by Riana Lucas
“But I do have someone. I have you.” She smiles lovingly at me with the pride that only a mother can have for her child. “Speaking of someone…how are things progressing between you and Reed? I have noticed the way he looks at you.”
I sit up straighter and almost spill my drink and cookies, but thankfully my reflexes are amazing, and I catch everything before it hits the ground. I look sharply up at my mother. “Really?”
“Mmm-hmm.”
Watching her closely, I carefully set my cup and saucer on the table, in hopes of preventing any further potential spills. Reed has not been a topic of discussion. I begin to grow nervous and embarrassed, unsure of what I should say or what would be acceptable. My mother has accepted him fully into our Court and into the guard, and also as my friend — but to accept him as a potential suitor is an entirely different story. Not that Reed and I have even come close to anything like that, but I know that I care for him more than as a friend, and the possibility has definitely crossed my mind. I also realize that this might be a good time to bring up the bizarre dreams and feelings that I have been experiencing.
I decide to test the waters before I bring up anything further. “So…what about the way he looks at me?”
“As if you don’t know.” She chuckles and looks over at me, then her smile deepens at my blank look. “You really don’t know, do you? Oh, young love,” she says wistfully and looks off into space for a moment, completely unaware of the effect her words have on me.
My heart begins to beat even faster, and I have to wipe my palms on my pants because they have become so sweaty. My stomach flips at the thought of Reed and love and all that could mean.
She finally returns from her thoughts and looks at me once again. “I believe that Reed is falling in love with you, my darling.”
“No,” I whisper so softly that I am not sure she can even hear it.
Apparently she does, because her smile turns to a frown, and she leans forward to place her cup and saucer on the table. “Why do you say no? Do you not care for him as well?”
“Yes…no…I…” I stop talking and look at her helplessly. Raising my hands for a moment, I let them fall back to my lap when I find nothing to do with them. “I do not know what I am feeling,” I whisper, and to my complete horror, begin to cry.
Chapter Eight
My mother sits beside me then wraps me up in her arms. She begins to hum her lullaby, which never fails to help me calm down. Her smell soothes me, and with the comfort she is offering, I am able to realize what an idiot I am making of myself.
I pull back from her to gain some composure before glancing up, a bit embarrassed as I look into her smiling eyes.
“It’s okay to cry, you know,” she says, acknowledging my attempt to calm down.
“I know, but it is not something I like to do. It accomplishes nothing.”
“I wouldn’t say that. It usually makes me feel a bit better.”
“You do not cry,” I scoff in disbelief at her.
“Oh but I do. All the time, actually. When you were taken, it was an hourly thing, then I slowly began to be able to get through more of the day without needing a good cry. Over the years it became less and less frequent, but it still happened. Since you have returned, I very often find myself with tears of joy and pride in my eyes.”
“But that is different. You lost someone very important to you. I was not ashamed of my tears over Rho or of my tears when I found you. But this…” I point to my tear-streaked cheeks. “...this is not acceptable. I do not cry over a male, ever.”
“Oh, my darling, I am sorry to say, but this will not be the last time.”
I widen my eyes in horror at her statement. “Oh yes it will!” Defiantly, I fold my arms over my chest and lift my chin.
She laughs, but stops when she sees my narrowed eyes. “I’m afraid you have so much to learn.” She shakes her head at me.
“Like what?” I am genuinely interested in what she has to say now. This is not something I have ever discussed with anyone else. Rho tried to talk to me about the male Fae of our Court in the past, but I would usually humor her until I could change the subject. I never had any interest in a male other than as a good sparring partner. And as for matters of love, well those thoughts never even entered my mind. The Unseelie Fae as a whole are not loving creatures, but I will admit there are a few that display the desire for love, Rho having been one of them. Damien was not. I learned mostly from his example, therefore never harboring any feelings of the sort.
Until now.
Well, actually, not until meeting Reed. He helped me to understand that I loved Rho, and then coming here and meeting my mother, I discovered what it is like to love and to be loved. Now my feelings for Reed are coming into question. But love? I am not sure if that is the term I would use to describe my feelings for him. It does not feel like the love I felt, still feel, for Rho or the love my mother and I share. It is very different from either of those.
“Tell me what is going on in that head of yours. What are you thinking?”
I look over, blushing a bit at my thoughts. I had not intended to discuss this, but now is just as good a time as any.
“I am confused. I do not know what it is I feel for Reed, but I know that I do feel something. We seem to have some sort of connection, a bond…that is odd. It is like nothing I have ever experienced before.”
“That is not odd. When you care for someone, there is always a bond. You had one with Rho, you have one with Willow, and you and I have a very strong one.”
“Yes and no. What Reed and I have is much more unusual and difficult to explain.” I shake my head, trying to clear all of the thoughts bouncing around so that I can better explain myself.
“Just try. I will help in any way that I can.” She pulls herself back from me, but pulls my hand into her firm grip.
I take a deep breath, scared at what she will think when I tell her what has been going on. I also know that I need answers, and there is no one I trust more to help me find them.
“I am not really sure where to begin.”
“At the beginning, my child. Just start at the beginning.”
OK. Easy enough. Right?
I take another deep breath and close my eyes, finding it easier to form my thoughts and words. “When I was first sent on my assignment to retrieve Reed from the human world, I knew instantly that I would hate him as I did all other humans and Halflings. I was not wrong. He was arrogant, difficult, and confusing from the beginning. But I soon realized that I did not hate him, and we seemed to form an easy and fast friendship. It was baffling. He stood up to me, but he also stood beside me when I needed him. He helped me realize how important Rho was to me, and he saved my life. All of this would probably easily explain why I feel so fond of him, but that is not all.” I shake my head, and my mother waits patiently while I gather my thoughts once again. She squeezes my hand to offer silent support while I think. Finally, I begin again. “Then one night I had this dream. I met a Pegasus. Oh, he was so beautiful, and I was so excited. I had always wanted to see one, and here he was.” I look off into the distance, pulling the memory to the front of my mind. “We spoke to each other in our minds. It was amazing. Then he let me ride him, and it was so much fun. We were flying through the air — the wind was in my face and the cool air all around me. Then I saw Reed. He was surfing, and he looked up and saw me. We spoke to each other and had a fun time until I woke up.” Smiling fondly at the memory, I finally pull back from it when my mother squeezes my hand once again.
“So you dreamed about him? Is that what concerns you?” She has a smile on her face, but her brow is knitted in confusion.
“No. What concerns me is that when I woke up, Reed asked me about the dream.”
She pulls back abruptly, shocked and confused by my words. “What do you mean?”
“Exactly that.” I pull my hand from hers, running both of them nervously over my hair and then folding them together into my lap. “We wer
e walking, and he started asking me about creatures, then Pegasuses, then he got so excited because he realized that we shared the same dream. It was very real to both of us. We not only interacted within it, but we both remembered all of it once we woke up.”
“Well I’m sure it was just a bizarre phenomenon. Being so close to each other so quickly and sharing some major life-altering situations?” She finishes with more of a question than a statement.
“Maybe, if that were the only time it has happened,” I say softly.
“I was afraid you were going to say that. Knowing about Reed and Rho in the Unseelie Court dungeon? Those were not just feelings, were they? You actually dreamt of them there.”
“Yes. I dreamt of them, but now I realize it was not actually both of them. It was only Reed I was dreaming of. He was the only one I could communicate with in the dream. I only saw Rho because I could see what he saw. When I was there trying to find them, he was the only one I could sense.”
She sits back in her chair and lets out a sigh.
“There is more.”
“More?” she asks wearily.
“Yes. Then we found Dash, the Pegasus that flew Holly and Rho out of the Unseelie Court. That was the same one that Reed and I dreamt of. When we found him, we were both able to communicate with him mentally, just like in the first dream. No one else heard him, only the two of us. And since we have returned, I have had vague memories of dreams that include Reed, and I seem to always have a sense for him. Whether it be his needs or feelings or just his presence; I can always sense him. I think he can do the same with me.”
“You have not asked him?”
I just shake my head.
“Why?”
“Because I am afraid,” I say helplessly, not liking to admit my weakness but knowing that is the only answer.
“What are you afraid of, my darling?”
“I do not know.” I shake my head again. “No, that is not right. I do know, but it does not make any sense.”
“Tell me,” she says encouragingly and lovingly.
“I am afraid that he will not know what I am talking about or that he will think that I am crazy. But I am also afraid he will know what I am talking about. Either way, I have no idea what to do.”
“Oh, Poppy. Of course you won’t know what to do. No one does when it comes to matters of the heart. You learn as you go just as everyone else has to. But I am sure that whether Reed has these same things going on or not, he does care a great deal for you. I can see it in the way he looks at you.”
“What do I do about that?”
“Well you do not have to rush it. When the time is right, you will know what to do, honey.”
I swallow audibly, not really liking that answer. Someone needs to tell me what to do, but it seems that is not going to happen. “What about the rest? Are you concerned about the idea that we may be able to speak in each other’s minds? Or that I seem to be able to communicate with a Pegasus?”
“Now that is another matter altogether.” She taps her delicate finger on her lip, thinking for a moment. “I have never heard of anything like this, especially happening between a full Fae and a Halfling. Although I am not overly concerned, I do think we should keep this to ourselves. I would like to ask some questions, discreetly of course. There are a few Fae who have been around for longer than I, and they may have heard of this or be able to offer some insight.”
“Do you think it is something bad?”
“I am not sure, but my instincts say that it is not. I do not see how being able to have such a deep bond with the person you love could be bad.”
“Love? Nothing was said about love.” I try to sound offended, but I am sure my pinkening cheeks betray my words.
“If you say so,” she says in a sing-song voice with a smile on her lips, indicating that she does not believe me. I am about to protest again when there is a knock on the door.
“Come in.” Her beautiful voice carries to the door and it opens slowly.
Ivy comes through the doorway nervously, with her head bowed in respect. “Your Highness, your second has requested to speak with you. He says he has a few things he would like to talk with you about before tomorrow’s training begins. Would you like me to tell him to come back later?”
“No, no. It is fine. I need to be going anyway,” I tell Ivy and my mother at the same time. I have had enough mother-daughter time for one day.
“Are you sure?” The concern in my mother’s voice is clear, so I give her a reassuring smile and stand up to hug her good-bye.
“It will all be fine. I am sure of it. I love you,” she whispers softly so that only I can hear.
“Thank you. I love you too,” I whisper back.
I leave the room, wanting to leave all my concerns and problems behind as well. As I pass Gideon in the hall, he raises an eyebrow in question, but I smile awkwardly at him as I hurry down the corridor to my room.
Picking up speed, I round the corner then abruptly change direction, needing some space and fresh air. Neither of which I will find in my room.
So instead, I make my way to the main doors of the Seelie Castle. Getting lost in the woods for a while seems more like what I need right now.
Chapter Nine
I take a deep breath as I walk through the doors into the main courtyard outside the front castle doors. The air is so refreshing and crisp. Closing my eyes, I take a moment to smell the fresh flowers and the scent of the earth around me. Once my lungs are filled with the fragrant scents, I take a few steps out onto the grass but stop when I notice that one of the guards is following behind me.
Turning toward him as nicely as possible, I tell him I will be fine without him. He is reluctant at first, but when I assure him I will not go far and that I will remain within Seelie territory, he nods respectfully before returning to his post beside the castle door. Although he watches me as I make my way toward the tree line, he does not follow, and I do not hesitate to slip my shoes off and disappear into the trees.
The ground is cool beneath my bare feet. I trail my fingers along rough tree bark and soft flower petals as I lose myself in my thoughts among nature. Although it is home, the walls of the Seelie Court can feel constricting at times, and today is one of them. Having confessed my feelings and concerns to my mother left me feeling more confused and vulnerable than ever. Being outside is already helping alleviate some of those feelings.
I make my way farther into the woods, taking note of the damp feeling of the earth on the bare soles of my feet and how the light has become blocked by a canopy of trees, causing the forest to become darker and cooler. My skin breaks out into goose bumps because of the cool breeze, but I do not mind. It feels nice. After wandering for a while, thoughts moving in and out of my head in a way that does not allow me to focus on just one, therefore accomplishing nothing, I finally find a spot that looks inviting.
Bracing myself against a huge oak tree, I plop down at the base, which is big enough around to shield three of me sitting here. I look out at the clear meadow and beautiful lake beyond it. The surroundings look familiar and trigger a flash of memory from a dream, making me think this may be one of the places I visited with Reed. Just as before, there is nothing more. No other memory and nothing solid. Not wishing to stress myself further, I shake the thought away and gaze out at the picture before me.
Though I am still shaded in the darker part of the forest, sunlight bathes the meadow. It is as if someone carved a small hole in the middle of the forest just so the meadow could be shined upon. Flowers, vibrant and beautiful and in every color of the rainbow give off an aroma that is enthralling and quite relaxing. The sun shining on the lake sparkles like diamonds and looks so peaceful and welcoming. So welcoming that I decide maybe a swim would be nice and help me to relax further. As I begin to lift myself up to do just that, I hear a rustling noise from behind me.
Freezing in mid-crouch, I hold my breath, listening and feeling for an intruder. Usually I would have sense
d something much sooner, but my mind was blank, enjoying the peacefulness of my surroundings, and I failed to remain alert to any danger.
Listening intently, I hear a twig snap, and it is all I need to know. There is someone out there, and I can tell by the lack of noise that they are aware of me as well, and it appears as if they are trying to sneak up on me. Slowly straightening up the rest of the way, I push my back flush with the tree and unsheathe both of my daggers. I take a deep breath and close my eyes as I extend my senses, trying to pinpoint the location of my enemy. Taking another deep breath, I catch the faint hint of something that does not quite belong.
The woods are full of all kinds of different smells, and this one blends very well, but there is a slight scent of… Human? I take another deep breath and confirm that yes, the smell is indeed human. That must mean it is a Halfling. By the scent, I am sure it is not Reed, and I am not aware of any other Halflings in the Seelie Court, which means it is very likely to be an enemy or a spy. My instincts kick into high gear, and I know now more than ever that this is an enemy approaching. I decide to go up into the tree for a better vantage point and better protection. The Halfling does not worry me, but I would rather be the one to surprise him. Making my way as stealthily as possible, I go up about eight feet. There are a lot of branches and leaves helping to camouflage me, while allowing me to see him better. Now I wait, listening and reaching out my senses for his closeness. It takes what feels like forever but eventually the intruder is within a few feet of me, and as I watch, he slowly creeps within view. The grip on my daggers tightens, and I brace myself for attack. When the top of his golden head is just below me, I take one final deep breath and leap.
As quietly and gracefully as I can, I jump down from my perch in the tree and land right on top of my enemy. We both fall to the ground with a loud thump and begin to roll around, both fighting for the upper hand. Rocks and sticks dig into various parts of my body as I slash out with my daggers, trying to incapacitate my enemy. Each attempt is blocked. My enemy does not attempt to counter with his own blows, but is trying to grasp my wrist in an attempt to stop me from striking out anymore. We finally come to a hard stop as both of our bodies are slammed into a nearby tree.