“Now that you’re getting along with them better, would you miss your roommates if you moved in with me?”
“When I move in with you,” Annie corrected. “And yeah, I’ll probably miss them a little. Rebecca’s been pretty great lately. I like Dee. And Trent can be kinda douchey, but he’s growing on me. He’s been a little better about washing his dishes lately, and we’ve come to a truce about the butter issue, which makes him a lot more tolerable.”
“Butter issue? You mentioned that before but ...”
“Don’t ask. Some weird diet thing of his.”
Siobhán chuckled, but she grew serious after a moment. “Please don’t take this the wrong way, Annie, but it seems like you don’t have many close friends.”
Annie sighed. “I guess I don’t anymore. There are a few girls from college I stay in contact with. We grab dinner once a month or so. And a few people from the paper I see sometimes. I got into a bad habit of letting friendships slide when I was in a relationship. And then I felt too guilty after and never called people to apologize.”
“I do that too,” Siobhán said. “I get so wrapped up in the relationship, and I put all my energy into that and into my painting ... I don’t think about anything else. People just drift away after a while.”
“The other bad thing is that I haven’t worked out since we met,” Annie admitted. “I think I’ll go for a run today maybe.”
“Oh, you’re a runner?” Siobhán made a face. “I try to do as little of that as possible.”
Annie laughed, then groaned at the thought that Siobhán looked as gorgeous as she did with no effort. “Please don’t tell me you’re naturally that fit with no exercise.”
Siobhán laughed. “I’m thirty-five, Annie. Believe me, I work at it. I just don’t run. There’s a gym around the corner from me with a pool. I swim laps and take aerobics classes when I remember to go.”
“Well that’s a relief,” Annie joked. She sobered after a moment. “Do you think maybe we should both make an effort to get back to our normal lives though?”
Siobhán frowned. “Not if it means seeing less of you.”
“Well, I don’t want to cut into our time too much either, but we both admitted we’re bad about maintaining our friendships and, well, our health when we get wrapped up in a relationship. Maybe it would be good if we both worked on that.” Annie glanced down at the dark liquid in her coffee cup, not really seeing it. “I just don’t want to do what I’ve always done before. I want this to be different.”
I want this to last, she thought.
Siobhán reached out and took her hand. “I understand. I suppose I can let you out of my sight for a bit if it’s in the name of your health and happiness.” Her tone was light and teasing.
Annie gave her a look. “Oh, don’t be so dramatic.”
“I’m not trying to be!” Siobhán said with a laugh. “I just can’t think of anything else but you when you’re around, Annie.”
“Believe me, I know the feeling,” Annie said softly.
The conversation was cut short when a waitress dropped off Siobhán’s eggs benedict and Annie’s mushroom and tomato omelet, but it left a warm little glow inside Annie as they kissed goodbye and went their separate ways that afternoon.
***
After Annie returned from a long-overdue run, she showered and staggered to her bedroom to get some work done. Her phone rang a few minutes later. She picked it up, half-expecting it to be Siobhán, but it turned out to be her father.
“I’m sorry about your mother, Pumpkin,” he said when she answered.
Annie sighed. “Thanks, Dad.”
“Do you want me to have a talk with her and see if I can’t get her to look at things a bit differently?”
“You’re welcome to try. I’m not holding my breath though.”
“You know your mother, Annie; she just wants what’s best for you.”
“Maybe. But Siobhán is what’s best for me,” Annie argued.
“I can see that. I can tell she cares about you.”
“You approve then?”
“Why wouldn’t I?” He sounded vaguely mystified.
“I just wanted to be sure.”
“I like Siobhán. You seem happy, and I’m sorry your mother couldn’t see that.”
“Thanks, Dad.” Annie was grateful to at least have one parent in her corner.
“Well, I’m gonna let you go. I just wanted you to know that I’m glad we got to meet your girlfriend. And I’ll talk more to your mother. She’ll come around in time, I’m sure.”
“I hope so,” Annie said with a sigh. “Thanks for calling.”
“Sure thing. Talk to you soon, Pumpkin.” He hung up without another word. He hated talking on the phone so Annie was surprised but pleased that he’d bothered to call at all.
Some of the anger at her mother had faded, replaced by a vague sense of irritation. She was just so tired of having to defend whatever relationship she was in. She’d told Siobhán she’d let friendships slide when she was in a relationship, but that wasn’t really the whole story. A handful of the lesbian women she’d met through an LGBTQ center had dropped her the moment she’d gotten in a relationship with a man, and Annie hadn’t bothered to go back to the center once she was single again. She’d never really felt like she’d belonged. It had been a bit easier when she was dating women, but even then, people had seemed a bit suspicious whenever Annie had identified as being bi. LGBTQ was supposed to represent bi people too, but somehow, it always seemed to get lost somewhere along the way.
Annie sighed and shook her head to clear it. Time to get to work. Lamenting the lack of community in her life wasn’t going to help anything. And it certainly wasn’t going to pay the bills.
***
That evening, she slid her key into Siobhán’s lock and turned the knob. Siobhán looked up from the sofa as she stepped inside, and her quizzical face brightened when she spotted Annie. “I wondered who was breaking in!”
“Do you give your key to lots of women?” Annie asked with a smile. She’d considered knocking first, but that seemed odd and like it defeated the purpose of having a key of her own.
“No. I just didn’t expect to see you tonight.” Siobhán stood. She was wearing her favorite silk robe. It was Annie’s favorite too.
“I decided to surprise you,” Annie said. “I hope I’m not intruding.”
“Of course not. I’m glad you’re here.” Siobhán leaned in to kiss her briefly, then took her bags. “I’ll throw this in my room.”
“Throw it carefully,” Annie called after her as she kicked off her shoes. “My laptop’s in there.”
Siobhán returned a few moments later and patted the couch beside her. “Sit. Tell me about your day.”
“It was pretty uneventful.” Annie tucked her legs up under her. “I went for a run.”
“Oh, good. I took your suggestion to heart and went to the pool after dinner. I just got out of the shower, in fact.”
Siobhán’s hair was still damp-looking, wetting the silk of her robe and leaving transparent spots in it.
“Good swim?” Annie asked.
“It served its purpose. How was your run?”
Annie grimaced. “It was rough. My mom was right that I’ve been slacking.”
“You look wonderful to me,” Siobhán said. “I thought her comment was ridiculous.”
Annie squeezed her leg. “I appreciate that. I do need to keep at it though. When I’m actually running regularly, I enjoy it. It helps clear my head. Today was just rough because it had been a while. My muscles staged a protest.”
“Remind me to give you a massage before we go to bed.”
Annie nearly moaned aloud at the thought. “You don’t have to tell me twice. That sounds like heaven. My calves are killing me.”
“Did you get some work done today too?”
“Yes,” Annie said. “In fact, I pulled together some more ideas for the blog.”
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“How was your painting?”
“Oh, not bad. I made some good progress this afternoon. I should be done in a day or two.”
“It seems like we both had a good day then.” Annie smiled at her. “Oh, which reminds me, my Dad called to tell me he was sorry about the way lunch went. He said he’d talk to my mother and make her see reason.”
“Do you think he’ll be able to?”
Annie shrugged. “He seems to think so. I’m a little less convinced, but hopefully, he’s right. My mother can be a pain, but she means well. Most of the time.” Annie made a face.
“I know I wasn’t there for what she said to you about us, but you don’t want to give up on her completely,” Siobhán said. “You won’t always have the chance to fix it.”
Annie frowned. “Siobhán, why don’t you ever talk about your family?”
Siobhán let out a heavy sigh. “It’s hard. Me ma is gone.”
“Oh! It didn’t have anything to do with The Troubles, did it?” Annie asked apprehensively. “You seemed ... subdued when you were talking about it at lunch with my parents.”
“Oh, no. Her death had nothing to do with that. It was a hard time for a lot of families, but we were pretty well clear of it. I think an uncle of mine got mixed up in it at some point, but that was ancient history by the time I was born.” Siobhán looked down at her hands. “No, me ma died while I was at university, actually.”
“Oh, Siobhán.” Annie’s heart ached at the thought. “Were you close?”
“Very. She was the one who got me da to come around about me being a lesbian. He didn’t like the idea at first. I’m not sure he ever was really happy with it, but he tolerated it for her.”
“What happened?”
“To me ma?” Annie nodded. “Cancer. Breast cancer. She was always looking out for us, making sure everyone else was taken care of that she ignored the symptoms too long. By the time she got diagnosed, there wasn’t much they could do for it. One minute she was there and then ...” Siobhán sighed. “And then she was gone.”
Annie drew her closer. “I’m sorry. You must have been so young.”
“I’d just turned twenty.”
“I suppose any age is too young to lose your mother, but that’s awful.” As much as Annie wanted to strangle her mother at the moment, she couldn’t stand the thought of losing her.
“Is the picture on the refrigerator of you and your parents?”
“Yes, just before I went off to university.”
“Do you have any other pictures of her?” Annie asked.
“Yes. Would you like to see?”
“Please.”
Siobhán crossed the room to the bookshelf and knelt down, returning to the couch a few moments later holding a small box. “I brought them with me when I moved. I didn’t take much, but I had to take these with me.”
“Of course. Come here and show me.” Annie held out an arm, and Siobhán curled up against her.
Siobhán took a deep breath before she opened the box and pulled out a small stack of photos. She handed them to Annie one at a time. The first was of a young woman holding a tiny, bundled infant with dark hair. She looked exhausted but triumphant. “Is that the two of you?”
“No, actually.” Siobhán craned her neck to look at Annie. “That was my mother with my older brother, Patrick. He died when he was a few months old. Cot death. I think it’s called something else now but that’s what me ma called it when she talked about it.”
“Sudden Infant Death Syndrome?” Annie guessed.
Siobhán nodded. “That’s it.”
“How horrible,” Annie said softly. “I can’t imagine. There was a kid I went to school with who lost his sister that way. The family never really seemed to recover.”
“I don’t know what my family was like before they lost Patrick, so I’ll never really know how it changed them. I know my mother would get quiet sometimes for no reason. And she’d cry on his birthday, and we’d go to the cemetery to put flowers on the little headstone.”
“How sad.”
Siobhán handed her another picture. This one was clipped from a yellowed newspaper and was of a couple standing outside of what looked like a church. It was captioned “Wedding of Sean Patrick Murray and Aileen Siobhán McCormack.”
“That’s beautiful. You were named after her, then?”
Siobhán nodded and brushed her thumb over the aged paper. “I was.”
The woman was young and beaming. The young man stared at her with a completely smitten expression.
“They look like they were in love,” Annie commented.
“They were. He was crazy about her, and she did everything for him. They were in love right up until her last breath.”
Annie smiled sadly. “She’s beautiful. You look just like her.”
“Thank you. And yes, I know I do. That’s why he couldn’t stand to have me around after she was gone.” Siobhán’s voice sounded raw. “He said lookin’ at me was like starin’ at a ghost.”
“Oh, Siobhán. How awful. How could he do that when you were both hurting?”
“I don’t really blame him. He might not have died but he became something like a ghost himself,” Siobhán said grimly.
“Did he drink?” Annie asked.
Siobhán’s eyes flashed as she shot Annie a hard look. “Why? You assume he’s a drunk because he’s Irish?”
“No. Of course not.” Annie soothed her with a gentle touch on her leg. “It’s just common that when someone loses someone, they turn to something to numb the pain. Alcohol’s a pretty common choice. Pretty much anywhere in the world.”
“Sorry. I can be a bit tetchy about that.” Siobhán sighed. “No, he didn’t drown his sorrows in a pint down at the pub like a lot of men. He hardly ever drank before, and me ma’s death didn’t change that. He just got surlier and surlier. I’d go to visit, and he’d barely look up from the television screen as he watched rugby and football. He’d just grunt his answers and ignore me.”
“That must have hurt.”
Siobhán nodded. “I needed him and he just ... wasn’t there.”
Annie reached out and squeezed her leg, this time leaving her hand in place. “What did you do?”
“Ran away to Boston,” Siobhán said flatly. “Packed my bags, booked a flight, and left without saying goodbye.”
“Have you talked since?”
“A few times a year. My birthday. Christmas. Sometimes I wonder if he only does it because he’s afraid me ma is lookin’ down at him from heaven and scolding ’im.”
“Do you miss him?”
“Every day.”
“Have you been home since?”
“To Bray?”
“Yes.”
“No.” Siobhán looked away. “I flew to Dublin to see my childhood friend get married. I asked my father to meet me there. He never came. I didn’t go home again after that.”
“I’m so sorry, Siobhán.”
“I lost me ma and me da all in the same year,” Siobhán said softly. “And it never stops hurting.”
Annie drew her close, her heart aching for all that Siobhán and her family had been through.
Chapter Twelve
September
Annie slipped the simple diamond studs her parents had bought her for her college graduation into her ears and stepped back to give herself a critical look.
“Are you sure this looks okay?” she asked, smoothing the black dress over her hips. It was sleeveless, hit below her knees and had an interesting asymmetric neckline. The dress had been purchased at a second-hand store. Rebecca had been in raptures about the designer—although Annie had never heard of them before—and assured her the dress was stylish and no would ever know where she got it.
“You look great,” Rebecca said. “I promise.”
“My hair certainly looks amazing,” Annie admitted. “You really are a genius at it.”
Rebecca had swept her hair up into a loose bun at the back of
her neck and made it look like Annie had much fuller, thicker hair that she really did. She’d also done Annie’s make up and her eyes looked huge and vibrantly blue. Her cheeks had a faint flush, and her lips were a glossy rose color.
She felt better about her look for the evening than she had when she’d begged Rebecca for help a few weeks ago, but she was still nervous about her date with Siobhán that evening. They were going to a private event at the Quinn Gallery.
It was closed to the public that night, but Gabriel was throwing one of his semi-annual dinner parties. Annie had heard about them—though never been invited—and Gabriel had practically insisted that Siobhán come. Annie was her guest.
She hated making conversation at parties like this—especially since her career was so unsure at the moment. It was one thing to say she was a journalist, but a freelance writer always sounded so vague and pathetic. An aspiring blogger wasn’t any more impressive.
At least, the blog was starting to come together. Annie had picked out a theme and built the basic pages. She’d even written up a number of posts. Siobhán was nearly finished with the painting for the banner and once that was done and Annie was sure everything was in place, she’d hit publish.
The thought gave her butterflies in her stomach. All she could do was hope it wouldn’t be a complete flop.
A knock on the door startled her. “That’s probably Siobhán,” she said. “Thanks, Rebecca, I owe you.”
“It was fun!” Rebecca said with a smile.
“Good because I may need your help again in the future,” Annie admitted. She heard another knock on the door. “Gotta run though.”
Annie scooped up the robin’s egg blue silk shawl and beaded clutch Rebecca had loaned her on her way out of the room. She was a little breathless when she answered the door. “Sorry, Siobhán. Come on in for a sec while I put on my shoes.”
Siobhán stared at her open-mouthed. “Jaysus, Annie. You look ...”
Annie flushed with pleasure. “You like? Rebecca helped.”
“You’re stunning. I’m not going to be able to keep my hands off you tonight.” Siobhán stepped inside and closed the door after her.
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