“He was your son’s pony? I’ll understand if you don’t want Davey on him, again,” he assured her, though right now he wasn’t sure how he would be able to talk his son off the pony.
“It’s fine,” she said as she looked back over at him. “I mean it. Let’s get this tack up and I’ll show you the proper way to brush out a horse.” A small smile crossed her lips, but it didn’t reach her eyes.
They worked in silence till they were joined by Davey and Jack.
“That was the best!” said Davey as he led the small pony inside with Jack walking beside him. “And Mr. Jack says I can take him back to the house and tackle him.”
“I think he meant that you could put up his tack—that’s the saddle and reins, like me and your dad are doing here,” Sarah said as the three adults laughed at his son’s expression. This time he was relieved to see that her smile touched her eyes.
“Okay. He said I could do that tack thing and then we’re going to eat some beans like the cowboys used to do,” Davey said, then smiled at Jack. David had never gotten that reaction from his son when he’d tried to get him to eat his beans.
“I said we’d have to ask your dad, Davey,” Jack said as he rubbed the top of Davey’s head affectionately.
“Ah...” David looked at Sarah, obviously not sure how she would feel having the two of them suddenly to dinner.
“That sounds like an excellent plan,” she said as she took the pony’s lead in one hand and his son’s hand in the other and started down the road that led to the house.
* * *
That night Sarah was unable to sleep, struggling with the knowledge that she hadn’t taken her chance to tell David about her suspicions. That Davey had been given her son’s donated heart the night she had seen him in the waiting room. She’d had the perfect moment when they had been alone on the horses, but then David had brought up the subject of his ex-wife and she couldn’t deny that she was curious about what had happened between the two of them. Once again, he had shared more of himself than she had. It only made the guilt of keeping everything from him worse.
When Jack had invited the two back to the house for dinner, she had felt herself being drawn in even more by the charming little boy. And then there had been the question that always ate at her when she was around the little boy.
Does some part of my Cody still live on in you?
She found herself wanting to hug the little boy to her and to rest her head on his chest just to listen to the beating of his heart.
She knew she should have come clean with David the first time she had met him and realized who he was.
But she hadn’t been ready to deal with the possibility herself. Only now that she had waited till she was ready, she was afraid that David would be angry with her for not sharing this earlier.
She’d finally fallen asleep after she had come to the decision to share what she knew with David as soon as possible and let him decide if he wanted to learn the truth. Only when she awoke the old doubts were back. What if David didn’t want to know his son’s donor family? There was a reason why Organ Procurement didn’t allow them to communicate unless both parties were in agreement. And what if he decided not to bring Davey to the ranch anymore? She hadn’t seen Jack enjoy himself as much as he did with Davey after his son and grandson had been killed, and Jack didn’t even know yet about the circumstances of Davey’s heart transplant.
Arriving at the hospital early, she wanted to spend some time with Lindsey before she started her regular rounds. She’d gotten a message from the cardiopulmonary perfusionist that they had decreased the sedation that morning and that Lindsey was responsive. Entering the room, she was overwhelmed by the amount of machinery that was keeping such a little girl alive. A cacophony of beeps, clicks and occasionally a high-pitched alarm greeted her. In among all the machines she was surprised to see Hannah sitting in a small chair at the side of the bed asleep with her head resting next to her daughter. Trying not to wake her, Sarah spoke quietly to one of the nurses that was assigned to keep all the machines working properly as another nurse continually monitored Lindsey.
“How is she?” she asked Jose, who sat the farthest away from the sleeping mom.
“She’s holding on. She got too anxious when she saw her mom so we had to increase the sedation again,” he said.
Sarah left the room and headed for the doctors’ workroom where hopefully someone had started a large pot of coffee. She’d need the caffeine. Sleepless nights were not something that she could afford to have when she was dealing with critically ill patients and their families. The doctors she worked with depended on her to keep her eyes and ears open for anything that could go wrong with their patients and right then her eyes were not cooperating.
She’d finished her second cup and had reviewed several of her patients’ new lab work by the time David and Dr. Benton showed up.
“We just left Lindsey,” David said as he poured himself a cup.
“I just checked this morning’s X-rays and there is some improvement,” she said as she pulled them up on her computer. David bent over her as they both reviewed the newest film that showed a small amount of improvement in her lungs. As he reached around her to point at a whited-out part on her right lung, Sarah found herself tensing as the warm heat of his body surrounded her.
At once she was overcome with a desire to curl up inside the arms that encased her. The need to be held and loved filled her body making it difficult to breathe, to think. Surprised by the deep longing that almost had her turning into David’s arms, she pushed away from the desk forcing him to step back away from her.
What was wrong with her? It wasn’t like the man had been making a pass at her. Thankfully he hadn’t seemed to notice her reaction to his closeness. It had to be the guilt of holding back the information about her son that was making her feel so uncomfortable around him. That was it. All she had to do was have a conversation with him and all these uncomfortable feelings would go away.
“David, if you have a minute—” she looked over to where Dr. Benton was working on his own computer “—I need to talk to you.”
“We’ve got a few minutes before we head back to surgery,” he said as he took the seat beside her. “What’s wrong? Is there something else about Lindsey?”
“No, it doesn’t have anything to do with work. It’s something else I need to tell you,” she looked back over at Dr. Benton hoping that he would take the hint that she didn’t want to talk in front of the other MD. David’s eyes followed hers and then he seemed to understand.
“If it’s about Davey and the pony, you don’t need to worry about it. You know how children are, he’ll have forgotten about him in a day or two. Next time we’re at the ranch he’ll fall in love with another animal,” he said. “Actually I wanted to talk to you. Dr. Benton has offered to let me take his place at the UNOS conference in Dallas this weekend so I’m going to have to cancel my next lesson.”
David was going to the conference instead of Dr. Benton? That meant that they’d be there together. “I’d meant to cancel the lesson myself as I’m going to be out of town at the conference too.”
“I’m sorry, Sarah,” Dr. Benton said from behind her. “I meant to tell you I was going to have to cancel. The wife is insistent that I stay in town till the next grandchild is born, though between the three of us I’d much rather be at the conference. I hate all that waiting in the waiting rooms. It seemed a shame to waste the registration fee and it’s a great chance for David to meet some of the board members.”
“What about Davey?” she asked. She was torn between hoping that she would finally have a good opportunity to talk to David about her son and concerned about being alone with the man after the way her body had just reacted to his.
“His nanny has agreed to stay over. Ms. Duggar’s a retired nurse and is great with him. I’ll have all his medications ready for her with
a timer set and I can be back in an hour by plane if I need to be,” David said as he raised one of his hands toward the back of his neck.
“I’m sure he’ll be fine,” she said. It had to be hard to leave his son alone in a new city, especially after all that Davey had been through and how protective he was of his son. Though she should probably do Ms. Duggar a favor and have a talk with David, she knew by watching him with Davey and Jack at the ranch that he could be a little overprotective.
“So it’s settled,” Dr. Benton said as he started back toward the door. “It’s a very informative conference and the two of you will have a great time.”
“Oh, wait,” David said. “You said you wanted to talk to me. What’s up?”
“It’s nothing that can’t wait till later,” she said. It had waited this long, after all.
“How about we share a ride? I know you had been planning on riding with Dr. Benton to Dallas. We can talk then,” David said.
“Sure,” she said, then watched as the two men headed back to the surgical department. For the first time that day she felt as if she was free to relax. She’d been given a reprieve from having to come clean with David, at least for a few days. She would clear the air between them. She’d come clean about the night that she had seen him in the waiting room and her son’s donation. By the time they returned from Dallas everything would be settled as far as whether they wanted to find out about their donor and recipient relationship or not and she’d be able to move on from there. There would be no more of these pangs of guilt or the butterflies when she was around David. They would be able to return to the comfortable friendship that they had enjoyed earlier.
CHAPTER FIVE
BY THE TIME the two of them had set out for Dallas, David and Sarah both had put in a full day at the hospital. Lindsey had improved to the point that some of the sedation was being weaned down and her lungs had improved enough that Dr. Benton had called a meeting of the whole transplant team from the social worker to the cardiologist so that they could all work together to make a case on why Lindsey needed to be moved to the top of the transplant list at this time.
It had fascinated him to see all the parts of the team work together. It reminded him that it had once been his son’s case that had been discussed at length while he waited for the outcome. What if they hadn’t agreed to ask to move Davey up on the transplant list? It had been a miracle that a heart had become available when it did.
“He’ll be okay,” Sarah said from the passenger seat next to him.
“It shows, huh?” David said as he rubbed at the back of his neck.
“A bit,” she said with a mysterious laugh.
“What’s so funny?” he asked. Did she find the fact that he was worried about his son funny? He sure didn’t think so. “It’s the first time we’ve been separated like this.”
He opened his mouth to say something about her not understanding, and then stopped. He had no idea what had happened to her son and husband. If he had learned anything in the few years that he had worked in the medical field, he had learned to appreciate the fact that there was always someone out there who was going through more than you. He had no right to assume that his path with his son had been harder than the path she had taken with hers. He still had Davey but her son was lost to her forever.
“You don’t realize, do you?” she asked.
“Okay, tell me. What is it?” he asked. He couldn’t help but smile at the playfulness in her voice.
“I don’t think I should,” she said. “It would just make it worse if you knew you were doing it.”
“Doing what?” he asked. He wasn’t doing anything except driving. He looked over at Sarah where she sat curled up in the seat next to him looking more relaxed than she had all week.
“It’s just that you have this telling sign when you’re worried. Hasn’t anyone ever told you?” she asked.
What was she talking about? He looked back from the road to her. “You’re kidding right?” he asked as he returned his eyes to the road. Traffic on I-45 was beginning to get heavy.
“No. I can’t believe no one’s ever told you. I would have thought at least your wife—I mean ex-wife—would have mentioned it,” she said.
“Lisa? She had a tendency to be more wrapped up in herself,” he said.
“I’m curious. Where did you meet her?”
“I met Lisa in medical school at Tulane, a year before I was supposed to graduate,” he said. He rubbed the back of his neck again then turned toward Sarah to see her lips curve up into a smile. What was with the woman today?
“But you said she wasn’t clinical,” Sarah said.
“She was an art history major, with a couple minors I can’t remember now, but no she didn’t want anything to do with the medical field,” he said. “She was smart and pretty and before I knew it was happening we were moving in together.”
He remembered that first day when they’d moved into one of the small shotgun houses in the not-quite-respectable part of New Orleans. While not happy with the location, Lisa had been thrilled with the architectural details of the old house.
“It wasn’t till later that I realized I had given Lisa the wrong idea about my situation.” He’d never dreamed that she had assumed that he had a well-off family bankrolling him through college just because he drove a vintage sports car that he and his dad had fixed up. “It’s silly really. I should have seen the signs, but I guess no one wants to think that someone is only interested in their bank account. By the time she figured out that the only thing I was going to have when I finished school was several hundred thousand dollars of tuition debt, she was pregnant with Davey.”
“I’m sorry. You must have felt hurt,” Sarah said.
The sun had begun to set and the shadows were beginning to fill the car as they drove in silence for a few minutes.
“I don’t remember to be honest. I was so busy with school and getting my residency set up that I really didn’t have the time to feel much of anything. By the time Davey was born I was deep in my last year of medical school.” His whole life had revolved around his education until Davey.
“By the time we discovered that something was wrong with Davey, our marriage was already a mess. Lisa made it clear from the beginning that she wasn’t willing to wait around until I got established to have all the things she wanted. She had a certain lifestyle planned for herself and I don’t think me and Davey had a place in it. I came home one day to find her packing, with a woman I had never met in the house taking care of Davey. He’d had his first operation by then and we had him on a strict schedule with his medication. I couldn’t believe that she was just going to leave him. I mean what kind of mother does that?” He didn’t give Sarah a chance to respond. What was there really for her to say that he hadn’t already said himself?
“It seemed that while our son was recovering from cardiac surgery, his mother had been job hunting via the internet and had taken up an online relationship with a very well-off art gallery owner. So while I’d been at work, thinking that she was taking care of our son, she’d been planning a new life with a French guy named Marchard. He had the status and money that Lisa wanted and that was all that was important to her. A month later the divorce papers showed up. She didn’t even file for visitation rights with Davey.”
The car was quiet when he finished. Filled with his anger for the way Lisa had treated their son. It had been years since she had left them. How long was he going to let it affect him?
“I don’t want you to think that I resent raising Davey by myself,” he said. “I don’t.”
“I’d never think that. The way you’ve managed to care for Davey is amazing. It’s plain to see how much you love that little boy,” Sarah said. “What will you do if she comes back and wants Davey?” asked Sarah.
“I’ll never let that happen. I promised Davey when he was waiting for a heart that
it would always be just the two of us together. I’d never let someone break us up.”
He had done all the talking and now Sarah knew all of his past. Maybe she would be ready to share some of her past with him. “What about you? Where did you meet your husband?” he asked.
“The rodeo community isn’t as large as you would think. It seems as if we had known each other forever. We started dating in high school and were married before we graduated from college,” she said. Only the interior lights lit the car now, but he could see that she hadn’t turned away from him as she had at other times when she’d discussed her family.
“So it was a good marriage?” he asked, surprised by the small tinge of jealousy that filled him.
“It was a very good marriage,” she said. “We both had goals for our careers and of course we both loved horses. By the time we were married we had become best friends.”
“I’m glad. I know you didn’t have a lot of time together, but at least it was good.” He knew he had gone too far when she moved farther to the other side of her seat and then she surprised him.
“Would you ever consider getting married again?” she asked.
“I don’t know. I really don’t think much about it. Right now my first priority is Davey. I have to put him before everything. What about you?”
“No,” Sarah answered as they arrived at the convention hotel. Somehow the answer didn’t surprise him. Sarah was willing to give everything of herself to the people she cared for but it seemed to him that she didn’t ask much for herself.
“Don’t think that I’ve forgotten that you still haven’t answered my question about what this telling sign I have is when I’m worried,” he said, changing the subject, as he opened his car door.
As the valet opened the door for Sarah, she reached over and rubbed her hand up the back of his neck, the motion taking his breath away as she moved even closer, till all he could see was the smile on her all too kissable lips.
Sarah and the Single Dad Page 7