Circle of Secrets
Copyright © 2018 Lauren Tisdale
First E-book Publication: November 2013
Re-Release E-Book Publication: June 2018
Cover design by Amy Queau
Edited by Megan Koenen
Proofread by Courtney Karmiller
All cover art and logo copyright © 2018 by Q Designs
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED: This literary work may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, including electronic or photographic reproduction, in whole or in part, without express written permission.
All characters and events in this book are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead is strictly coincidental.
PUBLISHER
Lauren Tisdale
www.laurentisdaleauthor.com
DEDICATION
It goes without saying, this journey would not have been possible had I not had the friends and family I had, urging me to purse my dreams. Only, at the time, I hadn’t really realized that writing was my dream. Fire and foremost, I want to thank my best friend, my mom. Even though she is no longer with me, her strength and determination was something I most definitely inherited from her. Without her, this book idea wouldn’t have been possible. She planted the seed of creativity within me, it just took some time to grow and flourish.
To my husband, Brett: Thank you for believing in me, for not letting me give up and for telling me you are proud of me. For simply being there to listen while I rant about something not coming out right. Words really can’t describe how thankful I am to have you in my life. I love you!
To my mother-in-law, Evelyn: Thank you for watering and nurturing that seed and being the mother figure I needed in my life. I will never forget what you have done for me and from the bottom of my heart, it means the world. Had it not been for your constant persistence that I should write a book, I’d have never tried it out. You’ve been one of my biggest supporters and fan girls and without you I’d have to promote myself all alone.
To my friends and family: Thank you for all your support and encouragement. You are only as strong as the supporters around you make you feel. And I felt invincible. You all know who you are.
To Kristin, Teri, Jennifer, Rachel, Lynda, Tennille, Faith, Jas and William: You guys are the best for putting up with me throughout this process and for pushing me to keep going and not give up. You supported me, offered advice and tried to help in any way you could and that means the world to me. I love you all. You’re my second family. Without you I would have never found my dream, my voice or my courage. So again, from my heart and soul, thank you!
To my editor, ELF: you were so great in helping me throughout this journey, being a newbie and all. Answering all my crazy questions, and going out of your way to ensure that it was done right and on time. Thank you so much for all your devoted time and the wonderful comments you have given me. As long as I touched one person, I am happy.
To Amy Queau: You were suggested to me by a fellow author and I was told you were a mind reader. A miracle worker. Well, your work has proven you just may be magical. I told you my vision and you completely hit the nail on the head on the first try. It’s everything I wanted AND MORE! I love my cover and I look forward to working with Q Designs in the future. A huge, huge thank you!
To my readers: I really hope you enjoy this novel. I poured everything I have into it and I hope you feel it just as I did. Happy reading!
To Lyndsae’: Words can’t thank you enough for listening to my constant babbling on and on about writing. You told me to go for my dreams because you believed I could do it. When I was stuck and had no idea where to take my story and how to end it, you helped me take all the pieces of the puzzle and connect it. You’ve been the greatest friend and sister to me. I am so blessed to have you in my life! I couldn’t ask for a better aunt for my son and you are just amazing in so many ways. It’s hard to find the words to describe my appreciation. So from the bottom of my heart, I will just say thank you and I love you.
To Chantelle: I admire your strength and determination. I see a bit of Marissa in you and I couldn’t have written Chantelle’s part in the book without taking from you and how you are. Even when you’re being your shockingly blunt and skeptic self, I still love you and know you only want the best for me. Thank you for all you do for me and your godchild and for really just believing in me and telling me my mom would be proud. I’ll always, always be your Chester!
To Stacy: I couldn’t have gathered up the strength to re-release this novel without your support. You’ve reminded me of my passion and rooted for me as I took this head on and dove into following my dream. You’ve been a great sounding board and support system in everything and I am tremendously thankful to have you in my life. Thanks for pushing me and encouraging me to follow my dreams and not stop until I get it done. Let’s have an adventure, Ethel!
And last but not least, Thank you to God. Without you, I wouldn’t be where I am at all. I was blessed with a gift, a gift that took a while to discover, but nonetheless a gift. For all the blessings, for all the things you’ve sent my way, thank you.
My dreams are coming true and I have all of you to thank!
Chapter One
She sat on the swing of the veranda and held her sweater closed, taking occasional sips of her hot tea and looking out into space of the darkening sky. That day so many years ago was a day just like today. Overcast clouds promising to open up and have raindrops fall to the earth in unison, the Tennessee air filling her nose with the smells of Mother Nature’s cleansing. Now she had gray hair at the roots of her naturally brown locks, the beginning of wrinkles to show her aging, her eyes the color of emeralds. The most beautiful color of green you could get lost in. A small smile crossed her lips as she lost herself in her memories. Memories of the past, thoughts of the present and hopes for the future.
Today was Mother’s Day. Every holiday or occasion, her family would celebrate together and catch up on events in one another’s lives. She’d even call her brother and sister to wish them happy holidays. Even though she didn’t see them too often, she kept in contact with them. This day was one of the hardest of the year, bittersweet. She knew the kids would be there soon and was looking forward to seeing how much they had grown. Her grandchildren grew like weeds.
Family get-togethers meant a lot to her. They would always take turns hosting a holiday at one another’s homes. Of course, Mother’s Day was always celebrated at her home. She loved seeing her children and grandchildren. She felt blessed that her family got together often and stayed in touch, not many families were like that. She always loved their family get-togethers but something always seemed missing. Thirty-three years had passed since she’d first become a mother.
~1969~
She was in love with Thomas Cole, her high school sweetheart. She was only sixteen when she realized she was pregnant. Tommy, only eighteen at the time, was thrilled. He loved Helen and believed they were destined to be married. The year was 1968, the same year the American involvement in Vietnam peaked at its highest. He received a letter in the mail in November of 1968, a letter that changed his life. His number had been called. He was being summoned by the United States of America, to serve his country or else be imprisoned for draft evasion. He promised that once he returned he’d marry her and they’d be a family. Helen’s family was high in class, the total opposite of Thomas Cole’s. He was a hard worker from a low income family. Helen’s father, Joseph Burrows, refused to allow his daughter to marry such a peasant. He looked down at him as not good enough. When her parents learned of her pregnancy they became enraged that she’d do such a shameful thing. Catholic girls were supposed to be pure on their wedding night and only start a family
after they were married. To have a child out of wedlock and especially someone of such a lower class was frowned upon. Because Tommy was the father, it worsened her parents’ distaste. Her father and mother sat down with her and begged her to consider other options. Abortion, which was not even considered. Her religion and beliefs rendered her incapable of doing something so horrendous. They continuously suggested adoption, so that she could have a chance at a different life and it would spare any family embarrassment. She ignored their persistence and was determined to make this work, she would marry Tommy whether they approved or not.
Helen was eight months pregnant in the July summer heat when she received the call. His mother sobbed into the phone as she broke the news of Tommy’s death. He had been killed in the line of duty protecting his country, doing what he thought he ought to. He died a hero, but now Helen was alone. She felt abandoned. The phone dropped to the floor as her hands instinctively went to her swollen belly. She cried out in anguish as the tears streamed down her face in lines of clear pearl droplets.
Her older brother, Elijah, had always been her closest sibling, in age and temperament. He had been there for her and she had told him first when she first found out the horrible news. Elijah was a year older than Helen and had found her crying in her bedroom that day.
“Helen? What is it? What’s wrong? Is it the baby?”
“He’s gone Eli…he’s…gone,” she said between her sobs. Burying her face in his shirt, she continued to cry. Tommy’s face was still fresh in her memory, but her heart had just broken. Bunching his shirt in her hand, she weakly slammed her other fist down on his chest. “He’s gone forever…I’m alone, I have to do this alone. Oh, Eli…what am I going to do?” She was distraught and falling apart.
Elijah wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on the top of her head. “Hush now Helen, you’ll upset my niece or nephew. We don’t want that. It’s okay, we’ll get through this, like we always do. You have to think positive, you have to focus on the life growing inside of you, little sister.” He was trying to comfort her the best way he knew how. She continued to sob into his chest as he held her.
Her sister, Lorraine, the oldest of the three Burrows children, had gone off to college and had only been back a few times. When she learned of her baby sister’s “situation”, she tried to convince her that adoption was the way to go. Helen felt as if she only had Elijah on her side. Lorraine never had liked Tommy. Helen and Lorraine were complete opposites, night and day. Lorraine did not approve of Helen’s decision to keep the baby and was vocal about it when she would visit. The week after Tommy passed, she came home for the holiday break and Helen broke the news to her sister.
“I’m sorry Helen. I can’t believe he’s gone. What are you going to do?” She sounded insensitive and Helen just looked at her.
Narrowing her eyes, with all the determination she could muster she spoke. “I’m going to keep this baby. I don’t care what you think, what Daddy thinks…this is MY baby. It’s the only thing I have left of him.”
“But Helen, keeping the baby won’t bring him back. It won’t help you grieve his loss.”
“What do you know, Lorraine? What do you even care?” Helen stormed back to her bedroom and hadn’t come back down until her sister left. She’d grieved for weeks, knowing that she’d be alone in raising their baby.
“Gramma, Gramma!”
She heard little voices as she was snapped from her thoughts. She put her tea down and extended her arms as Jaxon, Hunter, and Maggie came running into them. She kissed their heads and smiled. Her grandchildren were the apples of her eye. She stood as she watched her grown children getting out of their vehicles and gathering things from the trunk. Every Mother’s Day she looked forward to the Sunday afternoon when her children and grandchildren would come over for a family barbeque. Her husband, Tyson, emerged from the house and greeted the grandkids with pats on the head and hugs.
“Hey kiddos! Well Maggie, aren’t you just getting so big? And Hunter, give me five my man!” He chuckled as his eldest grandson gave him a high-five.
“Jaxon, my little man, come give Grandpa hugs!” he said as he looked over and bent down to match Jaxon’s height.
She knew he enjoyed seeing his grandkids often. Maggie had just turned two and had the cutest brown curls and chestnut colored eyes. She was the spitting image of her mom, Grace. Her older brother, Hunter, was five and would be six in the fall. He had short spiky hair just like his dad, Tyson “TJ” Morrison II. Jaxon was the only son of Brent and Abigail Morrison. He was three and would have a birthday this December. He had dirty blonde hair and blue eyes just like Abigail. The kids huddled around their grandparents as their parents made their way up the walk. Brent held Abigail’s hand as she waddled up to the porch steps. She was eight-and-a-half months pregnant with their second child. Tyson Morrison II walked behind his wife Grace as she held a cake steady in her arms. Helen embraced Abigail and chuckled as she rubbed her daughter-in-law’s back.
“Any day now, right?”
Abigail smiled and nodded with a mock frown. “I was hoping it wouldn’t rain today, of all days.”
Abigail was a perfectionist. She organized the Mother’s Day get-together each year. “Brent planned on barbequing outside since it was so lovely earlier. Tennessee’s unpredictable weather, huh…” she said with a shrug. Helen laughed.
“Oh, rain or no rain, at least I have all of you here today.” Abigail nodded and agreed as she moved around to hug her father-in-law.
Brent hugged his mom and whispered “Happy Mother’s Day” in her ear. She kissed his cheek before he moved to hug his father. Tyson Jr. smiled and gave his mom a hug and a kiss on her cheek as he greeted her. Grace smiled and wished her a happy Mother’s Day, which Helen reciprocated. She motioned towards the door and Tyson let out an “Oh, yeah!” as he opened the screen door for Grace to enter carrying the cake. They all went inside to set up for the family get-together.
Tyson Sr. wrapped his arm around Helen’s waist with a smile. “Your dad called, love, he’ll be here a little late…but he’ll be here.” He gave her a kiss on her cheek and wished her another Happy Mother’s Day as he opened the door for her to enter.
Helen smiled and nodded as she headed inside, the gray clouds moving at a slow pace across the sky, hiding the sun and showing signs of raining at any moment. She looked on as her family began to chitchat amongst themselves, talking babies and jobs. She smiled and listened, asking about the new job Brent had just landed.
“Oh, you know…it’s great. Being a boss and all.” He gave his mother a playful wink as Abby shook her head with a smile and teased.
“Don’t let him fool you, Mom…He just sits at his desk barking orders all day.” She exchanged a playful look with him as Helen laughed.
“My boys, my big boys. You’ve both grown into fine young men, and married beautiful women. What more could a mother ask for on Mother’s Day?”
Tyson Sr. stood and excused himself to check on the barbecue as they all continued to chat. The kids ran around playing hide-and-seek with one another upstairs.
She looked at her watch and then towards the door. Her father was unusually late, he was usually an early bird. “Excuse me, I’m going to go call pawpaw and see where he is. He’s bringing the potato salad.” Heading into the kitchen, she picked up the receiver and dialed her dad’s cell phone number.
He answered on the first ring. “I’m-a coming. The potato salad is good cold, anyhow.” He gave a low-rumbled laugh.
She smiled and shook her head. “Be careful Dad, the weather is awful out there.”
He sighed. “Yes, I see it. Now you know I shouldn’t talk and drive. Be there in ten. Tell everyone to hold their britches!”
Making her way back to the table she saw everyone beginning to fix their plates. “Paw-paw will be here in about ten minutes with the potato salad.” Smiling, she sat down and watched with joy as her family began to fix their plates and dine in. Today was alwa
ys a sad day for her. She was lost again in her memories as the sounds of the children chattering vanished.
~1969~
“It’s for the best, you have to see that,” her mother said softly as she held Helen’s hand while her father held the pen out to her. Two weeks, two weeks had passed since Tommy died in Vietnam and here they were trying to make her give her child up for adoption. She stood in frustration.
“No! I am not giving our child away to some stranger! And you can’t make me do it. I’ll run away. I’ll leave. I don’t need you! Either of you. His body isn’t even cold and you’re practically dancing on his grave! How could you care so little? Be so heartless? The man I loved is dead! The only thing I have left of him is growing inside of me. And I’m not—” Her hands went to her belly as she hunched over her eyes squinting in pain. “Oh…God!” She felt the pain in her lower abdomen as it tensed up. Breathing in and out like the woman from her doctor’s office had taught her, she focused on her happy place. Tommy… Closing her eyes she kept breathing through the pain.
“Helen, what is it, honey? What’s wrong? Contraction?” Her mother’s soft voice sounded concerned as she ran her hand along Helen’s back to soothe her.
“Look, we’re running out of time here, Helen. These are good people. You haven’t lived yet.” Her father sat in his chair behind his desk. Her father couldn’t be that heartless, could he?
Taking a deep breath as the pain subsided, she glared at him. “I’m having this baby, and I’m keeping it. End. Of. Story!” Turning and shrugging her mother off, she left his office and slammed the door.
She heard the knock about fifteen minutes later. It was Elijah. Laying on her side, staring out her window, her tears rolled down the side of her face and onto her pillow. She didn’t say anything as Elijah came and sat on the edge of her bed at her feet. He was silent for a few beats before he spoke softly.
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