“You all are out late. It’s a school night, too.”
“Yeah.”
“Cruising, are you? You have to wait till Friday night to do that, Sarah. The beat’s dead tonight. Just us middle-aged people here on the strip tonight. Although the AARP crowd made their scene a few hours earlier. You missed it.”
Betsy reached across the counter and handed me my drink. “Thanks, Betsy.” I turned to Carter. “I’m sorry I missed the senior crowd.” Try as I could, I couldn’t exude a level of levity. “I better get home before my little princess turns to a pumpkin.”
I turned to leave when he grabbed my arm gently. I looked at him.
“Hey, are you okay?”
I brushed it off. “Of course. Just tired.”
“You’re sure?”
I wanted to fall into his arms, have him hold me until I didn’t feel so alone. Tell him about my insensitive grandmother, and how meeting her made me feel abandoned all over again. How I much I missed my dad…and him. Instead, I straightened and replied confidently. “Most certainly I’m fine. Now get back to your date. She’s giving you that look.”
He didn’t turn to check. Instead, he kept me in his intense stare. “Okay. Drive safely.”
“You bet.”
Of course when I turned on the car, a sad song was playing on the radio. It was just enough to make my lip quiver and my nose begin to burn. You’d think meeting a grandmother would make me feel less alone in the world. I guess that would be true if it were anyone but Pricilla Morgan. Just for a second, I kind of felt what it was like for my dad. Here I had a little girl, I was single, and absolutely no family. As for my grandmother, she saw as much shame with me as she must have him.
I kissed my little girl on the forehead and pulled her bedroom door shut. I had drank my tea on the way home but now I’d lay on my bed and eat my cake and cry. Not because I wanted to, but because I needed to. I needed to mark this event with sheer sadness. I don’t know why, but Pricilla Morgan had managed to make me feel rejected. Maybe it was the way she stood. Or the way she held onto that stupid Prada bag and not me or my daughter, so freaking happy to finally have found us. As if she’d ever lifted a finger to look. Even once. Nope, this was the universal confirmation I was unwanted by someone else.
I’d got into my closet and taken down some old photo books from the back. The ones Dad kept in his closet when I was little. I wanted to look at Mom again. Imagine what it was like when she felt abandoned by Pricilla. To see how pretty she was, and wonder whether I’d have the same fate as my dad, where I’d die single and my daughter would continue this horrid cycle.
I turned to the first page of Mom and Dad. He was leaning on the hood of a car and she was kissing his cheek. I touched the plastic sheet, tracing the outline of her hair. She was beautiful. I gazed down the page to one where he was on the grass and she was hugging him. They looked so in love. And by the way my dad looked, with worn jeans and a faded shirt, I could see why Mom’s parents wouldn’t invite him over for dinner.
I flipped a few more pages. There were people in some I didn’t know. Dad used to tell me their names and how they knew them. I got to the one where Mom was clearly pregnant and Dad was smiling from ear to ear, holding up a pair of pink bows. I never saw him look happier. To know him then must have been sublime to who he grew to be. Grief from losing Mom had stolen it all away. How lonely he must’ve been. How easier it would have been to have had help from Mom’s parents in the beginning. Gus told me how he almost lost everything. Aunt Heidi said with every fiber, he found a way to keep me and everything else. What kind of grandparents would look the other way while someone struggled? Tonight I felt only a sliver of what my mother must’ve felt when they disowned her. Only a sliver of how alone he felt, knowing they could’ve changed things with a helping hand. How was I even civil to that woman? The pain she and her husband cost my parents was immeasurable. And for that, it made me even sadder.
My phone buzzed on the dresser. I closed my book and traipsed over to see who it was. I wiped a tear from my cheek and gasped when I saw it was Carter. His message said to open my kitchen door. What??
I looked in the mirror, smoothed my hair, and went to the other side of the bed to shimmy on my pants. I had no idea what this man wanted. I had no more room in my day for more turmoil. The more I didn’t see him, the better I was.
I pulled back the curtain to check before opening the door. His smile eased up my tension, yet made a homesick feeling grow larger in my heart.
“Hey.”
“Hey.” I backed up and allowed him to enter. “I think we covered the pleasantries at Lola’s. What are you doing here?”
“Funny thing.” He shuffled his feet and touched his fingers to his lips. “Hey, where’s Rose? Did she already turn into the pumpkin?”
“Yeah. Now what’s the funny thing?”
“I’m sorry it’s so late. Mitzy taught Griffin a trick and wanted to show me. I wanted to get here before Rose went to sleep.”
Okay, so what’s the deal? Carter doesn’t show up for months, and now almost every other day it’s something?
“Hold on, Griffin? Who’s that?”
He rolled his eyes. “A cat she adopted last Saturday.”
“Isn’t that your middle name?” I grabbed my mouth. “Oh my gosh, is he Griffin Junior? You all have a cat together?” I smacked him on the arm. “You should’ve said something. Liz and I could’ve given you a cat shower.” This poking of fun was doing wonders for distracting me from my woes.
He smirked. “Okay, have you had your little fun? It’s her cat. She just had me go and help her pick it out.”
“Better watch out. It’s a cat one day, and before you know it, you’re shopping for aquariums and bird houses.”
He shielded his eyes. “Okay, okay. Sorry I told you that little detail.”
“Seriously, what are you doing here, Carter?”
“I don’t know. What’s up with you? I could tell something was wrong earlier.”
“Nothing is wrong.”
“Betsy said something.”
“What?”
“She just said you were down. Something about bad luck. Don’t you know by now I know you better than I know myself?”
I walked to the refrigerator and opened the door. Not because I wanted anything, but I needed to walk away from him.
“Come on, Sarah. What gives? Did something happen with—?”
“With what?”
“Rather with who.”
“What do you mean, Carter?”
“I mean I’m not sure who. I was under the impression you’ve been with Sam. Then I hear you’re not and that you’re alone, so I ask Liz.”
“First mistake.” And why is he asking Liz? He’s got Mitzy, and now Griffin.
“She says she knows you two will end up together. And why shouldn’t you? I saw the guy when he brought the flower shop to the diner that day. And who am I to stand in the way of Rose’s chance to have two parents who love her be together? Broken families suck. Take it from me—I have one. Although my father just doesn’t show up. He’s technically there, but not really.”
“I’m sorry you have a broken family, Carter. Nowadays who doesn’t? That doesn’t exactly mean that’s the only reason Sam and I would be together. Just because it’s the best for Rose. I love her, I always want the best for her, but I screwed up royally. Sam and I both did. It’s not that easy to fix. He was really hurt I didn’t tell him about her.” I could feel the cold air escape my refrigerator.
He stared at me, perhaps taking it in. “I didn’t know about the screwing up royally. I did, I guess. I mean, I know he didn’t know about her. I guess that could tick someone off, but then I hear about you and your neighbor, and come and see the guy, and I’m just really confused. I thought Sam was in the picture. Is he or isn’t he in the picture?”
“What picture? Where would he be exactly?” I pulled my hair off my neck, holding it in a bunch. This was turning out to
be one heck of a night.
“I don’t know.” He shrugged dramatically. “Maybe he was moving here? Maybe you all were doing a long-distance relationship thing before he settled in? Either way, I thought he was in your life in some fashion. That is, until I hear you’re flirting with the guy next door.”
“So let me get this straight. When I called you to talk about us…you know, after the diner scene and Sam, and you said you weren’t ready for anything, you said it because of something Liz said to you? Or you weren’t ready for anything?”
His chest heaved as he raked his hair. “Liz said—”
“Carter, how did you feel? Or should I guess? I mean, you’re with Mitzy, so it must’ve been me you weren’t ready for, and maybe using Sam as an excuse.”
“I know how you felt about Sam, Sarah. And trust me, I get it. Exes can be tricky. Look at me and Paige. She can walk into my life and I’m like a zombie, following and listening to all her lies. And maybe I get it even more because you have a kid with him. Maybe it’s more—no, I know it’s more to deal with because you have Rose to think of. I wasn’t going to stand in your way, Sarah.”
“You sure didn’t. You left completely.” He went off the grid for weeks. Liz said she didn’t even know where he went.
“I took a trip. I visited my mom and spent some time there fixing some things my dad never seems to have time to do. I needed to clear my head. If you don’t recall, I’d just laid myself open to you, got my lunch served to me when Mr. Ex came back to town, and I needed to get away.”
I bit my lip. So I didn’t figure he was that hurt. Maybe he was. Maybe he regretted it all. “I guess it’s in the past now. I’m sorry.”
“Yeah. In the past.”
I moved closer and shoved his arm. “And look, now you’re with Mitzy, you have a little Griffin Junior, and all is right with the world.”
A forced smile crept to his mouth. “I’ll never live that one down, will I?”
“I doubt it.” I winked.
“And you? What’s going on with you? Is neighbor guy, Ricky Martin, still warming up your cold nights with his sweatshirts and whatever else he can give you?”
“Um, it’s not like that. At least I don’t know what it’s like. He’s complicated. His—”
I was interrupted by a knock on my back door. We both turned at the same time to see who it was.
“Alex?” I turned to Carter before going to let him inside.
“Speaking of the Latin lover.”
I sneered and turned the handle. “Alex, what’s up?”
He looked at Carter before answering. “Nothing. I see you have someone here. I’ll just—”
“No. I mean yes, Carter is. Here, that is.” I turned to Carter. Awkward.
“I’m just leaving.”
You know that moment when you don’t want something to end—that feeling when your stomach drops the length of a fifteen-story building? This was it.
He moseyed to the door and turned to look at me. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Sure.”
I could feel Alex watching me. Suddenly I was trying to control my facial expression. So much had happened that day. I just needed to run and jump under my covers and wait till morning. This was too much for one night. I tended to like to spread chaos and misery to at least a few days long.
“I didn’t mean to run him off. I just wanted to check on you. I know that was a lot to take in, what happened in the city. I couldn’t really talk about it at dinner with Rose at the table. But, how are you?” He stepped closer, head tilted, reaching out to graze my arm.
“I’m fine. I had a good cry on the way home. Silently as my daughter rode in the backseat, singing to music. No sense in alerting her to the dysfunction of that whole thing.”
He scoffed. “Sounds like a plan. But how are you now? I thought about it and it must’ve been rough meeting her like that.”
“It’s really okay. I’m okay. I’ve got other things to keep me occupied. It is what it is.” I shrugged. “She sucks for not being there for my mom, my dad, or me. But now I know. No more lofty, girl daydreams of a fairy godmother coming into my life one day and baking me cookies and braiding my hair. It’s over. Bubble sufficiently burst.” I tried to keep a stiff upper lip about it. Trying not to get upset again.
“Well, I wanted to let you know if you need someone to talk to, I’m here. Especially when the whole reason you were there was to help me. June, by the way, is on cloud nine. I overheard her telling her mom all about her dress and shoes. I’m glad you talked me into letting her go.”
“Oh, you’re welcome. She will have a lot of fun.”
He took a deep breath. “Let’s hope not too much. I’ll have to prescribe myself some Valium to get through it, I’m sure.”
I smiled.
“Say, you wouldn’t want to come over Saturday night and help me wait, would you? You know, take my mind off things? Hide my keys so I don’t go and follow them and make sure he’s not doing God knows what?”
“Um, sure. That sounds like fun. Well, sort of.” I gave him a sideways look. “I’ll bring a movie, maybe some ingredients for a tasty treat. And I’ll see if my aunt can watch Rose. She’d have more fun playing with cousins than watching you restrain yourself from stalking teenagers.”
“Great. I’ll be actually looking forward to Saturday now.”
He took a few steps backward toward the door, a smile still plastered to his face. I couldn’t help but smile myself. Maybe destiny was pointing me into a different direction. I was big into signs. Maybe Carter was destined to come over, but just as not to confuse me, Alex finished up my evening and gave me something to look forward to. I hoped my heart would catch up to that sign.
I was kissing Rose good-bye when I heard my phone bing. “Aunt Heidi, thank you again.”
“You’re welcome, dear. You go and have yourself a good time tonight. Don’t worry a minute about Rose. She’ll be busy with Cady. I got them paper dolls.”
“Oh my gosh, I remember those. I believe you were the one who bought them for me.”
“Probably so. I loved them as a kid.”
I didn’t tell Aunt Heidi about meeting Pricilla. I decided to file that one away. Hopefully she’d sell the house soon and I’d never fear bumping into her ever again.
I tousled Rose’s hair and hugged Aunt Heidi good-bye. When I got into the car, I checked who it was that made my phone go off. Figures, it was Liz. She was a spaz all day, calling me about tonight, wondering whether she could get out of her chaperone duties. She claimed she was sick this morning, then at lunch she couldn’t find anything to wear, and now an hour before it started, who knows what she would dream up. All five times she’d called or texted, I’d drum up the most sage advice I could give and wait for the next SOS.
My phone rang just as I was putting in my code to unlock and read the message. It was Liz. “Yes, Liz. You’re gorgeous, you’re the queen of the ball, no one will suspect a thing, and it will be over before you know it.”
I sort of had it all planned out what she might needed to hear at the moment. She hadn’t told the other faculty yet about her situation and was scared that by not wearing a jogging suit, they’d see. Eventually she needed to pull off that Band-Aid.
“Where are you?”
“I’m dropping off Rose, and then I’m going home. I’ve got to get ready for my semi-date, semi-hang out with Alex.” Why did I say date? The man was married. It was so confusing. Although I felt that one night he was flirting.
“Come here first.”
“Liz.” I used the tone I used with Rose to get her to stop begging for something that’s never gonna happen.
“Sarah. Don’t you remember that time I came over and sat up all night with you because Rose was sick and you were too? And I held the trash can for both of you?”
Oh. My. Gosh. When would this ever hit its expiration? Yes, I remember. It was horrible. And she was the only one who would come. Maggie had said her hazmat sui
t was still at the cleaners. “Fine. I’ll be right there. But I can’t be long. Alex is making me dinner.”
Alex is making me dinner. I loved how that sounded. I had an Alex and he was making me dinner. Who cared where Sasha was, or where she fit into things. She was in California, and I was ten minutes away from eating her estranged husband’s cuisine. Her complete loss.
I didn’t even have to knock. Liz had been watching for me from inside. She pulled me in and almost gave me whiplash from the motion. “What gives?”
“This. This is what gives.” She held up a red dress as if it were something I’d hidden and she finally found it. “Do you recognize it?”
I cautiously took it from her and held it out for inspection. “I think so. Oh yeah. You wore this to last New Year’s party, didn’t you?”
“Yeah. As in eleven months ago. Now the lousy thing won’t even zip up politely. It hedges, refuses to budge, and hurts my skin when Rick finally gave it a good, hard pull.”
“Okay. So don’t you have anything else to wear? Surely you own something not tailored to your skin. Something with a tiny bit of give?”
“I’ve sort of got things at my old place. Not that any of them are any larger.”
“Liz! I thought you gave notice and moved out.”
She lowered her voice and looked toward the other room. “Yeah, well, I’m getting there. The landlord’s been out of town and what’s the big deal anyway? I go over there sometimes when I tell Rick I’m going to the gym. I sort of lay around and pretend.”
“Pretend what?” I put my hand on my hip. “That you’re insane?”
“No. I pretend I’m single.”
I swatted her on the arm. “Liz, you have some major issues.”
“Don’t we all. I’ve got to get my crap together.”
I couldn’t disagree. “And so you want me to go and get you another dress? Give me your key. But I can’t take long. Which one do you want? And where is it? Your closet, or—”
She palmed her chest. “Heavens no. What are you talking about, Sarah? I look like a pouched fish in this one here.” She dangled the dress in my face. “I can’t imagine what the others would do to my dwindling self-esteem and budding bosoms. I like boobs, but these things would make Dolly Parton envious.”
Falling For Sarah (Sarah Series Book 3) Page 10