by Jessica Ryan
Maybe he’s the nice guy I’ve always rejected, she thought. He’s the guy I’m supposed to end up with instead of hopping from douche bag to douche bag.
She’d been throwing these thoughts around for a long time now, wondering if she was supposed to end up with Hawk at the end of the quest. Was her test to not sleep with Hawk or was her test to fall in love with him? Unfortunately, hallucinogenic vision quests didn’t come with instruction manuals.
He definitely didn’t know how to take her carefree attitude; it really seemed to throw him off. Figment of her imagination or not, she probably needed to take things more seriously to complete the quest. At any minute the whole world could melt away around her and she would find herself sitting back at camp, the same girl and the same person.
She didn’t like the prospect of having done all of this for naught, especially if she was going to be the same person she had been before. She didn’t like who she’d become. Maybe she’d been lying to herself the whole time, thinking the problem was with other people coming down on her and not accepting her fun lifestyle for what it was. This quest was starting to show her that she had lived twenty years of life and had absolutely nothing to show for it except a string of one-nighters and a fairly serious police record thanks to her drinking.
I have to take this seriously or I won’t complete it, she told herself, looking up at Hawk. He was walking with a purpose, but his cool and calm demeanor had given way to a nervous and fidgety one. It was obvious he was completely off his game and didn’t know how to react. He was her spirit guide, he was the one who was going to lead her to salvation—she had to treat him with more respect and reverence.
“Hey, Hawk,” she began, putting a hand on his arm. She immediately felt the muscles in his arm tense at her touch as he looked down at her, a wild look close to fear in his eyes.
“What is it?” he asked, taking deep breaths. He was really messed up from her attitude. She had to make it right or she’d never finish this.
“I’m sorry for acting so weird,” she said. “This...it isn’t me. I’m just freaked out by the whole situation and this is the way I cope.”
It wasn’t entirely true; she wasn’t taking it seriously because she knew none of it was real and she couldn’t be harmed. But she had to say something to let her spirit guide know she was serious again, otherwise he could lead her astray.
His look softened and his breathing became a bit more normalized as he slowed his pace. “It’s okay. It’s not your fault.”
“It is my fault,” she insisted. “I shouldn’t be acting like this. This is a serious quest we’re on and I need to take it seriously. I’m sorry.”
“No need to apologize,” he said, shaking his head. “It really is not your fault. You can’t help it, just like I can’t help some of my feelings right now.”
“I can help it,” she said. “I will be better about this.”
“Well, actually, I don’t know if you can,” he said, stopping where he stood and turning towards her. “There’s something I haven’t told you about our trip so far.”
Ciara felt her stomach knot up. Something really wasn’t right here; maybe the cactus juice was beginning to wear off? She definitely felt fear that she hadn’t felt a few minutes ago. The burning lust she had felt earlier was back too, making her pussy throb with uncontrollable urge and desire. Normally she would’ve jumped into bed with a guy like Hawk, no questions asked, but the extreme urges she was feeling towards him just weren’t natural.
As he looked at her she laughed and shook her head. She had thought Doctor Haley was full of shit, but here she was living out a real-life spirit quest thanks to his crazy drugs. The cactus juice was a hell of a drug and if this worked then Doctor Haley was one hell of a doctor.
“Go on,” she said, looking up into Hawk’s piercing eyes. If he had wanted to, he could have stared a hole right through Ciara that would have made her legs give way, bringing her crashing to the ground. There was so much power and determination behind those eyes; it was any woman’s dream to have a man like that.
“This trek through the forest isn’t what it seems,” he began. She could tell he was hesitant to tell her the rest, but why?
“It’s okay, Hawk,” she said, putting a hand on his shoulder and rubbing gently. “I won’t be mad about what you kept from me. We’re in this together now.”
You can’t escape me anymore than I can escape you, buddy, she thought. Of course I don’t want to escape you, you’re my guide.
“The reason it hasn’t turned to night yet is because we’re not alone out here,” he said, letting a large whoosh of breath out after he completed his sentence.
“Of course we’re not,” she said, glancing around. “There’s other wolves out here. You rescued me from one, remember? There’s also a kidnapped she-wolf and a lonely old bear. There’s probably also the guys who kidnapped her out here too, based on what you told me.”
“There’s something else,” he said, turning around and raising his arms to his sides in a crucifix pose.
Ciara was beginning to get freaked out now. She walked around in front of Hawk and nearly fell over. His eyes were closed and his head was drawn back with a dreamy smile on his face. It was like something wonderful was washing over him and he was enjoying every moment of it.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
“You can’t feel it?” he asked. “You can’t feel the presence?”
“You’re starting to scare me, Hawk,” she said, backing away from him. Was he going to turn on her now, too?
“I’m fighting it as best I can, Ciara,” he said, his eyes still closed. “But every time I acknowledge it, its hold on me grows stronger. We have to find Beorn. He’ll know what to do.”
“Then let’s go,” she said, trying to walk away.
Unfortunately Hawk remained transfixed in his Jesus pose, not opening his eyes.
“It won’t let us find Beorn,” he said. “It wants us to lose ourselves in the forest completely. It wants our souls, Ciara. You can’t feel that?”
“Feel what?” she shouted. She was beginning to get upset with Hawk, who was obviously cracking up. How could her spirit guide rescue her if he was losing his mind?
“The evil presence in the forest,” he answered, opening his eyes. She stared into them, wondering if they had changed color, wondering if she was going to see some kind of change. But the same beautiful eyes with the calm, boyish charm remained. She let out a sigh of relief as she looked into his eyes.
“What the hell was that?” she demanded.
“It was washing over me, Ciara,” he said. “Screaming at me. I stood my ground for the first time and let it come to me, but it couldn’t take me. I could feel the black tendrils grabbing for my heart, but they couldn’t take it.”
“Okay,” she said slowly, looking around at the trees. They were still alone; there was nothing else in the forest to face them. “What are you talking about?”
“Rowan discovered it first,” he began. “He and Eva felt something in the forest when they were out here. See, when we wolves mate with another being, we form an emotional bond. We can feel the other’s heart and soul.”
“That’s beautiful,” she interrupted, suddenly wanting to feel that more than anything. “A real-life love connection.”
“Yes,” he said. “But when a human and a wolf connect, it’s much stronger for the human.”
“Why?”
“Because humans aren’t used to the world of the supernatural like we are. Everything they feel is a new emotion, a new sensation if you will. It hits them much harder. It’s like poking your finger with a needle. The first few times it bleeds and hurts, but eventually you build a callous that protects you from the needle. Humans don’t have that callous.”
“But eventually this Eva girl will get it right?” she asked.
“I’m not so sure about that,” he answered. “We’ve been exposed to it for a lifetime, humans have not. It’s just not in you
r nature. It’s why a lot of witches and wizards go mad over time. They’re just not meant to play with the forces they manipulate.”
“I see.”
“I’m getting off track, though. Eva felt a strong evil presence in the forest, reaching for her, grabbing for her. I felt it when I entered the forest and the deeper we’ve gone the stronger it has gotten. It’s trying to bring out the worst in me. It wants me to do things I’d never dream of doing.”
Ciara felt like someone had punched her in the gut. That was why she was so filled with lust and desire for Hawk—the presence was bringing out the absolute worst in her. It wanted her to fail at her quest. It wanted her to give in and do what she’d always done.
“I won’t hurt you, Ciara,” he said, reaching forward and rubbing his hand on her face. “No matter what it tells me to do. I’m sworn to protect those weaker than me and that includes you.”
“Thank you,” she said, feeling very nervous. The presence wanted him to hurt her? This wasn’t good, not good at all. What if he lost strength?
“Let’s go,” he said, pulling her forward. “I have a feeling that after that little battle, it might let us out of the maze we’ve been trapped in.”
“Will it be back?”
“With a vengeance. Right now it’s probably cooking something new up for us, but we’ll be ready. We just have to stick together. Two souls are stronger than one.”
“Okay. Hawk, where did it come from?”
“I don’t know,” he said, giving her a grave look. “It’s demonic in nature. It wants to corrupt everything about the forest. Stay close.”
Ciara didn’t say anything, she just followed. She had a feeling she knew where the presence was coming from and she didn’t like it. It had to be the bad side of herself.
Chapter 13
Hawk definitely felt better after giving the truth to Ciara. She had shown some fright and uncertainty in her eyes, but overall she seemed to accept the truth well.
He looked at her and smiled as they walked; he was very lucky to have found and rescued her. She was an absolutely remarkable young woman, unlike any he had ever met before. Everything he had told her she had taken in stride and met head-on.
Other wolves who had revealed themselves to humans told horror stories about denial, violence and sometimes suicide because the humans couldn’t accept the truth. Not this one. No, she had accepted everything and seemed eager to dive in for more.
Just like humans, there were always wolves who wanted more out of life. Through his spying he’d learned Rowan’s young ward Rain was that way. Some people looked at the world around them and said, “Is this it?” Most of the time it was a human who uttered those words and they were wrong; that wasn’t all there was. But for wolves, who were privy to the secrets of the world, often that question was met with a resounding “yes”.
Ciara was probably one of those dreamers, one of those women who looked at her ordinary life and ordinary world and wondered what more there could be. Hawk was here to show her the world, show her so much more than she could ever anticipate.
Was he content with the world around him? Hawk had to believe he was, but when the evil had rushed him a few minutes ago his doubts had grown. His heart had always been closed off to others. He was a loner, one meant to watch and protect, not to give himself to another.
It should have been easy for the evil to latch onto his hard heart and take it for its own. There was no love in his heart, no joy, nothing that would fight back the blackness. Yet somehow the darkness had been beaten back, beaten back by a very faint feeling in his heart—a very faint feeling of affection.
Hawk glanced over at Ciara again, unable to wipe the smile off his face. She was probably wondering why he kept looking at her and smiling, but he couldn’t help it. The affection, the first stages of love that had beaten back the evil were for Ciara. He couldn’t believe it, but he was finding himself increasingly more attracted to the human.
Of course he had lusted after her since the moment he met her. He had never mated and his wolf was unhappy with that. The constant thirst from inside was enough to drive a lesser man to do unscrupulous things, but not Hawk. He had always denied his baser urges, pissing his wolf off beyond belief.
It wasn’t shocking that he had felt those feelings the first time he laid eyes on Ciara. She was shorter and a bit thicker than the werewolf females he was used to, but her emerald green eyes, fiery red hair and large, milky-white breasts were enough to break even the sternest man. Yet he had resisted, even though she had obviously lusted after him too. He could smell her arousal, driving his wolf even more mad.
No, the feeling inside of him right now wasn’t lust, it was something deeper. He was beginning to care for this human. She was under his protection right now; he had promised to get her to safety and he was taking it very seriously. Nobody would harm her while he was in charge, nobody. She was his to protect, she was his.
Hawk shook his head and tried to snap out of it. He hadn’t considered that this affection he was feeling could lead to love. He didn’t want to love another; he was alpha of the Skyvale pack. He was the supreme example for his pack, above reproach. Yet here he was, strongly considering claiming this female.
I can’t claim her, he thought. I barely know her.
Rowan barely knew Eva, another voice said. You know how happy they are.
Hawk grabbed at his hair and tried to ignore the voices. He had a mission, a mission that could save or doom the entire town.
“Are you okay?” Ciara asked.
“I’m fine,” he said. “Why do you ask?”
“You’ve been moving your lips like you’re talking to yourself since we started moving again.”
“I hadn’t realized I was doing that. I guess I was just deep in thought.”
“About what?” she asked.
He looked over at her and saw that there was genuine interest in her eyes. She wasn’t just humoring him, she wanted to know.
“Just alpha stuff,” he lied. “Listen, we’ve had a lot of serious conversations since we started walking. Can we just put a lid on that for a while?”
“Of course,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I thought you’d never say it. It seems every word between us has been about evil, and biker gangs, and kidnappings and wolf etiquette.”
“I guess it has,” he said, laughing.
“Want to play twenty questions?”
“I’m not familiar with that game.”
“Basically, I ask you a question and you have to answer. Then you get to ask me one. We go back and forth until we get to twenty.”
“What’s the point of that?”
She giggled, giving him a knowing look. He had watched plenty of human movies in the dead of night while the rest of the city slept, but none of it had prepared him for the dating world. He was a grown man, but he was acting like a nervous teenager in a John Hughes movie.
“To get to know each other, silly,” she said, still giggling at him.
“That sounds wonderful,” he said, nervousness still evident in his voice. “You ask me first.”
“Okay,” she said, tapping her finger on her lip as she thought. “What’s your last name?”
“That’s it?” he asked. “That one is easy. It’s Ryder.”
“Hawk Ryder?” she asked, a cheesy grin playing across her face. It took a few moments but she busted up laughing. “Have you ever ridden a hawk?”
“Well, no,” he said, his cheeks flushing with embarrassment. Why was she making fun of his name? “I didn’t choose my name.”
“I understand,” she said, still chortling as she continued. “Go ahead, ask me something.”
“Same question,” he said.
“You can’t do that.”
“Why not?”
“That’s not how the game is played. You have to think of your own question.”
“But I want to know yours now.”
“It’s Langley, but you still have to think of anot
her question.”
“Ciara Langley.” The name had a good ring to it, but not as good as Ciara Ryder.
“Well, ask your question.”
“Okay, give me a second to think. I’ve got one: do you have any brothers or sisters?”
“I have an older brother, the asshole.”
“Why do you say that?”
Ciara shook her head, not liking where this conversation was going. It was getting serious again, but he had asked the question. “My father was out of the picture when I was growing up. He just up and left us. My mother raised my brother and me to be good little Christian children. My brother could do no wrong in her eyes. He was the perfect little Jesus warrior. I tried, but when I went off to college I just lost my mind. All those years of being sheltered caused me to snap. My brother warned me it would happen when I refused to go to bible college with him. Instead I ventured out of town to Stillwater and went to Oklahoma State. Every time I came home for a holiday he would drag me into his room and force me to pray for my soul with him. It was demeaning, like he was just so much better than me.”
“That does sound demeaning,” Hawk said, shaking his head. “I won’t judge you like that.”
“Here’s your question: do you believe in God?”
“Of course I do.”
“Really? I didn’t think wolves would be religious.”
“Well, I think the organized religions have it all wrong. They’re following a book written thousands of years ago.”
“Then why are you so sure there’s a God?”
“Because I know angels and demons exist. On top of that, I’m pretty sure I’ve met a demon before.”
“A demon? Where?”
“Abaddon, the leader of Satan’s Angels. It’s been whispered he was more than just a wolf, that he was possessed. I believe it. Also, just look at the evil that’s facing us right now. It’s demonic.”