by Alexis Anne
She rolled her eyes. “It’s nothing. Honestly. We aren’t serious at all. I don’t do serious, remember?”
I’d have believed her if she wasn’t so obviously lying to me. “Doesn’t sound all that casual…”
She pursed her lips. “It is what it is. I’m fine with it, but it messes with my head a little. That’s all.”
“It messes with your head? That’s not nothing, and you are not fine with it.” Grace had feelings for someone and it was driving her bat-shit crazy. Was this what Greg looked like when he met me? I was willing to bet money it was.
“It still doesn’t matter.” She glared at me to stop asking questions. “Now, stop distracting me with my problems. Tell me about yours.”
“Why are my problems fair game and yours super secret?”
“They just are. I’ll talk when I’m good and ready. Now, spill your guts so you can get back to Stark Tower.”
“I could live with comparisons to Tony Stark. That’s cool.”
“Millionaire Playgirl Supermom?” Grace offered a Marie-version of Tony Stark’s “Billionaire Playboy Philanthropist.”
“Doesn’t have the same ring at all. Let’s pretend that never happened.” I gagged thinking about it.
Grace shrugged. “Can’t win ‘em all.”
I took a long sip of my coffee and then a deep breath before plunging in. “I think Brandon is fucking with Greg’s head.”
“Oh…that can’t be good.”
I shook my head. “He flirted with me last night. In front of Greg.”
“What the fuck? Brandon’s lost his damn mind.”
“Pretty much.”
I felt so bad that this week was over the top insane. The past was crushing us both. “Greg was…intense. Yeah, let’s call it intense.”
Grace smiled. A huge, ridiculous smile. “He loves you.”
I smiled, too.
“You’re his woman. He loves you. You love him. He’s your man. You two are gonna be the cutest, most adorable old couple, ever.”
All those words. So many words with so much meaning. I liked hearing them, but not from Grace. From her it was just overwhelming. I wanted to hear Greg say those words.
“Oh sweetie. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to take things too far. Are you still freaking out about his fiancée?”
“I don’t think I’ll ever stop freaking out about that.” I was still processing it in the back of my mind, all while dealing with Edward, and now Brandon. I just needed some time.
“Have you asked about her?”
I shook my head. “Not yet. I haven’t been ready to hear it.”
“It’s probably not easy for him, either. But it’s also like living with an elephant in the room. The more you avoid it, the bigger the elephant gets.”
“Kind of like mysterious gentleman.”
Grace frowned. “Still not ready.”
“Well, neither am I.”
We finished our coffee in silence.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Marie disappeared upstairs with Natalie to help her get ready for bed, leaving me alone with Brandon.
Oh joy.
I could have gone up to bed, but that seemed overly rude to abandon him while the girls were upstairs. Although, staying downstairs was just fucking weird.
“Can you pass me a water?” I asked before Brandon closed the fridge.
“Sure.” He tossed it across the counter.
“So you don’t come to Tampa often?” I knew the answer, but I needed to make small talk. The vibe was really starting to get under my skin and I did not want to turn into Asshole Greg for shits and giggles.
“No. I’ve been so focused on transitioning the company that I limited my travel outside of work. I will be changing that over the next year.” He said it so firmly it made me wonder what else he wasn’t saying.
“I guess the company is doing well then?”
“It is.” He took a massive gulp of water, emptying half the plastic bottle. “Plus, we’re testing the market here in the States, so not only will I have more freedom, but more excuses to visit my family.”
I still wasn’t convinced that was the whole story. “It must be hard to be so far from your daughter.”
The blank look was back. It was so cold that it was an obvious difference. “It can be. Mostly I’m happy as long as she’s happy. And Marie, of course. I never thought I’d be a father and I certainly never thought I’d be any good at it.” His voice dropped away and he finished off the water. “But Marie and I have muddled through.”
“Natalie is amazing. I wouldn’t say you muddled through anything.” Maybe it was mostly Marie, but I knew Brandon was part of that too. The kid spoke fluent French and had a personality that far surpassed Marie’s. It would serve her well as she navigated the world.
“Thanks.” Then the room went painfully silent and I knew before Brandon said another word that the other shoe was about to drop. “As a protective dad I’ve done my research.”
“Oh yeah?” Call it a gut feeling, but I knew whatever Brandon had on his mind was trouble for me.
“Yeah. For instance, I know you lost your fiancée in a car accident—a car you were driving. I also know that after you were cleared of charges, you fled the country and ignored your family, and hers, for years.”
He may as well have put a fucking knife in my heart. I remembered the accident every damned day, but it was mine to think about and mine to talk about. Having Brandon—someone who didn’t know one fucking thing about my life or what I lost—say those words, made me want to lose my mind.
“You need to stop talking right now,” I warned.
But the bastard didn’t take my warning seriously. He twisted the knife instead. “You’re a coward. A coward who is trying to replace his dead family with mine, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to trust my family with a coward.”
I’m not entirely sure of everything that happened after that—I wasn’t in control, not in my right mind. I snapped. Somehow Brandon was against the refrigerator with my arm across his throat, holding him in place.
“You have no fucking idea what you’re talking about.”
The fucker had the balls to look me in the eye and keep talking. “I have more of an idea than you know, asshole. I didn’t kill the woman I loved like you did, but I didn’t protect Marie. I left her when she needed me most because I was scared.” I pushed harder against his throat and he gasped. It was a beautiful sound. “So yeah, I know a thing or two about running away.”
I really enjoyed watching Brandon’s face turn red as I choked him, but there was one fact in the middle of that speech that caught me off guard. “You never loved Marie.” Not the way I loved her. Whatever it was he thought he felt, it wasn’t love.
It couldn’t be.
“Of course I did,” he gasped when I let up. “I’ll always love her. But the difference between you and me, Greg?”
I didn’t want to hear it. I could barely hold my shit together as it was.
Brandon loved Marie—my Marie.
I gave the asshole one last push into the refrigerator and then let him go. He was scum. A bottom feeder. The very definition of asshole.
I turned to leave but the bastard just had to get his two cents in. “The difference between you and me is that I came back. I took care of her. I gave her what she needed, even when it wasn’t me that she wanted anymore. What did you do Greg? You abandoned everyone. You pissed on your fiancée’s memory and saved yourself.”
I hated that I let that get to me. The last thing I wanted to do was let someone like Brandon get to me, but the words he chose…they were the right ones. The kind the cut right through every piece of armor I had. They cut because they were the words I used on myself.
He was saying the truth I knew all too well. I was a selfish asshole to walk away from the life I had with Jenn. Brandon was right—I abandoned her family and mine. I walked away from everything we had because I couldn’t handle the memories.
/> I was a coward and the last few months had been an indulgence—one that wasn’t fair to me or Marie. It certainly wasn’t fair to Natalie.
But I loved them. I needed them. The idea of living in a world where they weren’t my entire world didn’t seem possible. I didn’t know what to do. All I did know was that I needed to clear my head, or else I was going to hurt Brandon.
So I did what I knew best—I didn’t walk upstairs to the woman who I knew loved me, even if she couldn’t say it yet.
Instead, I walked out the front door by myself.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
“Where’s Greg?” I asked Brandon and Natalie. They were camped out on the couch watching one of the Jason Bourne movies.
Natalie shrugged and Brandon gave me a sideways look. “I think I saw him go out on the front porch.”
That look was trouble. I knew that look all too well. And Greg taking his time to come upstairs was the opposite of normal. I didn’t like the feeling I was getting—the feeling that Brandon and Greg had some kind of disagreement.
But I let it go and poked my head out the front door. The porch light wasn’t on but I could see Greg’s outline on the porch swing, and the red glow of a cigar each time he puffed on it. “What are you doing out here? Aren’t you getting eaten alive?”
The mosquitos had exploded over the last couple of weeks and the fogging trucks hadn’t started making the rounds yet.
“Cigar smoke seems to be keeping them away.” That was all he said, but the tone of his voice was hollow, so I knew something was up.
“There are zero mosquitos in my bed, you know.” I walked across the porch to stand in front of him. He had the cigar firmly between his lips and he was puffing on it like his life depended on it.
Poor little cigar.
“What’s wrong?”
“Just needed some fresh air.” He said it too quickly to be true.
“Then you shouldn’t be smoking.”
“Damn mosquitos wouldn’t leave me alone. Had to out of self-preservation.”
“You’ll catch Yellow Fever if you stay out here any longer.” I grabbed his free hand to pull him up, but he didn’t budge. I was shocked by how immoveable he was, actually.
“I’m pretty sure Yellow Fever was eradicated.”
I gave up on the tugging and put my hands on my hips. “If anything is going to bring a disease back from the dead, it’s mosquitos. C’mon. I’m cold and lonely without you.” I was going to figure out what was going on between the two men in my life, but not outside while being eaten alive.
I smacked my bare arm in three places, feeling the dampness of squished bug and my own blood. Ew.
“Fine. But only to keep you from being sucked dry by vampire mosquitos.” He put the cigar out on the deck and stood up. “What?” he asked when I didn’t move.
“Kiss me.”
“What?”
Something was terribly wrong. If everything was fine he would have kissed me without hesitation. Light or hard, he would have at least kissed me on command. “Kiss me.” My voice trembled a little.
Even in the dark I could see the struggle in him. The part that was surprised by how worried I sounded, and the part that was so miserable he wanted to hide. But after a moment or two he stepped into me, took my face in his hands, and kissed me tenderly.
He sucked at my lower lip, pressed into me, and then when I parted my lips, dipped his tongue inside. The entire exchange was sweet, in it’s own way, but the intensity was of a different kind. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say it was a goodbye kiss.
“Bed,” I said, turning and taking him by the hand. He followed me quietly upstairs and undressed without a word. When we crawled into bed he didn’t grope me or even mention sex. He just wrapped himself around me and held on like he needed me to keep him together.
“Greg?”
“Yeah, baby?” He kissed and nuzzled at the back of my neck.
“Are you okay?”
He paused. “I don’t know.”
My heart broke a little. I heard the pain in his voice and the truth in his words. “How can I help?” Somehow I knew he wouldn’t tell me what was wrong, and if I pushed him, he would just close me off.
“Just let me hold you.”
I put my hand around his and squeezed it as hard as I could. “For as long as you need.”
We fell asleep just like that and didn’t move all night. The rest of the weekend was more of the same. Greg was moving further and further away from me, whether Brandon was around or not. When we finally dropped him off at the airport I hoped things would go back to normal, but they didn’t. He actually seemed to retreat from me further.
I let him be, partially because I hoped he just needed some time, but mostly because I knew when we finally spoke it was going to get ugly and I didn’t want to do that in front of Natalie. I think she noticed the weirdness, too, but she kept quiet and mostly observed.
I kind of wanted to ask for her advice since she knew Greg a little differently than I did, but decided I didn’t want to involve her. This was adult shit and we needed to figure it out on our own.
But it hurt. He’d gone to so much effort to keep me on my feet while Edward and Lucinda were in town, but I didn’t seem to be able to return the favor. I tried, but nothing worked. There was a wall up between us and I couldn’t break my way through.
So Monday morning I got up and dressed for work—Greg had gone back to his place like usual—but I left the house with a plan. An hour before he normally broke for lunch, I left the office with a takeout bag of Chinese food. I’d never had lunch at his office before, only stopping in before or after work a couple of times, so this was going to be a surprise all around.
When I walked in the front doors, Carol, the receptionist, smiled at me like it was the most normal thing in the world. “Oh, what a nice surprise! You two are so cute.”
I didn’t feel cute, I felt devious. “Is he in his office?”
“He is. He’s been on a conference call for the last hour, so he’ll be glad for a reason to break away, I’m sure.” She gave me a wistful smile as she waved me back.
I was pretty sure Greg was not going to be glad I was there. Not after I started talking.
I knocked on his door and opened it before he answered. His head was bent down as he scribbled on a legal pad, a strange voice squawking out of the phone speaker. He looked up and smiled before the curtain went down over his eyes again.
My Greg was still in there, but I needed to find out why he was hiding.
“Jim, all this is great, but I need to go. Send me the rest of your notes and we’ll schedule a sit-down meeting next week.”
“Sounds good, Greg. Talk to you later.”
Greg hit a button on the phone and the sound ended. “Now this is a surprise.”
I held up the bag of Chinese food. “Imperial Palace.”
“My favorite.”
Yeah, he knew why I was there. The worry was written all over his handsome face.
“How are you doing?” I plunked the food down on his desk and started unpacking it. I didn’t look at him, I was trying to give him some space and the food was the perfect distraction.
“Aside from the usual morons and boring conference calls?”
“Yeah.” I glanced up in time to see him studying me.
“Nothing special. You?”
I set the bag down on the ground beside his desk and took a deep breath. “I miss you and I want to know where you went.”
I had no idea what he was going to say, but my money was on two possibilities. He was either going to lie to me, or distract me. Either way, he wasn’t going to give me the real answer.
“I’m just not feeling well, babe.”
He went for the lie.
“Bullshit,” I tossed the chopsticks at him. “You can lie to yourself if that’s what you need to do, but don’t lie to me. Did Brandon say something?”
He stared at the food in front of him. He di
dn’t blink or move. Hell, I wasn’t sure that he was breathing. “No. Brandon’s a great guy. I just…” he took a breath and stopped talking.
“Just what?”
He swallowed. “I think we’re moving too fast. I think we should slow down.”
I collapsed into the chair. He was breaking up with me. I knew the next words out of his mouth were going to be the end. This had to be because of Brandon. What the hell did he say?
“How slow?”
The room was silent. Too silent. I was pretty sure I could hear the hum of the machines on the factory floor even though we were a good distance from them in this office. He finally took a deep breath and looked up, right into my eyes. It hurt.
“I think we should take a break for a little while.”
“You mean forever.” I gripped the edge of the desk. I needed something to ground me even if I ripped off my finger nails.
“No. I didn’t say that. But,” his voice cracked. “But we both have issues we’ve been ignoring. We had a good run pretending those things didn’t matter, but they do, babe. We can’t just turn blind eyes to things that are fundamental to who we are. The last few weeks have been perfect. They’ve been a look at what my life could be like. But I’m not there yet. And neither are you.”
No. He was ready. He was. I knew he was.
“You’re just scared.”
“You’re right,” he replied. “I am absolutely terrified of hurting you. I told you from the beginning: I ruin things.”
“Stop.” I stood up and turned my back on him. “Stop saying shit like that. You do not ruin things.” Even though he was ruining us right now.
“I need to fix some things before I can be with you again. Otherwise, babe, that is exactly what’s going to happen.”
“Goodbye, Greg.” I needed to get out of there. I was about to fall apart and I was not going to do it here. He’d ripped open my chest, grabbed my heart, and squeezed it until it burst. I loved him…didn’t he know that?
“Don’t leave.” He stood up and was around his desk faster than I thought was possible—or maybe I was moving much slower than I realized.