by Sasha Silver
ABOUT ME: I think I’m responsible, careful, kind and faithful, but sometimes I am shy. I am a not angel but my character is very soft and complaisant. I’m single. I love children I do have one, but I with pleasure spend time with the kids of my friends. And at home a dog ganza and my flowers give me company.
THE WOMAN I AM LOOKING FOR: I’m still looking for my special woman, the one, with whom I’d spend the rest of my life and create a strong friendly family. I want to love. I want, to be as after a stonewall! I want to give all warmth to the favorite woman, love and to be glad to every minute from that your darling alongside.
Through all my research on this, I’ve discovered a pattern. As you can see, they are in the military and widowers looking to get married and take care of a woman immediately. I’m able to see right through these men, but being an incredibly inquisitive person who is challenged and intrigued by human behaviors, I decided that I was going to talk to the next scammer that contacted me. I wanted to know how they moved, what happened next, how they got the money? I was ready to play.
Not long after making that decision, I was contacted by one. A similar picture and profile as all the others, but this guy was a business man. The poor English, when he was supposed to be an American, was my clue that he was a scammer. Bring it on!
We talked, for a couple of weeks - they know how to play the long game. I was getting frustrated though. I wanted to find out how they asked for the money. He kept sending me love poems, but I just wanted to cut to the chase.
Then, it finally came, which was good because I really was starting to lose interest. He said he was coming to marry me, and he would be in the UK within a few days. He told me that he was going to send me a beautiful caras my gift for agreeing to be his wife and promptly sent me a picture. It was a beautiful black BMW series seven. Then, suddenly, he changed his mind saying he was going to send two cars, one for me and one for him.
“How generous and romantic,” I said. He reiterated his love for me as he continued telling me that this is what life would be like for me now.
At one point, he told me I would have to go and pick both cars up from the dock.
“Which docks?” I asked. He was, however, very elusive as to how I was going to do this. There were never any details - of course not.
Then, one day, told me, “Before you collect the cars from the docks, you have to pay the customs tax. You pay it and I will pay you back when I arrive.”
He gave me a telephone number to ring. Of course, I didn’t ring it. He kept texting me and asking me if I had paid it. I didn’t respond. I had the answer to most of my questions at this point. I did finally text him back.
“Do you know what these two English words mean? Fuck off.” I never heard from him again.
The funny thing is that these scammers spurred me to write this book. Imagine if I am successful, and I make money from the scammers. Now, that’s irony!
Recently, I randomly accepted the request of one of the scammers. His first message to me was the usual scammer script…how honored he was that I accepted his request as I was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen and he was surprised that I was single and available…blah, blah, blah.
But I was already on to him and was out to get information.
ME: Hi, if I ask you something will you promise on your life you will give me a completely honest answer?
HIM: Of course, my beautiful darling, anything you desire
ME: Promise?
HIM: Promise
ME: Why did you pick me?
HIM: Because you are so beautiful and I can see in your eyes that you have a wonderful soul and a good heart and I want this in my next wife.
ME: No, I didn’t mean that. I meant I know who you are.
HIM: What do you mean?
ME: Please, I know who you are. Guys like you contact me all the time. I get hundreds of requests from scammers like you and I would like to know why. Please tell me so I can change it.
HIM: How dare you!
ME: Please don’t block or delete me. I am not offended. I’m asking for your help. If you tell me, I will tell you something to help you.
HIM: To help me?
ME: Yes. You see, I know what you are…… it’s so see through and maybe other women can see it too. I can make you more successful by giving you some tips on how to present yourself, but you need to admit to me what you are then I will help you.
HIM: What do you want to know?
ME: Why do I keep getting picked?
HIM: Because you look rich and successful. But also we click “like” on everyone and hope that one of you accepts.
ME: And what is it you actually want from me?
HIM: I was going to try for £500, you don’t have it do you?
ME: No, I don’t have £10.00.
HIM: So tell me my tips
ME: Let’s just say your profile needs revamping. Why do you do it? You know you will be hurting and destroying some women who are more vulnerable. They will fall in love with you and then you turn out to be fake.
HIM: I know. I don’t feel good I am going to stop soon.
He then deleted and blocked me. Before this conversation, however, I had reported him to the site administrators. Sometimes sites will put a warning up on their profile advising you that complaints have been made against this person. So, at least I did my part to warn other women.
Beware, ladies! I’ve recently noticed that these scammers are getting more and more clever. They are changing their profiles so they are getting harder to spot. They have managed to change their locations to a town near you, rather than being from somewhere like America. They try to get around the language barrier by saying they are German, Finnish, or even Norwegian (this explains their bad English).
Let me say this, and I will put it in capital letters so you get it. MEN DO NOT GET ATTACHED IN THE FIRST FIVE SECONDS. THEY DO NOT FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU IN ONLY A FEW DAYS. THEY DO NOT TELL THEIR FRIENDS AND FAMILY ALL ABOUT WOMEN THEY ARE TALKNG TO FROM A DATING SITE. FINALLY, NORMAL MEN DO NOT STATE FROM SENTENCE ONE THAT THEY WANT A WIFE. Have I got that message across? If I get this message through to one woman then it will have been worth it.
Houdinis, Boomerangs, and Marrieds
HOUDINIS
Let’s start with the Houdinis. This group encompassesthose men who deleted me, blocked me, or just disappeared without any explanation.
It’s strange, you can be in the middle of a conversation, arranging your first meet, or they are telling you they love you when all of a sudden they disappear out of your life as quickly as they came in. POOF! Gone like Houdini. Disappeared into thin air.
I can’t count how many conversations I’ve had with a guy on the internet where he asks for my number and I’ve given it to him only to never hear from him again. It is so bizarre. I don’t even pretend to understand it. I have learned to move on quickly or else go insane.
Okay so you might be reading this and thinking isn’t she lucky, meeting new peoplegoing out all the time; it really isn’t all that glamourous. It needs commitment, endless energy, and a bucket load of emotional resilience! Why? Well, imagine being wooed endlessly, being promised the most amazing lifestyle, and all that comes with it, then NOTHING! They disappeared! Into thin air! One day they can’t live without you, the next they’re gone!
Darren from Preston
One night, I went for dinner with a girlfriend, who also happens to internet date. While we were eating, my cell phone pinged. The dating site had sent me a notification that I had matched with a rather attractive man. I took my phone out and we started messaging each other. Now, I know this might seem rude, but we both know the pitfalls of this internet dating game, and she understood that time is of the essence in these matters.
My friend had asked me if I wanted to go in to Manchester on Saturday night, and originally, I wasn’t keen on going. But then I had an idea. I sent a message to the new guy, that I’d been messaging.
ME: Hey, are you
interested in accepting a challenge?
HIM: Depends on what it is.
ME: Okay, here it is…let’s go on a date Saturday night. You bring a friend and I’ll bring my friend. I t will be a double date.
Darren accepted my challenge, and we texted for four days non-stop. Every morning I got a text reminding me how many more “sleeps” there would be until we met. Cute, right? I thought so, too.
The Friday night before the date he sent me a goodnight text and we signed off, knowing that the next day we would meet in person.
But no. On the morning of the date I woke to see he had blocked me. He had blocked me! What the hell? I cannot tell you, how pissed off I was.
I wanted to text him from a friend’s phone, but they all told me to leave it alone. Forget it. He was probably married, anyway (that will be explained more later in this chapter). I was really mad though, and actually, I was more upset because my friend was really looking forward to it.
Gavin from Chorley
Gavin tried to engage me several times over my time on the internet, but I just didn’t find him attractive. We would talk for a little while then I would get bored.
One day, I was out and about in Chorley, and I saw him. From the distance, he caught my eye, so I decided to get back in touch with him. He messaged me back quite quickly and we arranged to meet.
Gavin hardly texted me at all before our date, and I was a little disappointed when we finally met.
In all honesty, it was an unbearable night. I couldn’t wait to get away. I felt terrible because I had done all the chasing up until that point. From his past texting patterns with me, I knew he wouldn’t text me when he got home. I thought about texting, to be polite, but then realized there really wasn’t a point. I didn’t want to go out with him again.
Days later, Gavin messaged me on the dating site. “As you haven’t been in touch, you obviously hadn’t had as good as time as me. Good luck to you.” This really angered me.
“Well, you didn’t text me either.” What is it with men? If you had an evening with a lady and she wasn’t abusive or rude, she didn’t smell bad or embarrass you, why wouldn’t you just send a text saying, “Thank you for a nice evening.”?
Simon from Leeds (Tree Hugger Man)
Simon would message me regularly, often telling me how he wanted to rescue me from the site. He seemed lovely and I enjoyed talking to him. Simon told me that he was a spiritualist and he could sense I had a good aura (whatever that means). He was always trying to reassure me that he wasn’t like other men, he just wanted me to trust him.
Now, I wasn’t at all taken in by his words. They are after all just words. I didn’t let him know that though. I never really believed him.
Eventually, I broached the topic of meeting. He agreed and suggested a Saturday three weeks later. Three weeks? I knew then we wouldn’t meet. And being honest, I arranged to meet friends that day as well. That was how confident I was that he wasn’t coming.
In those three weeks, we continued to text, and he really was quite slushy.
It came to the day of the meet and this is the conversation we had two hours before our scheduled date.
ME: Hey you been on WhatsApp this morning and not messaged me – xxx lol. Will you text me as you’re leaving?
Simon: Hi baby xx I’m leaving at 11 but it’s raining here so bad xx I am aching to kiss you (and then lots of lips emojis)
ME: We still haven’t said where yet but I can send you a post code
Simon: I will call you when I leave – then agree where baby. I will be with you soon baby have them lips ready
I never heard from him again. Of course, I sent an expletive message calling him all sorts of names, and he had read it.
It’s Not Just Me
To drive home how common this is, I’ve included another story that’s not about me, but about a good friend of mine, Sharon. I guess we can all take comfort in this, and know that it isn’t something that we are doing.
Sharon rang me the other day and started to tell me about this guy she was attracted to on the dating site. She kept looking at his photos and felt a real “stirring in her loins.”
“Then message him,” and offered her words of encouragement and positivity about what did she have to lose.
She hadn’t had much luck with the dating sites so was a little disillusioned about the whole process. “What’s the point?” she asked.
I told her that she needed to be in it to win it or there wasn’t much point. So, she messaged him. And lo and behold, he responded. I reassured her that maybe now was her time.
But later that night she called me back. Her voice was a mixture of anger and disappointment, which I didn’t understand since we had just been talking about this new guy.
“You will never guess what,” she started.
“What? What happened?”
“He sent me a message, the new guy, asking me a question. I was in the middle of replying when…Can you guess?” Her voice was breaking and I knew she was on the verge of tears.
“He deleted his account or blocked you?” My guess is it might have been both because that’s the modus operandi of the Houdini.
“He deleted his account. Can you fucking believe it? Weirdo. Oh my God, Sasha, this is unbelievable.”
Sadly, it’s not THAT unbelievable; it happens all the fucking time. This crazy world of anonymity has made it easy for the people on the other side of that screen to simply up and disappear, without thought for the person that they have left to wonder what they did or said, or if the guy got hit by a bus or joined a pirate crew to sail the seas.
Unless, of course they are Boomerangs…
Boomerangs
Boomerangs are a sub category of the Houdinis.
These are men who I would have put in the Houdini pile, but then…Abracadabra! They poof back into your life. They are like a boomerang and keep coming back, sometimes again and again over several years.
I have come to believe that men have no concept of time. They may not message you for three months and when asked, they think it was three days ago. They just let contact slide.
Maybe they met somebody else, and it didn’t work out? That’s ok, I guess. I probably wasn’t that interested myself. But sometimes you can end up berating and questioning yourself. “Why he didn’t want me?” It doesn’t matter that I didn’t want him either. It just feels like the ultimate rejection being rejected by somebody you didn’t want anyway.
When they come back, I engage them briefly and then I “give it to them.” With every boomerang I get emotionally stronger because I realize these guys must have issues and sometimes, it’s clearly not me.
Paul (Some Weird Guy from Chorley)
I had been sporadically speaking to this guy for a couple of years. I get about three texts a year. Every text is him asking me to meet him, go to his house, actually. It really fucking irritated me. I blocked him, but he must have kept changing his number.
I finally found some courage and decided to ring him and confront him.
“What are you doing?” I asked when he answered.
“What do you mean?”
“Ok, let me ask you this…when did you last speak/text me?” I asked. Unable to believe the nerve of this guy.
“You were going on holiday to Turkey.” He was right. I WAS going on holiday…nine months ago.
“Well that was June; we are now in the middle of March!”
“I am random, what can I say.”
I couldn’t stand it anymore. “Well, whatever you say, fuck off and say it to somebody else because I am not interested. It’s weird now. This has been going on too long.”
“Wow! You really need to chill.” Can you believe that was his response to me?
“Right, I’m off. Please don’t contact me again,” I told him and hung up.
Then he had the nerve to send me a text.
HIM: Do you like massages?
ME: Men don’t give massages unless 3 minutes l
ater they can turn you over and play with your tits. So, is that what you are asking? Do I like having my tits played with?
HIM: Yes
ME: You really are pissing me off. Now go away and stop contacting me as I am about to block you.
Ryan from Preston
When a man wants, to talk to you, meet you, or wants your phone number, you know about it. And conversely, if they don’t want to meet or get your phone number something is wrong. If they disappear, it’s usually because they already have somebody or they found somebody else. Usually you become Plan B. That’s where Ryan comes in to this picture.
I was speaking to Ryan some months ago and we moved our conversation over to Kik. Then, he suddenly disappeared. He falls under the category of “the grass is always greener,” and I thought he found someone from the dating site he liked more.
Several months later he came back again, and apparently, thought that I would just jump right back in like he hadn’t been gone for all those months.
RYAN: Hello stranger xxx
ME: Do I know you?
RYAN: Yeah, I think we chatted a long time ago on here.
ME: So how come you messaged today?
RYAN: I was clearing out my phone and re-installed my app. I don’t even remember why we stopped talking.
ME: I would have lost interest because of your pattern of texting.
RYAN: Possibly. But normally I am very good.
ME: You met somebody didn’t you? And it didn’t work out, so that is why your back?
RYAN: No x
ME: I know men. It’s ok, I welcome honesty.
RYAN: Then… yes, I did. But it didn’t work out.
Half way through our conversation he asked to meet me. When I responded that I would, the conversation took a weird turn. Well, not really weird for internet dating, but weird for me.