by Amy Clipston
“Gut.” Lindsay smiled. “Matthew and I are doing really well.”
“I’m so happy for you,” Jessica said. “I hoped you’d find someone nice. You know I worry about you all the time. I feel like it’s my job to make sure you’re okay since Mom and Dad are gone. Sometimes it’s really difficult to be so far away from you, but I know that sounds silly. After all, you’re eighteen and a woman now. And you have Aunt Rebecca here to watch out for you.”
Lindsay shook her head. “You’re so silly, Jessica. You don’t need to worry about me. You just take care of yourself.” She tilted her head in question. “Are you staying through the holidays?”
“Yes,” Jessica said, absently running her fingers over the quilt on Lindsay’s bed. Her thoughts turned from the Kauffman family and school to Jake. “Have you seen Jake lately?”
Her sister paused and then shook her head. “Not since Lizzie Anne and Samuel’s wedding. I haven’t been to the furniture store in a long time. Why do you ask?”
“Oh, no reason.” Jessica hoped she looked casual. “I called him last week, and he hasn’t called me back. It just seemed strange I hadn’t heard from him. We used to try to keep in touch. At least, we did last year before we had our little falling out. I guess I just miss his friendship.”
“Do you still care for him?” Lindsay looked a little hesitant. “I thought you said you were trying to get over him. Have you changed your mind?”
Jessica sighed. “The truth is I know there’s no chance for us, but I want to end it better than we did last spring.”
“I don’t think that’s necessary,” Lindsay said. “You two pretty much went your separate ways.”
“I know, but I would feel better if we ended it on a better note,” Jessica said. “He was a good friend to me, and I miss that friendship.”
“Just a moment.” Lindsay stuck her head out into the hallway as if listening to something. “It’s awfully quiet down there. I should make sure the kids are okay. I always worry they’ll wander out the back door when I’m not looking.” She pointed toward the bags. “You can get unpacked and then go visit Aenti Rebecca. Take your time.” She stepped out into the hallway. “I’m going to start cooking soon. When you’re done, maybe you can play with the kids while I cook. I know they’ll enjoy visiting with you again.”
After Lindsay left, Jessica pulled out a few of her skirts and blouses, which she’d packed for Christmas parties, and hung them on the unoccupied hooks on the wall next to Lindsay’s frocks and aprons. She then pushed her bags to the corner of the room and out of the way.
Jessica stepped into the hallway and made her way down to Rebecca’s room. Finding the door ajar, she knocked on it and stepped into the doorway.
“Jessica!” Rebecca said with her arms opened. “How are you, dear?”
“Hi, Aunt Rebecca.” Jessica leaned down and hugged her. She then examined her aunt’s smile and pink complexion. “You look great.” She sat on a chair across from the bed. “Lindsay said your last visit to the doctor went well. How are you feeling?”
Rebecca ran her hands over her protruding baby bump. “I’m feeling much stronger. I guess that’s God’s way of helping me get ready for the big day.” She sat up straighter in the bed and placed a Christian novel next to her on the bed. “Tell me all about school. I want to hear everything.”
Jessica shared stories about her classmates, research projects, and professors. Her aunt listened with interest, smiling and nodding often.
“You’re a very busy young lady,” Rebecca said, rubbing her belly. “I’m so glad school is going well for you. Lindsay said your internship was grueling last summer. Are you planning to go back to work there again over the summer this coming year?”
Jessica shrugged. “I don’t know. It was exhausting, but I’ll see how I feel next year. I might want to stay in the local area and work there. New York City was amazing, but I don’t know if I want to do it again.” She gestured toward her aunt’s abdomen. “Do you have a hunch if it’s a girl or a boy?”
“No, I don’t. All three of my pregnancies were very different.” Her aunt smiled. “I’m just so froh it’s all working out. I was worried for a while we might not get to enjoy this boppli. It seemed like the complications might cause me to lose the boppli. However, it’s a miracle we’ve made it this far. Only a few weeks left.”
“I hope I get to see the baby before I leave.” Jessica crossed her legs at the ankles. “If not, then I’ll have to make a trip back for certain.”
“Will you stay until New Year’s?”
“Yes. I’m thinking about going back to Virginia on January second,” Jessica said.
“That will give us a little bit of time to visit. Everyone will be happy to see you while you’re here.”
“I’ll enjoy seeing the family too,” Jessica said. “I heard Katie’s family is hosting the gathering. It will be nice to see everyone again. How was Lizzie Anne and Samuel’s wedding? Were you able to attend?”
Rebecca frowned. “No, I couldn’t go, but Lindsay filled me in on everything. I’m hoping Lizzie Anne and Samuel will visit me soon. I heard they’re busy moving into the apartment in his parents’ house, but they said they’d come by to see me after they get settled. It’s a shame I had to miss it, but everyone understands.”
“Of course they do.” Jessica gestured toward the empty glass on the nightstand. “Would you like another drink and maybe a snack?”
“That would be nice. Thank you.” Rebecca rubbed her belly some more. “It’s good to have you here, Jessica.”
“Thank you. It’s nice to be here again.” Jessica took the glass from the nightstand and then kissed her aunt’s cheek. “I’ll be back soon with your drink and snack.”
Jessica dried the last dish after supper. She placed it in the cabinet and then used a sponge to wipe down the counter. Once the counter was clean, she wiped down the kitchen table and swept the floor. She put the dustpan and broom back in place and heard a burst of giggles sound from the bathroom.
With a grin, Jessica made her way to the bathroom. Emma sat splashing in the tub while Lindsay knelt beside the tub and shielded herself from the spray of water with a towel.
“She likes her bath, huh?” Jessica said, laughing with her little cousin.
Lindsay grinned. “You could say that. Want to bathe her?”
“Sure!” Jessica squatted over the tub and grabbed the face cloth. “Are you getting clean, Emmie?”
Her little cousin giggled and splashed, spraying water over Jessica’s jeans and long-sleeved shirt.
“She got you.” Lindsay stood and wiped a towel over her black bib apron and dark blue dress. “She’s something else, ya?”
“Yes, she is.” Jessica finished washing her while the little girl smiled up at her. “You’re so cute, Emma. I’m so glad I’m here with you.”
Lindsay snickered while holding a towel out toward her. “I’m certain you’d rather be somewhere else than getting soaked.”
“That’s not true.” Jessica lifted Emma, and Lindsay engulfed her in the towel. “I love being here. I may not live here, but I love visiting.” She kissed Emma’s cheek, and the little girl squealed. “She is a cutie pie.” Leaning down, Jessica let the water out of the tub. “What else can I do?”
“I think I’m fine.” Lindsay sat on the commode while drying Emma. “Do you need help in the kitchen? I can put Emma in her high chair if you do.”
“It’s all done.” Jessica touched her phone shielded in the pocket of her jeans. She’d been hoping to sneak away to make a call. “I think I’m going to walk outside for a minute.”
“Walk outside?” Lindsay’s eyes widened. “It’s freezing out there. Why would you want to go outside?” She looked suspicious. “Don’t tell me you took up smoking. Did all of the stress do it to you?”
“Are you serious? You think I’m a smoker? Never in a million years.” Jessica waved off the comment. “I just want to make a phone call.”
Lindsay’s eyebrows flew to her hairline. “Make a phone call? You don’t have to go outside to do that.”
“I’ll be right back.” Jessica headed through the kitchen to the back door.
She pulled on her heavy coat and then stepped out into the cold December night. She clutched the coat to her body and she sat on the porch swing. The frigid air seeped through her wet jeans causing her to shiver. She pulled her phone from her pocket and pushed a few buttons. Soon the line on the other end began to ring.
After four rings and a click, a recording picked up. “This is Jake. Leave me a message.”
Jessica glowered. Is he ever home?
After the beep sounded, she sucked in a deep breath. “Hey, Jake,” she said, nervously pushing her long, dark hair behind her shoulder. “It’s Jessica. I wanted to let you know I’m in town. I plan to be here until January second. I was hoping I could see you.” She paused, wondering if she sounded desperate. “Call me. My number is still the same. Bye.”
Jessica disconnected the call and then stared at her phone. She wondered why Jake wasn’t calling her back. Was he out of town? She pushed that thought away. Why would he be out of town? Lindsay said Jake still worked for the furniture store, and Jessica remembered his work ethic. Not only did Jake love his job, but he was the kind of person who would stay late and come in on Saturday to finish a project by the deadline. Perhaps he was working late on a project.
She tried to convince herself Jake was only working, but she remained unconvinced. He’d never returned her call from last week. He couldn’t possibly be working so much that he had no time at all to call her. Maybe his answering machine didn’t work. What if he never got the message?
While staring across the dark pasture, another thought occurred to her. What if Jake simply didn’t want to talk to her?
Her stomach ached at the thought. Even though she knew she didn’t want to date Jake, she couldn’t stand the idea of him pushing her out of his life. Her gaze moved to her SUV, and she briefly considered driving over to Jake’s house to find out if he was truly avoiding her. However, that plan made her seem desperate and needy, and Jessica couldn’t stand girls like that. She’d seen plenty of girls at college who threw themselves at boys, doing anything in their power to get the boys’ attention. Jessica had vowed never to be like that. She had more self-esteem and self-worth than they displayed in public.
Jessica stood and stepped back into the kitchen. She hung up her coat and then glanced down at her phone. She knew one thing for certain — she was going to find out why Jake was avoiding her before she returned to her home in Virginia.
20
Katie glanced across the family room toward Jake and considered marching over to talk to him and wish him a Merry Christmas. She couldn’t stand how awful she’d felt ever since she’d sent him away at Lizzie Anne and Samuel’s wedding. It seemed unfair that she wasn’t permitted to speak to all of the guests at the Christmas gathering she and her family were hosting. Yet, she knew the outcome if she did speak to him. Even though her father had permitted her to leave the house as an early Christmas gift to her, he’d warned her to steer clear of Jake.
She turned to her left and spotted her father talking with his brothers, Daniel and Timothy. Grabbing two cups of hot cider, she started toward Jake, who stood with Matthew and Lindsay. A tiny twinge of envy nipped at her while she watched Lindsay smile up at Matthew. Katie wished she could find that happiness too.
“Hi,” Katie said, approaching the group. “Frehlicher Grischtdaag!” She handed Jake the mug of cider.
Jake’s expression was full of surprise. “Frehlicher Grischtdaag.”
Lindsay and Matthew echoed the greeting.
“The party is wunderbaar gut,” Lindsay said, touching Katie’s arm. “The haus looks so schee. I love how you decorated with the greenery and poinsettias.”
“Danki,” Katie said. “I better go check and see if mei mamm needs help in the kitchen. I just wanted to say hello.”
Jake nodded before she weaved through the crowd toward the kitchen.
Jessica glanced across the room and spotted Jake standing with Matthew and Lindsay. Now was her time to finally get him to talk to her.
Jessica looked back at Lizzie Anne and Samuel, who had been talking to her with a few other Kauffman cousins. “Would you excuse me for a moment?” She held up her empty cider mug. “I’m going to go get a refill.”
Jessica had noticed when Jake arrived, and she was almost certain he’d been avoiding her in person, just like he’d avoided the phone calls. Every time she tried to approach him, it seemed he deliberately moved to speak to someone else. She was going to face him and find out what his problem was. She walked over to him, finding him engrossed in a conversation with Matthew.
“Jessica!” Lindsay said with a smile. “Are you enjoying the party?”
“I am,” Jessica said, nodding a greeting to Matthew. She turned to Jake. “Jake,” she said. “I’ve been looking for you.”
“Jessica,” Jake said. “Good to see you. Merry Christmas.”
Jessica touched his arm. “Can we talk in private? I promise it will only take a moment.” She gestured toward the back door. “Let’s just go for a quick walk. I won’t keep you away from the party long.”
Jake nodded. “That’s fine.”
Jessica fetched her coat from the hook by the door and followed Jake down the back porch steps. The cold air hit her legs like a solid wall, and she wondered why she’d decided to wear a skirt and hose today. After all, it was December in Pennsylvania.
“Let’s go over by the barn,” Jake said, walking fast and hugging his coat to his body.
Jessica tried in vain to keep up with him as they walked around to the back of the barn. When they rounded it, Jake faced her. She wondered why he was frowning. He seemed to be upset about something, and she hoped she wasn’t upsetting him.
“Jake,” she said. “I’ve been trying to talk to you all evening.”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’ve been really distracted.”
“Distracted?” She folded her arms over her coat. “Is that why you haven’t called me back? I’ve left two messages on your voice mail. Are you avoiding me?”
He paused. “No, I’m not avoiding you. I should’ve called you back, but I’ve had a lot on my mind. Also, I don’t mean to hurt your feelings, but I’m not certain we have anything else to talk about. We said it all last spring.”
“I don’t think we’ve said it all,” she said, hugging her arms closer to her body as the cold seeped through her like ice. Was it the frigid air or his words that stung so badly?
“What else is there to say?” he asked. “I honestly can’t think of anything more to say to you. What do you want to talk about?”
“I thought after everything that happened between us we were still friends. Isn’t that what you said when we talked back in the spring? Aren’t we friends, Jake?” Her voice quavered with hurt. Oh, how she wished she could turn off her emotions. Why did this hurt so badly? She sounded like one of those girls she’d seen embarrass themselves at college. She’d never wanted to be like them, but here she stood begging Jake to talk to her. Where had she gone wrong?
“Yes, Jessica.” Jake’s expression softened. “I told you I’ll always be your friend, and I meant it.”
“So then why haven’t you called me back?” She wished she didn’t sound so desperate.
“I’ve been busy.” He looked behind her. “I’ve had a lot going on and a lot on my mind. It’s too much to explain right now, but I promise I’ll tell you when I have the time.”
“You’ve been busy?” she asked with disbelief radiating in her tone.
“I’m really sorry I haven’t had time to call you,” he said. “I’ll try to be a better friend.”
“Fine,” she said. “I wanted to tell you I’m sorry things ended the way they did in the spring. You were a tremendous help to me after I lost my parents and was thrown into this strange environm
ent.” She gestured around the farm. “I needed a friend, and you were there for me, always listening and putting up with my moods. I grew up a lot last summer during the internship. I’ve realized what’s most important in life and those things are family and close friends. You were both to me, and I’m thankful for you. I know you and I could never be more than friends, but I’m thankful for our friendship. I truly am, Jake.”
“Thank you,” he said, and he looked sincere. “I am too, Jess.”
“That’s what I wanted to say, Jake. Thanks for finally listening.” She turned to go and then stopped. “Do you still care about me?”
“Yes,” he said. “I do care about you, Jessica. I always will. You’re my first love.”
A choked sob sounded behind her.
Turning, Jessica found Katie Kauffman looking at her and Jake with tears shining in her eyes.
Katie couldn’t believe her ears or stop the tears from flooding her eyes as she looked between Jake and Jessica. Jake still loves Jessica! This can’t be true. I had hoped he loved me!
“Katie?” Jessica asked, looking confused.
“Katie!” Jake rushed toward her. “Wait. Let me explain.”
“You’re seeing Katie?” Jessica asked Jake with a shocked expression.
Katie turned and started toward her house. She felt as if her world were crumbling around her.
“Wait!” Jake yelled.
A strong arm pulled her back before she reached the other side of the barn. “Let me go!” Katie smacked Jake’s hand away. “You still love her, Jake.” She spat the words at him. “I can’t tell you how stupid I feel.”
“No, no.” He reached for her cheek, and she backed away from his touch. “I don’t love her anymore.”
“That’s not what you said!” Katie swiped away her hot tears. “You said you care for her, and you’ll always care for her because she’s your first love. I was so naive. I thought you might actually love me.” She pointed toward her chest. “I thought you only cared for me!” She couldn’t stop the sobs from racking her body. “How could I be so stupid to think you cared about me?”