by Sue MacKay
‘Everyone on the island must be talking about us by now. In fact, the women are probably giving their men a hard time about how many condoms we’re getting through.’ She didn’t care at all. Every night she raced home to change into something relaxed and less midwife-like, touch up her make-up and put the washing on, then drove around to Flynn’s house. She wasn’t tired of him at all.
Flynn grinned. ‘I’m sure they’ve all got better things to do than talk about their GP and the midwife.’
‘I hope so.’ Her heart lurched. That grin always got her behind the knees, making her nearly pitch forward onto her face. For a casual fling Flynn was breaking all the rules and turning her to mush, making her heart skip when no one had done that to her before. ‘Does Giuseppe know we’re returning to his restaurant?’
‘I spoke to him earlier. He’s planning a special meal for us. Unless there’s something you don’t like to eat, we are to sit back and let the courses come.’
‘Sounds wonderful.’ She planned on wearing a dress tonight, a short black number that she’d found in one of the local shops during her lunch break yesterday. It looked fantastic with her knee-high boots and black patterned stockings. She wouldn’t be wearing anything else, bras and knickers being expendable.
‘Are you two going to spend the day in that room?’ Faye muttered loudly as she stomped past the door. ‘There are patients waiting for both of you.’
Guilt had Ally leaping back from Flynn. ‘Onto it,’ she called out. ‘Seriously, Doctor, you should know better than to kiss the nurse at work.’
‘I’ll do it out in the open next time.’ His finger flicked her chin lightly. ‘I’ll pick you up at seven thirty.’
‘I can’t wait.’ It was true. She’d see him on and off all day and yet she felt desperate to be with him, just the two of them sharing a meal in a restaurant, no interruptions from Adam or the phone or Sheba.
Uh-oh. What was happening? This was starting to feel way wrong. Keep this up and she’d have difficulty leaving at the end of her contract.
‘Ally,’ Megan called urgently from the office. ‘Ally, you’re needed. Lisa Shaw’s on the line, her waters have broken.’
Now, that was reality. ‘Coming.’ She picked up her medical bag and dashed to the office, Flynn sent to the back of her mind only to be brought back out when she wasn’t helping a baby into the world. This was the real stuff her life was about. The grounded, helping-others kind of thing that gave her the warm fuzzies without asking anything of her heart.
‘I’m going to be late.’ Ally phoned Flynn at five o’clock when it became obvious Baby Shaw had no intention of hurrying up for anyone, least of all so his mother’s midwife could go out to dinner with the local GP. ‘I have no idea when Ashton will make his entry. Lisa’s contractions slowed nearly two hours ago and so far don’t look like speeding up.’ Not very medically technical terminology, but he’d get the gist.
‘You can’t hurry babies.’ Disappointment laced Flynn’s words. ‘Is it selfish to wish Lisa hadn’t wanted a home birth?’
‘Yes, it is. I’d better go. I’ll call you when I know if we’re still on for our date.’
An image of that black dress hanging on the wardrobe door flicked across her mind, and she had to suppress a groan.
Lisa was the only person allowed to groan around here, which she was doing with deep intensity right this moment. Scott held her as she draped her pain-ridden body against him and gritted her teeth.
Ally rubbed Lisa’s back. ‘You’re doing great. Seriously.’
‘I have no choice, do I?’ Lisa snapped. ‘Next time I have a dumb idea that having a baby would be wonderful, tell me to take a hike.’ She glared at Scott. ‘Or you have it.’
Scott kissed her forehead and wisely refrained from commenting.
Ally went for diversion. ‘How long have you been married?’
‘Two years,’ Lisa ground out.
‘We’ve been wanting a baby right from the beginning.’ Scott grinned. ‘Couldn’t get it right.’
Ally chuckled. ‘Babies are control freaks. They get conceived when it suits them, arrive when they choose, and they’ve hardly started. But you know what? They’re wonderful.’
Under her hand Lisa’s shoulders tensed as she yelled out in the pain of the next contraction.
‘Lisa, breathe that gas in. You’re doing brilliantly.’
The next hour passed slowly. Ally took observations regularly, noting them on Lisa’s chart, occasionally going for a walk to the letterbox and back to give the couple a few moments alone, then returning to give Lisa more encouragement. Six o’clock clicked over on her watch. There goes dinner with Flynn. Even if Baby Ashton miraculously popped out right then, she’d be needed for a time. Guilt hovered in her head. Never before had she cared how long the birthing process took, she just loved being there with the mums, dads and their babies. But now she loved being with Flynn, too.
Her head jerked up. Loved being with him? Or loved Flynn, full stop?
‘Ally, come quick. Lisa’s pushing,’ Scott called down the hall.
Good, focus on what’s important. ‘That’s good, but we could be a while yet.’ Though for Lisa’s sake she hoped not. She was exhausted.
Examining her, Ally was happy to announce, ‘Baby’s crowning. When the urge to push comes, go with it. Don’t try to hold back.’
‘It’s too damn painful to push,’ Lisa yelled.
‘Come on, Lisa. He’s got to come out of there.’ Scott reached for Lisa’s hand and grimaced as she gripped him.
‘Easy for you to say,’ his wife snarled.
Ally had heard it all before. ‘As soon as Ashton makes his appearance, you two will forget everything but your beautiful little boy.’ This parenthood thing was awesome. Babies were amazing, so cute and vulnerable and yet bonding their parents in a way nothing else could.
Why hadn’t her mother felt like that about her? Was her mother a freak? She was definitely the reason Ally would never have her own baby. What if the don’t-love-your-own-baby gene was hereditary? There was no way on earth she’d chance having a child, only to dump her into the welfare system and disappear. And even if she did love her baby—which she was sure she would despite her past—she didn’t know the first about raising one, about providing all the things a child needed, including loads of love. Her experience of babies stopped once she knew they were able to feed from mum’s breast.
‘Ally, I think he’s coming,’ Lisa broke into her thoughts, brought her back to the here and now, away from the daydreams of someone who should know better.
When Ashton slid into her hands, Ally felt tears prick her eyelids. ‘Wow, look, Scott, he’s lovely.’ She lifted him to meet his parents. Her knees were shaky and her heartbeat erratic. ‘He’s the most beautiful baby I’ve seen.’
‘Of course he is,’ Scott whispered.
All babies were. She’d reacted the same way at that very first birth that had started her on the path to becoming a midwife. Thank you, wee Lloyd, wherever you are now. Not so wee any more, I guess. Mopping her eyes with her arm, she cleaned the mucus from Ashton and placed him on Lisa’s breast.
Flynn picked her up a little after eight. She was tired and exultant. ‘Another little baby safely delivered and in good hands.’ She clicked her seat belt into place. ‘Do you remember when you first held Adam?’ That hadn’t exactly changed the subject, had it? Darn.
‘Everything about him—his scrunched-up face, his red skin, spiky black hair and ear-shattering cry. He hasn’t changed much.’ Flynn smiled with a far-away look in his eye.
‘His face isn’t red.’ The love in Flynn’s voice brought tears to her eyes and she had to look out the window at the houses they were passing until she got herself back under control. It was too easy to picture Flynn carefully cradling Adam wrapped in a blanket, like he was made of something so fragile he’d break at the slightest pressure. I want that. No. I don’t. I can’t have it. It would be wrong for everyone.
<
br /> ‘Ally? Where’ve you gone?’
Suck it up, play the game. You know how to. ‘I’m thinking pasta and garlic and tomatoes. It’s been a long day and I forgot to buy my lunch on the way to work so missed out what with Baby Ashton stealing the show.’
‘I’m sure Giuseppe will fix what’s ailing you.’ Flynn pulled up outside the restaurant.
‘Good.’ Pity there was no cure for what really troubled her. She could not, would not get too involved. Flynn had been hurt badly with Anna’s death. So had Adam. She couldn’t risk hurting them again. Forget involvement being a risk; hurting them would be a certainty. She was clueless in the happy-families stakes, and they so didn’t deserve or need to be hurt by her. She shoved the door wide before Flynn had a chance to come round to open it for her. ‘Let’s go and have the night of our lives.’
‘Ally.’ Flynn’s hand on her arm stayed her. ‘You look absolutely beautiful tonight. More beautiful, I mean.’
‘Thank you.’ Her heart rolled. Talk about making everything harder. ‘I went shopping yesterday.’
‘I’m not talking about the dress, though you look stunning in it. It fits you like a second skin, accentuates all those curves I love touching.’ He hesitated, breathed deep. ‘But it’s you that’s beautiful—from the inside out.’
Nothing could’ve made her move at that moment if she’d tried. His words had stolen the breath out of her, liquefied her muscles, making them soft and useless. She was supposed to be having dinner with Flynn and then going back to his house and bed. He was not meant to be saying things that undermined her determination to stick to her rules—no deep, attaching involvement.
‘Ally? Did I go too far?’
Yes, you did. Way too far. You’re frightening me. Forcing a smile, she laid her hand over his. ‘Thank you. That was a lovely compliment.’
‘A heartfelt one. Now, let’s enjoy ourselves and I’ll stop the sentimental stuff since it seems to be upsetting you.’ He hopped out of the car and strode around the front to her side.
She’d let him down. But what was a girl supposed to do? She couldn’t take in what he’d said and start believing. That would be dangerous, but at the same time she couldn’t walk away from Flynn tonight, or tomorrow, or any time during the next two weeks. No, she couldn’t. Pushing out of the car, she laced her fingers through his and walked up the path to the welcoming door of the restaurant. ‘I see the tide’s farther in tonight. We won’t be having our wicked way on the beach.’
Grinning, Flynn held the door wide and ushered her inside, whispering as she passed, ‘You give up too easily.’
Did she? ‘I’m not going to ask what’s on your mind. I want to eat first.’ She ran a hand over his delectable butt before turning to follow the same young waiter they’d had last week.
Giuseppe was there before they’d sat down. ‘Welcome back, Ally. I’m glad you enjoyed our food enough to return.’
‘Come on, Giuseppe, how could I not?’ She kissed her fingertips. ‘That carbonara was superb.’
‘The carbonara or the company you were keeping?’ the older man asked with a twinkle in his eye. ‘By the way, you might be wanting this.’ He held up the half-full bottle of Merlot they’d left on the beach.
Flynn laughed loudly. ‘You old rascal. Who found that?’
‘I go for a walk along the beach every night after I close the door for the last time.’ Giuseppe kept the bottle in his hand.
Uh-oh. What time had he closed the restaurant last Friday? Ally glanced across at Flynn, saw the same question register in his eyes. Had Giuseppe seen them making out? She croaked out, ‘Thank you. It seemed a waste not to have finished a good wine.’
Giuseppe nodded, his eyes still twinkling, leaving her still wondering what he’d seen, as he said, ‘Tonight you will try something different. Something I recommend to match the meal I have arranged. This half-finished one you can take with you when you leave.’
Ally watched as he walked away, pausing at other tables to have a word with his guests. ‘Do you think he knows?’
‘That we made love on the beach? Yes, I suspect he does.’ Flynn reached across and took her hand in both his. ‘You know what? I couldn’t care less.’
‘Then neither do I.’ And she wouldn’t worry about anything else tonight either.
The meal was beyond superb and the wine excellent. The company even better. Flynn made her laugh with stories from his training days and she told him about going to school as an adult. It was a night she’d remember for a long time. It was intimate, almost as though they had a future, and she refused to let those bleak thoughts refuting that spoil anything.
‘Here.’ She twined her arm around Flynn’s, their glasses in their hands. ‘To a hot night under the stars. Tide in or out.’
Flynn smiled, a deep smile that turned her stomach to mush and her heart to squeezing. ‘To a wonderful night under the bright stars with a special lady.’
But when they stepped outside there were no stars. A heavy drizzle had dampened everything and was getting heavier by the minute. ‘You forgot to order the weather.’ Ally nudged Flynn as they hurried to the car.
‘Never said I was perfect.’ He held the car door while she bundled inside.
No, but he wasn’t far off. Leaning over, she opened his door to save him a moment in the rain. ‘How long will it take you to drop off the babysitter?’
‘Ten minutes.’
‘That long?’
‘You can warm the bed while I’m away.’ Flynn laid a hand on her thigh. ‘Believe me, I’ll be going as fast as allowed.’
Heat raced up her thigh to swirl around the apex between her legs, melting her. ‘Pull over.’
‘What? Now? Here?’ The car was already slowing.
‘Right now and here.’ She was tugging at his zip. Under her palm his reaction to her move was more than obvious.
‘I haven’t done it in a car since I was at high school.’
‘Hope you can still move your bones, you old man.’
He growled as he nibbled the skin at her cleavage. ‘Just wait and learn.’ His hand covered her centre, his fingers did things that blanked out all the doubts and yearnings in her mind and made her cry with need, followed with release.
Flynn rolled onto his side, his arm under his head and his gaze fixed on the beautiful woman sleeping beside him. He was addicted to Ally Parker. There was no other word for what he felt. Addiction. He’d never known such craving before. The more he had of her, the more he wanted. His need was insatiable. If it wasn’t so damned exciting it would be frightening. Frightening because it was filled with pitfalls.
He’d loved Anna beyond reason and had still failed her. If he hadn’t been so damned determined to follow his career the way he’d wanted it she wouldn’t have been in Melbourne that day and the accident wouldn’t have happened. If he’d listened to her wishes, instead paying them lip service, his boy would still have his mother. That, more than anything, he could never forgive himself for. Every child deserved two parents, and especially their mother, to nurture them as they grew up.
And this had what to do with Ally? Ally already enjoyed being with Adam, didn’t treat him as a pawn to get to his father but rather as an individual in his own right. She’d nurture and mother Adam if they got together.
A chill lifted goose bumps on his skin. He withdrew his arm and rolled onto his back to stare at the ceiling. They could not get together. Firstly, Ally didn’t do settling down. That was so clear he’d be a fool not to acknowledge it.
He glanced across at her sleeping form. ‘What happened that you can’t stop in one place for more than a few weeks? Who hurt you so badly that you’re prepared to miss out on what life’s all about?’ he whispered. ‘Someone other than your mother?’ That would be enough to knock anyone sideways for ever. But he had this niggling feeling he hadn’t heard it all.
As the chill lifted and his skin warmed back to normal he ran a hand over her hair, rubbed a strand between his fi
ngers. ‘I would never hurt you, let you down.’
Huh? Hadn’t he just reminded himself of how badly he’d let Anna down? Yep. And Adam. Adam. The crux of the matter. He’d do anything for his son. Anything. Which meant not getting too close to Ally, not seeking the answers to those questions in case they drove him on to making her happy, not sharing his life with her.
Ally rolled over, blinked open her eyes and smiled in a just woken up and still sleepy way. ‘Hi,’ she whispered.
‘Hi, yourself.’ He leaned in to place a light kiss on her brow, then her cheek, her chin, her lips. Two weeks. Make the most of them. Stop analysing the situation and enjoy what’s left.
As he reached for her, the door flew open.
‘Dad. Why was the door shut?’ Adam shouted, loud enough for the whole island to hear as he pushed it wide.
‘Good morning to you, too.’ Flynn smiled and pulled the bedcovers up to Ally’s chin. ‘Hope you’re okay with this,’ he whispered to her. ‘I forgot to relock the door after I went to the bathroom.’
‘Not a problem, unless he wants to get in here with us,’ she whispered back. ‘Hello, Adam. How long have you been awake?’
‘A long time. I’ve been watching cartoons.’ Adam started to climb onto the bed.
Hell, Ally was buck naked. Adam was used to seeing him in the nude, but not a woman. ‘Adam, can you pass Ally my robe? She’s getting cold.’
‘She should wear pyjamas to bed.’
How did Adam know she hadn’t? Distraction needed. ‘Let’s have pancakes for breakfast.’ That’d get his attention, pancakes being his all-time favourite breakfast food. Unhealthy. Tough.
‘Ally, are you coming for a sleepover every night now?’
Flynn mentally threw his hands into the air. If pancakes didn’t work, then he had to get serious. ‘Adam, go out to the lounge while we get up.’
Ally shook her head as though trying to make sense of everything. ‘Sometimes when it’s late I don’t go home, but not every night. I’ve got my own place to go to.’
Adam nodded. ‘I thought so. But if you want to stay every night we don’t mind, do we, Dad?’