by M T McGuire
He laughed, and again, she was glad; such a bad sign.
“Very and it’s a snurd. I admit it’s the deluxe model but where I come from most of this stuff is standard.”
No ‘teapots’ there, he must be relaxing a little. Bad in some ways but for the sake of coherent conversation, good.
“Stuff like?”
“The aviator and submariner options—everyone has those—and all snurds are made of polymorphic metal.”
“Polly what?”
“Polymorphic, it changes shape when you change modes.” He must have noticed her look of incomprehension, “You know, from wings to,” he shrugged, “no wings. It has to, or it’d be full of hinges and rivets and stuff and it’d be too heavy. The metal is preset for each mode so it knows what to do and of course, if you dent it, it remembers where it should be and goes back.”
“OK, I don’t know if that has been invented yet on Earth, where the hell are you from?”
“K’Barth.”
“That leaves me none the wiser. Are you a space man?”
“Of course not. I’m from Earth, too, the same as you; it’s a different version of reality, parallel but the same planet.”
“Wow!” said Ruth, as she cast another quick glance at the Lotus. “So, does money work there? Could you take me to your country so I can buy one of those?”
“I don’t know about the money but I think you’d be very unwise to come to my country.” He gave her a rueful smile. “It’s no place for a woman like you.”
Sexist prat, those lovely eyes and all that smiling undone in an instant.
“Meaning, Mister Pan?” she asked acidly.
A long pause.
“Meaning that it’s full of the wrong sort of people and quite a lot of them are after you.”
“Thank you for your reassurance. I assume you mean the scary sci-fi dudes do you?” He looked quizzical. “The no-no blokes, with the uniforms and the laser guns.”
“Amongst others.”
Amongst others? Oh marvellous, who else then? No, beyond one, the ‘who’ wasn’t relevant, the big question was,
“Why? Why are all these people after me?”
“Arnold in heaven. Where do I start?”
“Well, you could try the beginning.”
“What if I freak you out?”
“What if? Are you scared I’ll run away? In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m stuck on the top of a skyscraper with you, it’s not like I can go anywhere.”
“You might jump off.”
“I might but I’d die. Why would I want that? I’m not going to kill myself, Mister Pan; this is life, not opera.”
He smiled and there was a hint of something else in his expression ... admiration, perhaps?
“You’re not going to like this.” He stopped as if he’d just remembered something and looked at his watch, “Arnold!”
Who was this Arnold he kept mentioning?
“Ruth, there’s no time. Later, I promise, but now I have to go.” He scrambled to his feet and so did she. “Stay here, you’ll be quite safe. I’ll be back in,” another look at the watch, “five minutes.”
“Oh no you don’t! You’re not leaving me marooned on the top of a building.”
“I have to. I won’t be a moment, I promise.”
“Well, why don’t I come too?”
“No, it’s too dangerous.”
“And now we come to it, ‘too dangerous’. What if it’s so dangerous that you don’t come back?”
“I will.”
“How do I know?”
“Because I’ve promised you.”
She stared at him, and he didn’t look away.
“You know, amazingly, Mister Pan, I believe you when you say you’ll come back, but I find, in life, that there is often a big gap between people’s intentions and delivery. What if you can’t come back, what if you get yourself killed?”
He ran his hands through his hair and put his hat on.
“I’m rather hoping not to. Nothing will happen. You are safe here and I’ll be five minutes, tops.”
“You’re serious, aren’t you? You’re actually going to leave me here, like a sitting duck.”
“Yes, I’m afraid I am.” He stood there, regarding her thoughtfully. “Ruth,” he took her gently by the shoulders and looked into her eyes. “It’s a big ask, I know, but please trust me.” He was searching for some form of reassurance. Yes, there was no doubt he meant what he was saying. He believed he was going to come back for her; it was just that Ruth didn’t. Never mind, if it was only supposed to be five minutes, best to get it over with. Ten minutes and she’d call the police and they could come and get her.
“I don’t have much option, do I?”
He took her face in his hands and kissed her lightly on the cheek. Blimey! She hadn’t been prepared for that.
“Thank you!” he said, “I think you might possibly be an angel.” And he turned and ran. He leapt straight onto the boot lid of his snurd, gathering the cloak as he went, threw himself into the driving seat and started the engine. She watched as he took off, circled the building once and then he and his ritzy car disappeared in a flash of light. Ah. He hadn’t told her he was going to do that. Without thinking what she was doing, she put her hand up to her cheek.
“Five minutes, Mister No-Name Hamgeean, that’s all.” And she didn’t care how safe he thought it was, she was going to spend those five minutes looking for somewhere to hide.
****
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Afterword – a message from the author
Thank you for reading this book. I hope you enjoyed the first instalment of the K’Barthan Series. If you did and you have a moment, I’d be very grateful if you rated it. If you have an extra moment, a review would also be fantastic as the more reviews I have, the higher the profile my books are given on the sites that sell them. You can read more about the rest of the books in the series below.
Who is M T McGuire?
M T McGuire enjoys the real world but wouldn’t want to live here full time. That’s why she writes books. She grew up, or at least, got bigger, halfway up a windy down in Sussex. Her home was also the first location choice for Hogwarts, in the Harry Potter films, so maybe it’s not so strange that she’s ended up writing spec-fic. Perhaps there’s something in the water up there, apart from chalk.
M T now lives in Bury St Edmunds, in Suffolk, with a McOther, a McMini, an enormous McCat and a selection of very silly cars. She hasn’t found a way to make any of the cars fly, and none of them are fitted with ordnance, but she and her team of evil scientists are working on that.
Despite being well into middle age now, and supposedly, an adult, M T checks all unfamiliar wardrobes for a gateway to Narnia. She hasn’t found one so far but she lives in hope.
A bit about Snurds
If you’re as geeky as me you might want to know a little bit more about snurds. So, here’s a brief outline.
Snurds were born out of my love of driving. They were also, I confess, born out of a combination of my enjoyment of driving reasonably fast (conditions and speed limit permitting) and my impatience when following vehicles which go more slowly than I. You know the kind of thing: farm vehicles, heavy plant, lorries ... The impatience in question is usually born out of my own inefficiency, either by being late or not estimating the journey time properly. So, while waiting for a place to overtake safely I have always dealt with my impatience by pretending I could morph my vehicle into aviator mode, take off and leave them behind. I want a snurd. I want one so badly it hurts; although anyone who has seen The Spy Who Loved Me will know that I didn’t invent them.
The shapes are merely a selection of MTM dream cars.
The SE2
The Pan of Hamgee’s snurd is based on the Elan tha
t Lotus produced in the early 1960s. There are several variants but I gave him the S2 and named it an SE2 because I’d call all those extras ‘special equipment’. For pictures of a real one and a bit more info, there’s a Wikipedia page you can look at here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lotus_Elan. The Pan’s is the one in the first picture at the top.
The MK II
A no-brainer, this one. In the 1960s any bank robber worth his salt would be driving a MKII Jag because, for a while, it could go faster than the police. The ultimate felon’s car from the golden age of cops and robbers, Big Merv had to have one. In the unlikely event you don’t know what they look like, here’s Wikipedia again: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jaguar_Mark_2. It’s also the Jag driven by Inspector Morse, longer and leaner than an S Type.
The Interceptor
Based on something called the Uhlenhaut Mercedes, of which only two road legal versions were ever made (out of a handful in total). Frankly, Mercedes should probably be taken to court on some kind of road-candy denial charge for not making any more of them. It was based on the F1 Mercedes chassis but after a grim accident at LeMans in 1954, Mercedes withdrew from racing and didn’t put the car into production. If you thought that one with the gull wing doors was cool, wait until you have a look at this: https://www.flickr.com/photos/maartenmercedes/6701673627/ and for a bit more info, thank you Wikipedia one final time: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mercedes-Benz_300_SLR#Uhlenhaut_Coup.C3.A9.
Other books by M T McGuire
The K’Barthan Series
The Wrong Stuff, K’Barthan Series: Part 2 – get this free when you join my mailing list.
To find out more and read a sample, visit http://hamgee.co.uk/books/the-wrong-stuff-kbarthan-trilogy-part-2/
The Pan of Hamgee is not a natural knight in shining armour. Yet he has escaped from police custody in K’Barth, switched realities and foiled Lord Vernon’s attempt to kidnap Ruth, the Chosen One, from the Festival Hall. Pretty good, he thinks.
However, Ruth thinks otherwise. Being pursued by Lord Vernon is bad enough. Now, thanks to The Pan, she’s on the run. They are both alive, of course, but with Lord Vernon on their tail neither of them can be sure how long for.
To save K’Barth and Ruth, the woman of his dreams, The Pan must introduce her to the Candidate, who is prophesied to be the man of her dreams. And he must do it fast – before Lord Vernon finds her. But the gentleman in question is in hiding and no-one knows where. Only The Pan can find him, if he can bring himself to unite them.
One Man: No Plan, K’Barthan Series: Part 3
To find out more and read a sample, visit http://hamgee.co.uk/books/one-man-no-plan-kbarthan-trilogy-part-3/
The Pan of Hamgee needs answers, although he’s not even sure he knows the questions.
He has a chance to go straight but it’s been so long that he’s almost forgotten how. Despite a death warrant over his head he is released, given a state-sponsored business, and a year’s amnesty for all misdemeanours while he adjusts. On the down side, Ruth has left him for his nemesis, Lord Vernon.
The Pan doesn’t have a year, either. In only five days Lord Vernon will gain total power and destroy K’Barth. Unless The Pan can stop him. Because even though the Candidate, the person prophesied to save K’Barth, has finally appeared it’s still going to be down to The Pan to make things right. But he has no clue where to start or whether he even can.
The future hangs by a thread and the only person who can fix it is The Pan: a man without a plan.
Looking For Trouble, K’Barthan Series: Part 4
To find out more and read a sample, visit http://hamgee.co.uk/books/looking-for-trouble-kbarthan-trilogy-part-4/
The Pan of Hamgee doesn’t believe in miracles but if he’s going to save K’Barth it looks as if he might need one.
He’s not quite as alone as he thought. The punters from The Parrot and Screwdriver are right behind him and he has rescued three of his friends from the Grongolian Security Forces, who are now of course, three of the nation’s most wanted, which doesn’t make life easy. He even has something of a plan for once. It involves making peace with the Resistance, trying to resurrect the Underground movement, and toppling Lord Vernon.
Now, The Pan just needs to keep his head down and maintain a low profile. He must be brave and clever and stay in control. That’s going to be a first. But the hardest part will be staying alive long enough to put his plan into action.
Escape From B-Movie Hell
To find out more and read a sample, visit http://hamgee.co.uk/books/escape-from-b-movie-hell/
If you asked Andi Turbot whether she had anything in common with Flash Gordon she’d say no, emphatically. Saving the world is for dynamic, go-ahead, leaders of men and while it would be nice to see a woman getting involved for a change, she believes she could be the least well-equipped being in her Galaxy for the job.
Then her best friend, Eric, reveals that he is an extraterrestrial. He’s not just any ET either. He’s Gamalian: seven-feet tall, lobster-shaped and covered in marmite-scented goo. Just when Andi’s getting used to that he tells her about the Apocalypse and really ruins her day.
The human race will perish unless Eric’s Gamalian superiors step in. Abducted and trapped on an alien ship, Andi must convince the Gamalians her world is worth saving. Or escape from their clutches and save it herself.
Unlucky Dip, Prequel to Few Are Chosen
To find out more and read a sample, visit http://hamgee.co.uk/books/short-stories/unlucky-dip-3/
The Pan of Hamgee, a starving outlaw, bumps into Big Merv; the meanest, scariest gangster in the city and without thinking what he is doing, steals his wallet. When Big Merv realises what has happened The Pan’s future looks short. Unless he can persuade Big Merv to let him go he will be going for a short swim in concrete boots or recycled into one of the bridges of the Outer Ring Road, currently being constructed round the city.
Free Short Stories
If you haven’t done so already, help yourself to my free e-shorts while you’re waiting. You can download them where you purchased this book. For more information visit http://www.hamgee.co.uk
Coming soon... more books
Keep an eye on http://hamgee.co.uk/books or http://www.mtmcguire.co.uk for news... or sign up for my mailing list.
M T McGuire recommends ... other authors whose books you might like
If you’ve enjoyed the K’Barthan Series, you might enjoy the work of these authors, some are inspired by the same concepts as I am but have dealt with them in different ways, others are just good, fun, clever and/or funny. They’re all folks whose books I, personally, enjoyed which is why I’m recommending them to you. The links will send you to each person’s author page on Goodreads.
David Staniforth
Young Adult fantasy stories that anyone can read. There are four books – Alloria which is just brilliant – and the Fuel to the Fire trilogy, which is excellent, too but a little darker. All beautifully written, to the point where I am filled with awe (and some professional envy)!
David Morrese
Science Fiction/Fantasy/counter-fantasy stories, again with a pretty universal appeal. I’ve read both his Warden books and they are great fun, the second one, especially. The world seems like a straight medieval setting but it isn’t, at all, and there are some cracking characters in there who develop beautifully as the story progresses.
Lex Allen
Having just finished the first book in the Imagine Trilogy I was amazed at how many common ideas it shares with Few Are Chosen, and yet it’s such a radically different book. I loved it, so I hope that if you like the ideas behind my books, you will love it too.
Author News
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Book Merchandise
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You can also buy signed paperback copies of the book if you’re in the UK. Postage to Europe, alone, is £10 so if you’re outside the UK you might prefer me to sign you a sticker to put in your own book for a small charge. If you’d like more info, e-mail [email protected].