by Brooks, Abby
22
Cole leaned down and kissed Lilah’s forehead. Traced kisses down her nose and then finally kissed her mouth. It was long and warm and Lilah loved every second of it. He pulled away and then pulled out of her, flopping on the bed beside her and pulling her into him.
“Was that okay?” he asked and there was genuine concern in his voice. “It didn’t hurt? I didn’t push you too hard or too fast or too far?”
“God no,” she said, snuggling even closer to him. “It didn’t hurt. And it was more than okay. That was amazing. You already held the title of best sex of my life before tonight. I think after tonight…” Lilah trailed off. She wanted to say that he ruined her for all other men to follow, but didn’t want to insinuate that she thought their relationship had a time limit. Nor did she want to insinuate that she thought it didn't.
“Best ever, huh?” asked Cole, either not noticing that she hadn’t finished her thought or assuming that she had meant to just leave it unfinished. “I think I can handle that.”
She ran a hand up his hard abdomen to his chest, enjoying the way his chest hair felt so rough under her fingers. “Well that’s good, because I’m still not sure I can.”
He twisted, sitting up so he could meet her eyes. “So, it was too much?”
“No, no, no. It was wonderful. But, it’s all I can do to just have a conversation. My body is putty in your hands and I’m not capable of real thought yet.”
Cole relaxed, putting his head back on the pillow and wrapping an arm around her. “Good. Then just stay here with me and let me enjoy being this close to you.”
Lilah had never experienced pleasure like that in all her life. She still couldn’t believe that she liked taking orders and being called a good girl, but holy shit did she ever. She would never forget this night. Not as long as she lived. This was the night she had learned more about Cole. Learned more about herself. The night she gave herself over to him and came back better for it.
The night Cole Bennett fucked her brains out and Lilah Moore realized she was falling in love with him.
* * *
Days blended into nights that blended right back into days. Cole and Lilah fell into a comfortable rhythm of filling every spare minute with each other. If they weren’t at work, they were together, and if they were at work, they were still texting like crazy. A constant stream of silliness and connection.
Today was Sunday and Lilah had the night off, although Cole had decided to take the boat out this morning and stay out until the hold was full. Normally, he waited to stay out that long on the water until she had a string of nights scheduled at the diner so they didn’t miss out on a lot of time together, but this week had been bad. He hadn’t caught a lot of shrimp so he hadn’t made a lot of money.
She was in his kitchen, making lunch when she heard his truck pull up in front of the apartment. Fear lanced her heart. There was no reason for him to be back unless something bad happened. The truck door slammed and just a few seconds later, the front door bounced open and Cole practically ran inside, not even bother to close it behind him.
“Cole,” she said, worry transforming into fear. “What’s wrong?” His face was pale and his eyes were glazed. His jaw clenched and he couldn’t quite focus on her face.
“Mom.” He looked around her towards the stairs. “She’s in the hospital.” He put his hands on her shoulders and finally met her eyes. “I should have gone right away, but I needed you to be there with me. I don’t think I can see this. Not again. I need you to keep me strong.”
Lilah knew what happened. She didn’t need to ask. She could see it in the heartbreak on Cole’s face. The haunted look of someone who thought reality would never catch up with them and didn’t know what to do now that it had.
“Of course I’ll come.” She slipped on some shoes and grabbed her purse and they were out the door.
Cole filled her in on the way over. After finally finding the strength to move out on her own, Maggie had gone home to her husband. Cole wasn’t sure why yet. Didn’t know if he had talked her into coming back or if she had just thought she was safe to go pick up something she had left.
“Doesn’t matter either way,” he said, his voice scraping through a tight throat. “It still ended the same way it always does.”
He was silent the rest of the way to the hospital. Silent as he parked. Silent as they approached the customer service desk. It was Lilah who finally had to tell the woman that they were there to see Maggie Bennett. Lilah who had to lead him down the hallway to her room. Lilah who had to open the door, and Lilah who had to see her first.
Maggie looked bad. One eye swollen shut. Her face so bruised she didn’t look real. A cast on her right arm and a cut on her cheekbone, held together with butterfly bandages.
“Oh fuck, Ma,” said Cole pushing past Lilah and taking Maggie’s good hand. He shook his head, falling silent once again.
Maggie turned to look at her son, pain and shame dancing with regret in her one good eye. “I’m so sorry,” she said, her voice croaking hoarsely. That’s when Lilah noticed the hand shaped bruise on her throat.
“Shhh.” Cole looked like he wanted to touch her but didn’t know where and Lilah felt like an interloper in this moment. “It’s not you who has to apologize. This isn’t your fault. Never is.”
“I went back.” Maggie blinked and tried to swallow. “This is my fault.” Her voice cracked. “I went back.”
Cole choked on his next words. Hung his head and his shoulders started to shake as this mountain of a man broke down in tears. Lilah stepped forward to put her hand on his arm, to let him know she was here, to remind him that he didn’t have to be strong right now because she would do it for him. He leaned into her and she wrapped her arm around his broad back, wishing for the first time that he wasn’t so big so she could comfort him properly.
* * *
It didn’t take long for Maggie to fall asleep. Cole spent the next hour at her side anyway, standing there holding her hand. Lilah finally talked him into going down to the cafeteria for some coffee. For the first time in her entire life, she didn’t know what to say.
Cole held onto the cardboard cup with both hands, leaning his elbows on the table they chose near the doors and letting his head droop. “She doesn’t have insurance,” he said so quietly that Lilah almost didn’t hear him.
“What? She works, though right? Don’t they offer insurance?” Lilah had never even considered that Maggie wouldn’t be insured. Not in this day and age.
“They keep her just under full-time hours so she doesn’t qualify for benefits.”
“What about the government?” Lilah waved her hand in the air, looking for the name of the bill the president had passed a few years back.
“Obamacare?” Cole snorted. “Dad didn’t believe in it. Didn’t like being told he had to buy something. He told her they’d pay the fine rather than sign up.”
Lilah couldn’t even begin to understand a man who thought that way. Couldn’t even begin to process the implications of what it meant for Maggie to have such extensive injuries and not be insured. What she did know was that she could get her hands on enough money to pay off her bills. All she had to do was ask her parents for it. Explain what happened. Sure, she would lose the bet with her brothers, but at this point, who the fuck cared about a stupid bet anyway.
Cole wouldn’t take it well. Not at first. Knowing that she had kept such a big part of herself secret from him would hurt like hell. Especially considering how much he had opened up to her recently. But, he wouldn’t turn her down. Not when he knew it would help his mom.
And surely, he would understand why she hadn't told him once she explained. Besides, it wasn’t like it was her money. It was her parents’ money. He couldn’t really hold that against her, could he? Surely, all she had to do was explain everything to him, offer to talk to her mom and dad, and everything would be okay.
Right?
23
Lilah stared at Cole fo
r a long time. Long enough to make him uncomfortable. He scrunched up his nose and cocked his head to the side, a question on his face. “What?” he asked after a few more seconds of her chewing on her lip with her eyes glued to his.
She was going to tell him about her parent’s money. She was going to explain that everything was going to be okay. That Maggie would be okay. That they didn’t have to worry. She was going to offer to pay the medical bills and take a great big weight off of his shoulders. She should be excited about telling him. Thrilled to know that she was about to be able to help him out in his time of greatest need, repay him for all the kindnesses he has shown her over the last few weeks.
So, if she was supposed to be excited, if this was supposed to be such a great thing, why oh why was her heart jackhammering in her chest? Why were her hands sweating? Why did she have to swallow so hard before she could get the words out?
Lilah opened her mouth to tell him. Watched as suspicion whipped the stormy seas in his eyes into a frenzy. “Nothing,” she said and smiled, staring down into her coffee cup.
You’re being ridiculous, she thought. There’s absolutely no reason to think this is a bad thing.
Except it felt like admitting a lie. Admitting that she had been pretending to be something she wasn’t. And, it was true to an extent.
Except not really.
Cole knew her to be a woman out on her own for the very first time. A woman who didn’t have a lot of experience with money. And that’s exactly what she was. So her lack of experience with money came from the fact that her parents had more than enough, that they gave her everything she could ever want and she never had to figure out how to manage finances for herself. And so, Cole thought her terrible budgeting skills came from the fact that her family had never had much. That she had learned to make due by paying things late.
The fact of the matter was that her childhood had still left her crippled. Wasn’t that a funny thought? Growing up in a family that loved her and provided for every single possible desire she ever even dreamed of having was actually a detriment to her growth. She actually hadn’t been prepared to live on her own. Who would have thought that having wealthy parents who loved you just a little too much would end up being a handicap?
What would have happened to her if she hadn’t found Cole? Would she have made it on her own this long? Lilah seriously doubted it. Everything she had learned, everything she had accomplished was because of him.
Cole narrowed his eyes. “You definitely look like you’re chewing something over. What is it?” His voice had a strange mix of concern and suspicion in it.
Lilah took a breath. She owed Cole. He rushed in and saved her when she needed it and so it was only right that she would rush in and save him when he was in need.
But, if it was so right, why were her hands trembling? Why did she feel like she was about to drop a bomb?
“Cole,” she said and then blew a long breath out of her mouth. “I have to tell you something.”
He paused with his cup of coffee halfway to his lips. He widened his eyes and put the cup right back down on the table. “Okay…” He sounded wary and unsure.
“You know how I didn’t have a clue how to do anything when we first met? How you had to teach me things you just assumed any normal person would know?”
“Yeah…” He turned his head to the side. “What about it?”
Well, here goes nothing. Just put a smile on your face and sell it as the best thing ever.
“I really didn’t know anything. And I guess it’s because I really am a princess.”
Cole’s eyes went wide and he looked even more confused than before. “Now is not the time to lose your head. I need all your marbles in the box right now.”
“Let me explain. My parents are rich. Like, way crazy filthy rich. Like, I never had to work for anything I wanted. I never had to manage my money. I never had to wash my own laundry or do my own dishes because we had people who did that for us.”
That little muscle in Cole’s jaw started to clench and his eyebrows drew into a tight line over his eyes. He looked like he wanted to say something, but he just stared her down, nostrils flared.
“My brother’s bet me that I couldn’t live on my own. Told me I was spoiled and stuck up and incompetent. I swore I could do anything and they laughed in my face. Told me I couldn’t survive six months out on my own. Turns out they were right, but that’s beside the matter. The thing is, my parents could pay for Maggie’s hospital bills. She could stay here as long as she needs and get all the care she needs, maybe even counseling to help her deal with all the emotional scars from living with a man who…” Lilah trailed off as Cole’s face turned a violent red. His light eyebrows stood out all the more against the darkening color of his skin.
“This whole thing was part of some bet?” The rage in his eyes drained the color from Lilah’s face. “You’ve been lying to me this whole time? Making me think you were some poor helpless creature who needed my help and you’re actually just some spoiled bitch who thought she’d come grunge it up with us lower class people?”
Lilah’s mouth opened. Her breath stopped. Her heart screamed. “No.” She shook her head, this tiny little imperceptible movement that he probably couldn’t even see. “It’s not like that.”
“Seems to me that’s exactly what happened.” Cole’s knuckles were white as he clenched the little cardboard cup of coffee in his hands. “You lied to me. I trusted you. I thought you were different. And you lied. What else about you is made up?”
“Nothing.” Lilah’s voice was a ragged whisper. His anger ruptured her heart. “Everything you know about me is true. The only difference is that I’m crippled because I had too much. Not because I didn’t have enough.”
Cole laughed. This brittle thing that shattered her heart on the table between them. “Sure. Because having everything you ever needed is such a burden.”
“Cole—”
He held up his hand and tightened his lips into a thin, hard line. Took a long breath through flaring nostrils. Let her see the storm in his eyes. “Enough, Lilah. You’ve done enough. I don’t even know you and I don’t share my personal shit with strangers.”
Tears sprang into Lilah’s eyes and the entire cafeteria wobbled in her vision. “Cole…”
“Get out of my face. I can’t look at you anymore.”
Lilah took one hitching breath and forgot about trying not to draw attention to them. “I just want to help. I can finally offer you something. After all you gave me, let me give you this.” She reached out to take his hand. If he could just calm down enough to look at her clearly. Hear what she was saying without his anger in the way…
The moment her skin touched his, he yanked his hand away. Hot coffee sloshed out of the cup he clutched like a weapon, burning her fingers. She pulled away but refused to believe she couldn’t make him understand. Wiping the coffee onto her shorts, she reached for him with the other hand.
He slapped it away, the sting racing up her arm and piercing her heart.
“Get. The fuck. Away from me.” Cole’s words hissed out from between his locked jaw. His vivid white teeth grinding together.
Clutching her stinging hands into tight fists, the pain from the burn mingling with the reddening imprint Cole’s hand left on hers. Choking back sobs, she stood, the plastic chair rocketing out behind her and clattering to the floor. Fighting the urge to run, Lilah turned and slowly walked out of the cafeteria. One foot in front of the other. Head held high. Chin quivering. Tears spilling down her cheeks.
24
Lilah got all the way out to the parking lot before she remembered that she came here with Cole and she didn’t actually have a way to get home. The tears had stopped, thankfully, but a terrible ache had settled in her chest. This empty space where her heart used to be. Her stomach twisted in knots.
The fury she had seen in Cole’s eyes was on repeat in her head, the image echoing out and away like too many mirrors reflecting reflecti
ons. It spun her up into one great whirlwind of emotion and she fought the urge to get in the passenger seat of his truck and wait for him there. One thought of the look on his face was enough to talk her out of that idea. Lilah never wanted to see Cole look at her like that again.
God, the disgust in his voice. The anguish in his eyes. That steel gate, that perfectly constructed barrier, sliding down over his face again, blocking her off from him. Where once it had been Cole and Lilah, their relationship a separate and complete entity. Two twining into one. Now it was Cole without Lilah, or worse, Lilah without Cole. She was raw where he had ripped himself away from her and even breathing felt uncomfortable.
So, not the truck then. Not if she had to confront him again while he was still so upset. She could always call a cab.
She laughed, this gunshot of a sound that was more derision and self-loathing than anything. Of course Lilah Moore would be the one to call a cab. Isn’t that what she always resorted to? Letting other people come to the rescue and do the work while she sat on her ass?
Frustration joined hands with heartbreak and Lilah growled. Damn Cole and his stubborn ass. Why couldn’t he just swallow his damn pride and let her help him? At least then she could do what she was good at, spending other people’s money.
She took a minute to dry her eyes, looked up towards the clear blue sky and blinked. Then, when she was sure her voice would be steady enough, she pulled out her phone and called a cab. It was going to take about forty-five minutes for a cab to get here. Forty-five minutes for her to stand around and wait, try to keep her face from shattering with the tears that threatened and her hands from clenching with the anger that chased her blood through her veins.
And then Lilah had a thought. One single thought that brought this odd peace numbing all the violent emotions racing around her.