball back into my desk drawer. “And I’ll try to keep it quiet.”
Jake grinned as he pulled the door. “It’s okay. I’ll give you a free pass this week.”
He was definitely up to something. I just wasn’t sure what. Or why. Or maybe he was just trying to distract me. It sure as hell wasn’t working if that was it.
Chapter Fourteen
“So…are we gonna talk about this, or are you seriously going to pretend that the whole Greg thing never happened?” Grace had come over for dinner and we were now standing at the counter carefully emptying a bottle of wine one glass at a time while Natalie sat at the table doing her homework with her headphones on.
“I still don’t know if I understand what happened.”
“So start at the beginning.”
I bit my lip and stared at the wine. Maybe there were answers in the red liquid. No?
“Thursday night at the bar, while you were in the bathroom—”
“Whoa. Wait. The reason you dragged me out of there was Greg? You told me some sleazy dude hit on you and you didn’t feel good!”
“Okay, so I lied a little to get out of there. I panicked. Greg offered me an orgasm and I wanted it. That wasn’t sane or logical. I stretched the truth because I knew if I told you a hot guy had hit on me you’d make me stay and flirt back.”
“So wait. You met him Thursday night. And again Friday night? Am I getting this right?”
I nodded. “I figured once was once, but twice…I probably shouldn’t pass it up,” I glanced at Natalie and raised my eyebrows, “twice.”
Grace understood and grinned. “You ditched me.”
“I actually think you ditched me. You left with Kyle Rogers. What happened anyway?”
“Nope. Don’t change the subject. I fully admit to being distracted and selfish this weekend, but I can’t believe you picked up a guy under my nose. Shit, I’m a terrible friend.”
“You’re not terrible. You’re the reason I met him at all. If you hadn’t dragged me out I wouldn’t have been there.” That actually made me a little sad. I would have been home alone with my wine and my books instead of out being seduced by a man and having a great time.
What was I doing with me life?
“What’s that look for?” Grace asked.
I shrugged. “What the hell am I supposed to do? I can’t keep living like a hermit, but I can’t do what I did either.”
“You could date. We talked about that and you sounded excited.” She leaned across the counter so we could talk quieter. Natalie was sneaky. Sometimes she turned down her music and listened to us, the little stinker. But at the moment her pencil was waggling quickly as she scribbled an essay, so I was pretty sure we were in the clear.
“Here’s the thing,” I’d thought long and hard about this all afternoon. Seeing Greg, talking with him about what he wanted, it had triggered something I’d long since forgotten. “I don’t want to settle.”
Grace’s eyebrows shot up. “Explain.”
“I don’t want to date just to date. I want to feel something. I want to fall in love, but I don’t think I believe in love. I’m so screwed up.” I set down my glass and rubbed my face. My brain hurt.
My heart hurt.
I liked Greg. A lot. I wanted to let myself feel things for him and have stupid fantasies, but I knew how incredibly rare real love was and I was not about to put myself out there for something that might be nothing more than a game to Greg. I knew the way I felt around him. I didn’t think I could keep it to just sex.
“You don’t believe in love? Because of Edward and Lucinda.”
I shuddered a little at the thought of my parents. I didn’t think they had any concept of love in their bodies. Not even for me. They seemed to have some for Natalie, so maybe they did, but certainly not for each other. God, how they hated each other.
But it was more than that. It was everything about them. They were manipulators. Users. They never did anything out of kindness. Everything was about getting something.
“They don’t help, that’s for sure. But think about it. How many couples do you know that are truly in love? How many are together for convenience? How many are scared of being alone? That’s not love.”
Grace nodded. She understood and she felt the same way. It was part of the reason we bonded so many years ago. Neither of us wanted to be in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship. So instead we were in a relationship with each other.
It worked.
“I know what you’re trying to say. I do. But I also don’t think you can fall in love without taking some chances. You’re gonna get used. You will get your heart broken. You might never find the right guy, but you definitely can’t find him in your living room.”
“You have a very good point,” I sighed. “But it doesn’t help me figure out how to do this. I may have to muddle through for a while.”
“Muddling’s good. It means you’re trying. Are you going to muddle with Greg again?”
“No,” I said quickly. “I don’t know him well, but I do know that he’s not the kind of guy you fall in love with. Someone’s done a number on him already.”
“Someone’s done a number on me already, that doesn’t mean I don’t still hope to find someone different one day.”
“Maybe,” I said quietly. I glanced at Natalie and realized she was very still. Her pencil was down with her hands in her lap. The headphones were still on, but she was definitely listening. “How’s the homework?”
“Done.” She didn’t turn. I wondered how long she’d been listening.
“Want some dessert?” I picked up the plate of cookies Grace brought from the shop. Natalie turned and slowly walked up to the counter. Her eyes were watery like she was holding back tears. “Are you okay, baby?”
She shook her head and sniffled. “No.”
Grace and I traded a look. It was really rare for Natalie to cry. I sometimes wondered if her tear ducts worked. Maybe puberty was affecting her? “What’s wrong?”
She sniffled through half the cookie before she replied. “Greg’s my friend, okay? I don’t like hearing you say things like he’s a lost cause. He’s been through a lot.”
“And how do you know this?”
She glared at me. “I know things, okay? And you? I don’t like hearing you say you don’t believe in love. You’re my mom and I want to believe you’re gonna find love one day. If you can’t, how the heck am I? You’re perfect, Mom. If you have no hope, then I’m screwed.”
I let the language slide and hugged the crap out of Natalie. She laid her head on m
y shoulder and held me tight, but didn’t cry anymore. Grace and I traded a silent conversation of mouthed words and expressions. She didn’t know anything about Greg other than how he liked his coffee. I felt bad that Natalie heard such fatalistic ideas about life and love from her mother.
We should have moved to the living room, but really, she probably would have overheard us there, too.
“You’re not screwed. None of us are.” I rocked her like she was little again. “I’m figuring it out. I really, truly am.” Sometimes being a parent really sucked.
*****
The rest of the week flew by. Natalie was quiet, but reported that Greg had been a no-show at the coffee shop all week. It was probably for the best.
A break was probably good for everyone.
“Be on your best behavior,” I said to Natalie as we walked up to Eve’s door. They lived in an adorable two-story bungalow on Davis Islands.
“I can’t believe you just said that,” Natalie muttered under her breath. She’d been acting weird all morning, but the weirdness was getting worse. Normally she enjoyed going out with me, but today was different.
Maybe the sullen teenage phase was finally starting after all.
“You made it!” Eve opened the door and stood to the side. “Natalie, I’ve been wanting to show you my library forever.”
Natalie grinned—finally—and moved out of the way so I could hug Eve. “Thanks for having us over.”
“It’s ridiculous how long it’s been. We can’t let work get in the way like this.” She closed the door and immediately grabbed Natalie, pulling her down a hallway.
The house was beautiful. Beside the front door was a staircase. The living room opened up to my left, the kitchen ahead, and the hallway on the right. Eve and Natalie were already at the end, opening the last door while I wandered, taking the opportunity to be nosy.