by Stormy Glenn
“I want to thank you for everything, but it’s really time for me to go. Clem is going to notice I’m gone pretty soon, and he’ll be real angry if he has to come looking for me.”
“Billy, you’re welcome to stay here,” Mrs. Blaecleah said.
Billy shook his head. “No, I couldn’t do that.” He chuckled a little just thinking about it. “That would send Clem right through the roof.”
“Billy, what Clem is doing to you is wrong. No one has the right to beat you up. Did you ever consider that you need to get away from Clem?”
“And go where?” Billy asked. “Everyone in town hates me, hates my family. There’s no one that would take me in, and it’s not like I have any job skills. I never even graduated from high school. No one would hire me even if I did.”
“You can stay here, Billy,” Mrs. Blaecleah insisted, “work on the ranch.”
That was Billy’s idea of heaven, and it was something he couldn’t have. Not only would he get his butt kicked from here to Sunday, but it would bring Clem’s anger down on the Blaecleah family, and Billy couldn’t have that.
“I appreciate the offer, Mrs. Blaecleah, but I best be getting on home.”
“Our door is always open to you, Billy.”
“Thank you.”
Billy tried to give Mrs. Blaecleah a wide smile, but he felt like he was walking to his doom as he backed out of the room. Somehow he knew that Clem would discover he’d been here and all hell would break out. But he couldn’t stay either. Rourke was here, and he was even more dangerous than Clem.
Billy peeked out the front door before opening it and walking out. He didn’t want to run into any of the Blaecleah brothers. He hurried down the steps then made his way straight across the field that separated the main house from the forest.
It took Billy a little longer than usual to reach the woods. He wasn’t moving as fast as he usually did. His sides hurt, his back hurt, hell, everything hurt. Billy just wanted to find a warm, dark place to curl up and sleep. But first, he needed to get something.
Billy made his way to the small cove of trees where Rourke had confronted him earlier in the day. He held his breath as he walked around one of the trees, only letting it out when he spotted the two torn pieces to Rourke’s picture lying on the ground.
Billy hurried over and picked them up. He was stupid to rip the picture up, and he was paying for that stupidity. Not even tape would give him back the picture he had before, but it would be better than nothing.
“Billy.”
Billy cried out and swung around, shoving the torn pieces of the pictures behind his back. He didn’t think his heart started beating again until he figured out the man walking out of the shadow of the trees wasn’t Clem.
“Rourke,” he whispered.
“You’re not going back there, Billy.”
Chapter 4
The rage that had taken a hold of Rourke when he discovered what had been done to Billy wouldn’t go away. He just kept seeing the whip marks marring the man’s back, seeing the fear in Billy’s eyes.
Rourke, much like everyone else, had always assumed that Billy did the things he did because he wanted to. It was only after seeing Billy’s injuries that he began to think that maybe Billy did them because he had no choice.
And he was ashamed of himself for not seeing it sooner. Maybe he could have kept Billy from experiencing some of the hell he went through if he had just looked beyond Billy’s troublemaking ways to the man beneath the behavior.
“I can’t let Clem hurt you anymore, Billy.”
“Oh, Rourke, he…he won’t hurt me if I behave.”
“Behave?” Rourke snapped, anger renewing itself inside of him in an instant. “Behave how? By beating people up? By stealing? By getting arrested? Is that how your brother wants you to behave?”
Rourke didn’t miss the fact that Billy seemed to cringe and kind of fold into himself when he took a step forward. Billy was terrified of him, and Rourke couldn’t even begin to think about how that made him feel. He needed to convince Billy not to return home first, and then he could deal with the ache in his chest that Billy’s fear of him created.
“Look, Billy,” Rourke said, lowering his voice, “I know you’re scared. I know that some horrible things have happened to you, but I promise, if you come home with me, nothing bad will happen to you. I’ll keep you safe.”
“You?” Billy snorted, his eyebrows shooting up nearly to his hairline. He looked astonished. “You’re the cause of all of this. Clem wouldn’t have beaten me so bad if you hadn’t kissed me.”
“What?”
“Clem saw us. He saw you kiss me.” Billy swallowed. “He…he saw me kiss you back.”
“He tried to kill you because we kissed?”
“He…Clem didn’t try to kill me.” Billy brought his hands around in front of him. His fingers started fidgeting with the torn pieces of paper in his hands. “He was just angry. He doesn’t want me to be a fa—” Billy snapped his mouth shut.
“You mean he doesn’t want you to be gay.”
Billy nodded.
“Are you gay, Billy?”
Billy shrugged. “I don’t know.”
Rourke almost swallowed his tongue at the soft flush that filled Billy’s face. He moved a few steps closer, glancing down at the pieces of paper Billy held clutched tightly in his hands. He remembered the picture Billy had torn in two and wondered why it seemed to mean so much to the man.
“I’m gay, Billy,” he said. “It’s not something you need to be ashamed of.”
“Clem says it’s wrong.”
“Clem is an idiot, Billy, and a bully. He uses his size and strength to intimidate people and hurt them. Look at what he did to you.”
Rourke continued to take one step at a time toward Billy until he stood within arm’s reach of the man. He was elated when Billy didn’t cringe from him or run. Even still, he could see the slight trembling in Billy’s hands and knew the man was terrified of him.
Rourke kept a close eye on Billy as he lowered himself to the ground and crossed his legs in front of him. He gestured for Billy to join him and was astounded when the man actually did. Billy still kept the torn picture pieces in his hands, almost as if he couldn’t stand to part with them.
“Billy, listen to me, please,” Rourke started once Billy had settled down, “what Clem did, what he says, it’s wrong. There is nothing sinful about being gay. Just look at Lachlan and Asa. They barely have anything in common, and they are deliriously happy together. We don’t choose who we fall in love with or who we’re attracted to. It just is.”
“Do you?”
“Do I what?”
“Do you have someone you love?”
“I hope to one day.” If he could convince Billy to stay.
“Oh,” Billy whispered softly then went back to looking at the picture he held in his hand, absently fitting the pieces together over and over again as if he could will them back together just by staring at them.
Rourke was a little confused by Billy’s reaction, especially when he suddenly stood up and shoved the torn picture pieces into his pocket. “Billy?”
Billy’s brow puckered as he frowned, looking anywhere but at Rourke. “I hope you find someone to love someday, too, Rourke. You deserve to be happy.”
“What about you, Billy?” Rourke asked as he climbed to his feet. “Don’t you deserve to be happy?”
Billy’s smile was rueful. “I suppose everyone deserves to be happy.”
“Maybe you’ll meet someone to fall in love with one day.” Rourke tried to be encouraging even as a weird possessiveness came over him at the thought of Billy falling in love with some stranger.
Billy’s eyes flickered up to Rourke’s. There was a kind of anguished sadness in their blue depths that made Rourke’s heart ache. He felt an overwhelming urge to take Billy into his arms and protect him from all of the horrors in the world.
“I need to go.” Rourke felt a sense of déjà vu as Bil
ly started backing away from him. “It was nice talking with you, Rourke. Maybe we can do it again someday. Please tell your folks thank you.”
“Billy, wait, where are you going?”
“Home,” Billy said, as if it was perfectly apparent where he was going.
“Billy, you can’t go home.”
“I have to. I don’t have anywhere else to go.”
Rourke waved his hand back toward his ranch. “Come home with me.”
Billy inhaled softly like he was trying to swallow a sob. “I can’t.”
“Billy.” Rourke stepped closer, wrapping his hand gently around Billy’s arm. “You’re over the age of eighteen. You can do anything you want to.”
Tears filled Billy’s blue eyes as he blinked up at Rourke.
“Please, Billy? Just until you’re healed.” Rourke was desperate. He would have promised Billy anything to keep the man away from Clem. “Let me take care of you until you can take care of yourself.”
“I don’t know,” Billy whispered. “Clem will be really mad.”
“You just let me take care of Clem.” Rourke wrapped his arm around Billy’s shoulder and tugged him toward the house. He felt just a second of resistance before Billy gave in and started walking beside him, even if he was walking a bit slow.
“I really shouldn’t.”
“Yes, you should”. Rourke barely kept himself from growling the words. Rourke was incensed at Billy’s easy acceptance of Clem beating him. The man almost seemed to think he deserved it. No one deserved what Clem had done, except maybe Clem.
Billy was silent as they walked through the trees, but at least he wasn’t trying to run in the other direction. That had to mean something. Rourke started thinking about how he was going to tell his parents that Billy would be staying with them.
Then his thoughts turned to where Billy would stay. Rourke rankled at the idea of Billy staying anywhere but with him. He didn’t want any of his brothers to get too close to Billy, and that confused the hell out of him. He’d never felt this way about Billy, or anyone else for that matter.
This was Billy Thornton. He was a well-known troublemaker. He’d had more run-ins with the law than Rourke could count. There were people in town that crossed the road to get away from Billy. He was banned from businesses.
How could he feel protective of that type of man? The need to treat Billy with gentleness was almost overwhelming. The sudden possessiveness Rourke felt was almost as confusing. The very thought of anyone touching Billy made Rourke’s teeth ache.
“Billy, I don’t want Clem beating you up anymore. If he tries to hurt you, I want you come to me, and I’ll make sure it stops, understand?”
Billy glanced up, a quizzical expression on his face, but he nodded. “I’m not sure what you can do. My folks could care less about what happens to me. Clem’s my brother. He’s all I got left.”
“Not anymore. Now you have the Blaecleah family to call your own.”
Rourke grabbed Billy when he stumbled, thinking the man might be worse off than he originally thought. “Billy, are you okay?”
“Rourke, you can’t give me your family.”
“I can, and I do.” Rourke smiled at Billy’s shocked expression. He swung Billy around until they were chest to chest and cupped the side of Billy’s face. “My family will adore you if you give them the chance.”
Rourke stroked his thumb gently over the side of Billy’s bruised face, trying to find a single spot on the man that wasn’t battered. He wasn’t having much luck. “Your poor face.”
“It’s not so bad,” Billy whispered.
Rourke almost growled. “Let me guess, you’ve had worse.”
“Yeah.” Rourke was surprised by the small little giggle that came out of Billy’s mouth. He would have thought that Billy would be pissed, but the man just seemed accepting of what Clem did to him. Rourke just didn’t get that.
“Billy, why do you let Clem do this to you?” Billy’s eyebrows furrowed, and Rourke suddenly knew he’d phrased his words wrong. “No, that’s not what I meant, Billy. None of this is your fault. No one has the right to hurt you, ever. I just don’t understand why you haven’t tried to get help before now.”
“Who would help me?”
Rourke’s heart cracked from the sincerity he heard in Billy’s words. The man really believed what he said. Rourke wrapped his arms around Billy and pulled him close to his chest. “I’ll help you, Billy.”
“Why would you want to help me?”
“Because you’re special, Billy.” Rourke leaned back to look down into Billy’s face. He was awed by the confusion on Billy’s face. Rourke stroked his thumb over Billy’s cheek again as he drew in a deep breath. “And I think I’m just starting to realize that.”
Rourke had no idea what possessed him, considering what happened the last time he kissed Billy, but he couldn’t prevent himself from leaning down and pressing his lips against Billy’s. It just felt right.
He didn’t know if the small shudder that rippled through Billy’s body came from fear or longing. Rourke hoped for longing and thought he might have been right when Billy leaned into him and whimpered.
There was something different about kissing Billy than any other man. Rourke couldn’t quite figure out what it was, and he wondered if it even mattered. He just knew he loved it. He could kiss Billy for hours. The man tasted like heaven and threw himself into each kiss like he needed the feeling of Rourke’s lips pressed against his more than he needed air.
Rourke was so engrossed in kissing Billy that it took him a moment to register the fact that Billy was pushing him away. Rourke instantly dropped his hands and let Billy step away from him. He wasn’t going to force Billy.
“Billy?”
“I can’t…” Billy licked his lips and looked wildly around. “I can’t do this.”
“Billy, I would never force you to do anything you didn’t want to do.” As much as he regretted not being able to kiss Billy anymore, Rourke knew that forcing him to do anything would cause more harm than good. “If you don’t want to kiss me, you don’t have to.”
“It’s not that, I just…” Billy gripped his hands together, holding them against his chest. “I should go, you know?”
Rourke clenched his fists. “Billy, I thought we talked about this. You’re going to stay with me until you’re all better, remember?”
“Yeah, but…” Billy’s face scrunched as if he were in pain. “I can’t…” Billy shrugged and started looking around again. “I can’t be a joke to you.”
“Billy, I’ve never seen you as a joke.”
“Haven’t you?” Billy’s deep blue eyes suddenly pinned on Rourke. “I’ve always been a joke to everyone. I’m Billy Thornton. I know what that means. I know how people see me and what they think of me. You’ve never been any different.”
Rourke stiffened, momentarily abashed. Billy was right. He had treated the man just as everyone else in Cade Creek did, with contempt and disdain. Before the wedding and that first kiss, Rourke had never looked at Billy as anything other than a troublemaker.
He hoped to change that now.
“You’re right, Billy,” Rourke regretfully admitted. “I didn’t take the time to look past your actions to the man you really are. You have every right to be upset with me and everyone else in Cade Creek. We certainly didn’t try to get to know you better, but I’d like to change that now.”
“Why?” Billy’s eyebrows drew together. Confusion filled his blue eyes. “You don’t even like me.”
Rourke chuckled as he looked Billy’s slim form up and down. Even bruised and battered, Billy had a cuteness that bordered on sexy. Rourke just didn’t understand why he hadn’t seen it before now. Maybe he hadn't been looking.
“I do like you, Billy.”
“No, you don’t.”
Rourke could hear the complete certainty in Billy’s voice. He truly believed what he said. Rourke knew he had a long road ahead of him to convince Billy differently.
He reached over and pulled Billy back up against him, grinning when he heard Billy’s voice hitch.
“I hadn’t kissed you before, Billy.” Rourke took a chance and gave Billy a kiss on the lips, nothing deep, just a quick brush of their lips. “I have now, Billy, and I’d like to do it again. I’d like to get to know the man you really are.”
“I can’t let you.” Billy’s hand trembled as he laid it on Rourke’s chest. “You could destroy me.”
Rourke frowned, not liking the way Billy phrased his words. “Billy, I would never do anything to hurt you.”
Billy’s laughter wasn’t pretty. It didn’t have the same joy-filled lilt that Rourke would expect from someone laughing. Alarm and anger rippled along Rourke’s spine. He didn’t like being lumped in with the others that hurt Billy. He didn’t like the feeling that gave him either, especially knowing that’s how Billy saw him.
“Billy.”
Billy’s eyes were wild, the blue in them bleeding over until the whites were nearly gone. He covered his mouth with his hand as his laughter took on a hysterical tone. He started to back away.
Rourke took a step toward Billy, only to come to a sudden stop when Billy started shaking his head. “Billy, I’m not Clem.”
“No, you’re worse.”
Chapter 5
Billy felt a shudder of humiliation flow through him when he was unable to prevent his words from escaping his mouth. Rourke looked confused, and Billy knew the man had no idea what he was talking about. Rourke didn’t understand how much power he had or how devastating his rejection was.
Billy knew deep inside his heart that Rourke would never want him, not the way Billy wanted Rourke. The fantasy he’d built in his head was just that, a fantasy. Rourke might want to play around a little, but it would never mean as much to him as it did to Billy.
And in the end, Billy would just be left with his memories and a broken heart. Maybe Rourke was right. Maybe it was time he started protecting himself. And he needed to start with Rourke.
“I’m going to go, Rourke.” Billy was surprised by the confidence he could hear in his own voice. Pain squeezed his heart. He wanted to stay so much, but Rourke could hurt him far more than Clem ever had.