"You'll still be on tour," I say.
He shakes his head. "You're missing the point. Who wants to lock in their entire future? Where's the fun in that? Where's the thrill of the unexpected?"
The thrill of the unexpected? He doesn't get it. He has no clue about the driven, responsible girl I've been my entire life. Well, up until this summer, anyway.
But…I kind of love that he doesn't know. I can be anyone I want to with Luca. He is actually giving me the thrill of the unexpected.
"Fine," I say, smiling and deciding to live outside reality and be the girl who flirts with a rock star just for another few minutes. "If my secret's not good enough, tell me yours."
"My secret would make you blush," he says, more like a promise than a warning.
Now, I decide to be bold. "Try me."
He leans in close, his whisper caressing my ear. "If you'd say yes, I'd slam you up against that wall and show you half the things I want to do to you."
I can't breathe.
There are electric little pins dancing along my skin and my toes are trying to curl even though I'm standing and I can't breathe.
"Only half the things?" I manage, weakly.
"To show you everything would take more than one night."
"Oh." Oh.
In the back of my mind, I know I have to get a grip. But every inch of me is hungry for him. Ravenous. And he's back to tracing circles along my arm. And his mouth is curved in this tempting, tilted little smile.
"Or I could start with something a little more tame."
But there is nothing tame about this boy. "Luca, I think—"
His lips cut me off, pressing against mine.
And I let it happen.
I let him kiss me.
Just for a second, I promise myself.
Just this one time for this one second.
But one second passes and then another. And a minute later, instead of pushing him away, my hands are somehow wrapped around the back of his neck and I'm pressing against him with my body and I'm opening my mouth to let in the sweetness of his tongue. His kiss is rough, but his tongue slides smoothly between my lips and I discover his impeccable rhythm doesn't stop when he leaves the stage.
I could completely lose myself in this kiss. In the press of his hips against me. In the tug of his hands in my hair.
From somewhere deep inside, I remember I shouldn't be doing this—there are people we will hurt if we continue—and I break the kiss. "I can't."
Luca groans. "Is this honestly because of Vera? Because she's no different than any of the other girls out there in that hallway who think they love me. I told you. She doesn't know me—whatever she thinks she feels isn't real."
"She's my friend. It doesn't matter if she doesn't know you. And I told you, I'm seeing someone." Gage. Think about Gage.
"You told me he wasn't your boyfriend."
It's true. But this still feels like a betrayal. I open my mouth, but I have nothing to say.
"Come to the hotel." He captures my hand, locking his fingers through mine.
"No." Even if it wouldn't hurt Vera. Even if there was no Gage. This doesn't feel right. But…neither does the thought of leaving. "This is crazy. I shouldn't even be here."
"You can't just kiss me like that and leave," he says. "I'll never be able to sleep, thinking about it. The way you taste." He leans in until his mouth is at my ear and his voice lowers into a husky whisper. "I want to know how you taste everywhere."
The blood in my veins is replaced with hot, liquid silver and it's burning me, coursing through me, from my head down to my toes. I ache to move forward, to throw myself at Luca, into his arms. To let him taste me everywhere.
But I move a few inches further away. I need to clear my head. And…guilt is beginning to swoop in, fast and cutting. What the hell am I doing? "I have to go."
Neither of us moves. A muscle works in his jaw as though he's circling something in his mind, and finally he releases my hand. "You're torn; I get it. I can't force you to come with me—but I still have one more night to convince you. And we both know you'll think of me tonight, too."
"Have you always been this vain?"
"Maybe. But I'm also right." He turns and heads toward the door, opening it for me.
This is right. It is. I should leave. I should not stay with Luca, and I definitely shouldn't go back to the hotel with him. Even still, it's with great reluctance my legs allow me to follow him, like that sweet rush of molten silver is cooling into heavy iron.
"Hang on a sec." He blocks the doorway. He pulls his phone from his pocket, and when his call is answered, says, "Polly. Can you get the group out there? … Yes. I'll be back soon. No. No, I told you… Right. Of course I wouldn't bring it here. It's at the hotel." He shoves his phone away and smiles at me. "I want to walk you out."
"What about all the screaming?" I press my hands against my ears—I can almost hear the echoes from before still ringing in my eardrums.
He holds up a finger. "Just wait."
A moment later, the screaming starts again, though not quite as loud.
"Good girl, Polly." Luca pats the pocket where he slid his phone and tells me, "Just another moment."
"Oh." I realize what he's doing. The phone call, and what he said to Polly about getting the band out there. "Distraction tactic?"
He nods.
"Done this before, I take it."
"We all have." He shrugs like it's no big deal. "Is anyone looking?" He steps to the side to let me peek out.
The crowd's much further away now, and their backs are all turned. Shaggy auburn hair sticks out a bit above the crowd. Steve's chatting people up—and shuffling backwards, to draw them forward. Nobody's looking in our direction.
But I step out without answering him because down by the band's dressing room I see… "Vera?"
She springs away from a guy—and I recognize him as the roadie who was checking her out before, when we'd just entered the building—and wipes her mouth, her eyes wide.
"Don't tell Jared," she says as I approach.
"Who's Jared?" Luca asks, catching up from behind me. He grabs my hand and glances at me with a look that says she has a boyfriend and you're worried about kissing me?
"Your secret's safe with me," I tell her, ignoring Luca. "I'm leaving. Do you need a ride?"
"Um…" She glances at her roadie boy and then back at me. "Yes. I should come with you."
"You sure?" Luca asks her, his tone teasing. "Looks like you were enjoying getting to know my friend Jeff, here."
"You should stay," the roadie—Jeff—tells her.
Vera's eyes go even wider and fill with panic as she looks between the two guys. "Um… Um…" She turns to me, her eyes pleading.
I'm tempted to tell her to stay, to be with this guy who has to be better than Jared. But I can see her need to flee behind the confusion—and I totally understand that urge. "Let's go. Let me just grab Teagan."
"She already left," Vera says. "I told her I'd let you know. She didn't want to…interrupt."
"There wasn't anything to interrupt!" Heat floods my cheeks, and I start to head down the hall, but Luca yanks at my arm, refusing to let go of my hand.
His eyes are warm and bright with amusement. He gathers me into his chest and puts his mouth at my ear. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Yep." I don't mean to be curt, but he nips at my earlobe and all I want to do is press myself against him again.
Instead, I pull out of his grasp and hook my arm through Vera's to pull her down the hall.
I tell myself not to look back.
Obviously, I do.
But Luca's already ducked back into the band's dressing room. Jeff's the only one still staring after us. I nudge Vera, but when she turns back, he's gone, too.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
"So," I say to Vera, in the car. "Jeff."
Not that I have any right to call her out about kissing someone she's not supposed to. But I don't want to think ab
out my own situation right now. I don't want to think about Gage, though now that I'm away from Luca, my head is clearing and Gage's face, his sweet, sexy face is swimming through my mind. And a healthy dose of regret swims laps in my chest.
"Shut it," Vera says, but not maliciously. I keep silent and after the space in the car between us grows fuller and fuller of whatever we're not saying, she finally continues. "Fine. You and Teagan were having all this fun. I wanted to have some, too."
"What about Luca? I thought you loved him. I thought—"
"Oh, please. He was only talking to me to get points with you." She sighs and stares out the window. Then she swivels back toward me, her eyes wide, demanding. "Are you going to tell me nothing happened with him in his dressing room?"
Shit. "No! It didn't—I mean, it shouldn't have… That's why I left."
"I don't want to know the details." She watches lights go by outside the passenger window. "But if you're keeping away from him on my account…don't."
"I don't even like—"
"What? His music? Who cares?" Now she turns to look at me. "The attraction between the two of you is impossible to miss. Like, even in the band's dressing room. Even when Luca was talking to me and my back was to you—I felt like my skin was about to start smoking from the heat radiating between you."
"I'm sorry." I don't know what else to say.
She shrugs. "You're the match and he's the tinder. You're one quick strike away from an explosion—and I don't want to be the bucket of water to make it fizzle."
"You could never be a bucket of water, Vera." I reach across the car and squeeze her arm. She stares out her window for a long moment, obviously upset. "I'm serious. If you—"
"Jared's never going to forgive me."
"Jared?" I ask stupidly. And then relief floods through me. She's unnerved about Jared; not Luca, not me.
"If he finds out about Jeff, he won't want anything to do with me anymore."
"I won't tell him if you don't."
"Maybe I should tell him."
"Oh." I adjust my grip on the steering wheel and think about how to respond. "Do you want to end things with him?"
"No… Yes… I don't know." She blows air through her lips, exasperated. "Are you going to tell Gage?"
Regret is a sharp knife in my stomach. "I don't know…"
She doesn't press me further, but it doesn't keep my thoughts from spinning.
Luca and Gage.
They're so similar in so many ways—and so, so different at the same time.
Gage and I are not a couple. Not in a committed-to-only-each-other sense, anyway. But I think we could be. The guilt in my chest over Luca's kiss tells me there's more between Gage and me than I ever meant for there to be.
I wanted a summer of escape. Nothing too real. Nothing to make me think too hard about life. I don't think that's possible with Gage.
Luca, though… He's offering exactly what I thought I wanted. A fling. A one-night stand. Nothing serious.
But to have that, I have to give up Gage—and that's just one more thing I don't think will be possible.
Shit.
I want what I feel for Gage to come with the lack of strings that Luca offers.
I want them both.
Oh, wow. What if I could have them both?
I mean, I know I can't, but…
Yum.
Yum times a million.
Get a grip, Cassidy. Jesus.
"Why did Teagan leave?" I force my thoughts away from Gage and Luca. It's too complicated to figure out right now.
"Norris's wife showed up and—"
"Oh, God. The girl he was with was his wife? Why didn't you tell me this sooner?" Panic zips down into my stomach. "Is Teagan okay?"
"She's fine." Vera shakes her head. "I don't think it was a romance thing with Norris and Teagan. She actually left with both of them to get a late dinner."
"Oh." Well, this is interesting. "I bet she'll have so many stories to tell."
"What's her story, anyway? Is she always so mean?"
"No. Well, yes. Kind of." And I spend the rest of our ride telling her about Teagan. Her rough life with her grandparents. The way she's changed over the past few years. It feels good, getting some of this off my chest.
Then we get home and there's a note with my name on the door.
I tried calling but your phone's off. Missed you tonight. Gage.
"What are you going to do?" Vera asks, her eyes wide.
"My phone's not off…" But I grab it from my purse and, yes, it is. It's dead. "Shit."
Vera unlocks the door and I dash into my room, shoving my charger into my phone. "Come on, come on, come on."
The moment I have a single bar of battery I check my voicemail and there's one from Gage. His whiskeyed voice sounds so good, so soothing and so sexy at the same time. "Hey, Cassidy. Hope you had fun with your girls. I stopped by, but I guess you went out after the concert. Give me a call."
And I have two texts from him.
I'm here but you aren't. Should I wait?
Got a weird look from your neighbor. Heading home. See you tomorrow.
He thinks I went out with the girls after the concert. Which, I guess technically is true. I was with Teagan and Vera. For some of it. But still. He was here, waiting for me—while I was letting Luca kiss me. I hate myself.
I don't know what to say to him, but my fingers dial him anyway. I need to hear his voice again. And when he answers, I tell him to text me his address.
"I'll come to you," I say. "I need to see you."
Because it's true. Suddenly, the only thing I need is to be in Gage's arms. Vera asked what I was going to do, and this is it. I'm going to him. Of course I am.
"Should I grab some champagne? You coming to my place? This is a huge step," he teases, and then laughs in his whiskey-honeyed voice.
And I force myself to laugh, too. Otherwise I might cry.
I take a shower, needing to wash away the mistakes of my night, and then I'm on my way.
And maybe, I tell myself on the way over, maybe the silver lining in kissing Luca was that it's pushing me to commit myself more to Gage. He deserves a girl who will be with him, fully.
He deserves a girl who doesn't let anyone else kiss her.
The thought has my stomach tightening all over again.
I blast the radio and sing at the top of my lungs and refuse to let myself think anymore. All the air I use singing helps to calm the swirl of emotions in my gut and by the time I'm pulling into Gage's neighborhood, I think I've got myself under control.
He lives in a house—I don't know why this surprises me, but I guess I assumed he lived in an apartment, too. It's small and white with black shutters. Or maybe they're blue; it's hard to tell in the dim light of streetlamps. I park on the side of the road and make my way along the paved path to his front door. I take a deep breath and knock, lightly because I don't want to wake his roommate. It dawns on me that I don't know anything about his roommate, other than he was nice enough to follow Gage to Vera's apartment that first night when we were so drunk we had to take a cab.
Then Gage opens the door and I don't care about his roommate at all. Not even a little bit. Because Gage. Oh, God. Gage.
His hair is wet, hanging in his face. He's wearing black pajama bottoms and…nothing else. His smooth, toned chest is bare. The expression on his face is a little wicked and very, very hot. My heart picks up its pace. I want to kiss him.
I want to scratch my own face off for having kissed Luca.
"I'm…" I have to clear my throat. "Sorry I missed you."
He shrugs, but it's a little stiff. "You're here now."
"I don't think I could stay away if I tried." A little more truth than I meant to share, but it's out there now—and to see the tension drain from his shoulders at my words, makes sharing them worth it. Until a moment later when guilt becomes a noose around my neck and I struggle to breathe with it.
He moves aside and gestures fo
r me to come in. "Sorry about the mess."
I'm not sure I can take my eyes off of him long enough to notice the state of his house, but as I step through the doorway, everything else comes into focus. And it's perfect, really. Very comfortable; very male. Not messy, just cluttered. Folded laundry on the kitchen table. Pictures in frames crammed on hall tables and the leftover scent of pizza in the air. The telltale box is on his kitchen counter, which is where he leads me, to grab two beers from his fridge. I shake my head at his offer, though, and he puts one back.
He sees me eyeing the box. "Want a slice? It's pepperoni."
I shake my head again. Not sure my stomach can hold anything right now, the way my emotions are spinning. "I like your house." This is what a home feels like, I almost say. "Is your roommate here?"
"He's with his family at the beach for the week."
The thing to do here would be to let my lips curve in a slow, seductive smile and draw attention to the fact that it's just us two, all alone—and that I can think of lots of things I'd like to do with him, alone. And, while it's true, I kind of want to keep looking around. Seeing where he lives, seeing how he lives, unwrapping another layer to who he is—I find I want to discover it all.
I just wish I didn't have to do it all through the shadowed lens of regret. I shouldn't have gone backstage. I shouldn't have let Luca touch me. I shouldn't have done anything I've done all night.
I make my way into his living room, pointing to one of the picture frames on the console table behind his couch. A younger girl smiles back at me, all blue eyed and chestnut haired. She looks a bit like my college roommate, Quinn.
"Is this your sister?" Then I remember his mom married her dad. "Stepsister, I mean?"
He breaks into an easy smile. "Katy. My pain in the ass sister. Yes."
"Pain in the ass, huh?"
"She used me as an excuse to go out with friends all night," he says, pausing to sip his beer. "But neglected to tell me. My step-dad called tonight and I had to scramble to cover for her."
"Ha! I used to do that for…" Jason. I don't say his name, but Gage knows who I'm thinking of and pulls me into his chest, kissing the top of my head. I rest against him for a few moments, soaking in his minty scent, composing myself.
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