Baby Did a Bad Bad Thing (Hautboy Series Book 3)

by Anne Berkeley

  “Has he gone outdoors before?”

  “I don’t think so. He was in diapers while we were on tour. Tate’s made it his mission to teach him the finer points of being a man.” Jake couched down, disappearing behind the bushes. A second later, he stood again. “Aim right there, kid. Alright?”

  “On da bush?”

  “That’s the idea.” Levy giggled. Jake smiled down at him and then glanced in my direction, his blue-gray eyes picking at my resolve and threatening me with hope. Fuck hope. When it came to relationships, it made you a weak bitch. Jake and I had no future.

  “I’m trying to make amends here, Shaw.”

  “You’ve nothing to apologize for, and please don’t call me that.”

  “Shaw?”

  “Yes.”

  “Levy calls you Purple and Carter calls you Violet.”

  “That’s different. Levy’s three and Carter does it to annoy me.”

  “And why do I call you Shaw?”

  “It’s informal.”

  “So you’d like me to call you Paisley because it’s more personal.”

  Damn. “No, not now that you’ve said that.”

  “How should I address you, then?”

  “Why do you have to address me at all?” I countered, losing my patience. “It’s been a month, and it hasn’t been an issue until now.”

  “Because I’m trying to fix that.”

  “Don’t.” It came out sharper than intended. “I’m sorry. Just…don’t. You’re making everything awkward and uncomfortable again. It’s like picking scabs. If you leave them alone, in time they’ll heal.”

  “You’re comparing me to a scab?”

  “I’m comparing the aftermath of sex with you to a scab.” Jake made a choking sound. I think it was a snort. “Working with Henry would’ve been less complicated.”

  “What the hell did Henry do that I didn’t?”

  Henry didn’t make me feel half the emotions Jake did, but I refused to tell Jake that. I didn’t want to inflate his big head any more than it already was. Nor was I about to bare my soul to him again. That much, I’d learned. “It’s not what Henry did; it’s what he didn’t.”

  Folding his arms across his chest, Jake stared silently.

  “Levy?” I called, moving on, “Did you pee-pee? You ready to go in the pool?” I wanted this excursion done and over with. Jake had me cornered. I had no doubt he knew that.

  “No.”

  “He didn’t go,” Jake clarified. “Not even a little.” His tone was short. He was annoyed. At me, not Levy. “I don’t think he has to go.”

  “Try peeing with him. Kids learn from example.”

  “No.” Frowning, Jake shook his head. “No way.”

  “Why?”

  “Because he stares.”

  “You know that from experience?”

  “Yes.”

  “Should I even ask?”

  Cupping the back of his neck, he rubbed away his annoyance. “Coop was getting her tattoo done, and Tate stuck Carter and me with the kid. We had to use the john. It wasn’t like we could leave him outside.”

  “So what did he do?”

  “Sat forward in his stroller-thingy and stared for all it was worth. Then he pointed his finger and said, ‘Yew haiwy. Yucky!’”

  Despite my mood, I burst out laughing. “What did you do?”

  “I told him to quit staring and I turned away before he could comment on my piercing. It was bad enough Carter couldn’t watch his mouth. The last thing I needed was Coop holding a grudge because I taught the kid what a Prince Albert was.”

  “What did Carter say?”

  “He gave him a little lesson on bathroom etiquette, and how staring at another guy’s junk was going to get his butt kicked someday. I don’t think he understood a word except c-o-c-k.”

  “Oh God, Coop must’ve had a cow.”

  “She did, but it was kind of hard to take her seriously with her lisp. She’d just had her tongue pierced.”

  “I thought she was having a tattoo done.”

  “Both.” Jake lifted his shoulders. “I guess she was making up for lost time.” Crouching down, he disappeared behind the bushes again. “Come on, kid. If you haven’t gone by now, you’re not going to.”

  A moment later, Levy came tearing around the row of bushes and headed for the pool. “Hold on, Speedy. I need to put your other floaty on.” He paused long enough for this small allowance. The moment the second float was hugging his bicep; he began descending the stairs.

  Once the water reached his chest, he searched around with his toes for the bottom, quickly realizing the pool was deeper than he was tall. His enthusiasm slowly seeped away.

  “Do you want my help?” I asked, sitting along the edge of the pool. I dropped my robe from my shoulders just in case I needed to jump in after him. Though, he wasn’t letting go of the railing anytime soon.

  “No.” Of course not. “I do it.”

  “Aren’t you going in?” Jake inquired.

  “When he’s ready. He’ll do it in his own time.”

  “Looks like he got over the cold dialysis.”

  “Cold diuresis. Dialysis is a treatment for kidney failure. And you can’t overcome a full bladder. I think he peed in the pool.” Hence the dubious glance at the water before heading for the bushes. It hadn’t gone unnoticed.

  Jake stared apprehensively—it was no secret I wasn’t thrilled about chlorinated swimming pools and would use any excuse not to go in—and glanced at Levy. “Dude, did you pee-pee in the pool?”

  At Jake’s question, Levy raised his finger to his mouth and began nibbling his nail. “I dunno.” Guilty. It was a sure sign. I’d learned Levy’s tells in a short amount of time.

  For this reason, my mother preferred sprinklers over kiddy pools. Kids peed in pools. It was a given. With thirteen of us, we would’ve had one kiddy pool filled with piss.

  “Gross.”

  “Yeah,” I agreed, “but it won’t kill anybody.”

  “Is that why you’re not getting in?”

  “I’ve come in contact with more types of bodily fluid than you could count on both hands. Five ounces of urine diluted by twenty-five thousand gallons of chlorinated water isn’t going to worry me.”

  “I love when you talk medicine.”

  “Shut up.” It might not be the most glorious profession, but it was mine. I didn’t need to be mocked by some womanizing musician who made millions playing the keyboard.

  “I do!” Placing his hand over his heart, he gave me what was supposed to be his most genuine expression. Too bad I knew it for what it was; bullshit. He was talking up some blonde just a week ago. No, I hadn’t forgotten. “In fact, I want to hear more about diuresis.”

  “You have a phone. Look it up on the internet.” Sliding from the edge, I plunged under the water. Out of habit, I tried to push the hair from my face. Luckily, it was still trapped safely under my swim cap where it belonged.

  Watching Levy’s legs turn to face me, I reached out and grabbed his toes. Though muffled by the water, I could hear his shrill scream. His foot jerked from my grasp. In a squall of bubbles, he scrambled up the stairs and climbed out of the pool. Suppressing my laughter, I surfaced to find Levy bouncing in place, still squealing in fright.

  “Yew no get me, Puh-pul!”

  “Guess you’re too fast for me,” I agreed. “Are you sure I can't have a few of your toes? You have ten of them.”

  “No! My toes!”

  “Sharing is caring, kiddo.”

  “No!”

  “No chocolate milk and no toes. I'm making a list, you know. I’m going to tell your mama you’re not sharing.”

  “Yew. Aw. Mean!” He annunciated each word with vehemence.

  “Nah ah.”

  “Uh huh.”

  “Nah ah.”

  From the edge of the pool, Jake snorted. I scowled up at him and then quickly looked away. Maybe if I ignored him, he’d go away. Every second he was around, my bo
dy thrummed with unwarranted anticipation. My traitor brain was sending it the wrong signals.

  “Why’re you ignoring me?” he inquired, seeing through my ploy. “Why’re you so angry?”

  “I’m not. I just don’t know why you want to be all buddy-buddy all the sudden. Did Tate set you up to that too?”

  Jake’s nostrils flared. Reaching down, he grasped the hem of his shirt and lifted it over his head. My impulsive side screamed like his personal groupie, clapping her hands with joy. My rational half took a step back, knowing this was a negative development in our truce.

  The contents of his pockets joined his shirt on the ground. A second later, he kicked off his shoes. By the time he dove into the water, I had backed halfway across the pool. My toes were resting along the precipice of the deep end. I kicked off and swam for it.

  Unfortunately, a few short strokes and I’d reached the far end of the pool. Grasping the concrete lip, I began to pull myself up, only to be dragged down again. “Jak—!” My protest was cut off but a mouthful of water. It burned down my nose and the back of my throat.

  Clawing at the sides of the pool, I caught the edge. At the same time, Jake let me go. I broke the surface and pulled myself partially onto the ledge. Then I proceeded to choke up the water I’d inhaled. It poured out my mouth and nose, burning a trail of fire in its wake. Saliva hung from my lip. More fell from my nose. I’m sure I was the picture of beauty.

  Sad that that was my first thought.

  Fucking Jake Whalen.

  The cause of my ire thumped on my back, causing my head to jerk on my shoulders. “Jesus! Are you ok?”

  “I’d be better if you stopped hitting me,” I ground out. My voice was hoarse. I choked once more and wiped my face with the back of my hand.

  “Sorry.”

  “What do you want from me, Jake?” I asked, cutting to the chase. “What is this all about?” Letting go of the edge, I turned to face him. Despite being in the water, I found myself looking up into his eyes. Fucker. Fuck. Damn it.

  “You didn’t answer my question.”

  “So what—you decided to drown me because you didn’t have your crop at hand? I hate to tell you, but we’re not playing your…deviant little game anymore. I have every right to refuse your questions.”

  “I’m quite fucking aware of that,” he hissed quietly so that Levy wouldn’t hear. I responded in the same tone.

  “Then back the fuck off.”

  Staring down at me, his mouth curved into a smirk. “I’ve tried, Shaw. It doesn’t appear to be working out. So I’m going to try a different approach.”

  “What’re you going to kill me with kindness?” I was being sarcastic, but judging by his widening smile, I’d hit the nail on the head. “Oh, God, you’re insane! It’ll never work! There’s no rationality to it!”

  “I’m going to be like State Fucking Farm, sweetheart. Like a good neighbor, Jake will be there.”

  “You’re right. Maybe it will work. The more I’m around you, the less I like you.” His jaw flexed, revealing his annoyance. I placed my hand on his arm to break the cage they were creating, but he didn’t budge. I tried to ignore the thrill that rippled through my hand and up my arm. Christ, it went straight to my groin, stealing the breath from my lungs along the way.

  When I looked up, I met Jake’s eyes. Normally they looked blue-gray, but in the sunlight, they appeared more pewter, with flecks of silver and green. They were both impossibly frigid and hungry all at once. One little nudge from me, and he could’ve easily fallen in either direction. One kiss. One brush of my lips. One soft breath. Shame it was all an illusion.

  I bet the blonde in the photo fell for it hook, line and sinker. He liked to give the impression that you held some power over him, but he was always in control. Jake was all about control. And I had to much respect for myself to submit to him again. I wasn’t one of his pets that would spread my legs every time he cast an eye in my direction.

  I liked things the way they stood. What we had was mutually instrumental. I used him. He used me. We were square.

  Over Jake’s shoulder, I watched Carter stride down the path. Jake dropped his arms and pushed away. “Didn’t mean to break up your little pool party, but Tate was about to break his vow of abstinence now that Coop’s been given the green light. I figured I was safer with you two since the kid was out here with ya.”

  “Shane and Em?” Jake asked, ignoring Carter’s jab. “Where’re they?”

  “Left to take the dogs to the vet.”

  “Are they sick?” I asked. Twice this week, she found them sniffing around the fence in the same area as their previous smorgasbord.

  “No, but she’s convinced that they have a mineral deficiency and they’re eating their own duke.”

  “Ew, do they really do that?”

  “Yeah.” Lifting his shirt over his head, he began stripping down. He must’ve had one hell of a metabolism, because with the way he ate, he should’ve weighed twice his weight, but he was actually in good shape. Really good shape.

  However, I was more impressed with his prosthetic. He’d lost his leg in an accident when he was young. I wouldn’t have known if Em hadn’t told me the dogs had disjointed the thing and ran off with it. Carter hid his handicap well. The slight hitch in his gait came off as a swagger. Anyhow, the shin was black, carbon fiber with a laser cut scroll pattern. The calf was molded stainless steel. It was sleek, yet completely bad ass. It was more than a prosthetic; it was a work of art. He must’ve paid a fortune for the thing.

  “You want to take a picture, Shaw?” Grasping my shoulder, Jake dunked me under the water. I’d had enough of his shit. I wasn’t a pet to be disciplined. It would be one thing if he was jealous, but he was only insulted that I’d dare look at another man when I was supposed to be slavering over him. Fucking big-headed rock star. I was no fucking groupie.

  I tugged on the waist of his jeans, meaning to pull him under, but he barely budged. Neither did I when he grasped my arm and tried to extract me from behind him. Instead, I mounted his back, wrapped his arms and legs around his neck and waist. We were still tussling when Carter joined the fray, cannon-balling into the water beside us, and knocking us apart.

  “If you two are so intent on battling it out, why not get a room.” Slurping a mouthful of water from the pool, he pushed it through a small gap between his front teeth and squirted me in the face.

  “Do you always have to be so gross?” I dragged my arm across my face wiping it clean. When he wasn’t stuffing his face, he was talking with his mouth full, or tossing food at someone across the table. He had absolutely no manners whatsoever.

  “It’s just pool water, sweetheart. It ain't gonna kill you.”

  “Maybe not, but I wouldn’t put it in my mouth. Levy just peed in it.”

  Disbelievingly, he rolled his eyes. “You’re funny. Haha.”

  “She’s not kidding,” Jake stated. “He peed in the pool.”

  Carter stared Jake down, searching for a sign of artifice, and then glanced at Levy in accusation. “I hope you can swim fast, kid, cause I’m gonna toss you in the deep end.”

  “Nah ah.”

  “Wanna make a bet?”

  “Don’t believe him, Levy,” said Jake with half a smile. “It’ll take a half hour just to get out of the pool. He only has one leg. He just swims in circles.”

  “Not funny. That kid has slobbered on my Slim Jim. He’s pooped on my feet. He stuck my snowballs down his pants. I risked my life for that kid, and—”

  “You didn’t really get shot,” Jake pointed out. It was the wrong thing to say. Carter was truly irritated. His eyes flashed just before he turned and began wading toward Levy.

  “Shit.” I looked at Jake. Jake looked at me. That wasn’t so quiet. I didn’t have the time to worry about his cursing, though. I lunged for Carter’s leg before he could reach Levy.

  Chapter 13

  “What’s taking you so long?” Peter called through the door yet again. �
��We’re gonna be late.”

  Placing the wand just under my upper lashes, I pressed, twirled and stroked upward, elongating them with a fresh coat of onyx mascara that claimed would make my eyes smolder. I wasn’t sure why I cared how I looked. We were only going to Trum’s to hang out. You could wear yoga pants and still blend in with the crowd. Nonetheless, there I stood in a pair of black skinny jeans, red heels and a sheer top with cut out sleeves, applying another coat of mascara for all the Joe Nobodies I had no interest in dating. Jake had made sure to ruin them for me.

  Sliding the lid back onto the mascara, I tossed it in my bag and opened the door. My eyes immediately zeroed in on the big, dark rings under Peter’s pits. “Why’re you sweating so bad?”

  “Because I always get nervous before I go on stage.” He was playing guitar for a local band. Their bass player was ill, and they asked him to fill in. I wasn’t aware he knew how to play anything other than Crossroads, let alone a few hours’ worth of songs. It was like he had this whole secret life I knew nothing about. I didn’t even know my own brother.

  “You played with Tate and Shane. You weren’t nervous then.”

  “Are you kidding? I pissed out my ass when I got home.”

  “Peter!” God. Now I remembered why I knew so little about him. Because I couldn’t take him for any length of time. He was crass and to the point, overly so.

  “Sorry, I had the runs.”

  “Stop, just…stop.”

  “The backdoor trots?”

  “No! I don’t want to know anything about your bowel movements!” Flicking the lights off, I walked out the door. My purse was on the sofa. I grabbed my license, cash and keys. I didn’t bother with a jacket. It was one thing less to carry.

  “What if I have a medical condition?” Peter asked, following me out the front door. “I could have something life threatening you might diagnose upon chance.”

  “The only medical condition you have is chronic stupidity.”

  “That’s cold, pipsqueak.”

  “You’ve been spewing bullshit for twenty-four years now. It hasn’t killed you yet.” Though, it had gotten him into a fist fight on more than one occasion.