Oasis of Crazy Fish

by Sasha Silver

  His next message just said, “You’re a fucking weirdo,” and he blocked me.

  Well, I felt bad, so – and I’m not proud of this - I went onto Google and created a new email address. With that new email address, I created a new dating profile and sent him a message with my picture. I wasn’t trying to hide who I was, I just wanted to explain my question about him being married. I didn’t like that I had offended him. I just wanted to speak to him to apologize for questioning his integrity – I had felt bad.

  Now, I thought doing this might impress him, prove to him that I think outside the box. It didn’t. He sent me a rude, aggressive message and blocked meagain. I thought to myself at this point, I should just give up, so I deleted the new profile I had created.

  The next morning, I checked my inbox and was surprised to see that he had sent me a message. I opened it with trepidation, and some excitement. I felt happy that he had obviously unblocked me.

  The message said, “I will meet you.“ I was so relieved. I can’t deny it.

  I replied with a stupid comment like, “Thank you. At least it will give me a chance to redeem myself.”

  HIM: I will meet you in a hotel room. I will send you the details later.

  This appalled me.

  ME: Bryn, I will not be meeting you in a hotel room. I am not that sort of a girl.

  He tried to convince me for about five minutes. I was just at the point of telling him to fuck off when he replied, “No, you won’t be turning up at any hotel because of course I am not going to meet you. You’re a weirdo.” And he blocked me again!

  Now, if I’m being honest, I couldn’t stop thinking about him and this whole situation. I reflected on my actions and wondered how it could have ended if I had played it differently. Especially when I drive past the pub we were supposed to meet every day. I was even chatting to two other guys at the time and I don’t know why I couldn’t get this guy out of my head. I kept regretting asking if he was married, and it kept going round and round in my head.

  Then, out of the blue a few weeks later, he messaged me apologizing for blocking me. We started chatting again. The only explanation he ever provided when I asked him what happened, was that it was a crazy sit and did funny things to him.

  Now, I don’t know why, but I was over the moon that he had contacted me. Though, I thought I might have blown it again when he started asking very specific questions about the kind of man I was looking for. He clearly wasn’t liking my seemingly materialistic answers. Eventually, he got me to a vulnerable place where I opened up a little. He seemed to like that, me showing my softer side. I was playing by his rules because talking to him was like walking on egg shells and I didn’t want to blow it.

  We agreed to meet the following week. I was very excited – more because I was so intrigued by him and what he was like. I felt we had been through quite a bit cyberly already.

  He sent me a message the following morning saying he had enjoyed our chat the night before, and was looking forward to speaking to me later.

  Then, guess what? About two hours later I logged on to the site and he had deleted his account! I was so shocked. I couldn’t believe it. I was so disappointed.

  A week passed and he was back. He had viewed me and then sent a message. I should have just told him to fuck off, but I didn’t. I replied.

  ME: How come you deleted your account?

  HIM: I didn’t. Somebody else did.

  ME: Who?

  He didn’t reply.

  Three days later he sent me another message.

  HIM: Hi, caught anything yet?

  ME: Bryn, talk to me. Tell me what is going on with you. You block me, you come back. You delete me, you come back. You are messing with my head.

  HIM: It’s not meant to be so intense. I like chilled and relaxed and easy going and slooooow!!!!! I have not dated for years.

  That pissed me. What do you guys think? Was I intense with him? Was this him or me?

  A couple of days later I got a notification that he had added me as a favorite. This was getting weird (you’re probably thinking it was weird ages ago).

  I waited to see what would happen next. I would show him intense. Something had been switched off inside me. I hate being called intense; it puts a wall right up for me.

  He sent me a message saying, “Caught anything Sasha?”

  “A cold, lol.”

  About an hour later he sent me another message, randomly asking what dress size I was.

  I replied, “Size sixteenish. I am not a petite lady. I have size nine feet. I am voluptuous and curvy. Tall with big hands.”

  “Perfect,” was the reply. This man was driving me crazy.

  We continued chatting. Remember, there is something I couldn’t quite put my finger on with this guy, and I am like a dog with a bone with him. I don’t know what it is about him that mademe continue. I think he excited and intrigues me. I usually find talking to guys on the internet quite boring, so this all seemed interesting and fun. Conversations with men online seem to be the same ones over and over. Bryn seemed…elusive.

  Then this conversation took a complete left turn from where we’d been going:

  BRYN: When I am in a relationship, I like bondage would this be a problem?

  ME: What kind of bondage? How often?

  BRYN: Any kind, any time. I’m usually in control of the situation.

  ME: I am far too inhibited for anything like that.

  BRYN: You’ve never lived.

  ME: Like I say, too shy.

  BRYN: Thought so.

  ME: So, I should probably say goodbye then.

  BRYN: Oh gosh, right then, good luck.

  ME: Why have you taken down your picture?

  BRYN: Because I’m leaving for good to pursue more old-fashioned ways of courting.

  And then I said it…

  ME: Meet me?

  BRYN: Will you let me tie you up?

  ME: Let me meet you first, then I will know.

  BRYN: Tuesday it is then. I will tell you where to go on the night xxx

  ME: In a pub though, right?

  BRYN: Wait and see.

  ME: OK

  BRYN: (He gave me his mobile number) text me on Tuesday. I am about to delete my account, but text me. You have to text on Tuesday, not before. Otherwise it’s off. Ok good night.

  ME: What time on Tuesday shall I text?

  BRYN: Whenever you can’t resist anymore xx

  Something told me, though, this was going to go wrong; he had either given me the wrong mobile number or he would a pick a location that would piss me off. The fact that he gave me his number rather freely this time was very suspicious. I was sure it wasn’t a real number. It had to be fake. And if it wasn’t, then there was no way I was going to meet him in a hotel room.

  On discussion with a friend she thought it was a grooming style to see how compliant I was. To see if I would be a good sub. Whatever it was, it didn’t feel normal that much I was aware of, and my guard was up. If I am being truly honest, I do feel that this wasn’t your normal run of the mill guy.

  Tuesday arrived and really, I hadn’t been thinking about him at all. I wondered whether or not to text him, as it’s probably not a good sign if I had forgotten all about him. My inquisitive nature made me send the text. If anything, I could have closure in some form and finally know.

  It got to almost noon and I sent a message. “Hi, it’s Sasha.” I got no reply. Of course.

  At four that afternoon friends persuaded me to ring the number and withhold my number. So, I did. An automated voice said, “The number you have dialed is incorrect.”

  I was right he’d given me the wrong number.

  I still have his picture. So, if there are any women out there who live in Darwen, in Lancashire who has a husband with a Silver Audi R8, a grey moustache and baldish head, you’re welcome to contact me and see if this man is your husband. I still maintain that he was married.

  Marrieds

  Which brin
gs us to the next on the list: the married man.

  There are so many married men or men in long term committed relationships are on these dating sites. (If there are any married ladies reading this book you might want to check some of these sites out, just in case.) I think it’s very sad.

  Married men ask me all the time how I guessed they were married. I never reveal that to them. I figure if I saw through them, maybe other women will, too. And if I can save one woman from heartbreak down the road, then I feel I’ve done a good deed for the day.

  Spotting the married man is not as hard as spotting some of the others, like the scammer. Though, there are a lot of the same little pieces to look at to find them. The profile is a big giveaway, but it’s their “hunting style” and pattern in the when they text you - all day long but nothing in the evenings or on weekends – that really gives them away. Also, they can’t take random calls. Everything has to be planned. They are never available to “ring any time.”

  There are some married guys who are blatant about it. They don’t try hide it and will even put it in their profile. I read one once that said, “I am in a LTR (long-term relationship) where the physical side of the relationship no longer exists. I’m looking to, maybe, build a friendship which might develop further over time.” I wonder if his significant other in that long-term relationship knows that he’s searching for “something to develop over time”? And why doesn’t he just get out if he’s not happy? (I never talked to this man, so I can’t answer those questions, but I do think that the internet has made this a much easier world to hide from your problems rather than face them.)

  Let’s talk about the hunting style of a married man. First, they often hide online; their profiles are very limited, and they don’t have a photograph on their profile. Second, they seem to be quite predatory; they have to get the job done quickly. They try very quickly to draw your intensity in, desperate sometimes to feel and receive attention. Married me need you to fall for him hard and fast. It doesn’t matter that one day he will just stop talking to you. Your needs are not important to him. You’re just a photograph and words on a page.

  I often get contact requests from married men: the ones who are upfront about it and the ones who are sneaky. Recently, I was contacted by a guy who had hidden his profile. Can you say, “Red flag”? When I asked him why his profile was hidden, he explained that his marriage was awful, he was miserable, and he was looking for some company. It seems their marriages are always awful and miserable and there’s no sex. And if that’s the case, I’m starting to believe that no one is happily married anymore because there are an awful lot of those men on these dating sites.

  Now, I have spoken to some guys about all of these kinds of men; Houdinis, Boomerangs, and Marrieds. One guy I chat too regularly suggested three reasons for the kind of behaviors above.

  He knows you have realized that he is just after sex. He knows you are not interested in just that. The fact that you didn’t want to have sex with the Casanova Adonis bruises his fragile ego so he disappears.

  If they trust a woman enough to show an emotion and she knocks him back. After he starts chatting, he begins to think, “Hey she is a really nice person.” He starts getting infatuated, and it gets to the point where he is thinking with his heart rather than his cock. Then he shows his softer, more caring side andshe doesn’t believe him. That is the more likely reason for a guy to block a woman. He feels weak.

  A guy likes to have someone to care about, but doesn’t want anything else. So, texting is fine and all he wants.

  Every one of these men have in some way chipped away at me, leaving me more cynical and damaged by the internet dating game. They have no idea what harm they are causing to women.

  “Did I not text enough?”

  “Did I text too much?”

  “Was I too intense?”

  “Was I not intense enough?”

  All the questions that women are left with when someone disappears. So, the next guy you chat to, you try change your style a little bit, but the same thing happens. I guess the lesson is to just be yourself at all times.

  If you’re intense and needy? Be that way.

  If you’re aloof and independent? Be that way.

  It may take you a little longer to find the right match, but staying true to yourself is important.

  Barry from Wigan

  Barry clicked on me and requested contact several times. I kept rejecting it because I wasn’t really attracted to him from his profile. His attempts at connecting me went on for months. Finally, however, I accepted just so I could question his persistence.

  After talking for a couple months, something drove me to meet him. I think my instincts were telling me he was married, even though he kept insisting that he wasn’t. I assumed if I met him, I would know.

  When we met, he was a little more shy than I thought he would be. He was much more open and expressive when we talked online. So, when I left, I was confused and not sure if he was married or not.

  The next time we were messaging, I asked him to be completely honest with me – that I wouldn’t be upset if he told me the truth.

  ME: Barry, are you married?

  BARRY: Yes. I am.

  ME: Okay, well…

  BARRY: I’ve been married for six weeks.

  Six weeks? Six weeks!

  So, to be fair, during most of the time he was trying to connect with me, he wasn’t actually married. I did ask him why he’d gotten married in the first place if he was trying to date me leading up to the wedding. He had no answer.

  Barry still texts me regularly asking to meet me for sex. I told him so many times it isn’t going to happen. I’m definitely not trying to meet anyone just for sex. And if for some reason I decided I wanted to do that, it’s not going to be a married man.

  I Just Want a Hookup

  A “hook up” is the term given by internet daters for a meeting that just involves sex. I found this out when guys kept asking me, “Doyou want to just hook up?” I had no idea what it meant. Apparently, this means, “You want to meet for sex?” Of course, you can opt in or out if you want.

  Some men are very upfront and honest. These men do not pretend to offer you anything more than that. Sex, plain and simple. At least you know where you stand with them. This makes it easier to make an informed decision. Nobody is going to get hurt in situations like these and everything is above board.

  This category should be easy, right? Nope!

  Some men are a bit more underhand about their intent, and these are the dangerous ones. They are dangerous because these are the ones that can make your heart/head hurt. These are the guys who seem to want the “dating thing,” but ask about sex so quickly it will make your head spin. They’re not interested in taking you out and paying for you. For them, it’s just getting straight down to the sex without having to put much effort in.

  And don’t be mistaken, hook ups are requested frequently. In fact, I would say daily. And it’s all different types of men, irrelevant of age, race and class. I went on holiday to Spain and forgot to disable my dating app. This one particular app lets you know if there are people nearby that you might want to meet. I got a message from a Spanish guy while I was there, “You want to eat some Spanish cock?”

  “Hook up” translates into any language, apparently.

  Zain from Bolton

  I love this story, it’s my favorite. I want to tell it to you because you need to know.

  I started chatting to a really attractive man. I was so flattered that he had messaged me. The first text I received from him was a picture of his cock. This disappointed me as I had high hopes for him. He’d been lovely online.

  I’ve asked men why they do this. Apparently, it’s their way of showing off. A bit like,“Look at the size of my car…look at the size of my cock.” You know how the boy peacocks show all their pretty feathers when they are wooing a girl peacock? I think it’s meant to be the internet version of that.

  My re
ply was, “Oh, another cock picture to add to my ‘NOOBS’ album.”

  He found that quite funny and didn’t sense the sarcasm in my message.

  I never really engaged with him again after that.

  Although weekly, I would get a text message from him that would say, “Hi darling. Fancy coming to mine tonight? I want to make love to you and pleasure you.” I would just delete this message. At the time, I didn’t know how to block on my phone.

  After a few weeks, I was getting really irritated by these messages. When he sent another one I replied, “Why do you keep sending me these messages? Do you not get the hint? I am not interested in what it is you want. Stop texting me.”

  His reply? You won’t believe it. I didn’t at the time. Are you ready?

  “Oh get over yourself. I set you up in a group. I type up one message and send to all. There are over fifty women in this group and one of you bitches always comes running. Oh, and I call you all darling so I don’t even have to remember your name.”

  Charming, right? What a nice man, his mother would be so proud, I’m sure. I never talked to him again after that.

  On a side note to this story, I’ve asked several men why they send a photo of their cock. There are two reasons for this apparently.

  It’s their way of showing off. A bit like, “Look at the size of my car…look at the size of my cock. You know how the boy peacocks show all their pretty feathers when they are wooing a girl peacock? I think it’s meant to be the internet version of that.

  or

  He’s hoping you will return the favor and send him a pussy or a tittie photo.

  Either way, you, men need to stop it. Really. Just stop it! If we want to see Mr. Lucky, we will ask. And if we ask, it won’t be in the first five minutes of meeting you. I can promise you that.

  Bryan from Preston

  Before accepting the contact request from thirty-six year-old, Bryan, I checked out his profile. Remember, I said earlier, that this is your best foot forward, where you’re trying to impress others. And, while his profile picture was appealing - he was tall and fairly attractive – his description gave me pause.