Again, she cut him off. “Alex is out of town. I’m in charge. I need to know if I can count on your support.”
Though he appeared baffled by her decision, he nodded his acquiescence. Jennifer forged right into briefing him on her ongoing projects. After several hours, she made arrangements to meet with him again the next day.
When Bill walked out of her office, she sat back in her chair and stretched her shoulders, but the exercise did little to ease the tension building inside her. Alex had called several times while she’d been meeting with Bill. Although Jennifer had told Paige to hold her calls, she’d interrupted her each time to inform her Alex was on the telephone.
Jennifer had refused his calls, then had eventually told Paige that she was too busy to take any calls, and that meant calls from Alex, as well. Bill’s expression of shock when he’d heard her had made her wish she hadn’t been so authoritative. She could just imagine what he was thinking.
And Paige. Jennifer owed the woman an apology. She hadn’t meant to snap at her.
But talking to Alex wasn’t a good idea. By the time she went home, she was exhausted. She screened her telephone calls during the evening with her answering machine, letting it pick up Alex’s calls. From the tone of his voice he was more than irritated.
Well, he wasn’t going to be any happier when he returned to Virginia and found her gone.
At the end of the second day, after everyone had left the office, Jennifer pushed the enter button on her computer, then reached for the paper she’d printed. Her hand trembled as she read the words.
Effective immediately, I am resigning my position as…
It was the right thing to do. She had no other options. Alex’s baby was growing inside her. It wouldn’t be long before she would be showing, and Alex Dunnigan was not a stupid man. He would know that the baby was his.
She folded the letter, slipped it into an envelope and wrote Alex’s name on it. Beneath it, she wrote Confidential. Slipping on her coat, she grabbed her purse, then went into Alex’s office and placed her resignation on his desk where he’d see it when he returned.
Tears spilled over her cheeks and she brushed them away as she got into the elevator and left her office for the last time.
Alex cursed the pickup that cut in front of him as he steered his car onto the exit toward his office. He had wanted to see Jennifer the moment his plane had touched down on Thursday morning. But because he’d been anxious to see her, he’d caught the red-eye back to Virginia Beach. Considering that she’d been ill, he hadn’t wanted to wake her this morning.
So he’d cooled his heels at home. At eight, he’d called her house. Instead of Jennifer answering, her machine had picked up the call.
Again.
How many times had he called and gotten her damn machine? He’d been telling himself it was a coincidence. When he’d left her, she’d assured him she was feeling better. Now he wasn’t so sure.
Something was wrong.
She hadn’t taken any of his calls over the four days he’d been in California. His messages at her house had gone unanswered. Every time he’d called her at work, Paige had told him that Jennifer was too busy to talk to him.
Too busy!
Hell, he was the CEO of the damn company, and she couldn’t take his calls?
He stormed into the building and went straight to Jennifer’s office, thinking she’d already arrived at work. As soon as he stepped inside, an odd feeling of doom caused his chest to ache.
Jennifer wasn’t here.
God, was she ill? Again? Despite her claim that she’d felt better, she’d been really sick when he’d left her. Cursing under his breath, Alex berated himself for not staying with her in the first place. He should have made sure she was all right. Or at least called someone in her family and asked them to check on her. Why hadn’t he at least done that?
He heard the elevator doors and turned to see Paige step out of one of the cars. “Where the hell is Jennifer?” he demanded. At her look of trepidation, he schooled himself to calm down. “I’m sorry, Paige. I didn’t mean to bark at you.”
Her eyes wide, she stood rooted to the carpet. “Yes, sir.”
“Where is Jennifer?” he asked again, trying very hard to stay in control. The look on Paige’s face alarmed him. “She’s all right, isn’t she?”
Paige swallowed hard. “I think so.”
He didn’t like the sound of that. “What do you mean, you think so?”
“Maybe you’d better check your desk, Alex,” she suggested, her voice trembling.
What did that mean? Without asking, Alex spun on his heel and stormed into his office.
A lone white envelope lay on his desk.
His heart stopped.
He didn’t have to read what was inside to know what it said. Still, he took the letter out and scanned it.
Jennifer had left him.
And he had only himself to blame. He’d pushed their intimacy to the limit and he’d forced her to resign from her job.
Crushing the letter in his fist, he left his office, determined to see her.
To ask for her forgiveness.
And to tell her he loved her.
Alex braked his car to a stop so hard that the tires squealed. He sat inside a minute to try to calm down, sucking in a hard breath, then letting it out slowly. If this is what it felt like to be in love, he wasn’t sure he’d survive it. Obviously he’d made a lot of mistakes with Jennifer.
Loving her wasn’t one of them.
Once she knew how he felt, she’d forgive him, right? And surely she loved him or she wouldn’t have made love with him. Now all he needed to do was to convince her that he was serious. He wanted her. Now. Tomorrow. For the rest of his life.
He wasn’t going to win any points by charging inside her apartment and babbling like a fool. What he needed was a plan. He’d just tell her straight out that he knew they’d agreed to a business-only relationship, but his feelings for her had changed.
Clutching her resignation in his hand, he got out of his car and went to her door, ringing her doorbell several times. After a few minutes she finally opened the door.
His gaze swept over her as she crossed her arms in front of her. She wore a baggy gray sweatshirt that looked about two sizes too big for her and snug-fitting jeans that reminded him just how slim and seductive her legs were.
“What’s the meaning of this?” Clutching the resignation in his hand, he held it toward her.
So much for your plan.
Jennifer eyed him cautiously. “I think it’s perfectly clear.” She licked her lips, unable to take her eyes off of him. Dressed in a dark suit, he was breathtakingly handsome. She wondered if their child would look like him.
Okay, so she wasn’t going to make this easy, Alex realized. “Can I come in?”
Knowing he deserved an explanation, Jennifer stepped back and waited for him to enter, then closed the door behind him. She turned and her gaze sought his. “I guess in my heart, I knew you wouldn’t just accept my decision.”
“Hell, no, I won’t accept it. What were you thinking?” he demanded. Trying to get some control over his emotions, he distanced himself from her by walking into her living room. She followed, and he turned to pin her with a desperate look.
“Alex—”
“No, Jen, please let me talk. Please.”
She nodded and sat in a chair. “All right.”
Alex watched her. No matter what she said, she wasn’t feeling well. Her skin was pale and she looked as if she could use a week’s worth of sleep.
And still she was beautiful.
He sat on the sofa, his expression one of apprehension. “You’re still sick?” he asked, letting his gaze drift over her more attentively.
“Yes.”
Alex’s chest grew tight. “Is it serious?”
She forced a small smile. “No. It’s nothing fatal, if that’s what you mean. But we’ll talk about it in a minute. What did you want to say?”
Relieved, he sat forward. He took her hand in his and stroked it. And when he looked into her eyes, his breath caught. “I love you, Jen. I want you to know I’ve never said those words to another woman. Ever. Until now, I wasn’t even sure what love meant. But I mean it. I love you.” The words came from him without reservation. He couldn’t have stopped them if he’d wanted to.
“Oh, Alex.” Jennifer blinked back tears. She’d waited for years hoping to hear words of love from him. Why now? Why did he have to say them now, when what she had to tell him would destroy everything between them?
“I know you’re angry with me for making love to you when I promised I wouldn’t touch you. You have every right to be upset. But when I’m with you, sweetheart, I can’t stop thinking about how good we are together. I thought about you the whole time I was in California.”
“You did?” She gripped the arm of the chair.
“Please, don’t cry,” he said when he saw her tears. “I came here to apologize for sleeping with you because I knew you didn’t want to become involved with me. But I can’t, Jen. I can’t tell you I’m sorry for making love to you.” He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed her fingertips.
“Alex, please don’t—”
Not listening, he went on, “I know I’m no prize catch. I’ve got a lot of hang-ups. Emotionally, I’m a basket case. I don’t even know if I have what it takes to make a commitment to you. But you’re so strong, so beautiful.” He caressed her hair, her cheek. “We’re good together, Jennifer.”
Jennifer paled when she realized what he intended. “Wait—”
“Marry me, sweetheart.” Alex hadn’t meant to propose to her in quite that way, but once the words were out, he was relieved. “Please.”
“Alex—”
“You don’t have to stop working if you don’t want to. This isn’t about your job. I know that’s why you gave me this.” He held her letter out to her.
“I didn’t give you my resignation because we became involved.”
Alex frowned. “You didn’t?”
Jennifer’s face twisted in anguish. Her gaze met his, saw the desperation in his eyes turn into confusion. “There’s something you need to know.”
“I love you. There’s nothing you could say to change my mind, Jen.”
Only there was.
Jennifer pulled her hand from his, her heart breaking. He loved her. He wanted to marry her. But he wouldn’t when he knew the truth. When she told him what she’d done, he’d hate her. A dark, empty feeling pierced her heart.
She stood and paced to the window. After a long moment she turned to face him. He was standing now, watching her, his eyes intense. “Alex, there’s something you need to know,” she began before she lost her nerve. “I’m pregnant.”
Alex’s gaze dropped to her belly, then raced back to her face. “Pregnant?”
“The baby’s yours.”
“You’re pregnant with our baby.” He repeated it out loud as he studied her pale color, her apprehensive expression. “That’s why you’ve been so sick.” He walked over to her.
“Yes.”
“I don’t understand. That night we first made love, you told me you were protected.” Needing to touch her, he reached for her, only to frown when she backed away from him.
“I know that’s what you thought,” she cried, unable to hold back her tears. “Oh, Alex, I didn’t mean to mislead you.”
“What are you saying? You weren’t?” The hairs on the back of his neck stirred at the troubled look in her eyes.
Fighting for control, Jennifer put her hands over her face. Oh, God, why couldn’t he have just accepted her resignation? Wiping her tears away with her fingers, she met his gaze. “That night we were stranded at the ski resort…when we first made love, I went to bed with you hoping I’d get pregnant.”
Twelve
Confused, Alex studied her. “What are you talking about? I asked you. You told me I didn’t need to use protection.”
“I know. I’m so sorry,” Jennifer said, her tone pleading for him to understand. She explained about her plans to use a fertility clinic, then about the night of the bachelor auction. “Casey egged me on and I got carried away and bid on a bachelor. She kept saying that conceiving a baby through sex would be so much better than through a test tube. For a foolish moment, I allowed myself to listen to her.”
“Wait a minute. Let me get this straight. You were going to sleep with a stranger?”
She paled at his comment. “You know me better than that. I never would have done something so irresponsible.”
“I thought I knew you.” For the first time in his life, he’d found a woman he loved and trusted, a woman he wanted for his wife. With her admission, he was no longer sure.
“Alex, when I won, I was scared to death. I realized how foolish my fleeting thought of meeting someone was. I begged Casey to take my place. But then I found out that the date was with you. You.” Her eyes brimmed with tears. “I had loved you for so long. I just started thinking about how wonderful it would be to have your baby. Our baby.”
Alex gritted his teeth. “I don’t want to hear any more of this.” He’d come to tell her he loved her and she’d ripped his heart out. Not giving a damn about how he would feel, she’d used him.
“I was desperate. I’ll be thirty in a few days. My biological clock was ticking. It was all I could think about. I wanted a baby. I loved you.”
He moved toward her, his face an iron mask. “And that makes it right? Yeah, you were so in love with me that you decided to use me to give you a baby.”
“You didn’t know I was alive. We’d worked together for years and you never led me to believe you felt anything special for me.”
“Because I valued you. Because I respected you too much to hurt you.” Alex couldn’t believe how mistaken he’d been. She wasn’t the trustworthy person he’d thought her to be. If she was, she could never have done this to him.
“I know it was wrong—”
“Wrong?” He gave a bitter laugh. “Wrong is hardly the word to describe your deception.” Alex began to grasp the full meaning of what she’d done. “You planned this all along? And you never had second thoughts?”
“Of course I did.” He turned away and she grabbed his arm, stilling him. “Will you listen to me?” She let her hand drop. “I knew I couldn’t use you to father my child. I realized how wrong it was. Remember the night of the auction? I tried to get out of going away with you.”
“Not hard enough.” He shoved his hands into his pockets. “We made love more than once that night in Vermont. You didn’t mention using protection any other time, either.”
“When we first made love, I tried to tell you. But then you kissed me and I was lost in what you do to me.” She searched his face for understanding—anything to show her she was getting through to him. “I’d already told you we didn’t need any protection, and however wrong I was, I wanted to be with you again.”
“So you just continued to use me,” he accused, his gaze darkening. “That’s why you made me promise to keep our affair restricted to just that weekend.” Alex couldn’t believe how gullible he’d been. He’d wanted her so bad at that moment he would have agreed to anything. And for allowing himself to trust a woman, something he’d vowed never to do, he’d paid the ultimate price. “Don’t try to justify your motives. Admit it, you never really wanted me, Jennifer. You wanted a baby. I just happened to be the convenient instrument to make that happen.”
“No, I—”
“Did you ever consider what you were doing to this baby? You were going to raise it without a father.”
She flinched at the contempt in his tone. “I wanted my baby to have a father, but I knew how you felt about having children. I—I didn’t want you to feel obligated.”
“Obligated? Hell, I know what it’s like to feel rejected. I was raised with a father who didn’t give a damn about me. Obligated doesn’t even come close to what I feel about th
is baby.” The outrage on his face twisted into a dark promise. “My child won’t grow up like I did, without a father in its life.”
Jennifer tensed, shaken by his implication. Did he want to be a father to his child? Or was he threatening to take the baby from her? Her child. Oh, God, anything but this. “Alex, please listen—”
“To what, more of your lies?” He stormed toward the door and jerked it open.
Jennifer ran after him and caught his arm. “I was in love with you. I never meant to hurt you. I only wanted you to love me.”
Alex stared at her, his heart breaking. “You got what you always wanted.” He shrugged free and walked out, the door slamming in his wake.
She’d ruined everything.
Jennifer made her way to her room and crumpled to the bed. Lying on her side, she sobbed into her pillow.
Alex loved her.
Had loved her. For a moment in time, she’d heard him say the words she’d longed to hear.
I love you, Jen. I want to marry you.
Oh, how she wished she could go back and make her choices over again. Her hand went to her belly and she knew in her heart she was wrong to wish such a thing. Their baby would never have been conceived if she hadn’t slept with Alex at the ski resort.
And she could never be sorry about carrying his child. Even if it meant she would never have Alex.
But she loved him. Nothing would ever change that. She rolled over onto her back and stared at the ceiling, thinking about what he had said to her. How could she have known he cared? If only he’d given her a sign. Anything.
She had only herself to blame. Maybe things would have turned out better if she’d told Alex how she’d felt about him. Maybe they would have had a chance at a life together.
I love you.
Jennifer knew what it had cost him to confess his feelings for her. Alex didn’t give his heart easily. He’d proven as much when he’d admitted he’d never said those words to another woman. In her quest to fulfill her dream of having a child, she’d unknowingly sabotaged any chance of a relationship with the only man she’d ever love.
Business Affairs Page 14