by Nella Tyler
I didn't know what to believe anymore. Even hearing him admit the latest lie didn't take away any of the anger I felt. If the situation hadn't been so serious, I might have laughed at the ludicrousness of it all. My heart felt as if it was going to break in two, and it was at that moment I realized that I had allowed myself to become more attached to Luke than I had imagined. It was bad enough being lied to once, but lied to over and over again? I couldn't deal with it.
I shook my head and took a step back. "I can't work for you, Luke," I said, my voice trembling with emotion.
"Molly-"
"No, Luke, don't ‘Molly’ me. I trusted you. You made a fool of me-"
"Molly, that wasn't my intention at all-"
I strove to keep from raising my voice, not wanting the chef downstairs to hear us even though I wanted to shout and rail at him. "What exactly was your intention, Luke? Was it all just sex to you? All this talk about wanting a relationship? Was any of it true?" A tear, and then another spilled over my eyelid. "I can’t trust you, Luke, and without trust, there's nothing. Don't you understand that?"
"Molly, please, let me explain-"
"I've already given you a chance to explain," I said, my voice low, yet harsh with anger. "I believed what you told me and all along it was just a lie! What am I supposed to think? That you're going to change? That overnight you're going to be able to fix this?" I shook my head. "The only reason why I believed you before was because you told me that you had gotten rid of most of these criminals that you're dealing with, and here I find out that not only are you still involved with them, but you've added new ones to your list! You don't think I've heard of some of these names before?"
"Molly-"
I cut him off again. "Don't say my name. Don't even try to explain yourself. You're a criminal! And don't tell me that you are innocent in all of this. You know what you're doing. You know it's wrong! It's as plain and simple as that!" I turned and walked to the door. "I quit!"
"Molly, please reconsider," he said, taking a step toward the door.
I held onto the doorknob. "I can’t work for you anymore, Luke, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't try to contact me again." I stared at him as he stood staring back at me in stunned amazement. What was he so surprised about, I wondered. Did he really think this was okay? "My mind is made up. Goodbye."
I quickly turned and left the room, shutting the door behind me. I hurried down the hallway, forgetting the supplies sitting outside of his office door. I rushed downstairs and into the kitchen, trying to hide my distraught expression from the chef as I reached into the cupboard for my belongings. He didn't say anything, and I quickly made my way out of the kitchen and down the hallway, blinking back tears as I hurried toward the front door.
I opened it and left, slamming the door behind me, taking the stone steps down toward my car, blinking back the tears that were now struggling to overflow. A quiet sob escaped my throat as I reached my hand into my purse, blindly seeking my keys. I opened my car door, fumbled with the ignition for a moment, and then got the car started. I glanced quickly into my rearview mirror, but didn't see Luke standing in the doorway as he had before. Damn him!
I needed to get away from here, to get away from anything that reminded me of him. I made my way home, through the security gate, and into my condo, although the journey passed in a blur. By the time I opened and shut my door and leaned against it, the sobs were shaking my shoulders and my face was wet with tears. What a fool I’d been! What a stupid, naïve, fool!
Chapter 6
How many times? How many times was I going to give Luke a chance to be upfront and honest with me? How many chances could I give? I'd been a fool, had my head turned by a handsome face, some amazing sex, no doubt about it, but if he couldn't be a better person than he had shown me so far, I really wanted nothing to do with him. I didn't have trouble accepting people’s faults, as I knew we all had them. I had warts, too, but I didn't willfully and willingly lie to people.
After I arrived home, I had hurried to my bedroom and flopped onto my bed, face down, allowing all my emotions to rush through me unhindered. I had to get it out. I felt hurt, taken advantage of, and most of all, betrayed. Yes, I had begun to fall for Luke, and what I was feeling was the epitome of heartache. Disappointment. It hurt! I had believed him, more than once. And he had replied to my trust with lies!
What was wrong with him? Why couldn't he just tell the truth? What was the matter with being honest? He was the one that had pursued this relationship with me, not the other way around. Yes, I could've put my foot down and refused to give it a go, but he had been so earnest, so serious in his determination to give our relationship a chance. The problem was, my brain and my heart were not able to deal with many more blows. While I didn't want to break up with Luke before I had a chance to give our relationship a better try, I would not condone being lied to.
Honesty and trust was at the foundation of every relationship, and I don't care if it was early in the relationship, midway through, or if someone had spent decades with their partner. Trust was trust. If you didn't have trust, you didn't have – couldn't have – anything. How many times would Luke assure me that he wanted a relationship with me, and then turn around and act like it didn't matter that he was being dishonest?
I had been played for a fool. That thought kept running through my mind. I don't think he meant to treat me like a fool, but I felt foolish for believing him. He had wanted me to believe him and I had. Why? Because I was trusting. It was in my nature to trust. Because I wanted to believe the best of him. The fact that he had so easily been able to look me in the eye and lie disturbed me a great deal.
I wanted to talk to Samantha about all this, but there was no way in the world I was going to tell anyone what Luke was mixed up in. That in itself would be a betrayal. If I talked to anyone, it would be to the police. But did I want to? Absolutely not! Not only because I cared for Luke, but also because I didn't want my father dragged into it. Anything that connected Luke with anybody else would be looked into, and that went for his associations, regardless of how superficial or how deep, with my father.
Maybe I needed to call my father, talk to him about all this, and find out what the hell was going on and what he knew about it, if anything. Still, I didn't want him dragged into this any more than he already had been. I didn't want to hear an "I told you so." I still hadn't received any text messages, emails, or phone calls from him following his ultimatum to Luke. Why? At the same time, why was I so hesitant to call him? Communication was a two-way street; I knew that. But still, didn't my father owe me an explanation? Didn't he want me to know the reason he didn't want me dating Luke?
I had fallen asleep on my bed without even changing my clothes. I woke in the middle of the night, climbed off my bed, and gone to the bathroom. Then I had peeled my clothes off, yanked on my oversized T-shirt on, and climbed between the sheets. Lying there, recalling everything, I had cried myself to sleep. I called myself every name in the book, and I deserved every single one of them. I was so stupid. I should've listened to Samantha in the first place. Of course, she had no idea what was going on, but perhaps I should've seen the signs.
From the very first day I met him, Luke had seemed uncertain, as if not quite sure he knew what he was doing. I had perceived a lack of confidence in him, and yet I hadn't questioned anything. Then again, why would I have? I wasn’t his bookkeeper. It was his money. I was his maid! But the minute we had met, that employer/employee relationship had morphed into a personal one.
When I woke up in the morning, I lay in bed for several moments, staring up at the ceiling. The sunlight was bright, refreshing, and lifted my spirits. Then, memories of what happened yesterday crashed down around me and once again, I felt disappointment, discouragement, and yes, even despair. I didn't know what to do. After my initial purging of grief and heartache, I began to grow angry.
Where did this leave me? Not only morally, but ethically? I knew now what Luke had been up t
o, but as of yet, I had not reported it. Would that make me as culpable as he? What would my father think? I wondered once again if I should call and talk to him about it, and then decided that I wasn't ready.
First, I had to get a handle on my emotions regarding Luke. I needed to separate my emotional feelings for him from his business dealings. The plain truth of the matter was that I believed I was falling in love with Luke. At the same time, I didn't approve of the way he was going about his business. How did you separate them? How could I? I lay in bed for quite some time. Normally, I would be up and dressed and getting ready for work. This morning, I felt nothing but lethargy. My limbs felt weighed down by guilt, regret, and depression. I didn't even want to get out of bed.
I fought back the tears that threatened, telling myself that I wouldn't waste any more tears over Luke Benning. I felt like I had been run through an emotional ringer, washed in a tumbling machine and then left to hang out and dry. Where would I go from here? What should I do? I was torn between a sense of loyalty to Luke and also torn between what I knew was right.
By the time nine o'clock rolled around, I finally forced myself out of bed and got dressed. I would most likely spend the day moping, but I wasn't ready to talk to anybody just yet, although I did yearn to call Samantha. I hadn't heard from her for a couple of days and figured she was busy, and she probably figured I was busy pursuing my relationship with Luke. What would she say if she knew the truth? I had a feeling I already knew.
Pulling on a pair of shorts and a T-shirt, I padded barefoot into the kitchen, the tiles cold under my feet. I prepared a pot of coffee and then stared around the kitchen, thinking I should eat something, but the thought of food just turned my stomach. I supposed the first thing I needed to do this morning was go grab a newspaper or get online and start looking for another job.
I stood at the counter, staring at the coffee pot as it bubbled and gurgled, the fresh aroma of coffee filling the kitchen. It brought a sense of familiarity, of comfort that was nevertheless fleeting. How had I allowed myself to get so entangled with Luke? We hadn't even known each other that long and yet I felt as if I was suddenly alone in the world, bereft of someone who seemed to understand me. Had it all been an act? Had he just muttered platitudes without meaning any of it?
I had just poured a mug of coffee and moved to sit down on the sofa when I heard the knock on the door. I frowned. Very rarely did I have visitors at the apartment. My heart thudded dully in my chest as I wondered if it might be Samantha. What would I say to her? Then again, what if it was my father? I wasn't ready for that. Placing the mug on the coffee table, I slowly stood and walked to the front door. Before I opened it, I peeked through the peephole.
Luke.
My heart skipped a beat and I stood in indecision. I didn't know what to do. Did I want to let him in? Listen to more of his excuses or his lies? Or should I pretend I wasn't home? I shook my head. He knew I was because my car was parked in my usual spot.
"Molly, I know you're in there. I saw you peeking through the peephole. Open the door, okay?"
I took a deep breath and fought back tears. I stood close to the door, my hands pressed against it. "I don't want to talk to you, Luke," I said.
"Can you let me in?"
I shook my head, fresh tears brimming in my eyes. Why was he doing this to me? Why was he putting me through this? "There's nothing to talk about, Luke."
"Yes, there is, Molly. Please, let me in."
I glanced once again through the peephole. He was staring off toward the neighbor’s house. I saw his expression looking drawn. He hadn't shaved this morning. He had dark circles under his eyes. Had he been awake all night? Tossing and turning? Fighting his own demons, regretting that he had lied to me? I wasn't sure, but I did gain a perverse sense of pleasure that he hadn't gotten any more rest than I had.
"Please, Molly," he said, turning once again to the door. He stared at the peephole. "I need to talk to you."
"That's all you do, Luke, talk," I said, my voice cracking with emotion. It hurt me to say such things, but they were true. How could I trust him? How could I believe anything that came out of his mouth?
Through the peephole I saw him lean toward the door and rest his forehead against it. "Molly, I know I don't deserve it, but if I could just come in and talk to you…please."
Don't ask me why, but a surge of pity swept through me. I was such a pushover. I felt sorry for him. Maybe, just maybe, I could somehow get through to him. If he wanted a relationship, he was going to have to work very hard for it. After several moments of hesitation, I slowly reached for the door and turned the deadbolt, and then unlocked the door. I opened it slowly, stepping into the narrow opening I had made.
He looked up at me, his eyes silently pleading. Dammit! Why did I feel so compelled to listen to what he had to say? I tried to harden my heart, but the expression on his face tore at my emotions. "Dammit, Luke, I don't want to hear anything you have to say. Can't you understand that?" I shook my head. "What can you possibly tell me that's going to change anything?"
He said nothing for several moments and then offered a slight shrug. "I know I don't have any right to ask, Molly, but I feel as if this is my last chance to-"
"Your last chance? It seems to me I've given you two chances already, Luke. Is it even possible for you to tell the truth? Do you have it in you?" I shook my head. "I don't mean to be this way, Luke, but I can't do this. I feel so betrayed."
He offered a short nod. "I understand, Molly-"
"Do you?" I interrupted. "Can you?"
"I'm really sorry, Molly," he said, shifting from one foot to the other. "Please, let me come in. I have something I want to talk to you about."
After hesitating for a moment or two, I finally acquiesced and stepped back, opening the door and allowing him inside. I don't know why I did, other than perhaps the expression he wore on his face. He looked like a lost little boy. I knew that I would have to take whatever he said with a grain of salt. I gestured toward the sofa. "I just made a pot of coffee. Do you want a cup?"
He nodded and then moved toward the sofa to sit down. I stepped into the kitchen, pulled another mug from the cupboard, and poured him a cup. I walked to the sofa and set the coffee mug down on the coffee table not far from mine. He sat near the edge of the couch. I sat at the other end and waited.
He reached for the coffee, took a sip, and then placed it back on the coffee table. I waited for him to say something. I wasn't going to make this easy for him. Finally, he looked at me.
"Molly, I want you back-"
My eyes widened and a disbelieving sound erupted from my throat. "You want me back? You want me back for what, Luke? Sex?" I began to grow angry. "Because as far as I'm concerned, that's all we have in common. We certainly don't have a relationship!"
"Molly, we do-"
I made a slashing motion with my hand. "No, we don't. A relationship implies commitment, honesty, trust, and communication. Unfortunately, I don't think we have any of those things." I felt the burn of tears behind my eyes and squelched the urge to cry.
"Molly, what will it take to get you to change your mind?"
I stared at him in dismay. "Are you serious?"
He nodded. "More serious than I've ever been."
I shook my head, this time in disbelief. "Luke, when have you ever been completely honest with me? Do you know how hard it is to trust someone, especially when you're rich?" I don't know where that came from, but I suppose that it was part of the reason why I had never developed strong feelings for anyone. In the back of my mind, I had always wondered if someone was attracted to me because of the fact that I was rich. With Luke, I hadn't even considered that.
"I can be, Molly, and I'm sorry. I've just-"
"You've just what, Luke?" I interrupted. "Gotten used to dealing with crooks and criminals? Lying to everyone? Including me?"
"Molly, I-"
"Don't tell me you're sorry," I said. It hurt me to the core, but I had to be fir
m with him. "Do you realize that what you're doing is not only wrong, but illegal? Not only that, but you've dragged me into it? And by association, my father? Do you have any idea how serious this is? The position you've put me in?"
"Molly, I'll do whatever I have to do to make you forgive me and come back to me-"
"To make me forgive you? You can't make me forgive you," I explained, striving for patience. "You can't make anyone forgive you, Luke. Forgiveness comes from the person who was wronged, not the other way around." I paused. "And as far as coming back to you, I'm not sure what I would be coming back to."
He seemed at a loss for words. I pressed forward. "Exactly what would I be coming back to, Luke? Like I said, you're the one that pressed for a relationship with me, and as far as I'm concerned, all we've shared is the sack and a little bit of background history. Everything else has been nothing but lies, and to be honest, I-"
"Molly, I’ll do anything to try and fix the damage I've done. Please, give me the chance to-"
I shot to my feet. "Luke, I've given you chances already, and what did you do with them? You threw them back in my face!" Tears filled my eyes and I failed to blink them back this time. They spilled over my eyelids. "I've grown fond of you, no doubt about that. I'm not denying it. But I refuse to go along with this! I refuse to be involved in criminal activities."
He nodded, as if he agreed with me.
"Molly, tell me what you want from me. Tell me what you want me to do."
I couldn't believe I was even considering it. I continued to stand, staring down at him. He looked up at me with that damned puppy dog expression. Did he really want to do right? Did he really want to turn things around? "Okay, I'll tell you what you can do, and that's just a starting point."
He nodded eagerly.
"First, you have to quit the stock exchange-"
"But that's how I make-"
"You wanted to know what you could do to win me back," I interrupted, my voice rising with frustration. "There are other ways to make money besides investing in the stock market!"