How to Pick Up Women with a Drunk Space Ninja

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How to Pick Up Women with a Drunk Space Ninja Page 19

by Jay Key


  “I was kinda expecting some guards,” remarked Duke. “Wouldn’t the Northerners want to prevent y’all from gaining access to their home?”

  “They don’t feel it’s necessary,” replied Lo’n.

  “That bad, huh?”

  “Unfortunately. They don’t think we would risk trying to make it through the swamps and whatever else might be there.”

  “What about those guys gettin’ out? Maybe they could go terrorize some priests and help us out.”

  “That would not be a good thing, Duke. You don’t want these guys out of the swamps. But, luckily, they won’t.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “They are part of the swamp. It’s their home and they won’t venture far from it.”

  “How can you be certain?” asked Duke.

  “Yeah, how can you be sure?” echoed Ty’n.

  “Once we get inside the wall, you will see. There are hundreds of these beings—maybe thousands—and they only live in the swamp. They haven’t even moved out to other areas around it. Their homes—if you want to call them that—blend into the muck; they are truly one with their ecosystem.”

  “I hope we don’t have to see—but I get your point,” Duke replied. “And the swamp runs all the way to the northern wall?”

  “It’s concentrated near the wall. In fact, we probably won’t even smell the swamp until the end of our first day.”

  “How far is the walk?”

  “Walk? Duke, we will be going a bit faster than a walk.”

  “How far is the jog?”

  “We should cover the majority of the land bridge in a full day. I think we should camp near the temple—which, I hope, will spook the swampfolk. When daylight hits, we will go as fast as we can until we hit the exit. Even though the cannibals won’t be out during the day, the terrain is tough. Other creatures lurk there—and the path won’t be as easy as what we’ve experienced thus far.”

  “Kinda figured that,” smirked Duke.

  “Any more questions?” Lo’n asked the group.

  “Are you sure you’ll know the way to the hidden temple?” inquired Ma’n.

  “Yes. When He’j and I crossed, we marked a path—I’m hoping the markers remain. If not, as long as we get to the swamp, we can follow it to the wall.”

  “My man, Lo’n! We’re lucky to have run into you!” Duke extended his arm to give Lo’n a high five; Lo’n did not reciprocate the gesture. Duke assumed the Neprian didn't know what a high five was.

  “Wish we could say the same about you, off-worlder,” grumbled Po’l.

  “Guys, let’s get focused,” said Ja’a. “This is going to be a perilous journey. Let’s do everything in our power to avoid these creatures and get through the swampland intact.”

  “So, how do we get... in?” asked the Nova Texan.

  “Open the door, moron,” heckled Po’l.

  Duke walked over to the archway and gave the door a firm push. It slowly creaked open.

  “Don’t even bother locking it, huh?”

  “It was sealed from the outside—on both ends—until He’j and Togg excavated and discovered these doors,” explained Lo’n. “And since securing the walls isn’t high on Orbius’ to-do list, they just remain unlocked.”

  What’s with this planet and not locking doors?

  The road that led to the archway stopped abruptly on the other side. For as far as the eye could see, a maze of branches dominated the landscape. Twisted, tangled, intertwined—the work of a hundred cycles worth of unimpeded growth. This is an old forest, thought Duke. No intuitive paths could be identified—it was just wooden chaos.

  “How do we, um, get through this mess, Lo’n?”

  “By enduring a lot of scrapes and scratches, my off-world friend.”

  “Great. What about—”

  Ishiro’shea jumped to the front of the line and hacked away with his katana. Branches fell with far less noise than one would expect. He slashed and cut as he marched forward.

  “One step ahead of me, little buddy.”

  “Not a bad idea,” added Lo’n. He removed his saber and joined Ishiro’shea. They hacked through the forest in unison, clearing enough space for the party members to pass through with ease.

  “Once we get out of this—which shouldn’t be much longer—we should see our first marker. From there, it’s a relatively treeless run until we get to the temple and set up camp.”

  “I’m all for that.”

  Amidst the foliage was a solitary scrap of orange cloth flickering gently in the breeze, fixed to a lonely branch jutting out from a thorny bush. Marker number one. The bounty hunter squinted and focused his sight up ahead—another dot of orange.

  “What do you think is so bad about that place?” Duke asked Ja’a, pointing at the parts of the temple that peeked out from the mangled trees.

  “I’m not sure—probably some traps so that no one else would successfully enter again. Like Lo’n said.”

  “That doesn’t make sense to me.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “If he took the Orb out, why would he waste his time placing traps until after he returned it? Why would he add obstacles for himself when he came back to seal it away again?”

  “Maybe—”

  “Maybe,” Duke interrupted, “there’s something else down in that temple.”

  “Don’t be foolish,” interjected Lo’n, who had overheard their conversation.

  “Think about it, Lo’n. There has to be something in there that He’j wanted to keep a secret.”

  “Probably, for good reason,” added Ja’a.

  “Yes, Ja’a is right. He’j only had the best interests of his people. If there is something down there, we don’t want to, nor can we afford to, encounter it.”

  “I don’t doubt that at all—but what if it’s something that can help us? Maybe He’j was being overly cautious.”

  “Like what?”

  “What if there’s another Orb?”

  The group engaged in a collective gasp. A drawn-out hush permeated the camp.

  “I don’t think that’s the case,” said Lo’n, breaking the silence.

  “But why?”

  Ja’a began, “If my father felt there was any way that a person, creature, artifact, or other thing could help the cause—he would have explored it. He certainly wouldn’t have told his most trusted friend to stay clear of it at all costs.”

  Lo’n smiled and nodded in Ja’a’s direction.

  “I think it’s worth a visit,” proclaimed the bounty hunter.

  “No!” shouted Lo’n. “Duke, when daylight hits we are going to make it through the swamp and into enemy territory. We are so close—why would you risk everything on something that can be avoided?”

  “Curiosity.”

  “Haven’t you heard that curiosity killed the humpback tyorf-gella?”

  “I can honestly say that I have not—but I get where you’re going with it, Lo’n. But what if there is something useful in there? What if—”

  “Enough. This cause isn’t going to be dictated by ‘what ifs’ and ‘maybes.’ We have a mission,” Ja’a said with conviction. “We need you and Ishiro’shea to help us—and I know you need us to get your ship back—but as mission leader, I forbid you to go into that temple.”

  Duke’s mouth hung open. She has guts, that’s for sure.

  “Isn’t it enough that this temple is providing us a shield—for whatever reason—from the beasts that lurk mere paces away?”

  “I get it—don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, right?”

  Ja’a offered only a blank stare. Probably didn’t get that one. “I don’t know, but you shouldn’t question it.”

  “If your father hadn’t been the one to issue the order, would your judgment be as ironclad?”

  “What does that mean?”

  Ishiro slapped Duke.

  “Answer me, what does that mean?”

  “Ja’a, you would do anything for this cause—so
why refuse to open a door that could help us?”

  “Because my father told us that door shouldn’t be opened—and I would trust him until the end of our planet.”

  Duke could sense her blood beginning to boil. I should back off, he thought. But Duke liked to ignore his thoughts.

  “What if your father was... mistaken? What if the end of your planet will only be prevented by what’s in that temple?”

  Ja’a stormed towards Duke, her eyes burning.

  “I’m in charge and the final command is to stay away from the temple. Got it?”

  “What if I don’t—”

  “What if you don’t follow my orders? Is that what you were going to say? You don’t have to. You’re right. We don’t control you. But good luck getting to the wall at night through the swamp. Without a team. You’d be good as dead. Or you could go back south—away from your precious ship. Have at it! Good luck!”

  Silence fell over the group again—this time even more suffocating.

  “You’re right. I’ll stop. You’re in charge. I will follow you to my death, oh fearless leader of mine,” Duke said in a snarky tone. He removed his hat and bowed.

  Ja’a turned away without responding to the bounty hunter’s demeaning gesture; she grabbed a large branch and drove it into the ground at a low angle. She started to shape a pointed tip near the end with an arrowhead.

  “Get back to work, everyone. Those that aren’t shaping pikes to give us a barrier, start working on fire pits. We only have a few more moments until the night is upon us. Our meaningless discussion ate up precious time—”

  “And if we don’t get these fires lit and pikes sharpened, we could be the ones that are ‘ate up.’”

  “Nice one, Lo’n,” Duke said as he bunched dry pieces of tree debris into a pile.

  “Duke,” Lo’n whispered, “I get it. Don’t tell Ja’a but I’ve also wondered what lies in that temple—and why he was so adamant about it. But this is not the time. If we can get off the land bridge without losing anyone—that would be amazing. He’j and I weren’t that lucky last time.”

  “What do you think is in there—honestly?”

  Lo’n paused. “Ja’a doesn’t know this about her father but he didn’t trust many. He trusted Mo’a, me, his late wife—but that’s about it. There could be something in there that’s really powerful but which he felt could complicate the situation if it fell into the wrong hands.”

  “So maybe another Orb? Or a counter-Orb?”

  “Possibly. I think if it was an indestructible creature that was to be left undisturbed—he would have told us. I think if it was a set of traps—”

  “Which is what you originally said,” interrupted Duke.

  “Yes, if it was a set of traps, He’j probably would have told us. So, the fact that he wasn’t open about it—even with his trust issues—leads me to believe it could be something more complex.”

  “Something that if not discussed in the proper context could be misconstrued or manipulated.”

  “Exactly.”

  “Like another Orb!”

  “Well—”

  “Well, I guess it doesn’t matter. I’m not going to betray Ja’a.”

  “You must really like her, Duke.”

  “She’s not too shabby. For a Neprian,” said Duke. “And I do respect her. Anyways, I appreciated the chat, Lo’n.”

  “Who has first watch?” shouted Ja’a as she drove another pike into the ground. Duke and Lo’n exchanged looks, ending their clandestine conversation.

  “We do!” Duke replied, raising his hand.

  “I’m not so sure that's the best idea.”

  “You don’t trust Ishiro’shea and I? When have we ever broken your trust?”

  “True,” Ja’a answered. “But—”

  “I'll take the first watch with them,” interjected Po’l. “They won’t do anything stupid on my watch. Nothing more than usual, at least.”

  “I can live with that,” replied the rebel leader.

  “I’m a bit offended,” returned Duke directly to Ja’a. “After all we’ve been through.”

  The commanding Neprian paid no attention to the bounty hunter's comment.

  “Now let’s finish our camp and hope we have an easy night ahead of us.”

  The dozen or so mounds of crackling fire provided ample illumination; Duke would be able to spot an encroaching swamp cannibal from a decent range. They won’t get to fifty paces from the camp before I could pick ‘em off, he thought to himself.

  The night was silent—as was the swamp. No moans. No groans. No growls. Nothing resembling grotesque man-eating swamp creatures seemed to be lurking about, waiting to pounce on the sleeping Neprians. He shifted his legs and backside upon his rock seat and tipped up the brim of his hat. He twirled his sidearm by the trigger guard.

  “So, looks like we might make it outta here without running into those flesh-gobblers.”

  “It’s still early, off-worlder,” replied Po’l. “I think you should probably be more on guard, like your talkative friend.”

  Ishiro’shea had his katana unsheathed as he crouched behind a row of pikes.

  “He’s somewhat of a worry wart.”

  “You aren’t worried at all?”

  “Nah, I think we’ll be alright. With me, Ishiro, Ol’ Betsy, Lo’n, and this guy here,” Duke said, twirling his laser revolver with even more pizzazz, “we can take care of anything.”

  “You know there are a few more of us here, too.”

  “Yeah, we’ll be fine despite that.”

  To Duke’s surprise, Po’l chuckled. Has he finally snapped?

  “You know what—that was a solid joke. I’ll give the devil his due.”

  Po’l extended his hand and Duke reluctantly shook it.

  “How much longer do we have in this shift, you think?” asked the Nova Texan, not expecting an answer. He stood up and walked around the perimeter.

  “Everything okay?”

  “Outside of losing the battle to boredom, I’m just peachy. It’s been a weird day.”

  “Because Ja’a got pretty annoyed at you? That was quite amusing. She made you look like a scolded child. Actually, Uu’k would’ve put up more of a fight than you,” Po’l said with a grin.

  “Hey, watch it. That’s big talk coming from a guy that got beat up by an inanimate object.”

  “Not my brightest moment.”

  “I hope not.”

  “But back to today,” Po’l said in a more serious tone, and at a lower decibel level. “Do you really think there’s something in the temple?”

  “No need to start it up again. I’m done talking about that. I said my piece and Ja’a—”

  “Shut you up.”

  “Kinda. She was furious.”

  “Seriously, do you think there’s something in there?”

  “No... yeah... yes, probably... maybe... I don’t know.”

  “Was that a yes or a no?”

  “Honestly?”

  “Yes, honestly.”

  “I can’t believe I’m telling you, of all people, this—but I do think it’s a little strange about how cryptic Ja’a’s dad was about the whole ‘Don’t go in there no matter what’ mumbo jumbo. If it was that bad, wouldn’t you tell someone so they would definitely know to avoid it? I would. So yeah, if you twisted my arm, I think there’s something in there.”

  “I see.”

  “But no matter what it is, it’s not worth angering Ja’a again.”

  “I agree with you.”

  Duke sat back down and leaned over until his nose was almost touching Po’l’s.

  “Say what?”

  “I agree with you. I think there’s something powerful and dangerous and potentially useful in that temple. I bet it’s the same reason the cannibals don’t go near it.”

  “You agree with me?”

  “I don’t know if there’s another Orb as you suspect—but a system of booby traps doesn’t seem like something that would keep a
way flesh-craving sub-Neprians for ages.”

  “Exactly, right?” exclaimed Duke. “The story doesn’t jive.”

  It was as if Duke’s past quarrels with Po’l were distant memories; he spoke in a voice befitting a lifelong friendship.

  “Not at all,” Po’l concurred.

  A moment later, the bounty hunter spasmed as he caught himself in his own excitement—his body unconsciously rejecting Po’l’s agreeable tones.

  “Nope. Never mind. Not going to do it.”

  “What if—”

  “Stop, don’t want to hear it. Not gonna do it. No way.”

  Ishiro’shea must have overheard, which was hardly surprising given the quietness of their watch. He walked over and glared at his longtime friend. He must know when I’m about to do something stupid, thought Duke.

  “Hear me out, Duke,” Po’l pleaded. “Everyone here is asleep. We can all make a quick dash in and take a look around. If there’s something in there, we can take it—or leave it—”

  “Or kill it.”

  The bounty hunter started to squirm; he wanted to side with Po’l. Why is this so difficult?

  “We do have to chance the fact that there aren’t any traps—at least traps that we can’t overcome,” Po'l continued. “But I’m willing to risk it. If there’s something that can help us out against Orbius, I’m willing to die for it. I know it’s against Ja’a’s wishes, but it’s worth the sacrifice. Lo’n is in agreement as well. He told me.”

  Ishiro’shea was shaking his head and pointing at the sleeping rebels.

  “Oh yeah, good call, Ishiro. Who’s gonna stand guard in case we get attacked by the children of the oozy lagoon?”

  “I didn’t think of that,” Po’l said. “I’m definitely going in—how about Ishiro’shea?”

  “Not exactly the best alarm system if something did happen. Also, if we go missing, it might be more difficult for him to explain where we went than one of us.”

  “Good point. Do you want to stay?”

  “I can’t. If there is something in there, Betsy will want to greet ‘em. And you aren’t... well... qualified to handle her.”

  “Fair point. Never mind then. There’s no way I’m not going. I have to find out what’s down there.”

 

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