by Maria Duffy
‘Let’s go travelling, Josh,’ said Holly, watching to see his reaction. ‘Let’s go and see some of the world instead of rotting away in this little country.’
He looked alarmed. ‘Where did this come from, Holly? We can’t just up and leave.’
‘But why not? We could do something worthwhile. Maybe do one of those house-building things in Africa before heading off somewhere ourselves.’
‘I’ve got college, Holly. And you have your job and your voluntary work at the animal shelter. We can’t just walk away from all that.’
She knew he was right. ‘Well, when you’re finished college, can we take some time out before you start working? We’re young and we’ll be working for the rest of our lives. Let’s go and live a little.’
‘Right, you’re on. As soon as I’m finished my training, we’ll head off and explore the world.’
Holly couldn’t wait. She needed something to look forward to. Something to wipe the memory of the last year from her mind and make some new happy memories. She just wished she didn’t have to wait a few years for it to happen.
‘I just want to say,’ said Fintan, valiantly trying to stand up but only managing to lift his bum off the seat and lean sideways. ‘Holly here is a gem. She’s the best worker we’ve ever had at the clinic.’
‘Hey,’ said Milly, throwing a beermat at him. ‘That’s favouritism.’
Fintan plonked back down on the seat and resumed his speech from a sitting position. ‘I love you too, Mills, but it’s not about you tonight. It’s about our Holly here and I think you’ll all agree that the place won’t be the same without her.’
Everyone nodded enthusiastically and he continued. ‘Holly, I hope we’ll see you working back behind that desk again, but for now, I want to wish you all the best for your future endeavours. We’ll miss you.’ He raised his glass. ‘To Holly.’
‘To Holly.’ Everyone clinked glasses and Holly felt teary.
Today had been her last day in work and her colleagues had brought her over to O’Malley’s for a few drinks. It hadn’t been planned and they’d only intended to stay for one or two but it had turned into a proper session. Most of them were pretty drunk already but Holly was pacing herself because she’d been expecting David to come in. But it was getting late and there was still no sign of him.
‘So how are you feeling?’ said Fintan’s wife, Lizzie, pushing in beside her. ‘You must be sad to leave.’
Holly nodded. ‘I am. I loved working there. But I won’t be idle for long. Something will turn up.’
‘That’s the attitude.’ Lizzie patted her hand. ‘Somebody will snap you up – a lovely, positive, hard-working girl like you.’
‘Thanks, Lizzie.’ Holly beamed at the compliment. ‘I hope you’re right.’
‘So where’s this fiancé of yours then?’ Lizzie said, raising her eyebrows. ‘I thought he’d be here to support you.’
Holly felt her cheeks flush. ‘He … he had to work late. He should be here soon, though. Actually, I’ll just give him a buzz and see where he is.’
She excused herself and went out to the bathrooms where it was a bit quieter. When she’d checked there was nobody in the cubicles, she dialled David’s number. It was true that he’d had to work late but he’d promised to pop in on the way home. But the phone rang and rang with no answer. She hung up and tried again. Still nothing. She sighed and headed back out to the party. It had started with just the few of them from the clinic, but as the night had gone on, they’d been joined by Fintan’s wife, Lizzie, and by Greg, Milly’s husband. They’d all been asking about David and she felt a little embarrassed that he hadn’t turned up. She wanted him – no, she needed him there beside her.
‘I love you, you know,’ said a very drunk Milly, as Holly arrived back at the table. ‘You’re like a sister to me.’
Holly shoved in beside her. ‘Aw, I love you too. Mills!’
‘Stop!’ giggled Milly. ‘Did you hear him? Who calls me Mills? He’s very drunk.’
‘He’s not the only one.’ Holly laughed. ‘Good night, isn’t it?’
Milly nodded but the colour suddenly drained from her face. ‘I think I’m going to –’ She jumped up and pushed past Holly. ‘I think I’m going to be –’ She dashed off, hand over her mouth, and Holly quickly followed.
By the time Holly got to the bathroom, Milly had been sick and was leaning her face against the cold tiles. ‘I’m an idiot, Holly. I’m sorry. It was that last drink that did it.’
‘Don’t worry,’ said Holly. ‘Feeling better now?’
Milly nodded. ‘Much. Come on. Let’s get back out there. But I think it will be 7Up for me for the rest of the night. So what’s the story with lover boy? I thought he was coming in to join us.’
Holly was quick to answer. ‘He is. He just got delayed. Actually, you head on out and I’ll just give him a quick buzz.’
She waited until Milly disappeared out the door and rang David again. This time he answered. ‘David! Where are you? It’s already half ten and you said you’d drop in after work.’
‘Sorry, love. I was so late getting out and, to be honest, I just want to flake out. I’m exhausted.’
‘So you’re not coming in?’ She was raging.
‘You don’t mind, do you? I mean, they’re all your friends anyway. And it’s late.’
She was going to protest but decided she’d leave it. There was no point in making him come in when he clearly didn’t want to. She said goodbye and headed back to her friends, stopping at the bar on the way for another pint. If David wasn’t coming in, she may as well get drunk like the rest of them. It had been ages since she’d really let her hair down and tonight was just the night to do it.
Holly arrived home and was still in a party mood so she decided it would be a good idea to switch on the bedroom light, wake David up and do a striptease for him, while singing the same line of ‘Don’t cha’ again and again.
‘Holly! What the hell are you doing? It’s three o’clock in the morning!’
She continued singing as she peeled off her remaining clothes and shimmied right up to David’s face.
‘Oh, for God’s sake, Holly!’ said David, a look of disgust on his face. ‘Go and put some underwear on at least and come to bed.’
‘But don’t you want to see my dance?’
‘No. I. Do. Not. Look at the state of you. How could you have let yourself get so drunk?’
‘You think I’m bad? You’d want to see the other guys.’ Somehow she found that hilarious and fell onto the bed laughing. It was the last thing she remembered.
Holly felt as though her eyes were glued shut as she tried but failed to open them. She rubbed them and tried again. She could just see a trickle of daylight so she knew at least it was morning. She pushed herself up into a sitting position and winced with the pain in her head. Her stomach felt as though there was a circus happening in there and her tongue was stuck to the roof of her mouth. Basically, she felt like shit.
She lay back down on the pillow and eventually her eyes opened and she glanced at the clock on her bedside locker. Almost 1 p.m.! She couldn’t believe it. She was usually an early riser and couldn’t remember the last time she’d stayed in bed so late. There was no sign of David and she tried frantically to remember the events of the previous night. And then she realised she was naked and, bit by bit, it all started to come back to her. Oh God. The striptease. The singing and dancing. She cringed at the memory.
She sat up again and pushed the duvet off. Swinging her legs out of the bed, she tentatively placed her feet on the floor to test her ability to stand. But all the blood suddenly rushed from her head and she fell back down onto the bed. God, if David could see her now he’d be even more disgusted. A sudden clatter from the kitchen told her that he was downstairs so she knew she needed to get to the shower before he came up. She’d half hoped he’d gone into work for a while. He sometimes did on a Saturday and she usually moaned about it. But today she would have l
iked to be free to wallow in her hangover.
She tried to stand again and this time she managed it and made her way into the en suite. Letting the water sluice over her, she began to feel a little more human. A few minutes later she was back sitting on the edge of the bed with a towel wrapped around her. At least David had left a glass of water on her locker. That was something. She gulped it down gladly and, after one terrifying moment when she thought it was all going to come back up again, she began to feel her stomach settle down a little. Her clothes from the previous night were strewn across the floor and she winced again at the memory of her antics.
A smell of cooking crept into the room and made her stomach lurch so she dared not move, just in case. But as the smell filled her nostrils, she realised she was hungry and what she probably needed was a good feed of something greasy. Feeling a little better, she dropped the towel onto the floor and stepped into a fresh pair of knickers. There was a black tracksuit on the back of a chair in the corner which she’d worn once during the week – a quick sniff told her it was fine. Two minutes later she was heading downstairs, slightly worried about what David would have to say.
‘Ah, there you are now,’ he said, as she peeped her head into the kitchen. ‘I was just leaving you to sleep until this was completely ready and then I was going to go up and get you.’
The table was set and it looked as though he was cooking for an army. ‘What’s all this in aid of?’ she said, eyeing up the crispy bacon he was turning on the grill.
He came and put his arms around her. ‘It’s just an apology. I’m sorry I was so grumpy with you last night, love. You know what I’m like when I get woken up from my sleep.’
‘But –’ She hadn’t expected that.
‘I know, I know,’ he continued. ‘That’s no excuse. But for what it’s worth, I felt awful this morning for the way I spoke to you. You were entitled to go out and celebrate. Am I forgiven?’
She pulled away to look at his face and she couldn’t help smiling at his raised eyebrows and silly pout. ‘Of course you are, David. And I’m sorry too. I made such a fool of myself last night. That’s why I don’t usually drink more than two!’
‘Right, well, sit yourself down.’ He pulled out a chair and she noticed that he’d placed a glass of water and two paracetamol on the table in front of her. ‘Now, get those tablets into you and a nice big breakfast will help soak up all the alcohol.’
She smiled but her stomach lurched again. She wasn’t so sure she could handle food at the moment but she was touched he’d gone to so much trouble. Although she was an independent woman, today she was glad to have somebody look after her. The tablets went down easily enough and she prayed they’d start working on her thumping headache soon. She sat and watched for the next few minutes while David juggled pots and pans and eventually placed two enormous plates of food on the table.
‘David, I’m really not sure I can eat this. Not yet.’
‘Try a slice of toast first,’ he said, shoving a plate with a pile of toast in front of her. ‘See how that goes down.’
She did as she was told and, thankfully, it seemed to settle well in her stomach. Before long, she was tucking in to the rest of the food on her plate and she was surprised to realise she was ravenous.
‘So I take it you had a good night then?’ said David, buttering a slice of toast.
‘David, I’m sorry. I just –’
‘Holly, Holly! I’m not having a go. I’m glad you enjoyed yourself. And I’m sorry I couldn’t make it.’
‘I really would have liked you to be there, David.’ She thought for a moment before continuing. ‘It’s a big thing, you know. Being made redundant from a job. I think the reality of the situation just hit me yesterday – I’m now unemployed for the first time since I left school.’
He reached a hand across the table and patted hers. ‘I’m sure it feels weird but you don’t have to worry about anything. Just think of it as an extended holiday.’
‘But I don’t really want a holiday. I’m going to spend the weekend looking online for jobs and I’m going to register with some agencies. The sooner I find something, the better.’
‘What’s the rush?’ he said, pouring more tea for them both. ‘I thought, with planning the wedding and everything, that you’d be glad of some free time.’
‘We’ve been through this before, David. I can’t not work. What would I do? Just sit around here all day looking at wedding magazines and staring at the four walls?’
‘I’m sure you’d find plenty to do. And it’s not as though we need the money. I earn enough for us both.’
Alarm bells began to ring in Holly’s head. ‘David, I don’t want to live on your money. I need to be earning my own money, paying my own share of the bills and everything else.’
‘But we’re a couple, Holly. What’s mine is yours. Surely it doesn’t matter who brings in the money. We’re a team. And think about it, if we were to have children over the next few years, you’d probably want to give up work anyway.’
Now she was beginning to get angry. ‘Give up work? Why would I give up work?’
‘Because you’d be having a baby, of course. You can’t work while you’re giving birth.’
‘I know that, David. But I’d have maternity leave like every other woman. I wouldn’t be giving up work to be a stay-at-home mother.’
‘Oh.’
‘Is that all you have to say? Oh!’
‘Well, it’s just that … I just thought –’
‘I know what you thought.’ She knew her face was getting red and she could feel the food dancing about in her stomach. ‘You thought that this was your opportunity to have the perfect little housewife. You thought that now I’d lost my job I’d be happy to stay at home, cook your dinner and make the house pretty. Well, I can tell you now, I will not be doing that. I am not, nor will I ever be, anybody’s slave.’
He glared at her, his mouth open, and he had no chance to reply before her words came tumbling out again.
‘And I’m not trying to be difficult. I don’t mind mucking in and doing my share in the house. I’ll cook dinner if I’m here and I’ll do the laundry at the weekend. But maybe we need to think again about this wedding if you’re expecting me to be somebody else.’
‘Holly, stop. Where has all this come from? I was just trying to reassure you, that’s all. I know how you worry and I don’t want you to be concerned about money.’
Holly opened her mouth to speak again but instead began to cry. ‘I’m sorry, David. I don’t know why I said all that. I’m just scared of not having a job. I’ve always been independent and I hate the thought of losing that.’
‘You won’t,’ he said, squeezing her hand. ‘I’ll make sure of that.’
She didn’t want to argue any more so she sent David off to read his newspapers while she cleaned up. But she couldn’t get their conversation out of her head. How could he think she’d be happy not working? Didn’t he know her at all? A picture of Josh came unbidden into her head then. Josh used to know her inside out – every thought she had, every hope, every dream. Until all her dreams had come crashing down around her. And it had all been his fault. He’d broken her. Why then could she not get him out of her head? Maybe a little part of her was still in love with Josh O’Toole. And if that was the case, what the hell was she going to do about it?
Chapter 24
Josh was in great form as he drove home from school. It had only been four days since his blood tests, but the doctor had rung him earlier to say most of them were back and they were fine. He knew he wasn’t in the clear yet, but it was a good sign. She was sending him to a specialist who’d run some tests to see exactly what was causing the pain. He felt relieved – as well as a little foolish for making such a huge assumption about what was wrong with him.
It was just after three thirty when he parked his car in the driveway. He was about to adjust his rear-view mirror to take a look at number forty, when he stopped himself. He’d h
ave to break that habit. It was becoming a bit of an obsession – a thing he did every day without fail – and it had to stop. Holly had her life now and he needed to concentrate on his. So for the first time in weeks, he didn’t look but instead got straight out of the car, without a backward glance, and headed inside.
‘Steph, are you home?’ She wasn’t in her usual place on the sofa in the sitting room and it was doubtful she was in the kitchen making dinner, so he headed upstairs to see if she was in the bedroom. But there was no sign of her there either. He’d been so excited at sharing his good news that he felt a little irked that she wasn’t there. He took his phone out and dialled her number.
‘Hi, Josh.’ Her voice was animated.
‘Where are you?’
‘Out to lunch with Coco and Charlie. I thought I told you.’
He remembered now. He’d been tempted to say something to her about yet another lunch when he was worried sick about their finances. But he hadn’t wanted to stress her out so, as usual, he’d stayed quiet.
‘Josh?’
‘Are you coming home soon?’
‘In a couple of hours. We’re almost done here and we’re just heading to Farrell’s for a few drinks.’
He bristled when he heard that but she must have read his mind.
‘And mine will be non-alcoholic, of course, so you don’t need to worry.’
‘I wasn’t,’ he said, turning red, although nobody could see him. ‘Maybe we’ll go for a drink ourselves when you get home.’
‘Lovely,’ she said, and he could hear her friends giggling in the background. ‘I’ll let you know when I’m on my way.’
He hung up and sat down on the bed. He was worried. He felt they were drifting apart and he didn’t know what to do about it. He felt a huge burden between his health and his financial worries whereas she was out and about socialising without him more and more often. He wished he could do something to bring back the old spark they used to have – to bring them closer together. Then suddenly it dawned on him. He checked the time and saw it was only a quarter to four. If he hopped back in the car, he could be in there in twenty minutes. He was always refusing to go out with her when she was with those pretentious friends, so now he was going to do something nice for her. He’d go into town, have a drink with them and then he could drive her home. It was perfect. Within minutes he’d freshened himself up and was on his way into the city centre, excited at the prospect of surprising Stephanie.