Love Is Not Lost

by Nikki Bolvair

  He turned to look then swung back to me as he squinted, confused. “You really want a job there?”

  “Yes, I do," I told him.

  He sighed, and we continued to walk. “I guess you're going to need a ride.”

  I looked at him cautiously, not sure what he was getting at, “Most likely.”

  Lincoln nodded. “Ok. I think between my brothers and I, we can arrange it.”

  “You don't have to do that," I insisted. Lincoln gave me a flat look.

  I rolled my eyes. “You guys are too nice.”

  “Sweetheart, we're only nice with you. Speaking of my brother, you need to make nice with him.”

  My shoulders dropped, remembering why I was having this talk with Lincoln in the first place. “Okay, I will, but I'm still mad at him.”

  “Oh, we got that. We got that loud and clear, sweetheart, but you still need to fix it.”

  I frowned at him. “Fine,” I sighed, like a child who had gotten in trouble. “I'll fix things with him.”

  Chapter 10

  Lincoln drove me to his house and told me to ‘make nice’ with his brother. They could not have him being a bear around the house, he explained. It was not in the family’s best interest, he told me when we both got out of the car. He left me there, at the front door, while he went around the back of the house. I stared at the door, unsure of what I should do. Music was playing loudly from inside, and I wondered if I should just go in? Or if I should knock? I opted for the latter, hoping someone would hear it.

  The door opened almost immediately with a smiling Raina there to greet me. She reached across the threshold to pull me inside with a look of relief.

  “I'm so glad you're here! The beast is up in his room," she told me, pointing up the stairs. “Tyler's room is the last one on the right. The one with the blaring music. If he doesn't answer, just go in.” Then she left me there, standing in the foyer. I was so not looking forward to this.

  I took my time on the stairs and the walk to his room. It wasn't that I was scared of him. I was just out of my element. Emotions, caring, and worrying about anyone's feelings had not been something I’d had to worry about for a long time.

  As I stood outside his door, I realized that I recognized the song playing. It was one I liked.

  I had never been in a guy's room, but I had never been kissed before either. My palms started to sweat as my heart pounded when I lifted my hand to knock. Of course with the music blaring and my pathetic tap on the door he wasn’t going to hear it, but I tried again, harder this time.

  I waited, wondering what he would say about me being in his space, his home. What would I say? Was I sorry for yelling at him? No, but I understood why he’d done it. He should have thought it through beforehand, but he hadn't.

  I glared at his door when I realized he either couldn't hear me over that insanely loud music, or he was ignoring anyone and everyone at this point. So I walked in like Raina suggested and was not prepared for what greeted me.

  Tyler McGuire was one beautiful piece of muscle. Standing naked facing his dresser, getting out the very thing he was lacking at the moment. I couldn't help myself. I memorized every line and muscle of his backside, because this was something I never wanted to forget.

  Strong, gorgeous shoulders, hard, defined muscular back, with a farmer’s tan line that stopped just before his tight butt, which was blaring white. And wet.

  Tyler was all wet from what must have been a recent shower. I raised my eyes from his butt towards his head to see if he caught me, and I was doomed. Through his dresser mirror, I saw his eyes looking right at me, smiling with a knowing grin.

  “Done yet, Daniels?" he rumbled out, and I slammed my eyes shut as my face heated up. I was going to kill Raina, after I thanked her.

  “Just get dressed!” I squeaked as I stood there and imagined him dressing. I heard some rustling and then a hand caught mine. “All done,” he whispered in my ear as I felt him pull me further into his room and shut his door.

  Tyler tugged me to him, my free hand reaching up to catch myself on his chest, which was still bare. I quickly opened my eyes to confirm my suspicion. “I thought you got dressed!” I accused him.

  His arms circled me and he held me close. “I'm in shorts,” he murmured against my head. “Daniels, I'm sorry.”

  I felt him take a deep breath as he let go of my hand and started to stroke my back.

  “I was so angry for Tucker talking about you like that, and I couldn't let him get away with it. He was-”

  “Wrong," I said sternly. “He was wrong. I'm not a loose girl, you know that, and I know that. You were just defending me and my honor, which was very 'Disney' of you. Thank you, Tyler.”

  He pulled back and cupped my face, his eyes held worry and looked sad. “You've had such a hard life already, and I don't know all of it, but I'm here for you, ok?”

  I nodded as much as I could, and he smiled, bringing me back in for a hug, holding my head against his chest. “Good.”

  I hesitated, but I eventually wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged him back.

  After making nice with Tyler, I hurried across the street to my house and headed inside. My heart still pounded in my chest. Sure, it was just a hug, but I had saw him naked, then he had held me while laughing at my embarrassment, and we’d had a moment. I felt special. I ran upstairs with my book bag, knowing that Sarah wasn't home. I did worry about what she would think when she came home only to realize I was already here. No matter what went on today, I had missed classes and needed to email my professors for my assignments and get some of the work I’d missed done.

  I plopped down in my chair and hauled my books out onto my desk. I was barely into my homework when I heard a knock on my door, followed by the sound of it creaking open a second later. I turned to see Sarah peeking in, smiling at me.

  “Hey, you didn't stay for all your classes today?" she questioned, as she opened the door wider to lean against the door jamb. I didn't know how to talk to her. I was sort of uncomfortable with explaining everything, but she was still the grown up figure. A responsible person in my life. She was the person to dish out the punishments or the rewards. I didn't know how to talk with her.

  “Tyler and I kind of had it out this afternoon,” I told her and kept a close eye on her reaction. She seemed to be somewhat surprised.

  “What did he do?” she questioned as she came into my room and sat down on my bed. I turned in my chair towards her.

  “He got into an argument with someone about me,” I spoke, offering little information.

  Sarah looked confused. “What about?”

  I shrugged. “Just guy stuff, I guess.”

  “So, you ditched your afternoon lectures because Tyler had an argument with another guy about you, and then you had an argument with Tyler?"

  I frowned. When she put it like that, it sounded pretty petty. “Uh, yeah? I was upset, and then Lincoln talked to me...” I got all animated about what happened between Lincoln and me. That he told me not to worry about it. That they were just trying to protect me.

  “Protect you?” She interrupted, and I was caught off guard. I didn't realize how much I was sharing until I revealed the real issue. Sarah's tone, which had been understanding in the beginning, now turned sharp, and I was taken back. I was not comfortable with how she sounded. She sounded like a mom. Her face was pinched with worry, and her hands were clasped.

  “Well, there's a guy that wants to date me, but he's not a really good guy, and Tyler knew it. The other guy said some suggestive things, and it went downhill from there.” I was trying to keep the details to a minimum.

  “So you got mad at Tyler for what exactly?" she asked, not quite getting the whole thing.

  I groaned, and put my head in my hands, before looking up at her with a deep breath. “Alright, here's the whole deal.”

  I told her everything that went down, minus a few parts, like Lincoln kissing me and the job. I wasn't sure how she would react
to that. When I finished, I sat back and let out a sigh.

  “Well, it sounds like Tyler had your back, and so did your other friends. You just need to be careful around this Tucker guy. And maybe it would be best if you did try to hang around Tyler as much as possible. Both him, and his friends, just in case the other guy does cause you trouble.”

  I nodded, agreeing, and looked down as I twirled my pencil in my hand. Sarah reached over and grabbed my hands, stopping the movement, startling me. I glanced up into her eyes, which were soft and full of compassion.

  “You can always come to me for anything," she said so intently that it made me draw back a little bit. I couldn't deny her that, and I agreed.

  “I will come to you if things get out of hand."

  A ghost of a smile appeared on her lips, and she patted my knee. “That's what I wanted," she got up and went to my door but paused before leaving.

  “You’d better get some work done. I've heard some rumors about tests coming up.”

  I rolled my eyes as I turned back to my desk. “They haven't given them out yet," I quipped.

  “You never know,” she called out as she walked down the hall. “One just may creep up on you.”

  I chuckled and shook my head as I started on my work, hoping that she was wrong.

  ***

  Later on that day, when Brady came home, I heard the bark of HotShot. It seemed like forever since I had actually seen him. I’d kind of missed the mutt.

  I crept out of my room and down the stairs, seeing if I could take a peek at him. Not because I missed him, but because I wanted to see if I could sneak up on him. Of course that was not the best ‘choice making decision.’ As soon as I got close, HotShot turned around, his eyes narrowed, growling at me.

  I jumped back and landed hard on the ground, slightly afraid. Brady turned around, giving me a disapproving stare.

  “What are you doing, Daniels?”

  I glared at HotShot, the mutt glaring right back.

  Brady looked at Hot Shot. “HotShot, sit,” he commanded sternly, the mutt whining as he lowered himself to the floor.

  Brady turned back to me with his hands on his hips. I was still on the ground. “Now, Faith, do you want to explain to me what you were trying to do to my highly trained police dog?”

  I frowned and thought about how he worded that last part, wrinkling up my nose. Maybe it hadn’t been my best idea. “I just wanted to see if I could sneak up on him.”

  Brady shook his head and held a hand out to lift me up off the ground. “Don't you know, Daniels, you can never sneak up on any dog. They have a sixth sense and, with HotShot being a police dog, you would have never gotten away with it.”

  I twisted my lips and look down at the mutt who was now lying comfortably on the floor.

  “I knew that,” I said belligerently as I shrugged it off. HotShot snorted, or maybe it was a sneeze. Either way, I knew the mutt was mocking me.

  Sixth sense.

  Whatever.

  One day I was going to get him, I thought as I walked into the dining room.

  I sat down for dinner, the three of us talking about our day. Surprisingly, Sarah did not bring up anything of our earlier talk. I kept looking towards her wondering when it was going to come up, but she just gave me a soft smile. She wasn't going to say anything, I realized, giving a sigh of relief.

  Maybe I didn't have to worry about disappointing Brady today. I didn't hit any of my friends, but even though I hadn't actually done it, I was a reason someone else got punched today.

  Tyler had done it for me. Without my knowledge, I might add. So, in essence, if Brady found out, he couldn't punish me for something that wasn't my fault, possibly, I rationalized.

  After dinner, we all dispersed to our separate areas. We were a relaxed family. One, because I was so distant from everyone, and two, they weren't a 'family' kind of family. I was their first attempt at a kid. We didn't do games, but we had our moments.

  Family. I was surprised by that. I was all that was left of my biological family. And what a messed up one that had turned out to be.

  I was on my way up the stairs, headed towards my room, when I heard a clicking behind me. HotShot darted past me and ran into my room while I glared at him. When I got there, he had taken up residence on the black wrought iron bed that had finally been put up, and had made himself comfortable at the end of it.

  “Get off! Out,” I told him as I pointed towards the door, but he didn't move. I stomped my foot in a childish manner, “Come on!”

  “Out!” I said more forcefully but he just adjusted himself so that he was lying on his back as if he wanted his belly rubbed. I huffed and gathered up the clothes that I needed for the night. I pointed at him and growled, “You better be gone when I get back.” But the mutt just softly growled in reply before he yawned. I shook my head and went into the bathroom.

  When I came back, he was back on his belly and asleep. The annoying mutt looked comfortable, and I let out a deep sigh, giving up.

  “If that’s how you want to play it, Mutt," I told him as pulled back my covers and clipped my light off to snuggle down.

  Weird dog.

  I woke up later, moonlight glinting through the window. HotShot had crawled up onto my body and was licking my face. I pushed him away, not understanding what he was trying to do, but then I remembered. I had had another nightmare, and he was attempting to comfort me.

  Even though he did irritate me, even though he made me mad and growled at me, he wasn't half bad. He woke me up when I was having a nightmare and gave me what I would call a dog hug. I couldn't help it. I brought my arms around the mutt and gave in to my tears.

  My heart was still racing from the nightmare, and even though I didn't remember most of it, I did recognize it as a usual one. Icy tentacles reaching towards me every night. I wondered if I was ever going to get past this. HotShot snuggled his muzzle into my neck, making me giggle as it tickled. I petted him and settled back - I guess HotShot wasn't that bad.

  I moved him off of me and to my side as I turned to pet him, losing myself in the rhythm as I stroked his fur. I was really grateful to HotShot for being here. I had no idea how much he had taken residence within my heart. The mutt had weaseled his way in, and I had no plans of letting go. It was with that thought that I fell gently back into sleep, my hand still moving over his back.

  Chapter 11

  On Wednesday, I woke up exhausted and groggy from another sleepless night. I reached over trying to find HotShot beside me, but came up empty.

  Knowing that he and I had finally come to a truce, I opened my eyes and look towards the spot where he always seemed to be, but it was empty. Where was he?

  I groaned. It was time to get up, but I didn't want to. Usually I had no problems in the morning, but it had been another late night. I threw back the covers and got up. It was a new day.

  I had to try and avoid Tucker as much as I could, as well as try to concentrate more on my classes. It was going to be a long day.

  I managed the former throughout morning classes and ate lunch with everybody that afternoon. When I peered over at the antique store that was hiring, I tried to go and apply, but somehow Wendy distracted me.

  Thursday, I caught my first glimpse of Tucker when Kane pointed him out to me. He wasn't bad looking, with black hair and a muscled body, but it was his attitude, especially about me, that had me avoiding him. During my walk to an afternoon class, he spotted me and headed my way, but when someone stopped him to talk, I was able to evade him, slipping quickly into my next lecture.

  On the way home, Tyler reminded me about the camping/quading trip happening on the weekend, and I groaned. Wendy and Raina had already talked to me about it and practically demanded that I go. It wasn't that I didn't want to go. I did want to, but I honestly had never been quading before, and I was nervous.

  There was one problem though—I had yet to ask Brady and Sarah. I knew that Sarah would let me go. In fact, they both would probably let
me do anything I really wanted to if there was no chance of me getting hurt.

  Brady was a little more reserved in letting me spread my wings. He seemed to want to protect me as much as he could. I guess seeing me so broken had also broken something in him. I didn't blame him.

  I had never gone camping either. I had reassured Raina and Wendy that I would talk to the parental units and see if they would be willing to let me go. And my opportunity came during dinner one night. I could only hope that they both said yes.

  “Hey, Brady,” I started as I looked over to him, hopeful. His eyes immediately went on alert as did HotShot’s. The mutt’s ears perked up as he lifted his head.

  “There's this camping trip...” I began.

  “No,” Brady said firmly.

  I bristled and glared at him. He hadn't even let me finish.

  “But...”

  “I said no, Faith.”

  “You wanted me to make friends!” I defended.

  He thought about my reasoning and then nodded. “I did, but when I found you outside the other night sleep walking, I decided sleepovers are probably not the best thing right now.”

  I folded my arms and pouted. “When was this?”

  “The night before last. You never woke up while we got you back into bed.”

  I scrunch up my eyebrows. “And you didn't think to tell me?”

  “It slipped my mind, but that's what worries me. What if you wander away from the campsite?” He had a point.

  “Honey,” Sarah intervened, as she reached over to put a hand on his arm, “they would be in tents," she reasoned.

  Brady grunted and took a bite of his roll. “If she can unlock our front door, Sarah, she can unzip a tent.”

  Sarah glanced at me with a small smile and turned back to her husband. “What if they safety pin the zipper to the tent so she couldn't get out?" she suggested and Brady looked up towards the ceiling with a sigh.

  He glanced between the two of us and sat back in his chair. “So that's how it's going to be,” he muttered. “Two against one?”