“Can you see me working as a waitress?” I sat down and eyed Rebecca with a serious tone. She sipped her coffee and then coked her head in thought.
“Waitress?” She asked out loud, as if it would lead her to an answer. “I think that if you have a baby to take care of, I can picture you doing anything that pays the bills.” She knew that I was a hard worker and that I already had quite a few connections in town. I wasn’t so sure that she thought I’d be a great fit over at Avalanche, but like she said- if it paid the bills, then it suited the purpose.
“I’m going to walkover there after we finish here.” I nodded my head in affirmation, then looked outside as the snow started to fall. “I knew it.” I craned my neck and watched as the sky grew even grayer. “I bet you we get another foot tonight.” I looked outside and watched as a group of college-aged kids rough-housed on the side of the road.
“I hope you get the job if you really want it.” Rebecca nodded her head and then pulled a few dollars out of her purse. “The tea’s on me today.” She smiled and then we both got up and reached for our coats. “Hey, by the way- are you going to get everything conformed with the doctor soon?” She always had good questions.
“Yep. I already made an appointment with Doctor Crawford. I think I’m about 3 months along.” I nodded my head and tried to do the math in my head. Rebecca nodded with interest. “I bet you it’s a girl, too.” I wasn’t sure where that spontaneous statement came from, but I chuckled once it came out. Rebecca smiled.
“Give me a call and let me know how it goes.” Rebecca gave me a squeeze on the shoulder and then we both turned and headed for the door. When we got outside, it was snowing heavily. We parted ways and I walked with a determined step until I reached the front of Avalanche. It stood out from all the other restaurants on the street because of its elaborate, hand-painted mural at the entrance.
Stopping at Avalanche for a beer after work had been one of Joe’s simple pleasures. I could still remember the day he told me about the new art work that they had done. “You ought to see it, Liss. This guy painted an entire mountain landscape scene, and there’s big-horn sheep, too. It’s pretty impressive.” Joe had always had an interest in art, and I thought of him as soon as I reached the front steps. I sighed to myself and then slowly pulled back the long, wooden handle and opened the door.
The bar was packed, even at this time of day. A few younger men who looked like they had just finished snowboarding sat at one end of the bar drinking beer, and another group of older men sat on the other end sipping brandy. I craned my neck to see if I could spot Tim Deshane, and just as I was about to walk toward the kitchen, I saw another group of older men step inside the bar.
Avalanche always attracted a mixed crowd- everyone from college students to young ranchers, laborers and small business owners liked to stop here to have a drink and catch up with friends. The décor was a mixture of modern and classic décor, with lots of white pine and oak furnishing. I thought of how much Joe would have enjoyed sitting down for a drink on a snowy day like this, and my eyes welled with tears. Just as I was about to excuse myself and go outside to cry, Tim appeared from the kitchen.
“Hello there, Alyssa. How are you?” His ruddy face greeted me with a concerned and empathetic smile.
“I’m hanging in there, Tim. Thanks.” I nodded my head and then stuffed my hands in my pockets. I felt awkward asking him for a job. Maybe I had too much pride, having always been a homemaker with a husband to support me. I didn’t know why I felt so out of place, but it was difficult to bring myself to speak.
“What brings you to the trusty Avalanche on a wintry day like today?” He smiled and then walked behind the bar.
I swallowed hard and then forced out a wry smile. “Well, Tim…’ My voice trailed off and then I drew in a deep breath. “Well, I was at Gina’s today with a friend, and I saw your ad on the bulletin board.” I smoothed down my hair and then looked shuffled my feet a few times.
“You’re interested in my waitress position?” Tim handed one of the snowboarders a frosty mug of beer, then stood back with his hands on his hips.
“Yes. Actually, I’m very interested.” I smiled and a sense of relief permeated my body.
“Wow. I never took you for the waitressing type, Alyssa.” Tim cocked his head to the side and then poured another beer for a customer. I started to feel like I shouldn’t have come inside. Maybe he thought I was too old, or too desperate. I looked around the bar and saw a few young, attractive women giggling and playing with their hair.
“Well…” I wasn’t even sure what I wanted to say. I felt stupid for even asking him about the position, and decided to tell him to forget I had even asked.
“Can you start this weekend?” He raised his eyebrows and then stuffed an empty glass in the sink that he had filled with sudsy water. My heart leapt with surprise. Had he just hired me?
“I’m hired?” I looked at him with wide eyes and he just smiled. I nodded my head and realized that he had hired me out of sympathy. At the same time, I knew that he trusted my ability to work hard, and to make sure that I did the best job that I could.
“Tim.” I stepped closer toward the bar and he waved me away.
“Don’t worry about it, Alyssa. I got you covered. Just make sure you’re here by three, and wear something…” His voice trailed off and then he shrugged. “What am I saying?” He chuckled and then sighed.
“You want me to wear something hip and attractive. I know the deal.” I smiled and then turned around to leave. The bar had gotten packed and noisy with patrons. I stopped and then turned my head. “Hey, Tim,” I called. “Thanks for helping me out. Joey would really appreciate it.” I choked back a tear while Tim just nodded his head and sighed.
The snowboarders demanded more drinks so Tim went back to pouring beers. I lowered my head and stared at the floor, then reached for a tissue and headed for the door. A group of women walked in, laughing and shaking the snow out of their hair. I flipped my hair over my shoulder and then wrapped my scarf around my neck. The women flitted to the bar and I watched them for a few minutes before finally stepping out of Avalanche Saloon and into the Montana snow.
Chapter 4
“I got the job.” I sat down at the kitchen table and spoke to Rebecca over the phone. “He felt bad for me.” I played with a spoon while I talked, trying to distract myself form the fact that I’d soon be serving drinks on the weekends to a crowd of lustful young men. The thought of it sent an uneasy wave of anxiety through my chest.
“Congratulations. It’s what you wanted, right?” Rebecca sounded matter-of-fact and I appreciated her honesty.
“Yeah. I mean, it’ll get me through this phase of my life. I don’t have room to be ungrateful, or even picky. I just need to start generating an income fast.” I drew in a deep breath and then got up to boil some water. My nausea had kicked in again, and I felt an overwhelming wave of fatigue drape over me like a sopping wet blanket.
“You can always just see how it goes and then look for something else if it’s not a good fit.” Rebecca offered her advice and I nodded my head. There was really no point in worrying about it now. I’d simply have to show up and make the best of it. “Let me know if you need anything, okay?” Rebecca had to help Cherry with her homework, so we ended our conversation and I rustled around in the kitchen for a tea bag.
Just as I was about to pour my hot water, I noticed that Lizzie was standing close to the edge of the corral. I opened up the back door and whistled. She tossed her head to and fro, then turned around and walked slowly back to the barn. Joe used to go outside and feed her an apple around this time, and it hurt me to realize that she probably missed him, too. I dropped a lemon tea bag into my mug of hot water, then closed the door and walked up the creaking, wooden steps that led to the bedroom.
“Hi, Misty. It’s Alyssa. I know. It has definitely been awhile.” I smiled and then sat on the edge of the bed with my tea. “I was wondering if you were working tomorrow.
I just got a job over at Avalanche Saloon and I wanted to pick out some new clothes.” I knew that Misty would be happy to see me. Her husband, Rick, had been close with Joe, and the two often went snowshoeing together.
“I’d love to put a few pieces together for you, Alyssa!” I could feel Misty’s enthusiasm through the receiver.
“Great. I’ll stop by around ten.” I smiled and then hung up the phone. Misty worked at Backcountry Boutique, a cute mountain apparel store that had a wide selection of chic clothing for men and women. I had no idea what I wanted to buy, but I knew that my faded jeans and woolen sweaters weren’t going to cut it at Avalanche.
When I walked in to see Misty the next morning, she greeted me with an embrace and a smile. “Oh, Alyssa. I’ve been thinking about you so much lately. I can’t imagine how tough it’s been for you.” Misty looked at me with her big brown eyes and then took me by the hand. “Come on back. We’ve got a ton of new stuff in.” She smiled and sauntered to the back of the store, her long blond hair trailing behind her back in a golden cascade.
“You know, I’m a little nervous about working as a waitress.” I smiled at Misty as she pulled a red waffle knit shirt off the rack.
“How about this, Alyssa? It’s got a nice low cut in the front but it doesn’t look slutty.” She held it up to my chest and then draped it over her forearm. “Or…” She paused and then pulled a green off-the shoulder sweater off the rack. “There’s this.” She held it out in front of her and put a finger on her chin. “I think I like the red one better.” She scrunched her nose and put the sweater back on the rack.
I skimmed through a few of the shirts and then wandered away to look at the pants. How would I size myself? I wasn’t showing yet but I wanted to buy clothes that would still fit me in a few months. Should I even tell Misty that I was pregnant? Or should I just have her direct me to the elastic band pants? I felt clueless and bewildered.
“Hey, Alyssa. What do you think about these fitted cotton skirts?” Misty pulled a few of the rack. I knew immediately that they were perfect. “They have a sort of bohemian vibe to them but they’re still classy and hip.” Misty draped a few over my arm and then guided me to the fitting room.
“Thanks, Misty.” I smiled and then plopped my clothes onto the fitting room bench and started to undress. Once I had taken off my clothes, I stared at myself in the full-length mirror. A life of horseback riding and gardening had put me in pretty good shape. My thighs were still firm and my breasts were full and round. My stomach was still flat, and I placed my palm over it, then smiled. In just a few months, my belly would be big and round with a little person balled up inside of it.
“So what did you decide?” Misty appeared outside the fitting room door, anxious to hear of my decisions. I laughed, then quickly threw on one of the skirts and the red waffle knit shirt.
“The red shirt and the black skirt are prefect.” I smiled and then threw open the door. Misty stood with her hands on her hips, an affirmative expression on her face.
“Perfect, Alyssa.” She nodded her head and then smiled. That outfit looks like it was made just for you.” She gave my forearm a squeeze and then turned around to walk away. “Come on up to register two when you’re dressed. I can give you a friend discount.” She winked and then strutted away. I closed the fitting room door and gave myself a good look in the mirror. For the first time in two months, I liked what I saw. A spark of life shined through and I felt some of the weight lift from my soul.
I thought about how my first night at Avalanche would go, and then smiled. How bad could it really be? I would just go in and do my job, making sure that I worked as hard as I could. I pulled the shirt over my head and slid my wool sweater back on. Then I wriggled out of the skirt and put it back on the hanger. I felt a wave of fatigue wash over me and I fought the urge to lie down on the fitting room bench. Then I put my jeans on, collected my clothes, and headed up to the register.
Misty rang me up and wished me luck. I slung my bag over my shoulder and left Backcountry Boutique feeling confident and attractive. I had some new clothes, a new job, and a new life growing inside me. I was going to participate in life again, and set aside my despair for the sake of the future.
When I got home I set the bag on the floor and climbed onto the couch. I closed my eyes and thought about Joe, remembering how he used to kiss me every night before going to bed. A tear rolled down my face and I wiped it off with the back of my hand. I propped my head on a pillow and closed my eyes, the weight of exhaustion seeping into my face. Then I imagined Joey by my side, and drifted peacefully off to sleep.
Chapter 5
“Hey, lady. Over here.” It was only six o’clock, and I was already exhausted from all of the running. I had poured at least three rounds of beer for the group of men who sat at the bar, and they still had demands that apparently weren’t being met. I hustled to the end of the bar to see what they wanted now.
“What can I get you?” I smiled and then wiped my hands on my apron which was tied neatly around my new black skirt.
“Well, my buddy here wants a burger and I want another beer.” He grinned and then took a sip of his drink. “And I want to get a round of shits, too.” He looked around and all of his buddies, somewhat inebriated already, nodded with approval.
“Okay.” I smiled and wrote down their orders. “Coming right up.” I walked away and then stopped when I saw an arm waving wildly in the air at me.
“You-who!” A man with dark hair and a wool hat called out and leaned across the bar. “Can you fill her up?” He held his empty mug in the air and I nodded my head, then took the empty and set it under the tap. As soon as I pulled the lever to fill his beer, a group of five college-aged students sat down right at the front of the bar and asked for menus.
For a second, I felt like I might have a bona-fide anxiety attack. My heart raced and my hands started to shake. I had too many requests all at once, and there was nobody around to help me. The only other waitress was on the opposite end of the restaurant, and the bartender who was on next shift wouldn’t be in for at least two more hours. It was up to me to get these people what they wanted.
I poured the draft and then walked to the other end of the bar to take the students’ orders. I hadn’t seen Tim all afternoon, and I guessed that he was probably in the kitchen preparing food. My feet already hurt and the smell of the dank beer and the greasy food turned my stomach. I didn’t want to get too depressed about my first day, but it would be a lie if I told anyone that I enjoyed it.
I called Rebecca as soon as I got home and cried. “It was awful.” I wiped my tears and then sniffed into a tissue. “I don’t know, Rebecca. It wasn’t like the people were really mean or anything, but I felt like I could barely keep up.” I blew my nose and then sighed. “I guess I should have looked for administrative work, instead.” I shook my head and then gazed out the window. Lizzie was all the way out in the corral, and I frowned when I thought about the possibility of selling her.
“It was your first day, Alyssa. I would have expected it to be kind of tough.” Rebecca didn’t seem alarmed by my call.
“Sorry to just call and dump on you. I’m just worried because I’m not in a position to quit, even if I hate it.” I looked around the kitchen at all the pictures of Joe and I that had been taken over the years- one from our Colorado wedding, one from our trip to Yellowstone, another from a family gathering out in Vancouver. A part of me wanted to take all the pictures and just shove them into the drawer somewhere, but another part of me didn’t think I’d ever have the heart to really say goodbye.
“I think a nice hot bath would be good for you.” Rebecca comforted me and then paused when Cherry fought in the background for her attention.
“That’s a great idea. Thanks, Rebecca. I’ll let you know how the rest of the weekend goes.” I smiled and then hung up, relieved that I had at least gotten the frustration off my chest. She was right. It was only my first day. I could still find better work down the
line, and just keep my job at avalanche until something better came along.
I ran some hot water and then cautiously climbed into the tub. My feet were sore and my legs were tired. I wondered how efficient I’d be at the restaurant once my pregnancy progressed. What if it only got harder? I fought back the desire to slide into a realm of self-pity. I would have to make it work, and that was all there was to it.
I knew that if my parents were still alive, they’d both tell me to keep my chin up and persevere. I rested my body in the bubbly water, confident that I’d summon the strength that would be necessary to see me through. I had seen hard times growing up as a girl, and I told myself that this would just be more character building experience for my life’s journey. I picked up a bar of soap and slid it along my legs. Then I placed it back into the soap dish, closed my eyes and doze off in the soapy, scented water.
I could see his face clear as day. His little button nose was tiny and warm, and his eyes were pale blue. His hair was dark and it curled down onto his forehead in a perfect little swirl. I could almost smell his breath and feel his petal soft skin. I leaned forward just as he opened his mouth to cry and called out his name “Joseph Michael.” Then I jolted forward in the tub.
I reached for a towel and then smiled as I dressed in my pajamas. The baby would be here in less than seven months. I needed to find a bassinet and clothes. I needed blanket and book, and maybe some toys. Where would I put his nursery? Would I use the old laundry room down the hall? My mind drifted with thoughts of the future, and again I fought the urge to cry. Joe would have been so excited to find out that we were having a baby.
After I was in bed, I thought about what Rebecca had said. It was only my first day. Maybe it would get better. I rolled over and closed my eyes, then thought about how great it would be to finally have some money in my pocket. I pictured walking into Avalanche the next day with a big smile on my face. Maybe someone would leave me a gracious tip and it would make up for all the running around. The light from the moon filtered into the room, making a zig-zag pattern on the bed. I thought once more about Joseph-Michael, then finally drifted off to sleep.
Romance: Seducing The Quarterback Page 33